asteroidea Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Hello! I'm Asteroidea and this is my first post. Hi! Anyway, I have an amazing boyfriend. He's my best friend. We're very open with each other about pretty much everything. I am so happy that I've found someone that I can just be myself with. We're long-distance at the moment, but we want to get a place together within the next two years. The distance doesn't inhibit our relationship at all. He drives out to visit me every 4-8 weeks. Here's the thing, we're both young. I'm 19 and he's 21. I'm a freshman in college, and he's planning on starting his freshman year this Fall. Yes, he's older than your average freshman, but I don't think that matters. I've met older college students, and they're all doing fine. What bothers me is that he wants to go to school, and he wants to start working in retail (he's been working for his dad since he was 18), but he wants to do it on his terms. He's not willing to sacrifice anything. He's incredibly smart and talented. He wants to major in finance and work as an investor after college. He loves math and he loves money, so I think it's a great fit for him. He also wants to study philosophy. He's very interested in a wide variety of topics. I'm very proud of him for wanting to get the ball rolling on his academic and professional life, but he's not willing to sacrifice his time, money, or alternative appearance. He's looking for a job, but he won't work weekends. Ever. At all. He also won't remove his eyebrow piercing or cut his fingernails for a job. His fingernails don't bother me because he keeps them clean and neatly shaped and filed, but dang, he's got some claws! I can see how an employer would find him to be intimidating. Some jobs might be okay with the eyebrow piercing, but he would increase his options by removing it or getting a retainer. I don't want to change him. I adore him. But I want him to be able to attain the success that he wants, and he can't do that by refusing to make certain sacrifices. I used to have turquoise hair with an undercut. I dyed it brown and covered the shaved spot so that I can increase my job options. It sucks that I can't have turquoise hair, but only so many retail jobs will allow it. If I end up working at a place that allows weird hair colors, I'll dye it again. But I'm putting it on hold so that I can keep my options open. I want him to understand that sometimes you have to cut your nails, take out your piercings, and be willing to work weekends if you want to work. I feel like I'm trying to change who he is as a person, and I don't want to do that. I just want him to understand that you can't always have what you want. He's very bright, but he's also very stubborn. What should I do?
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 You should concentrate on your own life & your studies. After a few employers turn him down he'll get the message. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Let him be who he is. Why should he have to work weekends if he doesn't want to. He's young, no kids, he can be picky about work I'm sure. Let him keep his look. Many people have successful careers with piercings and tattoos. Worry less about his future and concentrate on your own. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Hello! I'm Asteroidea and this is my first post. Hi! Anyway, I have an amazing boyfriend. He's my best friend. We're very open with each other about pretty much everything. I am so happy that I've found someone that I can just be myself with. We're long-distance at the moment, but we want to get a place together within the next two years. The distance doesn't inhibit our relationship at all. He drives out to visit me every 4-8 weeks. Here's the thing, we're both young. I'm 19 and he's 21. I'm a freshman in college, and he's planning on starting his freshman year this Fall. Yes, he's older than your average freshman, but I don't think that matters. I've met older college students, and they're all doing fine. What bothers me is that he wants to go to school, and he wants to start working in retail (he's been working for his dad since he was 18), but he wants to do it on his terms. He's not willing to sacrifice anything. He's incredibly smart and talented. He wants to major in finance and work as an investor after college. He loves math and he loves money, so I think it's a great fit for him. He also wants to study philosophy. He's very interested in a wide variety of topics. I'm very proud of him for wanting to get the ball rolling on his academic and professional life, but he's not willing to sacrifice his time, money, or alternative appearance. He's looking for a job, but he won't work weekends. Ever. At all. He also won't remove his eyebrow piercing or cut his fingernails for a job. His fingernails don't bother me because he keeps them clean and neatly shaped and filed, but dang, he's got some claws! I can see how an employer would find him to be intimidating. Some jobs might be okay with the eyebrow piercing, but he would increase his options by removing it or getting a retainer. I don't want to change him. I adore him. But I want him to be able to attain the success that he wants, and he can't do that by refusing to make certain sacrifices. I used to have turquoise hair with an undercut. I dyed it brown and covered the shaved spot so that I can increase my job options. It sucks that I can't have turquoise hair, but only so many retail jobs will allow it. If I end up working at a place that allows weird hair colors, I'll dye it again. But I'm putting it on hold so that I can keep my options open. I want him to understand that sometimes you have to cut your nails, take out your piercings, and be willing to work weekends if you want to work. I feel like I'm trying to change who he is as a person, and I don't want to do that. I just want him to understand that you can't always have what you want. He's very bright, but he's also very stubborn. What should I do? I'm not sure there's really anything you can do. He has to want to change in order for any change to stick. I dated, and am still in regular contact with, a man who was, and still is, very similar. I've now known him for nearly 5 years, and if anything, he's gotten worse. Good luck to you!
