Ferret Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 So I don't know if this is something or not but here goes my roommate has been telling me things that my bf dose when im not around..kinda stupid things like the other day she came to me after he left for work and "worked into the conversation" how she was listening to him complain about how I load the dishwasher now I kinda knew he thinks I over load it anyways but the way she said it you would think he was really worked up about it... And earlier today she came to again and this time it was how he was really upset about how I cut the cheese...lmao I know that sounds bad but honestly its in how I don't cut off a piece of the block before I grate it..again something I knew he kinda has a pet peeve about but end of the day its just a difference in how we do a few mundane things.. 1st time she came to me I was like eh ok now the second time im starting to wonder why she keeps doing that is it just to give me a friendly heads up? or some other reason? its almost like petty snitching little needley things that I really didn't need to know if that makes sense I don't know..
CC12 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 is it just to give me a friendly heads up? Probably. She's probably trying to be a good friend. Maybe she's overreacting, or maybe your boyfriend really makes a big deal about your dishwasher skills or cheese cutting. Like, if he goes on a rant about it or uses profanity or something, I think you should be told about it. Edit: Or, maybe she's trying to tell you that she's not comfortable with your boyfriend being around. Does he live there with you guys, or is he just a visitor? 1
Author Ferret Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 Probably. She's probably trying to be a good friend. Maybe she's overreacting, or maybe your boyfriend really makes a big deal about your dishwasher skills or cheese cutting. Like, if he goes on a rant about it or uses profanity or something, I think you should be told about it. Edit: Or, maybe she's trying to tell you that she's not comfortable with your boyfriend being around. Does he live there with you guys, or is he just a visitor? Oh no he lives here tech its mine and his home and shes a roommate staying until she can get on her feet..that's the thing I know hes not going off on crazy rants or nothing cause she said it happened when I was in the other room and I didn't hear anything that's why I found it odd..basically its just a minor difference in the way of doing things and me and him have gone over it before hence why it almost felt like she was just trying to get him in trouble or something..
CC12 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Oh she's living with you? Rent free? Ignore her or tell her to move out, then. Your boyfriend probably shouldn't be complaining about you when you're not around, though. Even if he's joking or making light of these silly little things, some people don't take it that way, so maybe he should refrain from doing that.
nescafe1982 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Your boyfriend probably shouldn't be complaining about you when you're not around, though. Even if he's joking or making light of these silly little things, some people don't take it that way, so maybe he should refrain from doing that. This is the biggest issue from where I sitting. Why is your BF complaining about you to others? I would talk with this BF and a) remind him that if he has an issue to bring it up with you directly, and privately, and b) ask him not to involve other people in issues between the two of you (that's triangulation, and it always breeds drama). But nip this in the bud. Today it's cheese and the dishwasher, but you don't want this kind of thing to develop into more serious stuff. If he has a problem, he needs to speak with you, not about you to others.
preraph Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 So I don't know if this is something or not but here goes my roommate has been telling me things that my bf dose when im not around..kinda stupid things like the other day she came to me after he left for work and "worked into the conversation" how she was listening to him complain about how I load the dishwasher now I kinda knew he thinks I over load it anyways but the way she said it you would think he was really worked up about it... And earlier today she came to again and this time it was how he was really upset about how I cut the cheese...lmao I know that sounds bad but honestly its in how I don't cut off a piece of the block before I grate it..again something I knew he kinda has a pet peeve about but end of the day its just a difference in how we do a few mundane things.. 1st time she came to me I was like eh ok now the second time im starting to wonder why she keeps doing that is it just to give me a friendly heads up? or some other reason? its almost like petty snitching little needley things that I really didn't need to know if that makes sense I don't know.. She has no way of knowing if he's venting these things to you or not, so she's letting you know these are his little piddly issues. And piddly, they are. So if it makes you uncomfortable, instead of getting mad at her, why don't you let him know she repeats these things and I bet he will stop venting at her. Although what if sometime he does say something to her he's afraid to bring up with you that you could resolve? So it's a source of info, the way I look at it. If he wasn't telling you all of it, I'd say tell him to talk to you, not her. But he is telling you too so far. Seriously, the cheese grating? Maybe she can't believe how petty he's being about trying to control these little picky things and is actually concerned about you putting up with it. Lord, no two people do everything the same way. This is petty crap he really shouldn't be mentioning more than once to anyone.
