Had an amazing date... really want to go out with him again

February 17, 2016

So the guy I liked contacted me on President's Day. It seems like he's been busy throwing house-warming parties with friends and families on top of working 6 days workweeks.

Today, after communicating all day at work, he asked me to have dinner at his place on Friday. We'd joked before that he has a thing for steaks right now and that I needed more iron because I used to have anemia. So now he's offering to cook me dinner at his new place because he'll be going to Louisiana weekend for business and also working on deadlines until the end of March. So I can either see him on Friday or wait until the end of March.

The thing is, after accepting his offer, my guard is up because the whole dinner at someone's house is implications for sex. I have my standards and my rules are that I will not have sex outside of a relationship. Am I breaking my rules by accepting his offer? I know that I can't be easily persuaded and if push comes to shove, I will of course, remove myself from an unwanted situation.

His birthday is also on the 18th so we're basically having dinner a day after his birthday.

He seems to be happy cooking for me and we were communicating a lot today albeit with more flirting than usual. Do you think he really only invited me because he wanted to pursue something with me or is he inviting me out because he wants to get into my pants?

February 17, 2016

So the guy I liked contacted me on President's Day. It seems like he's been busy throwing house-warming parties with friends and families on top of working 6 days workweeks.

Today, after communicating all day at work, he asked me to have dinner at his place on Friday. We'd joked before that he has a thing for steaks right now and that I needed more iron because I used to have anemia. So now he's offering to cook me dinner at his new place because he'll be going to Louisiana weekend for business and also working on deadlines until the end of March. So I can either see him on Friday or wait until the end of March.

The thing is, after accepting his offer, my guard is up because the whole dinner at someone's house is implications for sex. I have my standards and my rules are that I will not have sex outside of a relationship. Am I breaking my rules by accepting his offer? I know that I can't be easily persuaded and if push comes to shove, I will of course, remove myself from an unwanted situation.

His birthday is also on the 18th so we're basically having dinner a day after his birthday.

He seems to be happy cooking for me and we were communicating a lot today albeit with more flirting than usual. Do you think he really only invited me because he wanted to pursue something with me or is he inviting me out because he wants to get into my pants?

There's no way for anyone to know for sure, but the general consensus and experience model we've been seeing/observing here, is that being invited to a man's house this soon, is not a good sign at least.

But, go and have dinner and have an open conversation about your overall dating goals/objectives. Just put it out there early. "I'm looking for a long-term, committed relationship for myself." What are you looking for?" It's not a conversation about whether it's with each other, just a gauge as to whether you're on the same page in terms of goals to start with. That will be the signal to him that you're not going to jump into bed that night at least. And, sure, he could lie and say that's what he's looking for. If he does say that, you stick to your guns and continue to observe how he dates you going forward to demonstrate his sincerity about that. If he says that he's looking for a real relationship but doesn't call you again, you'll know he just wanted to get into your pants

February 17, 2016

He seems to be happy cooking for me and we were communicating a lot today albeit with more flirting than usual. Do you think he really only invited me because he wanted to pursue something with me or is he inviting me out because he wants to get into my pants?

Why can't it be AND? Not or.

February 17, 2016

Why can't it be AND? Not or.

Because I have yet to see AND and not or.

February 17, 2016

It is too soon to go to his house, but you said you can say no, so just say no. Be gracious and enjoy yourself and don't act all nervous, but if he tries to get you to stay, just act surprised and tell him in your own words it's too soon being on the second date, but that you really enjoyed his cooking. A mature man would know that the second date and going alone to a guy's house is a bit daunting, sex or no, for a woman. I mean, it can be dangerous.

But he sounds very social with housewarming parties, and all, so maybe that's just how he entertains. Bring your own car, of course. If things get weird, leave.

February 17, 2016

So the guy I liked contacted me on President's Day. It seems like he's been busy throwing house-warming parties with friends and families on top of working 6 days workweeks.

Today, after communicating all day at work, he asked me to have dinner at his place on Friday. We'd joked before that he has a thing for steaks right now and that I needed more iron because I used to have anemia. So now he's offering to cook me dinner at his new place because he'll be going to Louisiana weekend for business and also working on deadlines until the end of March. So I can either see him on Friday or wait until the end of March.

The thing is, after accepting his offer, my guard is up because the whole dinner at someone's house is implications for sex. I have my standards and my rules are that I will not have sex outside of a relationship. Am I breaking my rules by accepting his offer? I know that I can't be easily persuaded and if push comes to shove, I will of course, remove myself from an unwanted situation.

His birthday is also on the 18th so we're basically having dinner a day after his birthday.

He seems to be happy cooking for me and we were communicating a lot today albeit with more flirting than usual. Do you think he really only invited me because he wanted to pursue something with me or is he inviting me out because he wants to get into my pants?

So after this date, you won't hear from him again until April? You haven't heard from him consistently so far because he's been too busy?

