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Better searching for a hookup or a gf?


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Posted

I thought I would pose this question. Hook up or gf?

 

I have had zero success with the latter and in my mind the latter has always gone with the former but of late I have contemplated looking for the former as the latter seems impossible.

 

Am I "better off" looking for a hook up? Morally its probably not something I am comfortable with but equally it seems a gf seems a step too far at this stage.

 

The reason I haven't ever considered hook-ups is because in my mind it'd be more difficult to get someone to sleep with me, especially as I have zero experience of seducing anyone, than it would to get them to go out with me.

 

Basically should I change focus from finding a gf to finding a hook up?

Posted

Go with whatever you can find....

  • Like 2
Posted

Hook ups can become gfs, and gfs can turn out to be just hook ups.

 

You definitely need to break that duck somehow and soon.

  • Author
Posted
Hook ups can become gfs, and gfs can turn out to be just hook ups.

 

You definitely need to break that duck somehow and soon.

 

Paying would ultimately be the easiest way but it doesn't give me the social aspect I am looking for.

 

Somehow I need to separate the concepts of hooking up and the concept of dating.

 

In addition finding someone I want to hook up with and who wants to hook up with me, that's pretty darn tough!

Posted

No. Hook ups is not the way to go. Morally and for practical reasons.

 

 

Being that it would be easier for a man to get a woman to go to a movie or buy her dinner then to get her to put out.

 

 

Not to be insulting, you are not getting the job done when it comes to them letting you buy them dinner. I do not see you finding it easier to get them to just have sex with you.

 

 

You need to figure out why you are having a hard time dating. Then make those changes.

 

 

I have seen women that were not good looking or that good as a person and they still got a man. A man that based on appearance could of done better. Not that she could of pulled in a 10.

 

 

I have seen the same with men yet they got a women that could of done better. Again, he could of not pulled in a 10.

 

 

Let us look at why you are getting no where.

 

 

Shower everyday, wash hair every day, fresh clothes everyday?

 

 

Fingernails clean and trimmed?

 

 

A few men can work the skip a day shave look. Most men can not. Most men can not and most women prefer the clean shaven look, got to shave everyday.

 

 

Same with hair. Some men can rock the long hair, the bad boy hair. Many men just have hair that is unruly, dry, both. Makes a short cut the only way to go.

 

 

Style of clothes. So clothes looked good in every decade for the last 60 years. Looks as the Hippy (I called it the hobo, homeless, dirt bag) look, and Grunge look, came and went, any look such as suits and ties that worked for a few years during the 1980's look out of place now and will be turn offs.

 

 

Also people use the comfortable word to excuse for looking as a slob. We all can be comfortable and be neat and sharp looking.

 

 

How is your energy when approaching women? Got to be up beat when you make contact. Being over the top is just as bad as low energy.

 

 

How long do you take before you ask a woman out. Women give men a limited window of opportunity to let you ask them on a date. A man takes to long they just get turned off. Never to let you get them interested again.

 

 

Brush up on manners and etiquette to use when trying to impress the ladies.

  • Like 1
Posted
Hook ups can become gfs, and gfs can turn out to be just hook ups.

 

You definitely need to break that duck somehow and soon.

 

I'm sure it will be an unpopular opinion on here, but in my experience there isn't much difference in approach between the two.

 

In the age groups I'm involved in, if someone will hook up with you, unless you're a total loser, they'll at least consider dating you. If someone is willing to date you, there's enough interest there to be willing to hook up with you. Attraction is attraction.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
No. Hook ups is not the way to go. Morally and for practical reasons.

 

 

Being that it would be easier for a man to get a woman to go to a movie or buy her dinner then to get her to put out.

 

 

Not to be insulting, you are not getting the job done when it comes to them letting you buy them dinner. I do not see you finding it easier to get them to just have sex with you.

 

 

You need to figure out why you are having a hard time dating. Then make those changes.

 

 

I have seen women that were not good looking or that good as a person and they still got a man. A man that based on appearance could of done better. Not that she could of pulled in a 10.

