Had an amazing date... really want to go out with him again

[katiegrl]

Girl, you need a metaphorical 4x4 straight to the face. No joke.

 

You've seen him a handful of times in 6 months.

 

I'm currently reading this book, and if I could recommend this book to anyone, it would be you. Without a doubt, hands down, 110% you need to stop what you're doing, download this e-book, turn your phone off, and read it, cover to cover. Let it sink in. It's not pretty. It's not nice. You will get angry. You will get upset. You should.

 

It's called: Men Don't Love Women Like You

 

I've made it easy. Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Love-Women-Like-Relationships-ebook/dp/B01BL2UM8A

 

Movie and dinner at his house is not a date.

Going over to his place to hang isn't a date.

 

You're a placeholder, no doubt about it. You're making it super awkward grilling him when he's seen you basically a few times. Your needy and insecurity is flashing all around you and that's why he's feeling awkward around you. You're not a "game changer" you're showing him you're just like every other basic girl, doormat, settle for garbage, being OK with him putting zero effort.

 

Read it. Now.

 

Then change your life.

 

KZ, great post! You should start a separate thread in the General section ....every woman needs to read this and learn!!

[KatZee]

I think I'll tell my girlfriend that she's now responsible for all of the driving duties in our relationship since driving is zero effort. I wonder how well that will go over.

 

We're not sitting here talking about established relationships. We're talking about the less than handful amount of times that she's seen this dude. He hasn't put even one once of effort into "dating."

[angel.eyes]

Date #2 was dinner and Netflix around Feb 19. Date #3 was the late night of Netflix that she just described. She thought he was standing her up, but thank goodness he finally came around late at night to take her over to his place.

 

There has been no fourth date.

 

There's a big difference between your girlfriend and the OP. The OP gets to see him whenever he can squeeze her in to catch up on Netflix because he's too busy with housewarming parties, friends, etc.

 

 

Let's see if I'm getting this right:

• OP canceled the first three dates set up by this guy.
  
• They finally met for a short date and played pool.
  
• He hosted the second date at his house and cooked her dinner.
  
• They met at his place for another Netflix night.
  
• He picked her up and they had another movie night.
  
• She bought him an 8GB personalized flash drive.
  

It seems to me that he's put in more effort than she has. He's also moving slowly as she requested (not pushing for sex).I think I'll tell my girlfriend that she's now responsible for all of the driving duties in our relationship since driving is zero effort. I wonder how well that will go over.

[Shining One]

We're not sitting here talking about established relationships. We're talking about the less than handful amount of times that she's seen this dude. He hasn't put even one once of effort into "dating."

As I mentioned earlier, his level of effort has been higher than hers. Do you disagree with this?

[angel.eyes]

She's clearly hoping for a relationship. He doesn't much care at this point. Would you disagree with that?

[katiegrl]

As I mentioned earlier, his level of effort has been higher than hers. Do you disagree with this?

 

Hate to answer a question with a question, but SO, assuming you were really into a chick, interested in pursing a RL with her, would you behave like this guy?

 

And during this very early dating stage, do you really expect women to put in more effort than you? Or do you expect that the woman should pursue/chase you?

 

And what, pray tell, effort are you referring to? Late night, last minute *dates* to watch Netflix?

 

Seriously?

[Shining One]

Hate to answer a question with a question, but SO, assuming you were really into a chick, interested in pursing a RL with her, would you behave like this guy?

No.

And during this very early dating stage, do you really expect women to put in more effort than you?

No. I don't expect more effort than I put in.

Or do you expect that the woman should pursue/chase you?

I put in effort. If the woman doesn't put in effort and try to meet me half way, she's not relationship material.

And what, pray tell, effort are you referring to? Late night, last minute *dates* to watch Netflix?

 

Seriously?

He arranged three earlier dates which she cancelled. He also cooked her dinner. While this is not a lot of effort (I don't know how elaborate the dinner was), it's certainly more than buying a personalized 8GB flash drive.

[KatZee]

As I mentioned earlier, his level of effort has been higher than hers. Do you disagree with this?

 

What effort?

 

Throwing crumbs at her face and squeezing her in for a few late night episodes of Daredevil?

 

Inviting her over to "just sleep over," not getting the poon, texting other chicks at 3 am after offering to just take her home since laying there side by side is pointless and not what his end goal was?

 

He couldn't even be bothered to let her stay the night. He tossed her a.ss out at 3 in the morning.

