metaversus Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) So I've gotten myself into yet another f'd up situation. What else is new. Friends with this guy on FB for awhile. I met him through my ex and hung out with him once last year at a party. We would message from time to time; friendly banter, and at one point we were going to hang out and jam (we're both musicians). He's long distance but a cheap plane ride away and visits my city often. We didn't end up hanging out last time he was in town, and recently (a few months ago) I posted a FB selfie which he liked, a lot. It started a 'thing' or should I say 'fling' between us, which grew intense quickly. Hopped on a plane the next weekend to see him. We had a fine time with some exceptions. Mostly his actions and lack of reassuring words did not make me feel like he was interested in me, except when we were behind closed doors in his bedroom. I got emo the night before I left, jumped the gun on bringing up 'relationship stuff', to which he of course inevitably replied he was not looking for a relationship. He had told me on the phone the week before it would be great if this would lead to a real 'thing'. He said a lot of things the week before which led me to believe he was interested in a relationship. The problem is that he hadn't actually spent time with me irl yet. I was still a fantasy. He didn't remember meeting me the year before. Got home from the visit and lots of emo ensued on my part. We worked it out and I decided to stay friends with him . . because it appeared that he gal1f. He withdrew all flirtation after this and has kept things strictly platonic. Any time I attempt to text or say anything flirty to him he completely disappears and ignores me. Stupidly I told him I wanted to come hang out with him again. He didn't seem very excited but he didn't say no. I found a flight which didn't suit his schedule, to which his reply was 'oh dang', which I interpreted as him not being ok with the flight schedule (as I needed him to pick me up/drop me off at the airport). At this point I was fed up with his disconnected emotional unavailability and cut off contact with him, hoping he would eventually figure out something was wrong and ask. He kept texting but never asked if anything was wrong. This went on for a week and I ignored him. Finally he asked 'what's up', to which I replied 'in what sense'? He replied with 'like what's up. How are you? Are you still coming next week'? We got into it after that, and he basically manipulated me into thinking I was insecure for thinking he didn't want me to come. Let's fast forward. This post isn't about whether or not he's into me. He's not, that's obvious, but now I have this non-refundable plane ticket to go see him tomorrow which wasn't cheap, and I'm left feeling really anxious and uncomfortable about this visit. He's been very unresponsive to texts this week. Given he was sick, but now he seems completely disconnected as opposed to just partially. He lives in a part of town which is not public transportation accessible, so venturing out on my own would not an option. If I go tomorrow I need to be able to bury this built up animosity I have towards him, because I don't think he's been treating me well. I don't know if I can do that. Yet I can't talk to him about it either because he's emotionally unavailable and will shut down. The plan is to work on music together this weekend. We're also going to a show on Saturday night which I'm looking forward to. Maybe I can focus on these things and try my best not to care, but it's difficult because I do care. Really not sure what to do here. Do I stay home, waste money and risk feeling regret for not going, or do I go and try to make the best of this craptastic situation I have gotten myself into? Edited February 19, 2016 by metaversus
BeFierce Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Talk to the airport and see what options they offer...but yeah i just wouldnt go at all. First you said: Mostly his actions and lack of reassuring words did not make me feel like he was interested in me, except when we were behind closed doors in his bedroom. Yeah he was just using you for a booty call to which he of course inevitably replied he was not looking for a relationship. He had told me on the phone the week before it would be great if this would lead to a real 'thing'. He said a lot of things the week before which led me to believe he was interested in a relationship. The problem is that he hadn't actually spent time with me irl yet. I was still a fantasy. He didn't remember meeting me the year before. yeah he's an ass clown, and just said that it would be great to lead to the real thing to get you hooked. He withdrew all flirtation after this and has kept things strictly platonic. Any time I attempt to text or say anything flirty to him he completely disappears and ignores me. this is so when u ask him why is he acting all distant, all he'd have to say is that you''re the one who started being flirty not him. He replied with 'like what's up. How are you? Are you still coming next week'? booty calling you again here So yeah, don't manipulate yourself any further. Even if he hinted before that he wished it would lead to the real thing- it was just bread crumbs. if you meet up with him, the next topic your going to post is on how he "manipiulateD" you into having sex with him on this visit so don't feed this clown anymore. block him out of your life totally. 1
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Well he obviously isn't into you the way you want him to be, you got attached and to him you are just a fbuddy/FWB/woman he has sex with sometimes. YOU have to decide whether making the music you planned to do and the show, is more enjoyable than staying home. Keep things platonic if you do go, having sex with him, will just make things 10x worse for you.
Author metaversus Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Thank you for your replies. I woke up this morning still on the fence about what to do (50/50). I am going to call the airline today and see if there is anything they can do.
Mrin Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Thank you for your replies. I woke up this morning still on the fence about what to do (50/50). I am going to call the airline today and see if there is anything they can do. Usually it works like this. You won't be able to get a refund per se. But you will be able to "bank" the credits for a future flight. They usually screw you a bit on that and charge you a $100+ fee to reuse your credits but it is better than nothing.
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