Author Ferret Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 Hey guys thanks for the replies actually she dose pay a tiny amount of rent it pretty much it goes right back into food and bills even then it doesn't cover what all she really uses so yeah.. But I spoke to him alone before he went to work this afternoon I asked if he has any issues he feels he needs to talk to me about he said no he said those ones were really small things and he said both me and her do them like the cheese thing he also said he understands why I do it the way I do. I think what it was was him just blowing off a little steam about a small thing and to be fair ive done that before I think we all have? its like when some one forgets to put up the toilet seat its a annoyance but not the end of the world. I wanted to ask him though cause we have a fairly good relationship par some issues that we are working on stuff like this isn't part of but yeah we do get along amazingly so I want to keep the communication open I think if she comes to me again Ill just listen and take it as she means well.. 1
Author Ferret Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 Well.. Atleast she is honest? Obviously she cares for you. Everyone needs to vent sometimes, but couples vent to eachother, not their friends.. lol. I am guessing you guys have other communication issues as well? He has a hard time expressing things its from the way he was brought up his mother was a selfish hobag con women & that's putting it nicely the damage is now showing on her kids..yeah shes honest I do apshiate it things are strained in the home at the moment with this friend moving in shes both a help and not if that makes sense I guess time will tell..
angel.eyes Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Another possibility: Some people like to stir up trouble constantly and create drama where none exists. Be careful your friend doesn't fall in that camp. I would mention one of the complaints that she "confided" to you (e.g. loading the dishwasher) to your boyfriend in front of her. See how she reacts...whether she back peddles, minimizes, and/or retracts her story. Besides, so what if he has an occasional gripe. No one does everything perfectly to another person's standards, especially when you live together. What is the benefit of her running to you with every minor gripe your boyfriend might have? How long will she be staying with you?
Author Ferret Posted February 25, 2016 Author Posted February 25, 2016 Another possibility: Some people like to stir up trouble constantly and create drama where none exists. Be careful your friend doesn't fall in that camp. I would mention one of the complaints that she "confided" to you (e.g. loading the dishwasher) to your boyfriend in front of her. See how she reacts...whether she back peddles, minimizes, and/or retracts her story. Besides, so what if he has an occasional gripe. No one does everything perfectly to another person's standards, especially when you live together. What is the benefit of her running to you with every minor gripe your boyfriend might have? How long will she be staying with you? Thank you originally this was kind of what I was thinking too and makes me wonder if shes running back to him when ever I gripe cause you are right no ones perfect and there are always small things one partner dose to irritate the other I understand that but they are not huge ones to the point it needs to be made "a thing" about. I told her once that I did bring up something she said about him to me and she just about died she was mortified that I confronted him on it. what happened was she had told me he "threatened to kick her out of the house" once cause they were not agreeing on a cirtin topic I was asleep apparently when this all went down. Anyways she was pushing her views in a debate hard you don't do that with my bf she knows that its like poking a bear. How ever that said still hes a fairly passive over all nice guy type unless really pushed so to go to the lengths to actually kick her out of the house just doesn't sound like him. So I calmly asked him hey whats up what happened...then I told her he wasn't going to kick you out of the house just out of our room cause he wanted to calm down..So yeah seams she likes to make mountains out of mole hills.. I don't know how long honestly I think she thinks its going to be long term as she doesn't make a lot on her benefit she wanted to be added to our lease but ide rather not do that im going to try to get her to apply for low income housing. Cause end of the day I wanted to help her get on her feet in a new state not take on a life long roommate whose not even really covering everything they are using in our home I have learned a lesson tho never rent to a "friend"..
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