chaddercheese Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Last week i saw a message on her phone to her friend (she was scrolling through showing me something while drunk) it said that the new guy at work had invited her to his house to 'wait for the bus' and she thinks hes really 'fit'. She quickly scrolled past it. At that moment i got a lot go through my head, that she was checking out other guys when im not around, approaching and chatting to them, getting into a situation where she is invited round to his house despite them only knowing each other a week at work (he doesnt even work in her section). And then bragging to her mates that she got invited round to his place, although she said no. This morning we was fine and she said that she was arranging a work leaving party for herself and i said im uncomfortable that your putting yourself in a situation with a lot of alcohol with this guy you got close with fast and think hes attractive enough to brag to your friends about. She flipped out at me and rather than acknowledge this accused me of being unloyal and staring at girls pictures online and wanking over porn (i genuinely dont bother with porn because its watching a dick go in a vagina, and im not 12 i dont masturbate to girls pictures) i save myself for my pretty great weekend sex life where i try not to come out of bed at all. I have an app on my phone that daily posts about 100 albums of general interest stuff, cars, facts of the day, animals doing funny things, people being idiots, and albums of girls. I use it to look at funny pics like memes before i go to bed, but she is accusing me of having a porn app and being unloyal because 1 of the 100 daily albums is of attractive women? Shes saying i clearly masturbate over them and she doesnt want a guy like that. This follows on from her following guys on instagram she thinka are hot and screenshots the photos to send to her friends. Basically any time i try and say something she does is making me uncomfortable she doesnt acknowledge it and turns it on me with stuff like that and its so hard, because i dont talk to my friends about my issues and become "that guy" i dont talk to family because i dont want to be the problem son. I try and talk to her and get it turned on me for stuff such as having an app that i can use to look at women on my phone.
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) Drama is as drama does. You've been told multiple times on multiple threads under your multiple usernames, that she is a total drama queen and this latest issue is totally in character for her. At this point, if you're still with her, then you're accepting that she will cause drama at every possible opportunity. You are inviting and accepting it. There is only one way to stop it: dump her. Edited February 19, 2016 by PegNosePete 7
Toodaloo Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Drama is as drama does. You've been told multiple times on multiple threads under your multiple usernames, that she is a total drama queen and this latest issue is totally in character for her. At this point, if you're still with her, then you're accepting that she will cause drama at every possible opportunity. You are inviting and accepting it. There is only one way to stop it: dump her. This... I am off to bash my head against a wall. There are only so many time we can say this to you OP but if you want to carry on feeling insecure, upset, angry, heartbroken and sad please by all means continue to date her. If you want to feel secure, loved, happy and content then get rid and find yourself a girl who will support you rather than rub your face in her conquests... It really is that simple. 4
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 This is the woman you picked for yourself. If you are not happy then change girlfriend. If you don't want to change girlfriend then you have no right to complain of her bad treatment. 1
Author chaddercheese Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 I stay because for the most part she makes me happy and we have good chemistry. Whenever she does something that makes me hurt or feel uncomfortable and i say it, she goes mental and turns it on stuff she tells me ive done such as "Not gunna answer about all the girls coming round yours to get drunk are you? You ****ing disgusting little cheater" Im sat here trying to work out which girls when i live with a group of men on an raf base! She also said her telling her friends about the guy she fancies from work invited to her house is the same as when i told her that my best mates gf looked nice on her birthday, or when i told my friend he got a decent gf for once. I cant see it?
