DNY Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 My ex gf and I broke up around 6 months ago after dating for 8 months. I am still having a hard time getting over her even though I know the relationship wasn't healthy. She had a lot of personal issues that she wouldn't open up about. She has since moved to another state for work and we have barely spoken and when we do, she is cold and angry and blames me for everything. She broke up with me. After the break up we hung out for a month and seemed to headed in the right direction, however, she claimed we were just friends and i was confusing things. I told her I couldn't be just friends and she became angry with me and has never been he same since. I really just need advice on how to let go. I knows isn't coming back, but I still have this small bit of false hope. Its ridiculous to feel this way. she has moved away, moved on and I need to do the same. I have good days and bad days. Just when I feel like i have turned the corner, I revert back and start feeling bad again. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
kztar Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Do you realize you're still stuck because you have not practiced NO CONTACT. How do you expect to move on, yet she is still lingering around ?. Tough love here but the truth is YOU WONT. Why are you still talking to her?. SHE walked away from the relationship not you. She wants to be your friend?. That right was given up the day she walked away. You and her have NOTHING to talk about. She has now EXpired in your life. You need to practice healthy NC and things will get better. This means completely deleting her out of your life. No FB, NO IG, No Snap, Twitter, Linkedin, No calls, messaging. ANYTHING that involves contact must go. Cry, mourn do whatever but NC. With time it will get better and easier. Good luck man. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Healing works at it's own pace. It's also not a linear process. It's often one step forward, two steps back but sometimes you make progress. Love yourself. Surround yourself with positive people. Take time to engage in activities you enjoy. After a break up I always found comfort trying something new. If you haven't done so already rearrange your living space. Perhaps get a hair cut. Take up a new hobby. Reinvent yourself & find out who you are. But while keeping busy don't forget to self soothe too. 1
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 How do you still talk to her if she's in another state? I think that's the source of your inability to let go. Or, stated another way, you haven't let go. Let go. Things will get a lot better if you do. Find a nice local girl you can touch who likes you. They are a lot more fun than the disembodied electronic girls who don't want to be with you. 1
Author DNY Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 How do you still talk to her if she's in another state? I think that's the source of your inability to let go. Or, stated another way, you haven't let go. Let go. Things will get a lot better if you do. Find a nice local girl you can touch who likes you. They are a lot more fun than the disembodied electronic girls who don't want to be with you. You're right. We were friends for years before we started dating. I think thats why i"m having a little more trouble cutting her out of my life. We've only spoken a few times since October. She's definitely not right for me as a girlfriend, she doesn't want anything too serious and I did. That about sums it up. 1
ajaysutton Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Healing is never easy, but it will happen over time. I agree with the folks that say NC is the best way to do it. As long as you leave your foot in the door, you'll never be able to close it. I'd encourage you find things to do to fill the empty hours. Volunteering at animal shelters is one thing you could do. The animals always love back unconditionally. Most of them anyway. That may also provide opportunities to meet new people and do different things that will keep your mind occupied... 1
Brando Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 How do you still talk to her if she's in another state? I think that's the source of your inability to let go. Or, stated another way, you haven't let go. Let go. Things will get a lot better if you do. Find a nice local girl you can touch who likes you. They are a lot more fun than the disembodied electronic girls who don't want to be with you. Mightycpa does it again. I enjoy your responses. Oh, also I agree. Disconnect from this woman and move on. 1
Satu Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Accept, adapt, move on. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 1
K2z Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 I personally hate the phrases "let go" and "move on".. even if they are accurate. Instead, just hone your timeline down to moment-by-moment goalposts. Set a little teeny goal for your day. Try to do it. Try to get in bed at a decent hour. Let some time pass, and understand that your heart is knitting together as a broken leg does... glacially slowly, in a manner that vastly underpaces your patience. But each hour that passes is bringing you strength and dignity.
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