Yasmine Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) Background story: I was in a lesbian relationship. It was very intense and passionate, but we had many fights and it was also unhealthy. Sometimes it got abusive (from both sides). We broke up 4 times. I broke up the last time because things got out of control (she hit me). We had NC after the break up, and 3 months later she sends me the following text: ‘’You know, I just hope everything is going good with you, and I wanted to let you know that I still find it s h i t how we both ended everything. But I did not forget you of course:) And this doesn’t mean that I’m trying to get back together with you:p but just know that if you ever want to talk about everything that had happened, it is possible. Take care babe x.’' I send a cold message back (still angry): For me it’s not ‘s h i t’ but logical how I ended everything, I would send you the photo again…. (she hit my ear). I don’t feel anger anymore, but I haven’t forgiven you. I gave everything that happened in the past a place and I am not willing to bring all that up again. You too take care.’' Her reply again: ‘’Alright:) In my case, it wouldn’t hurt to talk about our actions honestly from both sides. But that won’t go right if you stay in the victim role. I would have liked peace between us. Oh well… I’m just happy you gave the past a place. X’' How would you guys analyse these messages? Why does she still want peace? Why is she trying to get a reaction out of me by saying that I remain in the victim role? What are her intentions… Ugh!!! She’s the type of person who always wants to talk things out. She always claimed that she wants me to stay in her life (after every break up) because she sees me as valuable. But could it also be that she just wants closure, does she still have feelings, is she trying to reconcile? Edited February 18, 2016 by Yasmine
kidm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) Everything you have described sounds extremely toxic and maintaining contact is not the right thing to do imo. Stop trying to find meaning in her messages. Move on and find a happy and healthy relationship. All of these messages just seemed like a continuation of the emotionally turbulent past. Leave it in the rear-view mirror. Emotional and physical abuse cannot be resolved by "talking." You both to seek help from a professional individually. Edited February 18, 2016 by kidm
socoffee Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Simple really. She's tryna keep you in some form either with friendship or emotionally or whatever. You know why you ended things, she hit you and from the messages she doesnt really seem sorry or guilty, looks like shes tryna say its both your faults and you should get over it. But u ended it because it wasnt good. Theres really not much to say... Stop the contacts and move on.
anduina Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 She sounds manipulative and awful. Stay away from her.
Author Yasmine Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys. I am not intending on getting back in contact with her. I know the relationship was very toxic. I am just wondering what others think of the messages (from an outside perspective)
ExpatInItaly Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I have also been physically abused by an ex. Stay the hell away from her. She knows exactly which emotional buttons to push to manipulate you back into the toxic sh*tstorm. It's not about love; it's about power. Her ego wants a boost and she thought she could get it from you. If you put your hands on her in anger too, you would be wise to seek professional help as well. Both to understand why you did it, and what you can do to prevent it from ever happening again. A major component in that equation is extracting yourself from a situation the moment it becomes unhealthy and toxic.
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