 

 

I have seen the same with men yet they got a women that could of done better. Again, he could of not pulled in a 10.

 

 

Let us look at why you are getting no where.

 

 

Shower everyday, wash hair every day, fresh clothes everyday?

 

 

Fingernails clean and trimmed?

 

 

A few men can work the skip a day shave look. Most men can not. Most men can not and most women prefer the clean shaven look, got to shave everyday.

 

 

Same with hair. Some men can rock the long hair, the bad boy hair. Many men just have hair that is unruly, dry, both. Makes a short cut the only way to go.

 

 

Style of clothes. So clothes looked good in every decade for the last 60 years. Looks as the Hippy (I called it the hobo, homeless, dirt bag) look, and Grunge look, came and went, any look such as suits and ties that worked for a few years during the 1980's look out of place now and will be turn offs.

 

 

Also people use the comfortable word to excuse for looking as a slob. We all can be comfortable and be neat and sharp looking.

 

 

How is your energy when approaching women? Got to be up beat when you make contact. Being over the top is just as bad as low energy.

 

 

How long do you take before you ask a woman out. Women give men a limited window of opportunity to let you ask them on a date. A man takes to long they just get turned off. Never to let you get them interested again.

 

 

Brush up on manners and etiquette to use when trying to impress the ladies.

 

I don't lack in any of those things, if anything the area I lack is simply personality. People just do not for whatever reason like and I need to say I actually like very few of them too. Its exceedingly rare I actually meet a single female to begin with, never mind one I would want to date.

Posted

I don't really have any advice. I'm in the same boat. Though I think you're younger, 31 or 32? I guess be as proactive as possible in the dating/love world? I wish I had 32 back. I pretty much just let it slip by. I was social active, but not proactive in the dating world. I don't know if it would have helped if I was. But I wish I had that time and chance again. I'm 40 now trying to make the best of it. Suddenly woke up wishing desiring a family.

 

I guess when I'm 50 I want to say I tried.

Posted

Not all women do hookups.

 

Some women don't even let you kiss them until after a few dates even though they might be interested. Women can better answer what % of their brethen will make out with a guy they just met at a bar, or have sex with a guy they've had one or two dates with, but it's not as high a % as guys think.

 

But basically, women who 'hook up' with guys mostly do so on the basis of short term impressions which is looks, status, charisma, etc. No woman is going to hook up with because you do puppy rescue or because you look like you might be a good father. :p

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Not all women do hookups.

 

Some women don't even let you kiss them until after a few dates even though they might be interested. Women can better answer what % of their brethen will make out with a guy they just met at a bar, or have sex with a guy they've had one or two dates with, but it's not as high a % as guys think.

 

But basically, women who 'hook up' with guys mostly do so on the basis of short term impressions which is looks, status, charisma, etc. No woman is going to hook up with because you do puppy rescue or because you look like you might be a good father. :p

 

That an interesting perspective which is probably quite accurate. Decided to actually go out this evening and see how things go, will take a wingman with me, see what the vibe is like. I have my doubts whether I am actually dating material so I am going with no expectations at all, worst case I see some pretty people, have a good meal and go home.

Posted

IME only, a LTR is simply a hook-up that lasts. They all start out more or less the same.

  • Like 1
Posted
That an interesting perspective which is probably quite accurate. Decided to actually go out this evening and see how things go, will take a wingman with me, see what the vibe is like. I have my doubts whether I am actually dating material so I am going with no expectations at all, worst case I see some pretty people, have a good meal and go home.

 

Before I did OLD, I frequented the bars a lot in my 20s with my friends and we often used to talk to women. Not to hook up for the night per se, but to see if we could get phone numbers and turn them into dates.

 

The 'hook up' scene and bar scene was terrible. Girls go for the sleaziest guys and biggest jerks. I remember going out with Guy A and Guy B. Guy A is the nicest guy in the world and would give the shirt off his back for you. Guy B is OK, but so sleazy, seeing multiple women at once, is married with a kid now and still ogles women. Guy B got 15 women to every zero women Guy A got. I mean talk about shaking your faith in all of humanity.

