Should I move on from this girl?

[Xiomn]

So I've talked about this girl before. We got talking over the Christmas Holidays but couldn't get together because we were home for the holidays so we planned a date to get together when we were both back in the same town again.

 

Anyway the time eventually comes after a few weeks and she flakes on me. I give her a second chance and she flakes on me again. I go no contact on her clearly thinking she is not interested afterall.

 

2 weeks later of not talking to her I hit her up again for a laugh basically teasing her for flaking on me perhaps immaturely on my part with no serious intentions of planning a date or anything. Anyway, as it turns out she ends up admitting she is genuinely interested and even told me that she talked about me to her friends but because she flaked on me twice she thought I would be annoyed at her and that as a consequence I would have lost interest in her and as a result she didn't bother trying to contact me.

 

Seeing as It sounds like she was being truthful, I decide to give her one last final chance. This time she turns up, living up to her promise that she would, we have a good first date, she laughs and smiles at pretty much everything I say and she texts me shortly after the date saying she had a great time and would love to do it again etc.

 

We get together for a second date this time and again everything goes well, at the end of the night I give her a quick kiss and wish her goodnight.

 

2 days later (this is the day prior to Valentines day on the 13th) SHE takes the initiative to my surprise and invites me to a night out with her friends which I accept, this makes me think she is interested. We have a good night out and we escalate a lot more than previously. I kiss her a few times and even quickly make out at one point and on the way home we held hands in front of her friends which I took as a pretty good sign she likes me and is comfortable with me to do that especially in front of her friends.

 

I asked her out for Valentines day at the end of our second date because well It's valentines day and I thought I'd take the chance on asking her out in fear of perhaps looking insensitive or disinterested if I were to not ask her out. She originally accepted but then the morning of Valentines day I get a text saying she can't make it as she "forgot" she had already made plans with friends.

 

Although i'm not bothered by this all that much at all as we had already been on a date the Thursday prior to Valentines day and the day before too when she invited me out with her friends so I'm quite happy and I certainly do not expect her to take me as priority over her friends so early on, especially if her friends are single and she probably would have felt bad dumping them to come see me instead on Valentines Day. By this point I also start to notice she is taking a few hours to respond to texts which is unusual for her by past standards.

 

Few days later I hit her up see if she is still interested in getting together for the 3rd date I suggested last time but didn't come to fruition which she says she is, we set it for Saturday and I called her up to confirm the date and finalize details the night before but she didn't respond. I leave her a text just confirming whether we're still on and she texts me a few hours later using an excuse similar to that she used last time that she "forgot" she had already made plans with friends and won't be able to make it.

 

I feel like she is messing with my emotions as stated earlier she invited me out after going on 2 dates together which seemingly went well and the last time we were together we were kissing, holding hands in front of her friends which all gave me the impression she was interested but now all of this has led me to question all of this all of a sudden and I'm left bewildered.

 

How should I respond to this, should I question her as to whether she is still interested, or should I ignore her text and leave the ball in her court so to speak to get in touch if she is truly interested?

 

Thanks for reading, apologies for the long read. Any advice is appreciated.

[SwordofFlame]

I personally couldn't handle someone so flakey. If you do decide to pursue this, go the casual route.

[joseb]

Sounds like you might be lower on her priority list of dates at the moment. I'd pursue other options like she is almost certainly doing.

[Shanex]

I'd move on, you're putting tons of energy (physically, emotionally) on a flakey chick who's most likely busy with other stuffs, or other dates.

[Xiomn]

Thanks, should I reply to her last excuse text and directly put the ball in her court then move on or just straight up move on and ignore her last text?

 

Also could this have anything to do with the fact that I suggested a movie night for our third date and she feels uncomfortable with this? I did say we could do something else if she likes at the time.

[insert_name]

Just ignore it. It will pique her interest/bother her far more than acknowledging her will.

[Xiomn]

Thanks I'm just going to not respond to her last text and move on.

 

All of this has made me very tired of dating, or should I say trying to date. I started dating for the very first time in my life back in September last year. The first girl I ever dated went well, we dated for over a month before it went downhill but I took from it a very good experience as I had a very nice time while it lasted.

 

Since then I've had 5 or so different girls flake on me not including this one I talk about in this thread and just when I think everything is going well by her giving me some very good signals she is interested in me she abruptly becomes not interested out of nowhere and messes with my head by flaking like all the rest all over again. The first two girls that flaked on me I was angry, by the third I stopped caring and now I just can't be bothered with it anymore.

[moebius]

There is no genuine interest there. If she cared about you she wouldn't be failing on your dates with excuses. It sounds like she's dating other guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

There is no genuine interest there. If she cared about you she wouldn't be failing on your dates with excuses. It sounds like she's dating other guy.

 

This is my guess too.

 

If she were truly interested, she wouldn't be canceling and "forgetting" other plans so often.

 

I would move on.

