my boyfriends odd behavior

[Emilia]

She's refusing to sign the cease and desist meaning refusing to end the drama.

 

Well then from your boyfriend's response you'll see what the situation is. If he changes jobs and stops contact with her, it was her all along. If he carries on with the conflict then it will be clear that he gets off on it.

[Confusedchica]

Well then from your boyfriend's response you'll see what the situation is. If he changes jobs and stops contact with her, it was her all along. If he carries on with the conflict then it will be clear that he gets off on it.

 

We've discussed this and he's a aid he's not switching jobs. It's a great job and he makes great money.

[TaraMaiden2]

Confusedchica try to get this through your head:

While she is on the scene, you aren't even half as important as you should be.

[Emilia]

We've discussed this and he's a aid he's not switching jobs. It's a great job and he makes great money.

 

People can make money in very similar jobs at different places. Once you have the ability to make money, that doesn't just go away. Being away from his ex would help his concentration - one would think

 

A Previous poster about high conflict was right. He enjoys the drama, plus he is a proven cheat. Enjoy.

[Confusedchica]

Confusedchica try to get this through your head:

While she is on the scene, you aren't even half as important as you should be.

 

Whooooa that's a HUGE statement.

[Emilia]

Whooooa that's a HUGE statement.

 

It's what most of us - if not all - have been saying.

[TaraMaiden2]

Whooooa that's a HUGE statement.

 

It's what most of us - if not all - have been saying.

 

And it's not the first time I've said it, which is proof positive that you're looking for what you want to hear, not what we are actually telling you.

[Confusedchica]

Why isn't he seeking a job somewhere else?

 

Uh because he has a great job..great pay awesome benefits and he's been there for 4 years that's why. She's only been there a year. She should leave. The fact that they've turned this into a legal battle when she should've been fired is baffling

[Confusedchica]

And it's not the first time I've said it, which is proof positive that you're looking for what you want to hear, not what we are actually telling you.

 

First she found out about us and blew up on him. He didn't try and get her back they just started this battling. If he had intentions of getting her back he would've fought for her when she found out and wouldn't be open about us on Facebook at all. Second he told a coworker that he and her don't want the same thing as in she wanted a relationship and he did not. So if he's so "in love" with her why am I his girlfriend and she's NOT. if he didn't want the same thing as her yet I am what she wanted to be, that means be just doesn't like her enough

[TaraMaiden2]

I'm sorry... I'm picturing you like this....

[Emilia]

First she found out about us and blew up on him. He didn't try and get her back they just started this battling. If he had intentions of getting her back he would've fought for her when she found out and wouldn't be open about us on Facebook at all. Second he told a coworker that he and her don't want the same thing as in she wanted a relationship and he did not. So if he's so "in love" with her why am I his girlfriend and she's NOT. if he didn't want the same thing as her yet I am what she wanted to be, that means be just doesn't like her enough

 

I'm guessing it's because he is smart enough to know that you put up with more than she does. I've seen men choosing docile women for relationships all the time only to treat her bad. I bet when she found out his true nature she just dumped his sorry ass*, didn't try to justify his behaviour like you are.

[Emilia]

Uh because he has a great job..great pay awesome benefits and he's been there for 4 years that's why. She's only been there a year. She should leave. The fact that they've turned this into a legal battle when she should've been fired is baffling

 

Probably because HR know that it's him and not her

[Confusedchica]

We went to a coworkers get together tonight. Things were going great until she walked in. When she walked in a coworker pointed her out to him and he said something like "there's a difference between past mistakes and BAD mistakes". Someone asked her about a trip she was taking and she said she was going to Miami. Few minutes later he made the comment that he'd go on a trip anywhere but Miami. (Not sure why he said that) he started singing a song referencing her being a whore. I pulled him to the side and asked him with everything that's going on, is it necessary to aggravate her. She's known to have a bad temper. I tried to explain to him not to poke the bear

[dreamingoftigers]

We went to a coworkers get together tonight. Things were going great until she walked in. When she walked in a coworker pointed her out to him and he said something like "there's a difference between past mistakes and BAD mistakes". Someone asked her about a trip she was taking and she said she was going to Miami. Few minutes later he made the comment that he'd go on a trip anywhere but Miami. (Not sure why he said that) he started singing a song referencing her being a whore. I pulled him to the side and asked him with everything that's going on, is it necessary to aggravate her. She's known to have a bad temper. I tried to explain to him not to poke the bear

 

How freaking inappropriate and embarrassing.

 

Do you not see how he's instigating this garbage?

 

He keeps risking his job, being outright rude and inappropriate, and starting up conflicts where there shouldn't be any.

 

Plus, he's in no shape to be calling anyone else a whore. Talk about projection.

 

Still, right there with you and he just can't shut his ignorant mouth. Quite a prize you have there.

[Emilia]

Meh I'm done with this thread, clearly both you and your boyfriend are drama and gossip mongers. He is a bully. Good luck, you will need it.

[elaine567]

I get that you LOVE him, but this obsession with his ex and it is obviously an obsession is not what you are imaging it to be.

YOU think he is just defending your relationship against the"nasty" ex, but he is not doing that, he is projecting.

