Chris2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Has anybody gotten out of forever alone? What was the turning point? What did you figure out? What changed? What actions led to the change? I'm 40, forever alone and counting, and have many days where I think nothing is going to change, nothing is going to be different. I can workout, go to meetups, but nothing will change. I'm thankful for the people I get to meet, but still no prospects, dates, etc.
AMJ Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Has anybody gotten out of forever alone? What was the turning point? What did you figure out? What changed? What actions led to the change? I'm 40, forever alone and counting, and have many days where I think nothing is going to change, nothing is going to be different. I can workout, go to meetups, but nothing will change. I'm thankful for the people I get to meet, but still no prospects, dates, etc. I haven't. I've been actively looking for a relationship for 3 years, no luck! I keep myself busy and spend time with friends and family if I feel lonely. But mostly, and this is the only advice I have for you- is that I like myself a lot, so being "alone" isn't that terrible. 1
carhill Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Ha, ha, been a long while ago, early 90's but I got out of it simply by deciding I didn't need to be in a LTR or married to have sex. Putting sex at the forefront of pursuit woke up the demographic and I was having sex and relationships within a few months. I came to think of it as speaking a foreign language which no one understood and finally figuring out that I needed to learn to speak the local language. FA by choice is far different. Now, way down the road having done all that stuff, I chose FA for however long I choose or live. Big difference between want to and have to. Anyway, you'll find your ticket. Everyone has their own path. 2
LaraC Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 LOL yes offering sex will get you instant companionship. 1
Author Chris2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I haven't. I've been actively looking for a relationship for 3 years, no luck! I keep myself busy and spend time with friends and family if I feel lonely. But mostly, and this is the only advice I have for you- is that I like myself a lot, so being "alone" isn't that terrible. I like myself too. Being alone never having companionship wears on me though. 2
carhill Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 LOL yes offering sex will get you instant companionship. Yeah, it sounds simplistic but the mental change caused a matchup with the local demographic of women in how they *expected* a man to pursue them and what they deemed *attractive* in a man. It wasn't the actual act sex necessarily but rather a sexuality of pursuit rather than getting to know without sexual under- or overtones. Since the OP is a man, apparently a 40yo man, he'll need to do manly things to escape involuntary FA; manly things women recognize as manly and attractive. What I found was, even with relationship skills and dating and friends and success, it was the singular and obvious pursuit of sex that made the difference. For him, it could be something else. IMO, keep trying different things and see what sticks. For we men, that's generally learned in our teenage years but some of us are slow 2
LoveAiko Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I'm in a slump now. It seems like I'll be forever alone. I've been in one relationship that was long distance and I just turned 24. It makes me kinda sad seeing all of my friends with boyfriends and husbands. Although, I'm not ready for marriage, it would be nice to have someone to call mine.
Author Chris2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I haven't. I've been actively looking for a relationship for 3 years, no luck! I keep myself busy and spend time with friends and family if I feel lonely. But mostly, and this is the only advice I have for you- is that I like myself a lot, so being "alone" isn't that terrible. Where do you go looking?
Author Chris2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 carhill, or anyone, can you elaborate. I think I sort of of know what you're speaking of, but at the same time not. Thing is, I do like being flirtatious, playful, sexual if possible. If the woman is receptive/reciprocate, even better. I don't get many or any opportunities/interests to do that though. This is what I think you're speaking of. Not sure if I can link: What I Discovered About Women and Sex as a Horny Teenager
carhill Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Some advertising popped up so I didn't review further but, generally, it goes back to what I stated above, men learn how to be attractive to women during peer integration and, for those of us who screw up or miss that period for one reason or another, well, it gets harder because women expect us to know how to lead in the dance of romance and if we have two left feet they move on to the next guy. I watched how successful men (with women) handled them and their interactions and learned, along with erasing all that religious tripe I had been socialized with regarding sex and marriage, backing it off to sex and an exclusive involvement not otherwise labeled and getting the message out with both feet early on in the process. Also, venue. I got out of the paltry dating pool I was in and traveled. Saw the world. Flirted with women around the globe. Had a lover or two. Diversified. Kept throwing stuff at the wall until it started sticking regularly. That's basically how I got to the point of getting married, all in my 30's. Horrifically late. Heck, some of my friends were already grandparents by the time I got married 1
AMJ Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I think if you give us specific examples of a problem we can give more constructive feedback. For example, what happened with the last woman you asked on a date? Or how did a date go? What things did you say to woman you're interested in, how did she respond? Where have I been looking for a relationship? Everywhere I've tried almost all of the online dating sites. Yep, almost all of them. I join co-ed sports teams, go to lectures about things I'm interested in, go to happy hours and meet up events, my friends set me up on dates..things like that.
Author Chris2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I think if you give us specific examples of a problem we can give more constructive feedback. For example, what happened with the last woman you asked on a date? Or how did a date go? What things did you say to woman you're interested in, how did she respond? Where have I been looking for a relationship? Everywhere I've tried almost all of the online dating sites. Yep, almost all of them. I join co-ed sports teams, go to lectures about things I'm interested in, go to happy hours and meet up events, my friends set me up on dates..things like that. I don't have any specific examples now, because I don't have any prospects/dates, but if I do. I did those things too in my early 30s, but nothing. I'm doing meetups now. Because most of my friends are married with family. I'm going to try OLD. I'll be back with the nobody ever responds to me thread.
lino Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 3 of my friends are forever alone or were. One has been his whole life and continues to be. He is early 30S, good job, has a car, house, no debt other than mortgage. Isn't bad looking but very gentle, softly spoken and simply not what the common lady wants. Next one is also early 30s and now married with a child. He married his one and only ever girlfriend, a woman of low attractiveness who had a very low paying job and he is essentially a sperm donor and a wallet. Not a bad deal for her, she got a free house, car and child and all that was required was a vagina. This friend regularly goes to brothels as his wife has a low sex drive and isn't very attractive. 3Rd guy is early 40s and had some girlfriends in early 20s but has been forever alone since. He has a decent job and rents an apartment and has a car. All the above guys are great on paper but great on paper isn't really that attractive to women and doesn't wet the underpants. Sad but true. Your struggle will be a steep up hill OP but it is possible to get out of it. Just be prepared for a lot of 'Im not feeling the butterflies' excuse when you get dumped which is code for 'youre a nice guy but I don't want to pork you'
cber8860 Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Has anybody gotten out of forever alone? What was the turning point? What did you figure out? What changed? What actions led to the change? I'm 40, forever alone and counting, and have many days where I think nothing is going to change, nothing is going to be different. I can workout, go to meetups, but nothing will change. I'm thankful for the people I get to meet, but still no prospects, dates, etc. No iv been cheated on twice 1 time when i was a young teen, then later in life when I was grown. I personally do not trust people at all. I'm at the point now, im my life where I could care less who a step on or who I hurt. Forever alone yeah thats my fate. But I will never be hurt again.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Haven't met this guy personally but I know of him, he's a guy that is 41 and never had a girlfriend, despite standing at a height of 5'11 and having a great paying career in finance
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