 

You really can't be serious regarding "effort" :lmao::lmao::lmao:

[katiegrl]

No.No. I don't expect more effort than I put in.I put in effort. If the woman doesn't put in effort and try to meet me half way, she's not relationship material.He arranged three earlier dates which she cancelled. He also cooked her dinner. While this is not a lot of effort (I don't know how elaborate the dinner was), it's certainly more than buying a personalized 8GB flash drive.

 

I beg to differ that taking the time to think about what he might like, ordering it, paying for it ...is less effort than him cooking her dinner...which actually could have been take out and thrown in a pot, for all we know.

 

Thee other Netfix *dates* were not even dates as far as I am concerned.

 

Not to mention him tossing her out at 3:00 am, and chatting up another woman right in front of her face..

 

When did this become acceptable behavior for the first three dates?

[KatZee]

I beg to differ that taking the time to think about what he might like, ordering it, paying for it ...is less effort than him cooking her dinner...which actually could have been take out and thrown in a pot, for all we know.

 

Thee other Netfix *dates* were not even dates as far as I am concerned.

 

Not to mention him tossing her out at 3:00 am, and chatting up another woman right in front of her face..

 

When did this become acceptable behavior for the first three dates?

 

These are low effort dudes, and they exist because low self esteem women breed them. They accept s.hit like this, and then dudes think they can get away with doing bare minimum since it's eaten up by so many.

 

This is why I posted about that book. So many women need such a hard smack in the face. To stop enabling these f_ck boys.

[Shining One]

I beg to differ that taking the time to think about what he might like, ordering it, paying for it ...is less effort than him cooking her dinner...which actually could have been take out and thrown in a pot, for all we know.

A personalized 8GB flash drive is not an expensive gift. I received a personalized 128GB flash drive from my 15-year-old nephew last year and he doesn't have a lot of money. As for the dinner, he cooked her steak and she said it was "amazing".

 

I'm not saying the guy put in a lot of effort. I'm saying he put in more than her. Several of you are lambasting him for his lack of effort while not calling out the OP for the same.

[KatZee]

A personalized 8GB flash drive is not an expensive gift. I received a personalized 128GB flash drive from my 15-year-old nephew last year and he doesn't have a lot of money. As for the dinner, he cooked her steak and she said it was "amazing".

 

I'm not saying the guy put in a lot of effort. I'm saying he put in more than her. Several of you are lambasting him for his lack of effort while not calling out the OP for the same.

 

The issue isn't about effort vs. effort. It's about OP who is getting smoke blown up her a.ss by this dude who is CLEARLY lying to her about wanting her for more than a FWB situation.

 

Nothing he's done shows he wants her to be a girlfriend, shows that he's interested in her beyond someone to fill last minute spaces where he's bored.

 

You're like trying to make points that aren't relevant to what we're saying at all.

 

She's got rose glasses about how she wants to be in a relationship with this guy, and he hasn't put forth any ounce of effort to even show he's relationship oriented!!!

[katiegrl]

A personalized 8GB flash drive is not an expensive gift. I received a personalized 128GB flash drive from my 15-year-old nephew last year and he doesn't have a lot of money. As for the dinner, he cooked her steak and she said it was "amazing".

 

I'm not saying the guy put in a lot of effort. I'm saying he put in more than her. Several of you are lambasting him for his lack of effort while not calling out the OP for the same.

 

No there are plenty of other things to *call her out* for, like tolerating this BS.

 

And seriously, short of pursuing him, asking him out, what sort of effort do you expect she put forth?

 

You already said you don't expect a woman to chase or pursue you in the early stages (when you're not) so what effort would you expect?

 

And did it ever occur to you that if he put forth a bit more effort than inviting her over for Netflix at the last minute, oh and throwing a steak on the grill, she might be inclined to put forth more effort herself?

 

I am really surprised at your responses here SO....I mean seriously.

Edited February 29, 2016 by katiegrl

[Shining One]

And seriously, short of pursuing him, asking him out, what sort of effort do you expect she put forth?

He cooked her dinner. Why not cook him dinner or take him out to dinner? Women have done the same for me in reciprocation for me cooking them dinner on an early date.

And did it ever occur to you that if he put forth a bit more effort than inviting her over for Netflix at the last minute, oh and throwing a steak on the grill, she might be inclined to put forth more effort herself?

Did it ever occur to you that he might have put in more effort if she hadn't cancelled the first three dates he arranged or made some effort to reschedule herself instead of waiting for him to reschedule dates?