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Let him keep his look ! He likes piercings,let him have them.Its his style. He likes tattoos, so what? Let him be. Take him with piercings/tattoos or leave.
basil67 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 If he's not discussing being unemployed, say nothing. But if he talks about being frustrated about nobody wanting to hire him, feel free to tell him why. 3
Author asteroidea Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Thanks everybody. I think you're all right. I'm stressing about this too much. He'll figure it out. All I can do right now is focus on myself.
craw Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 He's not going to change. Accept this fault about him.
mikeylo Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 He's not going to change. Accept this fault about him. How is it a 'fault '.
MissBee Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Hello! I'm Asteroidea and this is my first post. Hi! Anyway, I have an amazing boyfriend. He's my best friend. We're very open with each other about pretty much everything. I am so happy that I've found someone that I can just be myself with. We're long-distance at the moment, but we want to get a place together within the next two years. The distance doesn't inhibit our relationship at all. He drives out to visit me every 4-8 weeks. Here's the thing, we're both young. I'm 19 and he's 21. I'm a freshman in college, and he's planning on starting his freshman year this Fall. Yes, he's older than your average freshman, but I don't think that matters. I've met older college students, and they're all doing fine. What bothers me is that he wants to go to school, and he wants to start working in retail (he's been working for his dad since he was 18), but he wants to do it on his terms. He's not willing to sacrifice anything. He's incredibly smart and talented. He wants to major in finance and work as an investor after college. He loves math and he loves money, so I think it's a great fit for him. He also wants to study philosophy. He's very interested in a wide variety of topics. I'm very proud of him for wanting to get the ball rolling on his academic and professional life, but he's not willing to sacrifice his time, money, or alternative appearance. He's looking for a job, but he won't work weekends. Ever. At all. He also won't remove his eyebrow piercing or cut his fingernails for a job. His fingernails don't bother me because he keeps them clean and neatly shaped and filed, but dang, he's got some claws! I can see how an employer would find him to be intimidating. Some jobs might be okay with the eyebrow piercing, but he would increase his options by removing it or getting a retainer. I don't want to change him. I adore him. But I want him to be able to attain the success that he wants, and he can't do that by refusing to make certain sacrifices. I used to have turquoise hair with an undercut. I dyed it brown and covered the shaved spot so that I can increase my job options. It sucks that I can't have turquoise hair, but only so many retail jobs will allow it. If I end up working at a place that allows weird hair colors, I'll dye it again. But I'm putting it on hold so that I can keep my options open. I want him to understand that sometimes you have to cut your nails, take out your piercings, and be willing to work weekends if you want to work. I feel like I'm trying to change who he is as a person, and I don't want to do that. I just want him to understand that you can't always have what you want. He's very bright, but he's also very stubborn. What should I do? You're younger than he is, you shouldn't need to be teaching him these things. He will learn for himself. You can only suggest things. If he chooses not to follow, he's his own person and will, if you say he is smart, eventually alter some things if he isn't getting to where he needs to be, so don't worry too much about it.
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