misty1114 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I was dating a guy for 4 months (met online) and we just mutually ended things a week ago because we both wanted different things. I was ready for a committed relationship and he wasn't. Our dates have been pretty platonic because we haven't slept with each other yet. When we broke up, he suggested that we should still be friends but I told him I wasn't ready. I know it's only been a week since we broke up but I feel like I'm in a clear mindset now. I wasn't in love with him yet so it wasn't hard for me to move on. I'd like to keep in touch and stay friends with him. I'd be okay with hanging out platonically as well. Is it too soon for me to text him and tell him I wanna be friends?
Robratory Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Well, there's no rule against it, but why would you? I think your time is better spent in search of what you're looking for -- a committed relationship. 1
SwordofFlame Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 It's ok only if you have truly moved on. Don't delude yourself. 1
thecrucible Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 If you are sure you can handle it, then treat him as a friend but don't prioritise him. Keep things strictly platonic. If he tries to make it into a casual deal, get rid of him and never look back. I did that with an ex (I see it like we agreed to be friends but he decided to ruin it).
Author misty1114 Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Over the past week I've come to accept the fact that he's not a good match for me anyway. Still have some feeling for him and I don't wanna lose him out of my life. We had a lot of platonic fun together since most of our dates involved doing activities. My only hesitation would be since he didn't seem to be that into me while we were dating, what's the odd that he'd like to be friends? Is this possible?
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 The question I'd ask is, what would your future dates/boyfriend think of this "friendship"? Will a friendship with this guy be a hinderance to you finding and keeping someone new for a committed relationship? I think a lot of people would find it weird that you still hang out with someone you used to date casually for a short time and may have unresolved feelings. This is not a long-term or childhood friend with whom you're very close... So I would say no, it's best to simply part ways amicably and move on to the next potential partner. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Is it okay to be a friend with a guy I unofficially dated for 4 months? It is "OK" as long as you realize going in, that his main priority in so agreeing is to bang you. And when you waiver toward some other faux belief, that you return to that which I just spelled-out above.
losangelena Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I kind of feel like some guys will say that also to assuage their guilt over breaking up with you. Give yourself another week or two. I bet you'll find that the inclination of "not wanting to lose him from your life" will fade. Put this into perspective—you've only known him for four months. Those are your residual feelings talking.
lilmissjava Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 If he was truly sincere and put you in the friend zone because that's what he wants and you are fine with that, I don't see why it wouldn't be okay to send a text here and there. Let him play the field, meanwhile you go and look for someone that wants the same things as you.
Popsicle Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 I think you are flirting with danger, so no. I doubt he's a good friend anyway. The great thing about Facebook is that you can collect people as "friends" and "like" their posts, even though you never actually talk, so do that.
SwordofFlame Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 The question I'd ask is, what would your future dates/boyfriend think of this "friendship"? Will a friendship with this guy be a hinderance to you finding and keeping someone new for a committed relationship? I think a lot of people would find it weird that you still hang out with someone you used to date casually for a short time and may have unresolved feelings. This is not a long-term or childhood friend with whom you're very close... So I would say no, it's best to simply part ways amicably and move on to the next potential partner. This is a good point. Reverse the situation with your future boyfriend. Would you be ok with him doing something like this?
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You need to move on and cut the contact. Do you really need someone that rejected you to remind you of that rejection each time you talk? And watch them find someone else and see how they act with the girl they are really into? Possibly even talk to you about it and then fade out of your life completely when their relationship gets off the ground? Stuff like that will erode your self-esteem. You need friends that will do the opposite. 2
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