Better searching for a hookup or a gf?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't drink at all and in the past that's been a definite deal breaker in the sense peoples found it profoundly odd.

 

As I say wasn't a waste of a evening it just gave me renewed clarity of where I am so to speak.

 

The importance of a social life cannot and should not be understated, in my opinion is fairly important when one views the person as a whole, people who have no friends will always raise red flags.

 

Just the way it is I guess.

 

I agree those things are used to judge potential mates:

 

-Not necessarily being able to drink a lot, but being able to go out and party and be fun

-How many friends you have and what type of friends you have

-How much of a social life you have

-How you dress and stuff

 

The ironic thing about it is that I see my friends at my age with their wives and kids and none of that stuff matters. A few of them still have wide social circles, but most of them spend most of their time holed up with their nuclear family and a few tight friends. The days of partying and dressing sharp mostly done.

 

In a sense, it's almost like college for a lot of people. You spend 4 years learning all of this stuff to prepare you for a career, and then you don't use any of it in your job.

 

But in a way, it does help screen out dissimilar mentalities.

[elaine567]

I don't drink at all and in the past that's been a definite deal breaker in the sense peoples found it profoundly odd.

 

As I say wasn't a waste of a evening it just gave me renewed clarity of where I am so to speak.

 

The importance of a social life cannot and should not be understated, in my opinion is fairly important when one views the person as a whole, people who have no friends will always raise red flags.

 

Just the way it is I guess.

Not everyone is a "drinker, but why do you not drink "at all"? No glasses of wine, 1/2 pint of beer even?

[edgygirl]

You're probably an introvert. Nothing wrong with that. I usually go for the introvert in the corner, and not for the loud guys - I really dislike them.

 

Accept yourself and who you are and try to find girls who like the kind of guy you are. They are out there.

 

 

After going out on Sat nigh I did some introspection and the reality wasn't a nice thing to face but it goes along the lines of this. I am not a fun person, I am glad the forum thinks I have a personality but I saw all these students partying, drinking, generally having what is termed "fun" and realised that just isn't me.

 

I can offer all the support in the world, all the honesty in the world, all the generosity, all the caring but if there is no "fun" those things become irrelevant.

[ZA Dater]

You're probably an introvert. Nothing wrong with that. I usually go for the introvert in the corner, and not for the loud guys - I really dislike them.

 

Accept yourself and who you are and try to find girls who like the kind of guy you are. They are out there.

 

Fact is I don't really go out, each time I have its just been more me looking and realising I am just not a catch by the standards people use to measure desirability.

 

Mutual attraction just doesn't happen for me. It's on I'll just try love the best I can and try not to feel like I am missing out on something special.

[FastHands]

The way she dresses is the way she dresses. It has nothing to do if she likes you.

 

Imho Actually the way she dresses gives a lot away. If she dresses like tight kinda revealing clothes then she is outgoing. Guys will approach and ask her. Versus a girl that dresses conservatively doesn't seem that approachable or outgoing.

[ZA Dater]

Not everyone is a "drinker, but why do you not drink "at all"? No glasses of wine, 1/2 pint of beer even?

 

I don't drink at all.

[FleshNBones]

I thought I would pose this question. Hook up or gf?

 

I have had zero success with the latter and in my mind the latter has always gone with the former but of late I have contemplated looking for the former as the latter seems impossible.

 

Am I "better off" looking for a hook up? Morally its probably not something I am comfortable with but equally it seems a gf seems a step too far at this stage.

 

The reason I haven't ever considered hook-ups is because in my mind it'd be more difficult to get someone to sleep with me, especially as I have zero experience of seducing anyone, than it would to get them to go out with me.

 

Basically should I change focus from finding a gf to finding a hook up?

I think you should focus on getting dates. <-- Hardest part!!!

Once you are regularly dating someone, then you can consider having a gf. I believe the rule of thumb is at least one month of steady dating.

Once you have a steady gf, then you can consider marriage.

Baby steps...

[ZA Dater]

I think you should focus on getting dates. <-- Hardest part!!!

Once you are regularly dating someone, then you can consider having a gf. I believe the rule of thumb is at least one month of steady dating.

Once you have a steady gf, then you can consider marriage.

Baby steps...

 

Well I cant even find anyone I like so dating is quite hard.

[Miss Clavel]

Went out and frankly I remember why I don't go out. Just felt as alone as ever, everyone had a girl and yeh. This probably should not hurt or bother me as much as it does.

 

Oh well I'll keep telling myself I am good at other things.

 

 

most girls have friends. ask them about their friends.

 

 

i once went out with a man because he cut a red heart out of a paper napkin and pinned it to his sleeve. he followed me around, asking me to consider him until i gave in.

 

if you want to get someone interested in you, ask them what their binging on, what their reading, eating, smoking, drinking, what car they drive, where was their last vaca, what song they are currently obsessed with?

 

then take the info and work it into an invite that includes their interests, those that jive with yours, because faking interest never leads to happiness.

 

 

 

i once had a friend because she asked me to be her friend. i didn't know her from adam but she came up to me after work and said, "i'm new to this state and i don't know anyone, will you be my friend. i live a few miles away in those apartments, and there's a pool, wanna come by and catch some rays tomorrow"?

 

 

 

good luck

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

A gf seems better I think

[FleshNBones]

Well I cant even find anyone I like so dating is quite hard.

Think of it as practice.

[ZA Dater]

most girls have friends. ask them about their friends.

 

 

i once went out with a man because he cut a red heart out of a paper napkin and pinned it to his sleeve. he followed me around, asking me to consider him until i gave in.

 

if you want to get someone interested in you, ask them what their binging on, what their reading, eating, smoking, drinking, what car they drive, where was their last vaca, what song they are currently obsessed with?

 

then take the info and work it into an invite that includes their interests, those that jive with yours, because faking interest never leads to happiness.

 

 

 

i once had a friend because she asked me to be her friend. i didn't know her from adam but she came up to me after work and said, "i'm new to this state and i don't know anyone, will you be my friend. i live a few miles away in those apartments, and there's a pool, wanna come by and catch some rays tomorrow"?

 

 

 

good luck

 

I really wish people were more like the above, actually willing to give people a chance. Alas I have never found that to be the case ever.

 

 

As someone who helps people I have no romantic interest in I am always amazed that they are amazed I am essentially helping someone who is a stranger.

 

 

Women where I live all have their own little cliques and its almost impossible to get into these, especially if one doesn't have mainstream interests. The last person I pursued I liked because she isn't like this, didn't have a massive group of friends, my reasoning was I'd likely be more successful. I wasn't and she found a bf who provided her with a ready made circle of friends.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I really wish people were more like the above, actually willing to give people a chance. Alas I have never found that to be the case ever.

 

 

As someone who helps people I have no romantic interest in I am always amazed that they are amazed I am essentially helping someone who is a stranger.

 

 

Women where I live all have their own little cliques and its almost impossible to get into these, especially if one doesn't have mainstream interests. The last person I pursued I liked because she isn't like this, didn't have a massive group of friends, my reasoning was I'd likely be more successful. I wasn't and she found a bf who provided her with a ready made circle of friends.

 

Well unfortunately, men and women both sit in judgement of each-other