dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 No, no she didn't kiss anyone, she got kissed. But the biggest problem here is not the who kissed who but the fact that she is totally fine with guys kissing her as long as they say that they're gay or ''gay''. To me that is just weird. And disrespectful and rude for her to dismiss my concern with the matter and am just delusional and overreacting. I had this happen around the time I first met my ex. It really weirded me out. My friend at the time just got a little forceful. I wasn't comfortable and I was taken aback. But I also knew I hadn't been disloyal to my ex. I also had later experiences going out to gay bars when I was a bit older, (before I met my husband) and its kind of a "thing" with them. In fact I got kissed more at the gay bar by gay men then I got hit on at a straight bar by men (but at that point I was a bit of a drinker so it didn't bother me). So, this might not be PC to say but IME lots of gay guys at the bar tend to kiss whoever. IDK why. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Yeah, she doesn't have the highest self-esteem. This ain't a crisis of any sort, the original idea behind my thread was to get some clarification on the matter, whos right who's wrong, am I alright feeling what I'm feeling about it, you know? I love her to death, she's the prettiest girl I know and there is no other that can even compare. But this was all next level sh*t, how can she be okay with this type of behaviour and can't picture her on my side. I didn't freak out on my friend when he did this either. I just figured it was part of "his deal" and just kind of backed off allowing too much physical closeness between us. It bothered me but I was pretty young and didn't quite know how to deal with it since he seemed so fine with it.
Poutrew Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 So she basically says it is OK for her to get a kiss from another guy as long as he is gay? Then ask her if it is OK if she gives him a BJ? After all, it is just her putting her lips on another part of a gay guys body... or perhaps she has no problem with giving another woman oral,,, at this point you will probably confuse her so perhaps it is better if you find a woman to whom it would be a problem for as this one doesn't seem to have too much self respect.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 So she basically says it is OK for her to get a kiss from another guy as long as he is gay? Then ask her if it is OK if she gives him a BJ? After all, it is just her putting her lips on another part of a gay guys body... or perhaps she has no problem with giving another woman oral,,, at this point you will probably confuse her so perhaps it is better if you find a woman to whom it would be a problem for as this one doesn't seem to have too much self respect. Seriously, gross. You guys are really taking this to a point that isn't anywhere near reasonable. This dude kissed her. She wasn't trying to get all over him and clearly the kiss wasn't sexualized. So taking it there is totally unnecessary. As if she's supposed to make a big scene in front of her friends over it too. A lot of you guys are talking about her like she cheated on him. Totally messed up. 5
joseb Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Sorry, but i don't think someone "just kisses" anyone. It takes two. If I'm on a date and I go for a kiss, one of two things happens - she kisses me back, or she pulls out of it. I have a few gay friends and none of them go around kissing women, maybe it's a thing with bi guys? I definitely would not be OK with her putting herself in these positions, and then trying to say its fine. At best, she is looking for attention. At worst, she is covering up a bigger lie. 2
losangelena Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I had this happen around the time I first met my ex. It really weirded me out. My friend at the time just got a little forceful. I wasn't comfortable and I was taken aback. But I also knew I hadn't been disloyal to my ex. I also had later experiences going out to gay bars when I was a bit older, (before I met my husband) and its kind of a "thing" with them. In fact I got kissed more at the gay bar by gay men then I got hit on at a straight bar by men (but at that point I was a bit of a drinker so it didn't bother me). So, this might not be PC to say but IME lots of gay guys at the bar tend to kiss whoever. IDK why. FWIW, I have had the same experience. My best friend in college was a gay guy, and we kissed on more than one occasion. The majority of my social group now is made up of gay men. One things for sure, sex and physical contact is much more fluid, and carries MUCH less significance in the gay community than between straight people. I think what happened with your gf is quite common. I can pretty much guarantee, without knowing anyone involved, that nothing was "meant" by that kiss. Which is not to say you're wrong for being bothered by it, and the way your gf is getting defensive is lame, but if I were you, I'd not lose my s**t over this. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Sorry, but i don't think someone "just kisses" anyone. It takes two. If I'm on a date and I go for a kiss, one of two things happens - she kisses me back, or she pulls out of it. I have a few gay friends and none of them go around kissing women, maybe it's a thing with bi guys? This dude was the GAYEST dude I've ever met in my life. No bi. Tried one girl in high school at his father's insistence and said it made him wabtbto like his guts out. In fact, once he was done with his career performing in drag, he gave me all of his makeup. Best makeup I ever owned to date. I definitely would not be OK with her putting herself in these positions, and then trying to say its fine. At best, she is looking for attention. At worst, she is covering up a bigger lie. It's one thing to say that you don't like it and would prefer that she not do this. It's another thing to say she's an attention-seeking, kiss roving liar. Frankly my kiss happened quite fast and I didn't know he was going to do that so no, I didn't "pull back" but there was also no "gazing lovingly into my eyes" warning either. Nor did it stop him from kissing others. It was clearly a "thing" he and his social group did. I wasn't going to freak on anyone for it. Not did it "do" anything for me, except make me feel uncomfortable. It didn't bother me when I went to the gay bar a year or so after my ex and I broke up. I knew more "what to expect" and none of those kisses were sexualized either. If I could think of an analogy, it was like going to a cuddle party with a bunch of gay guys. I wouldn't repeat the experience as I am much older, have different physical boundaries and don't like the idea of being kissed in greeting despite the fact that I have French relatives that have caught me equally off-guard when I go out East to visit. I also don't like the idea of cuddle parties and would not go to to one. However, if I went to one, I wouldn't act "all appalled" that someone tried to cuddle me. Just another of the long list of reasons I don't go to gay bars. Not my thing. The extended suggestion that I might be promiscuous (which is the logical end to some on here) is funny as well. I'm MORMON and I've been married for a decade. And all of the trappings that come with that. I'm faithful too. Not just by coincidence. I've shot down every half-inkling of infidelity effort that has come my way, even when my husband was not so inclined. Nor do I put myself in positions to be touched by other men, gay or straight, simply because a gay guy kissed me one night and another night quite some time later I accepted being kissed by some gay dudes at a bar, among friends, when I was single. Nor was I among the group sniffing drugs off of the toilet seat that night. What a thing to see.....but oh well. I looked through an area and lifestyle outside of mine and found some people, with different social norms and customs. How shocking. 1
joseb Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Well I guess one learns something new everyday - had never heard of this phenomenon before. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Well I guess one learns something new everyday - had never heard of this phenomenon before. I don't know that it's "Universal" but it certainly seemed so at the time.
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Lot of gay guys are a bit "theatrical" and like to shock and nothing more shocking than for a gay guy to spin a girl round and kiss her on the mouth totally unexpectedly. Its a prank, and the way some are acting on here about it is ridiculous. If she had then spent the next hour kissing the guy, it would be understandable to get hot and bothered, but otherwise... Forget it. 4
ASG Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Well I guess one learns something new everyday - had never heard of this phenomenon before. Really? I've kissed so many gay guys I've literally lost count. That and then feeling up my boobs. Gay guys are obsessed with boobs. 4
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Really? I've kissed so many gay guys I've literally lost count. That and then feeling up my boobs. Gay guys are obsessed with boobs. It's not limited to gays. Minus the boob grabbing, all of my husband's brothers (six of them) and nephews, kiss me. Not full on the lips, but close. His early 20something nephew went for an open mouth recently at a wedding (he was drunk). They are also all into full body hugs, including brother to brother. My father in law kisses his kids, on the lips, as does his wife. It's weird. I think I turned my cheek the first time, but I got over it. Closed mouth, of course. It's just a kiss. The attitude and reactions about it are what matters. At least my headstone won't say 'I wish I'd kissed more people'. 1
Author stardus7 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 Really? I've kissed so many gay guys I've literally lost count. That and then feeling up my boobs. Gay guys are obsessed with boobs. Really? I still think that it is quite odd for ''gays'' to be so obsessed with women. And kissing on the lips whether it be gay,bi,straight,woman,man,old or young is still rude, and invading. Kissing on the lips has always been a symbol for something important, she only knew the guy for 1 night, a couple of hours. Not cool IMO, it's not a big crisis because she obviously wasn't ''in on it'' and didn't have any sexual meaning behind it, but I don't understand how it could be ''OK'' and not even say a word about it just laugh it off and keep going like nothing happened.