I am really surprised at your responses here SO....I mean seriously.

Why exactly? I've always been supportive of non-traditional dating and equality.

[katiegrl]

SO....I just went back to the beginning of this thread ....and read the entire thread again.

 

Where does she discuss breaking the first three dates? And not offering to reschedule?

 

I'd like to read the circumstances surrounding that.

[Shining One]

SO....I just went back to the beginning of this thread ....and read the entire thread again.

 

Where does she discuss breaking the first three dates? And not offering to reschedule?

 

I'd like to read the circumstances surrounding that.

The not offering to reschedule is assumption on my part based on the OP's passive nature when it comes to dating. I will apologize if I'm incorrect in that assumption.

I had to cancel 3 times due to family. He was very understanding. And another time was due to the big snowstorm that hit us on the East Coast. He also had to dig his car out.

 

We are both very busy people. He is busy with tax season and has been traveling on business trips. He actually met me the day after his trip to Ohio despite being incredibly jet-lagged.

[katiegrl]

Well those sound like legit reasons to me.

 

And they were before they even met ...so it hardly counts IMO.

 

Their dating life began *after* they met, and as far as I can tell, she didn't break any dates once they started actually dating.

[Shining One]

Well those sound like legit reasons to me.

 

And they were before they even met ...so it hardly counts IMO.

 

Their dating life began *after* they met, and as far as I can tell, she didn't break any dates once they started actually dating.

If someone cancels on me three times, she will not have an opportunity for a fourth. I totally understand putting in minimal effort after that experience.

[katiegrl]

If someone cancels on me three times, she will not have an opportunity for a fourth. I totally understand putting in minimal effort after that experience.

 

Well to be fair, we don't know what happened in her family...a death of someone close would certainly warrant cancelling.

 

And then the snowstorm would obviously warrant cancelling.

 

However, that said, if her having to cancel is unacceptable to you, then I agree, don't ask her for a fourth.

 

What you don't do is ask her out again, and then proceed to put forth minimal effort.

 

Not only is that passive-aggressive, it's just not fair.

 

Just move on if you think she's a flake.

[KatZee]

All I'm seeing is guilt tripping to keep the girl giving more and more while the dude does nothing. Since they started dating she has not cancelled one time. If this guy is going to be so immature as to punish her for canceling dates when she had family issues then he's not a guy she should be dating anyway. There is nothing you can say to justify this guy's behavior. They have been talking for 6 months or longer and have only seen each other in person 4x max. That's not dating thats a booty call situation and he's definitely trying to set her up for it. He's putting in minimal effort because he's not trying to make her a girlfriend and he doesn't view her as girlfriend material.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Well, anyway, OP, I hope you finally understand that this really isn't going to go anyplace YOU want to go! It's very clear, right? So stop communicating with this guy and if you want to find a boyfriend continue looking because this guy is not it!

[Shining One]

All I'm seeing is guilt tripping to keep the girl giving more and more while the dude does nothing.

What exactly has she given other than the flash drive?

He's putting in minimal effort because he's not trying to make her a girlfriend and he doesn't view her as girlfriend material.

I agree. She's also not doing anything to show that she's girlfriend material.

[Rejected Rosebud]

What exactly has she given other than the flash drive?I agree. She's also not doing anything to show that she's girlfriend material.

 

Well ... to be fair, she is practically obsessed with this guy, blows up his phone, etc. I believe you are off track thinking that she hasn't done enough to make something happen with him, from her threads it really sounds like she is 100% available and jumping desperately on any crumb he accidentally drops.

I think she is giving a lot, emotionally. Just because she cancelled dates during their months long online correspondence and doesn't plan dates doesn't mean she's not crazy about him, and showing it. I'm sure he knows this very well.

[katiegrl]

[quote=Shining One;6803697

 

1.What exactly has she given other than the flash drive?

 

2. She's also not doing anything to show that she's girlfriend material.

 

---

 

1. Her interest, her patience, her tolerance, her understanding of his *busy* schedule.

 

2. She continues to respond positively to him, BS and all. She's been honest, sweet and understanding.

 

And the gift was more than generous and thoughtful for having had only three dates, two of which weren't even real dates!

Edited February 29, 2016 by katiegrl

[Shanex]

We're going a bit round and round here. Not because of the commentators but because of the OP who is keeping her hopes up with this guy.

 

Looking forward her reply, she doesn't seem online much.