redheaded-squirrel Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Hey everyone, this time, I am asking for advice for my best friend. She has been "dating" a guy for 6 months now and it's getting serious, but she is very, very nervous about announcing it to her parents and her parents-in-law. She asked me for advice, but I really didn't know what to tell her :-( There are a couple of issues. She is dating a family friend - her parents and her potential parents-in-law are very good friends. She is very worried about how both families will take the news, not just because of who she is with, but also because she is 10 years younger than her bf (26 & 36) and because he doesn't have a particularly great reputation. His parents sometimes complain about their son to her parents, because he does things they don't approve of (moving away, having casual relationships in the past, basically living as he wishes and not caring much what they think). She is the good, polite daughter, so obviously her parents probably do not imagine her dating such a guy. She is almost a doormat at home, but he isn't, and that doesn't impress both pairs of parents, you know. Other than that, he's a sweet guy, but still. Overall, it is a sticky situation and I don't know what exactly to tell her. Yet they must announce it, because he wants to move from Europe to the US to live there with her. Any ideas how to break the news gently?
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Hey everyone, this time, I am asking for advice for my best friend. She has been "dating" a guy for 6 months now and it's getting serious, but she is very, very nervous about announcing it to her parents and her parents-in-law. She asked me for advice, but I really didn't know what to tell her :-( There are a couple of issues. She is dating a family friend - her parents and her potential parents-in-law are very good friends. She is very worried about how both families will take the news, not just because of who she is with, but also because she is 10 years younger than her bf (26 & 36) and because he doesn't have a particularly great reputation. His parents sometimes complain about their son to her parents, because he does things they don't approve of (moving away, having casual relationships in the past, basically living as he wishes and not caring much what they think). She is the good, polite daughter, so obviously her parents probably do not imagine her dating such a guy. She is almost a doormat at home, but he isn't, and that doesn't impress both pairs of parents, you know. Other than that, he's a sweet guy, but still. Overall, it is a sticky situation and I don't know what exactly to tell her. Yet they must announce it, because he wants to move from Europe to the US to live there with her. Any ideas how to break the news gently? People appreciate directness and honesty. They may not like the news, but they are more likely to have respect for it if they don't feel as though they are being "managed". Tell them with confidence and resolve. Don't dance around it, embrace it. They will find out about it no matter what and they will be more upset if they don't hear it from them first. They don't want to be blindsided. Dancing around about it also makes them look weak and, perhaps, swayable, controllable. They may not like it, but they'll have to get over it or lose their loved ones . . . Just face it and get it over with. 1
Lostinohio Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Your friend is an adult. She is capable of making her own choices. I understand the desire to make your parents happy and to do what is expected of you but there just comes a point in your life where you have to decide what makes YOU happy. When I was in my early 20s, I unexpectantly got pregnant. I had been with my boyfriend almost 3 yrs at that point, but most of it long distance. Right away, everyone wanted to know when we were getting married. Neither of us really wanted to but we did simply because that was what our parents wanted us to do. We had a rough marriage. Not all the time, but enough. We simply weren't compatible and we knew that and we did it anyway. After 7 years, I moved out. We have been separated a year and a half now and we have learned to be friends for our 2 children. I spent so many years being unhappy. My parents might not like all my choices but I'm the one that has to live with them. I did what they wanted once and look how that turned out. Your friend can say something like she and this guy have been talking for a while now and they enjoy each other's company. Maybe he has made some bad choices in his life but what is he doing now? If after 6 months your friend likes and trusts this person, she should carry on. It will either end up a lesson or a blessing.
deckard11 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Whenever a couple announces (totally an ego thing by the way) a relationship or even an engagement my first reaction is who gives a crap? 3
thecrucible Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Personally I think she just come out with it directly and with no beating about the bush. She's an adult now so her parents have accept the decisions she makes in her life. She may actually find that it goes better than she imagines.
Recommended Posts