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I stay because for the most part she makes me happy and we have good chemistry. Then you have to accept the childish drama she generates as part of the package. We can't advise you anything else. What are you looking for here? Advice? A solution? There is none. That's just how she is. Take her or leave her. Up to you. 1
Zahara Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I stay because for the most part she makes me happy and we have good chemistry. Then you have to take the bad with the good. With the amount of threads and usernames you've created, I have a hard time believing she makes you happy. Complaining about it doesn't change a thing. It won't provide you a solution. So, you either accept your highs and lows or find someone that you can have a consistent relationship with rather than someone that brings so much drama into your life. 1
Author chaddercheese Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Im not sure what i came here asking for, but when i read everyones posts the replies are always to leave on every thread. I want to make this one work but its so hard when all i do is have to apologise for something she imaginee ive done, and then she does something that hurts me and upsets me a lot such as this situation, and i tell her how i feel she goes completely psycho. Today for example she has brought up the following past instances: 1) when my friend tagged me in one of those embarrasing "tag a mate" pictures online of guys trying to dance and failing with girls in a club 2) when i told her that a girl my friend was seeing was actually his gf 3) the fact this weekend im hosting pre drinks with 2 of my mates, one of his mates, his mates gf and her guy friend and a girl friend. This is akin to me being unloyal having a house "full of girls" 4) me saying that my friends gf looked nice on her bday my gf couldnt attend 5) that im a disgusting cheater and she deserves so much better than me and she doesnt trust me etc even though i havent done anything I feel like its my fault for ruining a perfectly nice day we were having, i finished work and was going to go down and see her for the night before coming back. I messed up by saying that i felt uncomfortable her arranging a night out with this guy she fancies at work that invited her back to hers. Im trying to work out what ive done wrong and im just so hurt right now.
Author chaddercheese Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Her excuse was that we was broken up then, as in her go to every time i suggest im upset by something she has done is to say she doesnt want to be with me she hates me and its over. Only to change her mind a few hours later and ask what the plan is for later or the next day. She never acknowledges she was wrong though, and thats the hardest part, she will argue and argue and argue that she hasnt done anything and then tell me i dont ake her happy and its over.
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Im trying to work out what ive done wrong You have dated someone who loves to cause drama and trouble. That's all. You need to choose. Can you accept her as she is, or not? Because those are the only options here. 1) Carry on as things are 2) Dump her There is no 3).
Toodaloo Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 If you are not going to say good bye than you better get used to it being your fault regardless of what or who or when. Because this is how it will be. She treats you like dog poo on her shoe now. It is not going to change unless you change it. Accept it and get on with it or walk away and get happy. Those are your two choices. And no you don't love her. There is no respect here. You are just scared of her and want to keep having sex... Get over it and at least see it for what it is.
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Im not sure what i came here asking for, but when i read everyones posts the replies are always to leave on every thread. I want to make this one work but its so hard when all i do is have to apologise for something she imaginee ive done, and then she does something that hurts me and upsets me a lot such as this situation, and i tell her how i feel she goes completely psycho. Today for example she has brought up the following past instances: 1) when my friend tagged me in one of those embarrasing "tag a mate" pictures online of guys trying to dance and failing with girls in a club 2) when i told her that a girl my friend was seeing was actually his gf 3) the fact this weekend im hosting pre drinks with 2 of my mates, one of his mates, his mates gf and her guy friend and a girl friend. This is akin to me being unloyal having a house "full of girls" 4) me saying that my friends gf looked nice on her bday my gf couldnt attend 5) that im a disgusting cheater and she deserves so much better than me and she doesnt trust me etc even though i havent done anything I feel like its my fault for ruining a perfectly nice day we were having, i finished work and was going to go down and see her for the night before coming back. I messed up by saying that i felt uncomfortable her arranging a night out with this guy she fancies at work that invited her back to hers. Im trying to work out what ive done wrong and im just so hurt right now. I want to make this one work -- Sometimes you just have to accept that something is broken and that you don't have the skills/tools to fix it or that's it's irreparable. You are trying to save a relationship that doesn't exist. There is no relationship here. There can only be a relationship if the parties involved can RELATE to one another. It's dysfunctional and neither of you have the life skills/relationship skills to maintain/support a good relationship let alone fix a broken one. None of us here are going to even suggest ways to try to make this work. It's a waste of our time and yours. Get real with yourself. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 The only thing you have done wrong is allow yourself to be a doormat to this drama queen. 2
Author chaddercheese Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 The only thing you have done wrong is allow yourself to be a doormat to this drama queen. I agree she treats me awful and if i ever bring it up she goes mental at me and turns it on me and makes me feel bad for something i havent even done. Right now im feeling awful for "cheating" and i havent even gone near a girl and i feel like ive been unloyal but im not sure what ive been unloyal but she keeps telling me i am after i told her that i felt uncomfortable her going drinking with a guy she told her friends she fancies. But when were happy we are great together but then she will just flip at the mere sight of another girl paying me attention or me paying attention to another girl. Is this not a jealousy that can be removed?