 

'Girlfriend/married' life is a lot nicer. Guy A is married to a pretty woman and they are quite happy.

  • Author
Posted

Went out and frankly I remember why I don't go out. Just felt as alone as ever, everyone had a girl and yeh. This probably should not hurt or bother me as much as it does.

 

Oh well I'll keep telling myself I am good at other things.

Posted
I don't lack in any of those things, if anything the area I lack is simply personality.

 

I do not really see this "lack of personality" by your postings on here.

  • Like 1
Posted

Where did you go? What was your expectations prior to going?

 

I don't do so well with mixers/clubs. Loud music. Hard to talk with people. Standing around holding my drink, feeling out of place. I hate that.

 

I do better with activities or lunch/dinner with (new) people, from meetups. Things that I would like to do, or have fun with. No dates or anything, but I get to socialize, get out of the house, and not feel so alone.

Posted
I do not really see this "lack of personality" by your postings on here.

 

I was going to respond to that too. I don't really see the lack of personality in ZA's posts.

  • Like 1
Posted

If you look at the men who are most successful with the ladies, you'll notice that they have a lot of hook up, fwb, f#ck buddy situations going on and that a lot of the women involved with them will be fighting with each other to make him their serious boyfriend.

 

Most guys like this carry out that lifestyle till they tire of it and want kids where they'll choose the girl they can see as a long term partner and mother to their kids.

A lot of these type of guys are likely to cheat as well since they're high demand guys.

 

Many guys who specifically target a serious girlfriend from the get to and are the good guy get the 'youre a nice guy but...' speech eventually.

 

You need to be chasing and ideally also getting all the tail you can get, that's how you'll become a high demand guy to some degree.

  • Author
Posted
If you look at the men who are most successful with the ladies, you'll notice that they have a lot of hook up, fwb, f#ck buddy situations going on and that a lot of the women involved with them will be fighting with each other to make him their serious boyfriend.

 

Most guys like this carry out that lifestyle till they tire of it and want kids where they'll choose the girl they can see as a long term partner and mother to their kids.

A lot of these type of guys are likely to cheat as well since they're high demand guys.

 

Many guys who specifically target a serious girlfriend from the get to and are the good guy get the 'youre a nice guy but...' speech eventually.

 

You need to be chasing and ideally also getting all the tail you can get, that's how you'll become a high demand guy to some degree.

 

There is probably a lot of truth to all of that, really difficult to if you 31 and have no experience at all.

 

After going out on Sat nigh I did some introspection and the reality wasn't a nice thing to face but it goes along the lines of this. I am not a fun person, I am glad the forum thinks I have a personality but I saw all these students partying, drinking, generally having what is termed "fun" and realised that just isn't me.

 

I can offer all the support in the world, all the honesty in the world, all the generosity, all the caring but if there is no "fun" those things become irrelevant.

 

In short I don't know, if I didn't feel this want to be wanted just once then it would be so easy to walk away but if someone I liked would just liked me once then it would be easy to turn and walk away because I would have experienced that.

Posted (edited)
There is probably a lot of truth to all of that, really difficult to if you 31 and have no experience at all.

 

After going out on Sat nigh I did some introspection and the reality wasn't a nice thing to face but it goes along the lines of this. I am not a fun person, I am glad the forum thinks I have a personality but I saw all these students partying, drinking, generally having what is termed "fun" and realised that just isn't me.

 

I can offer all the support in the world, all the honesty in the world, all the generosity, all the caring but if there is no "fun" those things become irrelevant.

 

In short I don't know, if I didn't feel this want to be wanted just once then it would be so easy to walk away but if someone I liked would just liked me once then it would be easy to turn and walk away because I would have experienced that.

 

Eh. I've met a number of guys who have the personality of a wet mop who have had no problem getting wives and girlfriends and so have you.

 

Those guys who just sit there and say like a sentence every 5 minutes. Every time I see my neighbor, he never says hi to me, never responds to my hellos, he barely even looks at me, and he lives with a woman.

