Had an amazing date... really want to go out with him again

February 28, 2016

Maybe he had the fish for dinner. Or the pilots did!

February 28, 2016

I'm a guy with my own interests with a life. Not some court jester whos sole purpose on this earth is to serve and entertain the princess.

You boys are rewarding bad behavior and training them wrong from the get go.

If a woman has anxiety and can't survive because I don't have FB and update it every 5 minutes to share with her and everyone else I ate an egg sandwich for lunch or I can't respond in X minutes to a text because I am meeting with client, driving, hanging with friends, taking a shower or using the bathroom... She has a screw loose and way to needy for me.

Fortunately, I haven't meet one like that yet but I do know they are out there.

Hold on now. What I am talking about, is a specific, scientific phenomenon that has been studied and tested in lab environments. ALL (younger) humans seem to be developing a pavlovian response to receiving texts; they wait for the "ding" of the text message to arrive. If they dont get that "ding" sound, that message, they develop weird anxieties. I cannot remember the name of the study.

February 28, 2016

To the OP - Do you have the airline number? You should be able to call the airline to find out if his plane landed on time, etc.

But yeah, if the guy doesnt call by tomorrow, then I would wonder what the hell is up. It would be rude for him to plan all this, and then stand you up.

And, you are entitled to be angry, and to feel angry. Someone who gets your hopes up like that, makes plans with you, but then rudely wastes your time...yeah, that sucks. You are totally entitled to feel anger and disappointment about that.

February 28, 2016

Maybe he had the fish for dinner. Or the pilots did!

What's our vector, Victor?

February 28, 2016

What's our vector, Victor?

Let me check the Radar Range.

February 28, 2016

What's our vector, Victor?

Joey, do you like movies about Gladiators? Ever been to a Turkish Prision? Ever seen a grown man naked?

February 28, 2016

some people don't know how or just don't use wifi on the plane if his flight got delayed.

Planes have wifi? I didn't know that

February 28, 2016

Planes have wifi? I didn't know that

My first thought was 'surely, you can't be serious'.

But, I googled it, and yes, many of them offer it. Learn something new all the time.

February 28, 2016

What I am talking about, is a specific, scientific phenomenon that has been studied and tested in lab environments. ALL (younger) humans seem to be developing a pavlovian response to receiving texts; they wait for the "ding" of the text message to arrive. If they dont get that "ding" sound, that message, they develop weird anxieties. I cannot remember the name of the study.

Dude, I don't care what some Psycho Babel someone came up with to justify unhealthy behavior.

There is no piece of ass hot enough where I could let myself be some court jester whos sole purpose in life is to serve and entertain and be summoned by a princess or its off with my head. I couldn't do it for a week much less the next 50 years.

If that sort of thing gets you through the day, knock yourself out but you aren't going to convince me to sign up for that BS. I want someone who will add to my life, not make it a living hell and ruin it.

Edited February 28, 2016 by EatYourVeggies

February 28, 2016

My first thought was 'surely, you can't be serious'.

But, I googled it, and yes, many of them offer it. Learn something new all the time.

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley!

I'd be a bit miffed if I'd heard nothing. I know it's not easy to communicate if one person is on a plane, and there are delays and all sorts of unexpected circumstances that can delay a flight, but it would still feel like you had been stood up.

Keep us updated OP. Has he said anything since?

February 28, 2016

I don't mean to be rude but what's up with all these "he hasn't replied in x hours''.threads?

Patience, folks, patience.

In a lot of these threads it's usually because the OPs notice a shift in communication. So it's not just about being patient for someone to respond, it's anxiety that that shift is sometimes an indicator that something has changed, or from past experience of being faded out or ghosted on.

February 28, 2016

Well, WiFi, fish, or whatever, clearly the OP has Internet and can go online and find the status of any flight. I'm hoping that's what she did, found out he was delayed, and is happy now.

February 28, 2016

Well, she didn't give the traveling information until now. Now, my take is different. When a person is on a plane, airlines require people to shut off their phones. So, perhaps, he is/was still in the air.

She knows there are actually possible good reasons for his lack of response. If this guy gets further into a relationship with her, he is going to find her to be controlling and demanding and insecure all the time.

If he doesn't/didn't get back to her now that he's seen her be so insecure/illogical, he's not going to continue with her.

If he came on here and posted and said, "I was traveling and had a date scheduled with a woman I'd been seeing for 3 weeks and she knew I was traveling. She started blowing up my phone and left me a scathing voicemail. What's up with this girl?" I would tell him to move on.

I'd be willing to bet that if she had just reached out once to confirm and waited for him to respond knowing he'd been traveling, he would have responded. But, since she blew up his phone and left a scathing voicemail message, he wouldn't bother to respond at all. All I'm saying is that now she doesn't know for sure what would have happened. He may very well have stood her up anyway. But now, she's contaminated the scenario and now doesn't have a clue really. If anything, she caused him to stand her up.

