Mr. Lucky Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 But, you know, if you think about it further, this 2-5 years yardstick is mostly pertinent to BSs who were given the whole truth up front - NO trickle-truth - and (usually) one affair. The fact of trickle-truth and not consciously opening up and making themselves wholly vulnerable to us means we must always doubt that we have the whole truth. One thing that doesn't get discussed much is often it's only the BS on this 2-5 year track. Many times the WS, having data dumped the affair details on their spouse, gets "better" pretty quickly. Many BS's primary concern is that their WS maintains NC and doesn't cheat again. That's setting the bar pretty low in assessing the WS's participation in reconciliation... Mr. Lucky 1
merrmeade Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 ... setting the bar pretty low in assessing the WS's participation in reconciliation... Oh, yeah, don't we know it. A "decent" compromise does vary, doesn't it — person to person, year to year. We're all growing. I have a million excuses, too...
merrmeade Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 First meaning of reconciliation in the dictionary is "the restoration of friendly relations." Second is "the action of making one view or belief compatible with another." Making the views compatible IS the compromise for the friendly relations. Worth it? Depends ... OP needs to consider the good advice he's being given. It gets harder and harder to bring up the standard later.
TrustedthenBusted Posted February 26, 2016 Posted February 26, 2016 You can't control the actions of another adult. You can only decide what you can live with and what you can't. It's not up to your wife to live her life in a way that makes you feel 100% safe and secure all the time. Sure, she screwed up, but that doesn't mean living the rest of her life in a cage to make you feel better. If that's what you expect, than what you want is a pet lizard, and not a spouse. Live your life. Let her live hers. She will either cheat on you again or she won't. Not within your control. If she does, and you catch it. Bail out. But dont spend your days worrying about it. That's insane, and the only one who will regret wasting all that time someday, is you.
Recommended Posts