What Am I Doing With My Ex?!

[Angel_of_Destruction]

I'm going to try to make this short... my ex and I are both gay. Our relationship moved really fast, a week after knowing each other he slept over. Ever since that night he slept over every night until finally he moved in a few months later. We basically lived together for 8 months until he broke up with me. We didn't really talk for two weeks and then we started hanging out again, again he started sleeping over. For the next 3 months he slept over and we acted like a couple, at least I saw us as one. I decided to move out of my roommates place and get my own apartment in hopes that he would want to move in with me, for the next month he stayed every day at my new place. On the day that would have been our 1 year anniversary I gave him a gift, flowers and chocolate. Two days later he said he was gonna go to the store and wasn't sure if he would spend the night because he was wasting too much gas.

 

So that night he didn't come back and he hasn't been back since, he has started dating other guys but doesn't seem happy. He's even told me he's not happy. I tried cutting him out of my life because he thought I was stalking him and that really hurt me but I ended up texting him the other day. We always try to be friends but he doesn't know how to, he always ends up trying to hold my hand or kiss me and when I say no, he gets all sad. So I end up giving into the temptation too because I still care about him. His family is not accepting of him being gay and I might have pushed him a bit away because I always told him that I wanted his family to know about us. I'm proud of being gay, I don't think I need to be ashamed of it and I wanted his family to know we were together. On a trip we took to Vegas he told his mom he was with a roommate!! We had been together for 6 months and we had been living together and I was a roommate?!

 

Anyway, he is extremely attractive but he has such low self esteem and low confidence and so he talks to other guys in hope of getting validation from them and because they make him feel good.

 

The past couple of days we have hung out and I have made this aware to him and last night we were at the gym and he told me that some guy who he went on 3 dates with was ignoring him but now he was talking to a new guy. He was texting the guy all day/night that we were together and finally I told him, "this is the problem, you don't get attention from one guy and you automatically jump to the next guy in order to feel good about yourself" He completely went off on me and started yelling at me saying that he didn't want to get into this topic right now and that we had gone over it, he knew he needed to stop flirting/talking to all of these guys but that he had no friends and felt alone and talking to them made him feel good. Throughout the whole year we were together he has never yelled at me like he did last night. EVER. I'm not jealous that he's talking to other guys, I just don't think it's good for him. I feel like a lot of his issues stem from his family not accepting him, in his mind I think he thinks that if his own family doesn't love him why would anyone else? Since we broke up he has dated at least 10 guys and made out/fooled around with like 5 of them, I feel like he's trying to hide his feelings by hooking up. I've been his longest boyfriend and the first boyfriend he's lived with. I honestly would have spent the rest of my life with this guy.

 

We ended up making out the last two times we hung out, and we even fooled around yesterday before the whole gym/yelling incident. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I in the wrong? We've tried cutting contact with each other but we always seem to get back in touch. I just want the best for him and yet I feel like he doesn't always take me into consideration. He's dated/fooled around with all of these other guys and the thought of dating someone hasn't even crossed my mind!! What do I do?

[mmmike]

I'm going to try to make this short... my ex and I are both gay. Our relationship moved really fast, a week after knowing each other he slept over. Ever since that night he slept over every night until finally he moved in a few months later. We basically lived together for 8 months until he broke up with me. We didn't really talk for two weeks and then we started hanging out again, again he started sleeping over. For the next 3 months he slept over and we acted like a couple, at least I saw us as one. I decided to move out of my roommates place and get my own apartment in hopes that he would want to move in with me, for the next month he stayed every day at my new place. On the day that would have been our 1 year anniversary I gave him a gift, flowers and chocolate. Two days later he said he was gonna go to the store and wasn't sure if he would spend the night because he was wasting too much gas.

 

So that night he didn't come back and he hasn't been back since, he has started dating other guys but doesn't seem happy. He's even told me he's not happy. I tried cutting him out of my life because he thought I was stalking him and that really hurt me but I ended up texting him the other day. We always try to be friends but he doesn't know how to, he always ends up trying to hold my hand or kiss me and when I say no, he gets all sad. So I end up giving into the temptation too because I still care about him. His family is not accepting of him being gay and I might have pushed him a bit away because I always told him that I wanted his family to know about us. I'm proud of being gay, I don't think I need to be ashamed of it and I wanted his family to know we were together. On a trip we took to Vegas he told his mom he was with a roommate!! We had been together for 6 months and we had been living together and I was a roommate?!

 

Anyway, he is extremely attractive but he has such low self esteem and low confidence and so he talks to other guys in hope of getting validation from them and because they make him feel good.

 

The past couple of days we have hung out and I have made this aware to him and last night we were at the gym and he told me that some guy who he went on 3 dates with was ignoring him but now he was talking to a new guy. He was texting the guy all day/night that we were together and finally I told him, "this is the problem, you don't get attention from one guy and you automatically jump to the next guy in order to feel good about yourself" He completely went off on me and started yelling at me saying that he didn't want to get into this topic right now and that we had gone over it, he knew he needed to stop flirting/talking to all of these guys but that he had no friends and felt alone and talking to them made him feel good. Throughout the whole year we were together he has never yelled at me like he did last night. EVER. I'm not jealous that he's talking to other guys, I just don't think it's good for him. I feel like a lot of his issues stem from his family not accepting him, in his mind I think he thinks that if his own family doesn't love him why would anyone else? Since we broke up he has dated at least 10 guys and made out/fooled around with like 5 of them, I feel like he's trying to hide his feelings by hooking up. I've been his longest boyfriend and the first boyfriend he's lived with. I honestly would have spent the rest of my life with this guy.

 

We ended up making out the last two times we hung out, and we even fooled around yesterday before the whole gym/yelling incident. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I in the wrong? We've tried cutting contact with each other but we always seem to get back in touch. I just want the best for him and yet I feel like he doesn't always take me into consideration. He's dated/fooled around with all of these other guys and the thought of dating someone hasn't even crossed my mind!! What do I do?

 

It sounds like a tough situation. You sound very mature. He sounds like he still needs to find himself. Unfortunately, that may take years. Maybe just be his friend and if one day it is meant to be then it will be. In the meantime maybe date others too for yourself but always be honest with him. Good luck.