February 28, 2016

Well, she didn't give the traveling information until now. Now, my take is different. When a person is on a plane, airlines require people to shut off their phones. So, perhaps, he is/was still in the air.

She knows there are actually possible good reasons for his lack of response. If this guy gets further into a relationship with her, he is going to find her to be controlling and demanding and insecure all the time.

If he doesn't/didn't get back to her now that he's seen her be so insecure/illogical, he's not going to continue with her.

If he came on here and posted and said, "I was traveling and had a date scheduled with a woman I'd been seeing for 3 weeks and she knew I was traveling. She started blowing up my phone and left me a scathing voicemail. What's up with this girl?" I would tell him to move on.

I'd be willing to bet that if she had just reached out once to confirm and waited for him to respond knowing he'd been traveling, he would have responded. But, since she blew up his phone and left a scathing voicemail message, he wouldn't bother to respond at all. All I'm saying is that now she doesn't know for sure what would have happened. He may very well have stood her up anyway. But now, she's contaminated the scenario and now doesn't have a clue really. If anything, she caused him to stand her up.

Well, she didn't give the traveling information until now. Now, my take is different

Sorry, folks, I thought I was responding to another thread Same basic scenario. But the rest of my response stands.

February 28, 2016

Your relationship with this guy has been pretty casual. IIRC, this would have been the third date since you began talking last October/November. The second date was delayed (and at his house) because of all his housewarming parties.

He was also very clear that he would be unavailable until the end of March. Indeed, he's been consistent about how you fit in with his other priorities. His behavior is just par for the course, given his actions and choices to date. He'll get back in touch at some point when it's convenient, and you can take it from there.

February 28, 2016

In a lot of these threads it's usually because the OPs notice a shift in communication. So it's not just about being patient for someone to respond, it's anxiety that that shift is sometimes an indicator that something has changed, or from past experience of being faded out or ghosted on.

I'm aware of that, but see the situation: he's busy at an airport and can't necessarily answer asap...

Being ghosted on and something has changed, has happened to me and everyone a lot too. I'm usually worried after more than 4 hours and in a different context than my girlfriend going on a trip and being busy.

February 28, 2016

So... I didnt get ghosted. He got home to his parents' really late to get his car and came to pick me afterwards.

The thing is now I feel like he is really only after one thing. I can't give it to him because I don't have a title.

We were at his place watching Daredevil and the plan was for me to sleep over (not have sex). I got him a belated birthday gift (an 8gb customized usb flash drive) because it was something I had ordered prior, he seemed to love it.

Afterwards we tried going to sleep but we couldn't fall asleep so he suggested he drive me home. I had to wake up to drop something off at my work's office and I agreed. At the same time he was getting text messages at 3am in the morning (which I can only assume is another girl).

We almost had an awkward drive back to my place. I just came out and asked him if he was only dating me for sex (again, no sex) and he said no. I really wasn't reassured and asked him why he was dating me. He said does there need to be a reason to be dating. Afterwards i just kissed him goodnight and went home to sleep.

Ugh this is so messed up. For some reason everything seemed to revolve around sex and I kind of entrapped myseld into this scenario. I really hate this because he really doesnt seem to be the type to want a girlfriend. And i dont want to be fwb.

February 28, 2016

You think a lot of things and when that isn't enough you jump in the guys head too.

You assume every thought, feeling, emotion is true / fact and act based on it (yours and the ones you came up for him).

Makes you kind of nutty, talk and ask nutty questions too.

What's up with that?

I am guessing your in late 20s or early 30s. I would trip out on you, be playful, wont care when you go all nutty and tell me what I am or not after and why it wont work and give you green lights along the way.

Otherwise, you can't deal and blow that %*@! up.

Edited February 28, 2016 by EatYourVeggies

February 28, 2016

So... I didnt get ghosted. He got home to his parents' really late to get his car and came to pick me afterwards.

The thing is now I feel like he is really only after one thing. I can't give it to him because I don't have a title.

We were at his place watching Daredevil and the plan was for me to sleep over (not have sex). I got him a belated birthday gift (an 8gb customized usb flash drive) because it was something I had ordered prior, he seemed to love it.

Afterwards we tried going to sleep but we couldn't fall asleep so he suggested he drive me home. I had to wake up to drop something off at my work's office and I agreed. At the same time he was getting text messages at 3am in the morning (which I can only assume is another girl).

We almost had an awkward drive back to my place. I just came out and asked him if he was only dating me for sex (again, no sex) and he said no. I really wasn't reassured and asked him why he was dating me. He said does there need to be a reason to be dating. Afterwards i just kissed him goodnight and went home to sleep.

Ugh this is so messed up. For some reason everything seemed to revolve around sex and I kind of entrapped myseld into this scenario. I really hate this because he really doesnt seem to be the type to want a girlfriend. And i dont want to be fwb.

Girl, you need a metaphorical 4x4 straight to the face. No joke.

You've seen him a handful of times in 6 months.

