Miss Peach Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I wondered some of the same things. My BF has made jobs like we should run off to Vegas because we like the same ice cream flavor. From what I have read it's probably him testing the waters saying he is serious without having to say that. Do 30 year old men really have marriage and children on their minds? My experience is a lot of them do. As they get a good foothold in their careers and their friends start coupling up and settling down they start thinking about it too. Presuming he does see me as a future wife/mother of his children, I am surprised he could make an estimate with so much certainty, relatively early in our relationship. I believe many men know earlier than women. The rest of it is just confirming his initial thoughts were true and lasting. Make nothing of them and do not bring these topics up to discuss yourself (not even from the news). Some guys love to "future fake", it makes them feel good. Not saying he is doing that for sure, but you always have to remember that words are just words until there is action. This is a possibility. Thanks! He also openly hints about "providing" for the two of us whilst I mock him saying that I am perfectly capable of doing so on my own. Many men want to be the provider. If that's not what you have in mind you need to discuss this and see if you can find something you are both happy with. It doesn't have to be a long and serious talk. It could just be a "BTW what are your thoughts on that topic". 2
Author elizabetk Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 @Popsicle - Many thanks! I think I have said all I needed to say in regards to the information he needs to know relatively early in our relationship and I will follow your advice. Take things one step at a time and concentrate on nurturing and allowing the relationship to grow. @Miss Peach Many thanks! Hope everything with your boyfriend works out in the best possible way, be it marriage in Vegas. You don't know anything until you ask and gauge his reaction. He may indeed have in mind for you to be a SAHM and for you to ditch your career to raise his children. Some older men deliberately choose younger women as they can control them easier, keep your wits about you. It seems the time is NOW for you to settle down and have children according to him, are you really up for that? Having kids will tie you down for at least the next 18 years is that really what you want? Thanks! I absolutely agree with your points, one needs to be cautious. However, I am level-headed person and know what I want from life. It helps that our age gap is not that big, we both come from similar economic/family backgrounds, have similar circles, went to very good colleges - he is not with me for the purpose of manipulating me. As he is a considered man, I would be very doubtful that he would presume I will stay at home and take care of his children (although the children would be ours, which somewhat makes matters different). Also, I truly hope that by the time decide to have children I would be financially stable enough (ideally because of joined finances, but if it happens that my partner earns significantly more, then so be it) not to go to work straight away. Also, I am very doubtful that he wants the whole package right away - moving in together, engagement, marriage and kids are usually spaced out in the period of 3/4 years. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted February 21, 2016 Posted February 21, 2016 Also, I am very doubtful that he wants the whole package right away - moving in together, engagement, marriage and kids are usually spaced out in the period of 3/4 years. That's YOUR timeline. Because you're 23 and it's logical. HIS timeline however, is popping out a kid in the next 2 years or so. Make sure to double up on your birth control. Seriously. He sounds like a woman with a ticking biological clock or something.
Author elizabetk Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 That's YOUR timeline. Because you're 23 and it's logical. HIS timeline however, is popping out a kid in the next 2 years or so. Make sure to double up on your birth control. Seriously. He sounds like a woman with a ticking biological clock or something. Made me laugh, thanks for that! Again, I think he is serious about me and wants to show it by testing the waters without being direct. I am on IUD (sorry, too much information) which is as safe as it can get (of course, excluding abstinence).
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