 

Projecting is a psychological device that shifts the blame, so instead of blaming himself for cheating and having loose morals, he instead accuses his ex of cheating and having loose morals, when indeed he knows he is the one who did the dirty on her. He feels guilt and shame for the way he acted and no doubt upset that she had to throw him out, and this shows up as annoyance and anger directed at her.

People tend not to want to be angry at themselves, they want to protect their own ego, so instead of accepting that he messed up, he is furious with her instead.

If he didn't care, he would say nothing and move on with his life with you, and ignore her completely, but he cares a lot, so he cannot leave it be.

He NEEDS her attention, that is very obvious, any attention is good attention, so he goads her to get a reaction.

She did nothing wrong on this night out, all the nastiness and aggression came from him - you need to remember that the next time he is bad mouthing her.

 

YOU may think you won the prize here, but it is a hollow victory.

A man who cheats with you will often cheat on you, and the way he is acting with his ex here I would not be surprised if they ended up in bed together: hopefully she will have the good sense to stay clear.

Sorry!

[Confusedchica]

When we talked last night he said that he hates her and that she tried to make him lose his job. And I stated it might be smart to not bicker with her in work environments and he said he "can't control" the anger when he sees her and what a bitch she is basically.

[TaraMaiden2]

When we talked last night he said that he hates her and that she tried to make him lose his job. And I stated it might be smart to not bicker with her in work environments and he said he "can't control" the anger when he sees her and what a bitch she is basically.

 

Which basically tells you everything you need to know.

She is still sufficiently significant in his life for him to make any effort to NOT engage with her.

 

He is essentially abdicating any responsibility of control for his actions/reactions, because he thinks it would be too much of an effort to control himself.

So rather than take your counsel, and make that effort for the good of your (collectively) relationship, he would rather still pay into the one he has with her, no matter how toxic or dysfunctional it is.

 

In brief?

He's in it with her, because he wants to be.

 

He's chosen his stance.

And his stance indicates continued connection with her.

 

Ooooh, You lucky girl, you....

[Confusedchica]

I get that you LOVE him, but this obsession with his ex and it is obviously an obsession is not what you are imaging it to be.

YOU think he is just defending your relationship against the"nasty" ex, but he is not doing that, he is projecting.

 

Projecting is a psychological device that shifts the blame, so instead of blaming himself for cheating and having loose morals, he instead accuses his ex of cheating and having loose morals, when indeed he knows he is the one who did the dirty on her. He feels guilt and shame for the way he acted and no doubt upset that she had to throw him out, and this shows up as annoyance and anger directed at her.

People tend not to want to be angry at themselves, they want to protect their own ego, so instead of accepting that he messed up, he is furious with her instead.

If he didn't care, he would say nothing and move on with his life with you, and ignore her completely, but he cares a lot, so he cannot leave it be.

He NEEDS her attention, that is very obvious, any attention is good attention, so he goads her to get a reaction.

She did nothing wrong on this night out, all the nastiness and aggression came from him - you need to remember that the next time he is bad mouthing her.

 

YOU may think you won the prize here, but it is a hollow victory.

A man who cheats with you will often cheat on you, and the way he is acting with his ex here I would not be surprised if they ended up in bed together: hopefully she will have the good sense to stay clear.

Sorry!

 

 

Just realized you called it an obsession

[TaraMaiden2]

It's never occurred to you, that it's what this is?

Heck, 'obsessed' isn't even enough.

He seems possessed by the situation.

He's an extreme maniacal drama-Queen.

 

They deserve each other.

 

Are you staying because you think you deserve this?

You just want the left-overs, do you?

The scraps, or remnants of the feast you should be getting, and as his apparent GF, are entitled to?

 

 

He cheated on her.

She found out from a third party.

 

It's no wonder she flew off the handle.

So she's going over the top, but his sense of entitlement and self-righteous indignation is farcical.

it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

 

And it's tragic, because your second post should have read "I'm dumping him, he's an over-dramatic loser."

 

Instead, here we are, Page 7, and you still seem to be in a fog.

 

What are you going to do - given that anything you HAVE done (or might have done) up to now, has fallen on deaf ears?

 

(Pretty much like our advice to you, really.....)

[Confusedchica]

Some men like a bitchy gal.

 

Stop implying that he has feelings for her.

[dreamingoftigers]

Stop implying that he has feelings for her.

 

He CLEARLY does have feelings for her

They might not be Hallmark Card feelings, but they are enough for him to blame her for acting like a total jackass.

[VeveCakes]

Get your head outta the sand girl! He's so obsessed with her he's going to lose his bloody job. Dump him!!

[Confusedchica]

I picked him up yesterday from work and he was taking long so I parked and decided to go inside to see what's the hold up. I go inside and notice that they have a long line of customers which is why he wasn't ready yet. She asked him to borrow his set of keys and he says "anything for you" and she only said "thank you". I went back to the car. Finally he came out and I asked him about it and he says he was just being friendly to her so that they can end the drama. I told him that comment was inappropriate. He tells me he doesn't think it's that serious

[ExpatInItaly]

Your boyfriend is clearly a clown. A lying clown in love with someone else.

 

Don't be his clowness.