scooby-philly Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Ok - I'm was going to re-open a post, not because I "can't move on" or "long for her" - I put up with 12 months of her not respecting me or valuing what i brought to the relationship - except to pay me lip service so i wouldn't leave or to keep me from thinking what a crappy deal it was. but i realized people may not respond http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535474-11-months-crazy I wanted to see if people would respond to a question w/o judgment. Sexuality is something that's important to me - I'm a passionate, affectionate guy. I enjoy sex as part of a relationship and give and need affection back. So...for the guys who respond..... Are there clues to find a woman that's great in bed, or willing to learn, without being bat**** crazy. Other than trial & error? For women.....do you put any signs out there - in conversations, dating profiles, etc that say - yes - passion and affection are important to me too? Of course, I could just be complicating the obvious - uh duh "just find out" but it doesn't hurt to ask.
Maggie4 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Yes, I say these words, "passion and affection are important to me" or "I am passionate and affectionate". But other than that, no signs (I think). 1
GunslingerRoland Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 So...for the guys who respond..... Are there clues to find a woman that's great in bed, or willing to learn, without being bat**** crazy. Other than trial & error? I only read the first post of your original thread, but I guess I'm a little confused. It sounds like you knew she was crazy pretty early on, yet you decided to support her, spend a bunch of money on her, and then act surprised when she didn't change. I'm not sure what kind of clue you were looking for... she was bat spit crazy, she did everything but give you a legal document declaring it. And then what does that have to do with being great in bed or willing to learn? To me it's a totally unrelated question, but if you're with someone and you have no sexual contact with them, then the only thing you can do is try to make some guesses by how they feel about sex, that they are really interested in it and not inhibited by it, in-spite of the fact they are saving it. If it looks like she is crawling out of her skin as badly as you are, to keep from doing it, that is a good thing. If she seems like she couldn't care less... she probably never will. But I don't know if I'd date someone for an extended period who didn't want to do anything sexual... kinda defeats the purpose IMO.
Robratory Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You're really looking for someone with your same sex drive, and there's no way of finding that out ahead of time. Passion and affection are important to everyone unless they're somehow damaged, and if they are, one finds out soon enough. 2
AMJ Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You judge this the same way you judge every other thing about a person- pay attention! I can tell within minutes if someone is going to be on the same page as me sexually. In my opinion, this is the easiest thing to gauge about another person- this is about instincts and not rationalization. Examples- -is he looking at my boobs without me noticing (we always notice btw) -am I making him nervous on some level, what's going on with eye contact- is it polite/friendly or more engaged? -Is he trying to make this date enjoyable or view this whole process like a job interview, asking me tons of really unexciting questions like "did your last job satisfy you" ("well, no actually, that's why I quit...why the hell are we talking about my previous jobs right now") -Does he make the first move/first kiss? For me this is extremely important, if a guy can't man up that much then we probably are not sexually compatible at all. -When we kiss, how does he kiss? I dumped a guy because after three different times kissing, he kept kissing me like...I'm not even sure how to describe it. Probably the same way he kisses his mom. Not gonna work out for me. -Does he mention his mother within 30 minutes on the first date? Probably not going to work out. After these initial signs, I think women who are squeamish talking about sex probably don't enjoy having it too often. If she's grossed out by porn, or seems uptight about anything sexual- in movies, in life.. If she takes an extremely long time while dating to progress sexually with you, that should also be an indicator. If you start trying things you like in the bedroom and she shuts it down, you should know that it's never going to happen. Find a woman who likes to dance. Who likes to let loose, who doesn't care what people think about her.
AMJ Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Woah, just read your post. And now I have to add- do not be anyone's doormat. That will never get you more sex. It's hard to understand what even kept you in that relationship so long. How does a person get $40K in debt from an AA?? Community college is practically free. She sounds like an idiot. Sorry. 1
SwordofFlame Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Hard to say for sure. If she flirts, that's positive, but not all girls do. I would say if she reciprocates physical contact and even initiates physical contact, that's a good sign.
joseb Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 -Does he make the first move/first kiss? For me this is extremely important, if a guy can't man up that much then we probably are not sexually compatible at all. There are girls that make the first move? I've never experienced this. Ever! Interested to hear you actually want the guy to look at your boobs. It's been so drilled into me from every side not to do that! 1
AMJ Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Boobs have a purpose! But there are rules. I should start a thread about what's appropriate boob dating behavior. I'm absolutely going to get in trouble for posting off-topic here, but it's informative. For example, you can notice them in profile pictures, but obviously not talk about them. You can notice them on our first date- we want you to, that's why we wore this really cute outfit- but you still can't talk about them. And you should pretend that you're not looking at them. You're allowed to talk about them around the same time you're actually allowed to see them. 3
Author scooby-philly Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 I don't mind you're off topic. It's hilarious. ROFL from your last comment. Yes, I was a doormat. I grew up without a lot of self confidence regarding dating/relationships. I've gotten more. I ended it so I obviously finally stood up for myself. You're right about the money. I need a mantra every morning - I'm worth it. I'm worth it. As for the other responses - yes, I guess I needed to just vent. I meet too many women on dates who just seem cold, or unaffectionate. Dating is so much about common sense. Hoping I continue to get more and more of it.