I would not go to a man's house on the second date and no matter what happens he has already informed you that he has no time for a relationship right now.

What's the point?

February 17, 2016

I went to a guy's house on the second house and he made me dinner. we didn't even kiss until the third date. it's not always a sleazeball move, but chances are it is.

February 17, 2016

There's no way for anyone to know for sure, but the general consensus and experience model we've been seeing/observing here, is that being invited to a man's house this soon, is not a good sign at least.

But, go and have dinner and have an open conversation about your overall dating goals/objectives. Just put it out there early. "I'm looking for a long-term, committed relationship for myself." What are you looking for?" It's not a conversation about whether it's with each other, just a gauge as to whether you're on the same page in terms of goals to start with. That will be the signal to him that you're not going to jump into bed that night at least. And, sure, he could lie and say that's what he's looking for. If he does say that, you stick to your guns and continue to observe how he dates you going forward to demonstrate his sincerity about that. If he says that he's looking for a real relationship but doesn't call you again, you'll know he just wanted to get into your pants

I'm usually on board with your advice but I have to disagree here. I think this forum and some of the threads in it have created an overall pessimistic and negative view about men's motives and what we want based on the nature of a date/text/initiative frequency.

I'm surprised that most women here aren't blown away thinking that this guy is doing something out of the box and very sweet by inviting this girl over and preparing a meal for her at his house. Especially on/around his birthday. I think that shows he's interested in her and would prefer an evening with her as opposed to going out and doing something typically done on bdays or 2nd dates.

This idea that a woman can't go to a guys house or have him over because it implies that sex is going to occur is absurd. Believe it or not most men aren't going to force themselves on a girl just because she comes over for dinner.

"But you came over my house, I cooked for you... You're supposed to have sex with me now!!" .... Cmon, please that's not reality.

She doesn't need to explain anything about her intentions or what she's ready for. She can go over for dinner, talk, have a good time and enjoy his company, kiss him if she wants, then when it's time to leave, she can say goodnight. If he acts dissapointed, so what, that's how he's supposed to act. Of course he would want to have sex I'm assuming... But the whole night isn't planned and geared around it. If it doesn't happen he's not going to throw a fit or feel mislead.

He's inviting her over and doing a very "boyfriendy " move by making dinner. I think he deserves some credit. The op can decide for herself. Just my personal opinion on it.

February 17, 2016

President's day was just yesterday, so how are you having a second date already?

The truth is, you don't know this guy, who he is, or anything about him to be alone with him in any private closed quarters.

Sorry to be a party-pooper, but safety comes first. Ask to meet in public for several dates.

February 17, 2016

I wouldn't go to a guy's house to let him "cook me dinner" on a second date. Maybe it's all innocent, but why even put yourself in that position so soon?

You can still suggest something else. "I've given it some thought and I think I'd prefer to go out to eat on Friday."

February 17, 2016

Since he loves steak so much, what's wrong with a nice meal at a good steak house?

Besides all the other arguments made by previous posters, agreeing to have a date at the guy's house so early encourages laziness and lack of effort. Not much planning involved! He doesn't even have to commute anywhere. You're doing that!

Don't come back complaining that your dates have devolved into hanging out at his and watching Netflix...when he can spare a moment to see you.

The bigger issue is this guy is making zero time to date you. If the choices are to date him at home this Friday or not see him until end of March(i.e. six weeks:eek:), I'm sorry, but I would pass and find another guy who was actually interested in seeing me and potentially building a relationship with me. This guy barely sees you as an option if he's okay with waiting that long. Why would you make him a priority?

February 17, 2016

He chose to have housewarming parties (plural) over a date with you! That you could wait until April tells you where you lie in his list of priorities.

Is this really what you want? Erratically spaced bread crumbs to hang out at his from some guy who can't make time to see you?

February 17, 2016

I think you said on another thread that he was talking about massages?? Ok, so you went on one date with him after months of texting, and then he pretty much dropped off the face of the earth (because of housewarmings!!?!?)

For your second date he wants you to come over.

I wouldn't go. In general I am not thinking girls should NEVER, etc etc, but in this situation it is pretty clear that you're setting yourself up for a big disappointment. He has been making very minimal effort, and the massage thing ...

February 17, 2016

Besides all the other arguments made by previous posters, agreeing to have a date at the guy's house so early encourages laziness and lack of effort. Not much planning involved! He doesn't even have to commute anywhere. You're doing that!

I disagree with this. It's less effort for me to meet my girlfriend at a restaurant and buy us dinner than to cook a (good) meal at home. Heck, the dinner I cooked on Sunday took me a few hours.

February 17, 2016

Tell him not to put Octopus Hands on the menu.

February 17, 2016

Why can't it be AND? Not or.

Because I have yet to see AND and not or.

I agree with the first statement. Guys aren't all sleaze bags after sex and only sex. He probably doesn't have a fixed view of you yet is open to the potential of both a fling or a LTR. Most guys are in reality open to the idea of both and are flexible with the "and" "or" combination. Women believe it or not really have most of the power when it comes to deciding how the guy ends up viewing you. Your behavior will dictate how he ends up classifying your relationship.