xcupid Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Hopefully one of these days you'll wake up and realize this isn't the type of relationship you want. In the meantime, you're going around in circles with the same drama, day in and day out. 1
smackie9 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 No you can't remove this jealous when she is the one cheating, and yes she is because cheaters accuse others of cheating, she is turning blame to make you think you are the one with the problem. Oldest trick in the book....it's called manipulation. Manipulative people are abusers....she is abusing this relationship and you. The only way to get rid of the problem is getting rid of her. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I agree she treats me awful and if i ever bring it up she goes mental at me and turns it on me and makes me feel bad for something i havent even done. Right now im feeling awful for "cheating" and i havent even gone near a girl and i feel like ive been unloyal but im not sure what ive been unloyal but she keeps telling me i am after i told her that i felt uncomfortable her going drinking with a guy she told her friends she fancies. But when were happy we are great together but then she will just flip at the mere sight of another girl paying me attention or me paying attention to another girl. Is this not a jealousy that can be removed? No, because that's only a symptom of a bigger and deeper problem. And you can't fix that problem. And I don't buy that things are great apart from this issue. The frequency of your threads and the severity of the problems with her suggest this is toxic in every way. A healthy relationship simply doesn't have this many issues. Why are you so desperate to hang on to her? I'm sure you can do a hell of a lot better. She doesn't even like you all that much - you surely realize this by now, no? 2
Robratory Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Im not sure what i came here asking for, but when i read everyones posts the replies are always to leave on every thread. Im trying to work out what ive done wrong and im just so hurt right now. I'm really sorry because I know how you feel, but there's really no solution. That's why we can only suggest that you leave her. You haven't done anything wrong. This is just how she is. She's what is called a "drama queen." If some of us sound impatient, it's because we don't like seeing someone who accepts being mistreated. What you are going through is not part of a normal relationship. You say you want to make this one work, but a relationship requires BOTH people working just as hard. You can't do it by yourself, and she clearly doesn't want to help.
kendahke Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Time for a new girlfriend. IF you don't like what she does and you don't like being accused of things you're not doing, next!
kendahke Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I want to make this one work hey Hey HEY!!! Stop! It's not going to work. This chick is in your life to teach you how to recognize incompatibility, not how to try to force a relationship. And no woman's sex is that good that you should put up with offensive behavior from them. If your only excuse for staying is she lays you out really good every weekend, then you need to save your complaining and just take the rubbish she dishes out the other 5 days. Here's something that I swear by: the guilty always make the most noise. She's probably cheating up a blue streak on you already and is deflecting her mess onto you to get you off her trail. I don't care how good the sex is, I'd have dumped her once I saw that she was entertaining the idea of going to another man's house. 1
joseb Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Im not sure what i came here asking for, but when i read everyones posts the replies are always to leave on every thread. That's because everyone can see what you can't. That it's a terrible relationship. That it's making you miserable. That she is manipulative and abusive. That she's probably personality disordered. That she is almost certainly cheating. That she doesn't love you. You obviously have white knight syndrome and are a fixer. Have you researched getting help for that? What would she have to do for you to see what this is?
kendahke Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Im not sure what i came here asking for, but when i read everyones posts the replies are always to leave on every thread. Then, let's look at it this way: Let's say instead of doing what she's doing to you, she's taking a blade and cutting you; then she's telling you either you're lying-that she's not doing anything--or to shut up because you complain too much. But she keeps cutting you and you keep hollering. But when she's not knifing you, things are great. Would you stay there and keep letting her flay you? How much lifeblood would you have to leach out before you keel over from the loss? The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same dang thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Seriously, it costs us nothing if you don't take our advice--you're the one who keeps hurting and we're trying to tell you what you need to do to stop the pain because we've been through mess like this and learned the hard way. If you're convinced that this poor excuse of a girlfriend is your only avenue to happiness for the rest of your life, then, as Mr. Springsteen sang, "you're going to have to learn to live with what you can't rise above". 1
Recommended Posts