RRM321 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You're allowed to talk about them around the same time you're actually allowed to see them. Thanks, It will take a couple of hours now, to wipe the smile off my face. 1
smackie9 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Cold or affectionate=not into you. It doesn't mean they are frigid b itches.....they are just with you and anyone else they are not excited about. Gotta up your game to make them more responsive.
AMJ Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Cold or affectionate=not into you. It doesn't mean they are frigid b itches.....they are just with you and anyone else they are not excited about. Gotta up your game to make them more responsive. Well...not necessarily. Cold and unaffectionate early on could mean they have their guard up and need more time. When someone is fresh out of a bad relationship, being affectionate with the next person they date is difficult. Being affectionate is making ourselves vulnerable, so if that's not happening, it could be they don't trust you yet. Maybe your- OP- guard is up, because you're still burned from crazy-in-debt ex?
lilmissjava Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Asking about someone's sexual passions beforehand is like asking someone what they look like before you meet in person. Surprise!
thecrucible Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I don't think I give off any particularly strong signs. I am very passionate and affectionate person and I don't hold back nor am I uptight when it comes to that. I'm not going to make that side of me obvious to every Tom, Dick and Harry though. Some men probably don't realise I have another side to me because I am quiet but it's their loss. I don't think you are going to see that side of a woman until you push her buttons in some way and until she feels more comfortable. My passionate side will come out strongly with the right guy. 1
Rumely Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 (edited) Unfortunately, there's no way to know until her panties are spinning around on the ceiling fan. The really great part of this is often how good she is, is directly based on how good you are and how comfortable she is with you. I've had a couple long term relationship with women that were crazy good in bed. (Not crazy in the head.) One said there was only one other boyfriend where she had had the same level of passion. The other (my current GF) said she always really likely sex, but didn't think she was very good at it until she met me. Both were around 40, so not inexperienced. My ex-wife had a very out going personality, but this didn't equate to outgoing in the bedroom. My current GF is somewhat shy and an introvert, so personality is not the deciding factor. Edited February 20, 2016 by Rumely
AMJ Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Crazy in the head=crazy in bed. In my experience, the crazier she is, the better the sex is. Unfortunately. That's a VERY unfortunate experience. People have different definitions of what "crazy in bed" means. The craziest girl I know is one of my old roommates. She had an eating disorder, was in and out of long-term treatment rehab programs, and had the most dramatic relationships with men I've ever seen. Let's just say you do not want a roommate like this. And she was by far the "craziest" in the head woman I've ever known. Every insecurity issue you can imagine. I was never actually present while she had sex with her "boyfriends" but the whole house could hear. She seemed to think that making tons of noise is the best way to have great sex. We, her roommates, thought she sounded ridiculous. I have a hard time thinking she was a good sexual partner just for the fact that she was so insecure and needy. But I could be wrong. 1
central Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I think the crazy chick = wild sex thing is mostly a myth. I've certainly had consistently awesome, wild sex with normal, rational women. As for predicting how it will be? Only experience will tell you for sure. You can intuit it, perhaps, and you may be right often enough for that to be useful, but even then TIME is the only thing that will provide proof that it will last. Seriously, even if the sex is great at first, it may not last. New relationship energy (aka hormones) can seriously distort baseline sexuality. Time (2+ years, really) is needed to confirm that it can last (but does not guarantee it). 1
joseb Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I used to think I had a good intuition about this, just from talking with girls, but it's not always the case. The last girl I dated is quite reserved, a bit shy, and before I kissed her I had no idea that the chemistry (and sex) would be through the roof. 2
thecrucible Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I think the crazy chick = wild sex thing is mostly a myth. I agree. I also don't like referring to a woman as crazy because very few women genuinely are. Besides sometimes the way certain men act will cause a woman to act differently because she does not feel comfortable around him. That does not make her crazy! Sorry I just had to say that. I have heard of women who fit the description of wild sex and crazy but I hesitate to use that label unless I know more about the situation.
AMJ Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 That's just been my experience. I have met/dated a few truly "crazy" women, and they were always the best ones in bed. My guess about that girl you knew? She was just making tons of noise because the sex was off the chain good. Just how many of those girls are. One of the craziest women I ever met, and probably the best in bed, had multiple orgasms during sex, starting from about a minute in. It was a wild ride. Oh hell naw. She's just one of those girls who thinks guys want to hear us moan like porn stars. It was so goddam fake, her moaning and yelling. Trust me, I know the difference
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