I'm currently reading this book, and if I could recommend this book to anyone, it would be you. Without a doubt, hands down, 110% you need to stop what you're doing, download this e-book, turn your phone off, and read it, cover to cover. Let it sink in. It's not pretty. It's not nice. You will get angry. You will get upset. You should.

It's called: Men Don't Love Women Like You

I've made it easy. Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Love-Women-Like-Relationships-ebook/dp/B01BL2UM8A

Movie and dinner at his house is not a date.

Going over to his place to hang isn't a date.

You're a placeholder, no doubt about it. You're making it super awkward grilling him when he's seen you basically a few times. Your needy and insecurity is flashing all around you and that's why he's feeling awkward around you. You're not a "game changer" you're showing him you're just like every other basic girl, doormat, settle for garbage, being OK with him putting zero effort.

Read it. Now.

Then change your life.

February 29, 2016

Chica, is this the date you were so anxious to have??? A late night of Netflix at his whenever he got home with an invite to sleep over? Wasn't date #2 also a movie at his. Sorry, but three erratic "dates" since October/November, two of which involved you going over to his late at night basically to watch a movie is not dating. It's simply the prequel to you becoming his on-demand booty call whenever he has a need.

Why are you buying him gifts when he puts in zero effort and treats you like an afterthought?!? (No driving you over to his is NOT effort!) Why on earth are you rewarding him for his laziness and for prioritizing you last (after house-warming parties, etc.)

Girl, you need to raise your standards, stop jumping at any opportunity to grab whatever measly scraps some dude throws your way, stop making excuses for his crappy offerings and expect better treatment. Then you won't find yourself "entrapped" in this type of rapidly deteriorating, crapola scenario. Unfortunately, as long as you don't respect yourself enough to expect better, the guys you "hang" with (because this is not dating!!) won't respect you. You deserve better! Way better than this.

So... I didnt get ghosted. He got home to his parents' really late to get his car and came to pick me afterwards.

The thing is now I feel like he is really only after one thing. I can't give it to him because I don't have a title.

We were at his place watching Daredevil and the plan was for me to sleep over (not have sex). I got him a belated birthday gift (an 8gb customized usb flash drive) because it was something I had ordered prior, he seemed to love it.

Afterwards we tried going to sleep but we couldn't fall asleep so he suggested he drive me home. I had to wake up to drop something off at my work's office and I agreed. At the same time he was getting text messages at 3am in the morning (which I can only assume is another girl).

We almost had an awkward drive back to my place. I just came out and asked him if he was only dating me for sex (again, no sex) and he said no. I really wasn't reassured and asked him why he was dating me. He said does there need to be a reason to be dating. Afterwards i just kissed him goodnight and went home to sleep.

Ugh this is so messed up. For some reason everything seemed to revolve around sex and I kind of entrapped myseld into this scenario. I really hate this because he really doesnt seem to be the type to want a girlfriend. And i dont want to be fwb.

February 29, 2016

. It's simply the prequel to you becoming his on-demand booty call whenever he has a need.

Why are you buying him gifts when he puts in zero effort and treats you like an afterthought?!? (No driving you over to his is NOT effort!)

Agreed with your post but highlighting these two sentences for powerful truth.

The paradox is you don't want to be a FWB, yet accept to be treated as a mere F-buddy.. the guy doesn't want to have a girlfriend and you know this yet you've wasted six months of your life on him?

You deserve better than that, the guy would be better off finding women (they exist) up for booty call and ONS... not sure how this lasted for half a year.

February 29, 2016

Let's see if I'm getting this right:

OP canceled the first three dates set up by this guy.
They finally met for a short date and played pool.
He hosted the second date at his house and cooked her dinner.
They met at his place for another Netflix night.
He picked her up and they had another movie night.
She bought him an 8GB personalized flash drive.

It seems to me that he's put in more effort than she has. He's also moving slowly as she requested (not pushing for sex).

No driving you over to his is NOT effort!

I think I'll tell my girlfriend that she's now responsible for all of the driving duties in our relationship since driving is zero effort. I wonder how well that will go over.

February 29, 2016

Dates 2, 3, and 4 have been you going to his house to watch Daredevil. Do you two really like that movie or something? Next time, go out on an actual date. It's way too soon to be hanging out watching the same movie over and over again.

February 29, 2016

Dates 2, 3, and 4 have been you going to his house to watch Daredevil. Do you two really like that movie or something? Next time, go out on an actual date. It's way too soon to be hanging out watching the same movie over and over again.

I'm guessing she means the TV series.

February 29, 2016

I'm guessing she means the TV series.

I'm sure it is. Unless they are very repetitive persons.

Driving can be an effort, just not from a suburb to a suburb within 5 miles.

I've done worse, around 70 miles picking up and driving her back through traffic and cities. I'd expect a good night kiss at least.

Both the OP and the guy have some responsibilities... they just don't seem to be looking for the same thing.

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Had an amazing date... really want to go out with him again

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