gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 We've been going out 3-4 weeks. First real girlfriend. Maybe this is a dumb question that answers itself in time... but I'm new to the relationship world, and I know words like Love vs saying similar I really like you or I have feelings for you are a big difference. If I use the word "love" there's really no going back, and right now I still feel like I'm still in the getting to know her phase of our relationship. Honestly I don't have the deep heart-throbbing lovie feeling at this point; she just seems like a good match and I want things to be natural. People say when you're in love, you just know it.. bla bla yeah I get that and time will probably bring that on, but I don't want a few months to pass and I'm still using the term I really care about you, have feeling for you cause she might just think I really don't like her very much. Which isn't true. Maybe I don't know what it feels like to be in love? Or what it takes to get that feeling so I won't know if Im there... or maybe Im already there. Who knows. Everything before has been just puppy love crushes. Anyway, maybe a lame question, but any thoughts?
Author gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 After she says it first. Trust me. she hasn't said anything yet, but she does send me hearts in text all the time... if that means anything. Maybe its just a female thing, but she only started doing that since valentines day a few days ago when I gave her flowers
SammySammy Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 When you love her. Don't say it unless you feel it. Don't play games about when and where to say it. Don't be with a woman who plays games about when and where to say it. Who says it first and all of that. Either you love a person or you don't. 5
Jabron1 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 After she says it first. Trust me. This. Always this. 3
AMJ Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 The first time you fall in love, you'll know it. But then you'll fall in love again, and you'll think- woah, I didn't really know what love even was back then. And then it happens again. I think if you're lucky, all of this happens with the same person. Not many of us are that lucky. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 One day, you'll feel it, and it's just going to pop out of your mouth. My husband slipped at the 26 day mark. It was 106F and we were in an asphalt parking lot where I had locked myself out of my running (air conditioned) vehicle. Pretty romantic. Just make sure the first time you say it is not during sex. 3
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 How old are you 2 ? After 3-4 weeks you are feeling infatuation, not love. I was listening to a relationship psychologist yesterday explaining that the best time for an ILY was around 5 months dating. 1
newheart Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 We've been going out 3-4 weeks. First real girlfriend. ... People say when you're in love, you just know it.. bla bla I don't think it is a lame question - I just think you aren't there yet, 3-4 weeks is quite soon. When you feel it, you WILL know. When you know, you should say it. Good luck! 2
newheart Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 After she says it first. Trust me. The problem with this is us women are receiving the same advice ... so you could be in a situation where you both are holding out for the other to say it first. I don't know what the right answer is to this dilemma! 4
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 We've been going out 3-4 weeks. First real girlfriend. Maybe this is a dumb question that answers itself in time... but I'm new to the relationship world, and I know words like Love vs saying similar I really like you or I have feelings for you are a big difference. If I use the word "love" there's really no going back, and right now I still feel like I'm still in the getting to know her phase of our relationship. Honestly I don't have the deep heart-throbbing lovie feeling at this point; she just seems like a good match and I want things to be natural. People say when you're in love, you just know it.. bla bla yeah I get that and time will probably bring that on, but I don't want a few months to pass and I'm still using the term I really care about you, have feeling for you cause she might just think I really don't like her very much. Which isn't true. Maybe I don't know what it feels like to be in love? Or what it takes to get that feeling so I won't know if Im there... or maybe Im already there. Who knows. Everything before has been just puppy love crushes. Anyway, maybe a lame question, but any thoughts? A month is too soon to say it even if you think you love her. Dating is a process and emotions are fluid for a while, at least. In other words, as you are getting to know her, there may be periods of doubt and confusion. When your emotions become, let's say, more "fixed" and consistent, it will feel natural to say it. Don't forget, in the very early stages of a new/developing relationship, most people are engulfed by endorphins/hormones which kinda cloud things for them. It resembles love. But at this point, it's usually about the vision you have of her and for a relationship, idealizing, rather than being about the person. You don't know enough, haven't experienced enough with her to actually know her. People are often putting forth the best versions of themselves in the very beginning and over time, that's hard to maintain for a long time (although some people can do that, but that's another story). Eventually you start to see the real/whole person and there may be thinks that give you pause. Give yourself some time. Manage your emotions and expectations. It's OK if you think you love them, but don't get carried away and rush it. You can and should let her know that you really like her and are enjoying the time you are spending together. Observe how she's making you feel and when that feeling is consistent and strong enough and when your heart and mind are in synch, you say it. Balance your heart and mind. In other words, some people will be feeling like they love a person, while they are experiencing things that are negative in terms of logic at various points. If you're carried away by emotions, you can't evaluate the negatives objectively. Dating toward a relationship/love is a process, not an event. Enjoy the journey along the way. 2
GottaBeBoosted Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Honestly, It would scare me if someone told me they loved me that early on in a relationship... You definitely should NOT say it, if you aren't absolutely certain that you mean it and that you do love her. The time will come when it just feels right to profess. 2
Popsicle Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 When you love her. Don't say it unless you feel it. Don't play games about when and where to say it. Don't be with a woman who plays games about when and where to say it. Who says it first and all of that. Either you love a person or you don't. This. Be true to yourself, don't play games. There is no wrong time. 2
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 This. Be true to yourself, don't play games. There is no wrong time. There is a wrong time -- when you are still making statements like this: "Honestly I don't have the deep heart-throbbing lovie feeling at this point; she just seems like a good match" He's not even feeling the endorphin high . . . 4
Popsicle Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 There is a wrong time -- when you are still making statements like this: "Honestly I don't have the deep heart-throbbing lovie feeling at this point; she just seems like a good match" He's not even feeling the endorphin high . . . Well then, he's not being genuine so it would be wrong. I don't know why he's even asking then....