ASG Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Really? I still think that it is quite odd for ''gays'' to be so obsessed with women. And kissing on the lips whether it be gay,bi,straight,woman,man,old or young is still rude, and invading. Kissing on the lips has always been a symbol for something important, she only knew the guy for 1 night, a couple of hours. Not cool IMO, it's not a big crisis because she obviously wasn't ''in on it'' and didn't have any sexual meaning behind it, but I don't understand how it could be ''OK'' and not even say a word about it just laugh it off and keep going like nothing happened. Gay guys love women. They just don't want to have sex with them. But I've kissed many many gay guys. 100% gay, not bi or anything. I've also kissed friends on the lips. Just pecks. Quick hello/goodbye kisses. I don't think anything of them. As for why she'd laugh it off... it wasn't a big deal and better to not make a big scene out of something that, at the end of the day, doesn't mean much. She could have gotten offended and made a scene and made the rest of the night awkward for everyone. She didn't think it warranted that,so she brushed it off. 3
SSJROMANCE Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Gay or not you have every reason to be pissed. He crossed the line. I have heard of gay guys going straight from time to time anyways so a guy is a guy to me. I would have a conversation with this guy and soon.
Author stardus7 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 Really? I've kissed so many gay guys I've literally lost count. That and then feeling up my boobs. Gay guys are obsessed with boobs. Gay guys love women. They just don't want to have sex with them. But I've kissed many many gay guys. 100% gay, not bi or anything. I've also kissed friends on the lips. Just pecks. Quick hello/goodbye kisses. I don't think anything of them. As for why she'd laugh it off... it wasn't a big deal and better to not make a big scene out of something that, at the end of the day, doesn't mean much. She could have gotten offended and made a scene and made the rest of the night awkward for everyone. She didn't think it warranted that,so she brushed it off. I'm no Dr.Phil but it seems to speak about issues with ones own self-worth. Mind you it was a forced kiss, goming ffrom anyone it's still not cool. Why should gay people have these kinds of special privileges and should it be tolerated? 1
Author stardus7 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 Gay or not you have every reason to be pissed. He crossed the line. I have heard of gay guys going straight from time to time anyways so a guy is a guy to me. I would have a conversation with this guy and soon. Nah it's not necessary to be toughing up this guy, I'm no macho douche myself either and I doubt they'll never see again since it was just 1 night in a bar in a big city. 1
BlametheIrish Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Really? I've kissed so many gay guys I've literally lost count. That and then feeling up my boobs. Gay guys are obsessed with boobs. This reminded me of a girls weekend I went to a few years back (we've been going every year since age 18). My best friends little sister was drunkenly swimming by the swim dock and some random guys came over. All the older women paid them no mind as girls weekend means no guys. Apparently the guys were the very feminine type of gay (as in it was apparant they were gay straight away) Anyway one of the guys comes up behind my best friends little sister and gives her breasts a honk. She immediately gets offended, to which he responds "Don't worry honey, I'm gay" as of that made it better. She brushed it off but I would have been pissed if any random guy grabbed my breasts, gay, straight, polyamorous ect. Because it's sexual harassment in my opinion, I didn't ask for that and wouldn't accept it. If anyone I wasn't dating grabbed me and threw me back to kiss me, they would end up with a black eye at the least. What kind of person actually finds such a messed up invasion of personal space okay? Being gay is a piss poor excuse in my book. Also like many were saying if a lesbian kissed you. I bet your girlfriend's wouldn't be cool with it. I grew up with gay friends, male and female. Can't say I've ever seen any of them kiss axstraight person out of the blue. But maybe they were raised with more respect and personal boundaries 1
road Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 She said that he was ''as gay as gay can be''. And now that we're hashing this situation ATM, she said that ''I don't see anything wrong with (him kissing me). It's like me kissing Tina (her friend)'' My guess is the guy isn't really gay and they're fu*King with you. Standard responses from WW's and Cheating GF's: You don't have anything to worry about he's gay They go on the defensive and lash out at the BH/BF getting upset at what happened 1
road Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Seriously, gross. You guys are really taking this to a point that isn't anywhere near reasonable. This dude kissed her. She wasn't trying to get all over him and clearly the kiss wasn't sexualized. So taking it there is totally unnecessary. As if she's supposed to make a big scene in front of her friends over it too. A lot of you guys are talking about her like she cheated on him. Totally messed up. Seriously you missed the point. I will now explain. The point is there is no excuse for bad manners. Just grabbing a woman and planting a kiss on her without her approval is wrong. And, actually there are two points. Being Gay does not make it ok to have bad manners and act out in the manner that this Dude did with the OP's girlfriend. Another things that makes me suspicious: Men I know don't go around with a gay wingman to pick up women. This makes me suspicious that this Dude is not gay. Next why is this GF out with her GF trying to help her pick up men? Nearly every guy out there is going to have a wingman with him and if he gets talking to a woman, him and his wingman are going to expect her wingwoman to interact with his wingman. I.E.-flirt all night. The OP's GF could of been her wingwoman and brought her BF/OP with her. Call me paranoid but there was no reason to not include her BF to come out and hang with them at the bar. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 From reading some of these posts sounds as if lots of gay guys do this (kiss women on the lips). If a gay guy should try this with me I'd let him know real quick not all people are into getting kisses from random guys or gals, gay or straight. Don't care if this is OK with a lot of women, it's not OK with me and I wouldn't be a part of it.
road Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Seriously, gross. You guys are really taking this to a point that isn't anywhere near reasonable. This dude kissed her. She wasn't trying to get all over him and clearly the kiss wasn't sexualized. So taking it there is totally unnecessary. As if she's supposed to make a big scene in front of her friends over it too. A lot of you guys are talking about her like she cheated on him. Totally messed up. Seriously the DUDe was not gay, kiss not sexualized, they were not all over each other, because you believe her with out proof. Seriously what would of been wrong with this GF as soon as the kiss ended she hauled off and slapped that smile off of the gay Dude's face. A little scene would of sent the message to the men in that bar to keep their hands and lips where they belong. It would of left her not having to be defensive with her BF. That reaction from her would of removed all doubts about her behavior that night. And when asking her bestfriend what happened. Would of made no need for her bestfriend to worry about getting her in trouble with her answer to the OP. 1
road Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 It's not limited to gays. Minus the boob grabbing, all of my husband's brothers (six of them) and nephews, kiss me. Not full on the lips, but close. His early 20something nephew went for an open mouth recently at a wedding (he was drunk). They are also all into full body hugs, including brother to brother. My father in law kisses his kids, on the lips, as does his wife. It's weird. I think I turned my cheek the first time, but I got over it. Closed mouth, of course. It's just a kiss. The attitude and reactions about it are what matters. At least my headstone won't say 'I wish I'd kissed more people'. What will happen if you changed you mind and wish you had kissed less people? 1
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Really? I've kissed so many gay guys I've literally lost count. That and then feeling up my boobs. Gay guys are obsessed with boobs. Yeah. My friend didn't try that, but yes for some weird reason I've experienced that oddity as well.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Seriously the DUDe was not gay, kiss not sexualized, they were not all over each other, because you believe her with out proof. So you were there? I do kinda believe it actually. Usually it's less common for a girl to lie about a guy being gay than for a gay guy to kiss a girl. Seriously what would of been wrong with this GF as soon as the kiss ended she hauled off and slapped that smile off of the gay Dude's face. A little scene would of sent the message to the men in that bar to keep their hands and lips where they belong. It would of left her not having to be defensive with her BF. That reaction from her would of removed all doubts about her behavior that night. And when asking her bestfriend what happened. Would of made no need for her bestfriend to worry about getting her in trouble with her answer to the OP. Erm, really? I didn't SLAP my FRIEND and I wouldn't SLAP his acquaintances publically because the whole thing would be highly embarrassing to me. Even to this day I wouldn't do that. At this age, I would mention it, similar to the way I've mentioned it with my Out-East relatives. But I sure wouldn't go around SLAPPING them either. It was a kiss from a gay guy, not a RAPE attempt.
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