 

You could say the same for women too, maybe even more so.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
  • Author
Posted
Eh. I've met a number of guys who have the personality of a wet mop who have had no problem getting wives and girlfriends and so have you.

 

Those guys who just sit there and say like a sentence every 5 minutes. Every time I see my neighbor, he never says hi to me, never responds to my hellos, he barely even looks at me, and he lives with a woman.

 

You could say the same for women too, maybe even more so.

 

I guess they are simply just lucky.

Posted
No. Hook ups is not the way to go. Morally and for practical reasons.

 

 

Being that it would be easier for a man to get a woman to go to a movie or buy her dinner then to get her to put out.

 

 

Not to be insulting, you are not getting the job done when it comes to them letting you buy them dinner. I do not see you finding it easier to get them to just have sex with you.

 

 

You need to figure out why you are having a hard time dating. Then make those changes.

 

 

I have seen women that were not good looking or that good as a person and they still got a man. A man that based on appearance could of done better. Not that she could of pulled in a 10.

 

 

I have seen the same with men yet they got a women that could of done better. Again, he could of not pulled in a 10.

 

 

Let us look at why you are getting no where.

 

 

Shower everyday, wash hair every day, fresh clothes everyday?

 

 

Fingernails clean and trimmed?

 

 

A few men can work the skip a day shave look. Most men can not. Most men can not and most women prefer the clean shaven look, got to shave everyday.

 

 

Same with hair. Some men can rock the long hair, the bad boy hair. Many men just have hair that is unruly, dry, both. Makes a short cut the only way to go.

 

 

Style of clothes. So clothes looked good in every decade for the last 60 years. Looks as the Hippy (I called it the hobo, homeless, dirt bag) look, and Grunge look, came and went, any look such as suits and ties that worked for a few years during the 1980's look out of place now and will be turn offs.

 

 

Also people use the comfortable word to excuse for looking as a slob. We all can be comfortable and be neat and sharp looking.

 

 

How is your energy when approaching women? Got to be up beat when you make contact. Being over the top is just as bad as low energy.

 

 

How long do you take before you ask a woman out. Women give men a limited window of opportunity to let you ask them on a date. A man takes to long they just get turned off. Never to let you get them interested again.

 

 

Brush up on manners and etiquette to use when trying to impress the ladies.

 

I've had the I took too long to ask a girl out before. What is funny is that she really dint give me any real hints or leads. A few times later I was still asking how she was doing... and she gave me the annoyed look. Lesson are sone girls are quick while others take some time. The problem is which is which? Especially if you dont get a hint by the way she dresses.

Posted
I've had the I took too long to ask a girl out before. What is funny is that she really dint give me any real hints or leads. A few times later I was still asking how she was doing... and she gave me the annoyed look. Lesson are sone girls are quick while others take some time. The problem is which is which? Especially if you dont get a hint by the way she dresses.

 

 

The way she dresses is the way she dresses. It has nothing to do if she likes you.

  • Like 1
Posted

Go with hook up. The more you want a girlfriend or love to happen, it's not going to happen.

Posted

After going out on Sat nigh I did some introspection and the reality wasn't a nice thing to face but it goes along the lines of this. I am not a fun person, I am glad the forum thinks I have a personality but I saw all these students partying, drinking, generally having what is termed "fun" and realised that just isn't me.

 

Ok so you are not the life and soul of the party but to tell the truth very few are, they get into all that, by consuming a massive amount of alcohol. Insecurities fade, confidence increases and suddenly they are dancing on tables and having a "laugh".

  • Author
Posted
Ok so you are not the life and soul of the party but to tell the truth very few are, they get into all that, by consuming a massive amount of alcohol. Insecurities fade, confidence increases and suddenly they are dancing on tables and having a "laugh".

 

I don't drink at all and in the past that's been a definite deal breaker in the sense peoples found it profoundly odd.

 

As I say wasn't a waste of a evening it just gave me renewed clarity of where I am so to speak.

 

The importance of a social life cannot and should not be understated, in my opinion is fairly important when one views the person as a whole, people who have no friends will always raise red flags.

 

Just the way it is I guess.

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