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 OP: Do you think by telling her you love her it will somehow make the relationship stronger or give you some type of guarantee with her? I find it interesting that your last thread was about how to make her share her feelings for you. Do you think that by telling her you love her she will reciprocate then it will confirm something somehow? How about if she does not reply with an ILY back? Why such a rush in talking 'feelings'?
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Well then, he's not being genuine so it would be wrong. I don't know why he's even asking then.... He's operating on a more cerebral level at this point. Heart and mind not in synch, not balanced. In fact, at this point, it would be more "normal" to have the emotional side more active for a while and over time the two things would get closer to each other. Why is he asking? Possibly because lots of people operate more from one side or the other. Some people operate more from an emotional level and some people operate from more of a logical/intellectual level. The people who operate more from an emotional level are often reactionary and rush into things. The people who operate more on an intellectual level are hesitant and confused by emotion and tend to not fully tune in emotionally. This guy, in fact, could be feeling more than he realizes but can't relate to it because on some level, emotionally, it's overwhelming, so it's being squashed by the intellectual side. There's no way to know for sure, of course, but that is what happens for some people. 1
Author gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 OP: Do you think by telling her you love her it will somehow make the relationship stronger or give you some type of guarantee with her? I find it interesting that your last thread was about how to make her share her feelings for you. Do you think that by telling her you love her she will reciprocate then it will confirm something somehow? How about if she does not reply with an ILY back? Why such a rush in talking 'feelings'? I just respond well to how people are feeling. Shes a very quiet girl, so sometimes I dont know what's on her mind or why she says what she does. Thats all
Author gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 He's operating on a more cerebral level at this point. Heart and mind not in synch, not balanced. In fact, at this point, it would be more "normal" to have the emotional side more active for a while and over time the two things would get closer to each other. Why is he asking? Possibly because lots of people operate more from one side or the other. Some people operate more from an emotional level and some people operate from more of a logical/intellectual level. The people who operate more from an emotional level are often reactionary and rush into things. The people who operate more on an intellectual level are hesitant and confused by emotion and tend to not fully tune in emotionally. This guy, in fact, could be feeling more than he realizes but can't relate to it because on some level, emotionally, it's overwhelming, so it's being squashed by the intellectual side. There's no way to know for sure, of course, but that is what happens for some people. You're definitely on it. Im overwhelmed in my mind. So many things. Someone in a post before said I don't really have any endorphin feelings or why am I even asking this question... well its cause I like her. You know, you meet someone and just lock onto them as a possible good match. Its not based on some romance bs love at first sight. Its a practical real life attraction. So yeah thank you, cause you are definitely on track with my heart and mind not being in-synch.. im just overwhelmed and don't know what I should be feeling.. my mind is allover the place.
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You're definitely on it. Im overwhelmed in my mind. So many things. Someone in a post before said I don't really have any endorphin feelings or why am I even asking this question... well its cause I like her. You know, you meet someone and just lock onto them as a possible good match. Its not based on some romance bs love at first sight. Its a practical real life attraction. So yeah thank you, cause you are definitely on track with my heart and mind not being in-synch.. im just overwhelmed and don't know what I should be feeling.. my mind is allover the place. If tomorrow she learned she needs a kidney. Would you give her one? When you are ready to answer yes then you know you 'love' someone. Not before. 2
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I just respond well to how people are feeling. Shes a very quiet girl, so sometimes I dont know what's on her mind or why she says what she does. Thats all So communicate. "I am enjoying the time we spend together and want to explore the possibilities of a future with you. I don't want to see other people at this point and want to focus on the potential for a relationship to develop between us." And, then let her talk. 3
Author gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Well then, he's not being genuine so it would be wrong. I don't know why he's even asking then.... I'm being very genuine. I don't date for the sport, like most people. Shes my kind of girl and that's coming from an extremely choosy guy who wont date just anyone even if they are drop dead gorgeous. I appreciate your response, but its not a question of how I feel about her, its a question of timing on words, so I need not defend how I feel other than saying I don't want to start a relationship early on fueled purely by lusty love and emotion... cause they almost always crash and burn eventually. I want something more lasting. Thanks popsicle:rolleyes:
Popsicle Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I'm being very genuine. I don't date for the sport, like most people. Shes my kind of girl and that's coming from an extremely choosy guy who wont date just anyone even if they are drop dead gorgeous. I appreciate your response, but its not a question of how I feel about her, its a question of timing on words, so I need not defend how I feel other than saying I don't want to start a relationship early on fueled purely by lusty love and emotion... cause they almost always crash and burn eventually. I want something more lasting. Thanks popsicle:rolleyes: Don't Roll your eyes at me, Redhead14 said all that stuff that lead me to that. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Don't Roll your eyes at me, Redhead14 said all that stuff that lead me to that. That is what happens in these threads. People offer views based on what they are seeing as possibilities and other posters spin off that. It's part of the evolution of threads. Without knowing or talking to an OP, we can only put theories/possibilities, based on experience and knowledge, etc., and it's up to the OP to evaluate and decide whether that applies to them or not. It gives them food for thought and evaluation when they are "kinda" stuck. It also draws out more information from the OP which also gives more insight to responders. It's a great process sometimes. 1
Popsicle Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 That is what happens in these threads. People offer views based on what they are seeing as possibilities and other posters spin off that. It's part of the evolution of threads. Without knowing or talking to an OP, we can only put theories/possibilities, based on experience and knowledge, etc., and it's up to the OP to evaluate and decide whether that applies to them or not. It gives them food for thought and evaluation when they are "kinda" stuck. It also draws out more information from the OP which also gives more insight to responders. It's a great process sometimes. I know. I just thought it was funny that it was ME that he got mad at.
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