Because the honest truth is that if a guy likes you and is attracted to you and is in a position where he has the opportunity to push for sex (which dinner at his home provides for)..... he most likely will. Thats what men do when they meet a pretty girl they are attracted to. Whether its on the second date or the 3rd or the 4th. Eventually he's going to try. How you handle this plays a large part in which way he decides to view the relationship.

Just because he moves forward with physical intimacy doesn't mean you have to accept and have sex. Conversely it doesn't mean you have to make him feel like a creep for trying or completely avoid all physical intimacy. Guys in reality do actually like it when a girl makes them work for sex. We enjoy the game, the chase as long as its done the right way. Fun, flirty not bitchy or rude and ...... never make it easy for him. I would turn up in something that makes you look absolutely stunning - actually let things get a bit steamy then leave him with a case of blue balls and tell him your looking forward to the next date It sounds cliche .... but most cliches become cliches for a reason. They work.

Us men are primitive creatures and we value things that are hard to get. Similar to rocks in the ground like gold and diamonds part of the value we tie to a female partner comes from the amount of work it takes to obtain them. The courting period really is crucial as it allows a level of attachment to form - rather then just attraction. But that doesn't mean it can't be fun and flirty too. Have fun, let him get to know you a bit better over time ... and make him work for it. Contrary to popular opinion if we like a girl guys really actually like having to work for it and wine and dine a girl to get her to the bedroom ..... but that won't stop us from trying to get there sooner

Edited February 17, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

February 17, 2016

Because I have yet to see AND and not or.

I just got into a relationship on valentines day with a guy who tried to have sex with me on the first date(but I rejected). So it happens.

Go for the dinner and reject the sex, try to date him more if you feel the spark. The AND may very well happen to you.If not, well you didn't lose anything?

February 17, 2016

Of course having dinner at his place on the second date means he is going to put the moves on you, we as guys have but one mission in life.. to separate the woman from her panties

That doesn't mean you can't turn this into a date that doesn't include sex but be prepared that he will have his game ready.. I always did and there were times that sex didn't happen and happened down the road when she felt more comfortable.

February 17, 2016

I would just tell him "hey, let's meet at *cool funky place* instead". There's no ironclad reason why has he HAS to cook you a steak. Yes, it might be purely generous, but if you want to send a crystal message and avoid potential awkwardness with someone you can't know that well, don't go.

I agree, though, that not being able to see him for a month would put him in the "next" pile for me. I'd put him out of my mind, go out and meet others, and if he came around later, think carefully about whether I want to see him again.

February 17, 2016

If you worry about sex, simply tell him ahead of time that sex is not on the table. problem solved. If he tries it anyway, then you know the quality of his character.

But yeah, it is a waste of your time, as this guy doesn't have time for a relationship.

February 17, 2016

You can think what my wife (before I met her) thought when she met a guy at a bar and he said let's get out of here and go to my place. You can think that means go to his house, get to know each other and watch a movie. Take a guess what actually happened. I don't know if she was naive or lying to me that she actually thought that.

Anyhow you really don't know unless you have had time to get to know him a bit and know what kind of character he is. He could be just being really nice. If I wasn't married I would do that as well with no strings attached. But be on guard. Who knows if he will use some kind of a date rape drug and put it in your drink. Chances are slim BUT it could happened.

But back to my wife's situation. He started getting really aggressive and she ended up (so she says) scared for her safely and went alone with what he wanted even after she claimed she said no. So if things go south you may be in a situation you cannot control.

Buy a gun, get a carry and conceal license and you are good to go

February 17, 2016

Buy a gun, get a carry and conceal license and you are good to go

The USA is a scary place - only nation in the world that thinks like this. Just get a gun then if something goes wrong you can always just shoot them.

February 17, 2016

Buy a gun, get a carry and conceal license and you are good to go

Good idea, if after dinner, he tries any sexy moves on the OP, she can shoot him dead...

Second date sex??? He won't try that again...

February 17, 2016

I wouldn't go. Going to his home, his territory, where he feels the most comfortable, will let you in a position of doubt and probably insecurity.

Suggest a place that's equal for both of you. A new restaurant for example.

My guess is hell back off. He's only interested in doing things his terms.

February 19, 2016

Thanks to everybody for writing.

Tomorrow's the dinner and it doesnt seems like he is pushing for sex. The reason for this is because we had a little joke today and because I won the joke i asked him what the prize was. He said I could pick what to watch at his place but I mentioned I wanted to watch Zoolander at the theatre. I made mention that it would be more fun to watch a movie and he said yes to that.

Now all I have to do is wait and see. If he is really after sex and he pushes, I wouldn't see him after this. If he doesn't push then chances are he is actually serious about seeing me and considers me someone he would like to date.

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Had an amazing date... really want to go out with him again

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