[Xiomn]

Well here's an update if anyone has any advice or just re-confirm previous suggestions.

 

I woke up from a nap to a notification telling me she started following me on Instagram and she sent me a text not long after saying she is free "this week"

 

To be quite honest I actually don't feel like suggesting another date despite my interest in her because she said she should be free "this week" which is very vague and sounds like she is setting up to flake on me again. So I was thinking just continue ignoring or something unless she states a specific day to get together because I'm not risking my integrity for the third time in a row.

 

What y'all think?

[Versacehottie]

Well here's an update if anyone has any advice or just re-confirm previous suggestions.

 

I woke up from a nap to a notification telling me she started following me on Instagram and she sent me a text not long after saying she is free "this week"

 

To be quite honest I actually don't feel like suggesting another date despite my interest in her because she said she should be free "this week" which is very vague and sounds like she is setting up to flake on me again. So I was thinking just continue ignoring or something unless she states a specific day to get together because I'm not risking my integrity for the third time in a row.

 

What y'all think?

 

Hmmmm, I think from my previous posts to you about this one that she may really like you---however it is obvious that something is holding her back from moving forward. Since she has been such a flake you could maybe be vague but play hard to get at same time. Send her a text back tomorrow. Yeah it would be great to see you at some point; I have a lot going on this week but may be able to to fit it in--when were you thinking? Or some more guy-speak version of this. basically you want to flip it. I don't think you'd be wasting brain power and time posting this if you didn't want to go or see what there is with this girl but yeah you need to play your cards right. She needs to see you as a precious commodity and not keep f*cking you about and wasting your time.

 

If she is still vague when you are basically asking her to throw out some dates, then she is flakey, flies by seat of her pants, or you are not a priority to her whatsoever. If she throws out dates that don't work with your schedule this week then be honest and DON'T rearrange your schedule for her, suggest going the following week. And let her know you have a conflict. Actually that's not a bad idea for you to do no matter what for this week so that she understands not to jerk you around and make sure her attention stays consistent for over a week. I guess what I am trying to say is that though typically I think a guy should do the legwork, you have done that enough. She has flaked on you enough that if she is serious and genuine, she should have no problem doing the legwork to arrange a date and make the past up to you. You shouldn't have to express this. Her actions should tell you this. Also your attitude toward her is one of cautious interest or slightly indifferent interest, you know?

[moebius]

To be quite honest I actually don't feel like suggesting another date despite my interest in her because she said she should be free "this week" which is very vague and sounds like she is setting up to flake on me again.

 

Ignore her or tell her "I'm free <whatever day/time> if you feel like it, you can find me <whatever place>"

 

Let her come to you as if you don't give a sh*t about it. If she doesn't show up, don't ever talk to her again.

[Xiomn]

Ignore her or tell her "I'm free <whatever day/time> if you feel like it, you can find me <whatever place>"

 

Let her come to you as if you don't give a sh*t about it. If she doesn't show up, don't ever talk to her again.

 

I'm just ignoring her at the moment unless she comes to me and specifies a specific day or whatever to get together. If she is truly interested in getting together again then that shouldn't be a problem for her. Although I'll be the first to admit i think the majority of women are incapable of initiating and let the man do that instead so we'll see.

[sin miedo]

Although I'll be the first to admit i think the majority of women are incapable of initiating and let the man do that instead so we'll see.

 

Not completely true. I've dated plenty of women who take the initiative and set up dates (including current gf).

 

Here's what it comes down to - interested people act interested. She clearly isn't too interested at the present moment, so I'd tread carefully. If she burns you again, delete her from all social media and block her number.

[smackie9]

She burned you already, don't reward people who do this kind of crap by being available to them.

[Acacia98]

How should I respond to this, should I question her as to whether she is still interested, or should I ignore her text and leave the ball in her court so to speak to get in touch if she is truly interested?

 

Thanks for reading, apologies for the long read. Any advice is appreciated.

 

Ignore her. Keep yourself busy in other ways. And remember, once a flake, always a flake.

 

Stop accommodating people who treat you like crap. It may be that kind of behavior that exhausts you mentally and leaves you resenting women and hating dating. Instead of wasting your energy on people who have already shown you they don't value you or your time, try to figure out how to identify women who are actually sincere and interested in you and focus on them.

[thecrucible]

Xiomn,

 

I've seen your threads before and I think you are doing really well. You are getting dates with girls and even though they don't always pan out how you want, you are learning something every time. I know it can seem frustrating but is such a valuable learning experience. In the long term, stuff which goes wrong in dating can make you grow in confidence if you use it to get to know yourself better and what you can or cannot accept in dating.

 

But yes when people treat you less well, you just take a step back and ignore them. Most often once you step out of the situation, they just fade away and you don't have to think about them. You don't have to worry about being assertive in this way. It's just having boundaries and limits in how you'd like to be treated. It takes two and they have to step up to the table as well.