losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Honestly, they got the better of me - which is wrong. I just thought they'd have my back since they're my 'friends'. But instead, they have my doubting the guy I'm with. Very wrong on my part and foolish. No, very wrong on their part. Don't get angry at yourself for listening to them, get mad at them for saying such bs.
William Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 To forestall the inevitable descent into yet another general discussion on infidelity, none of which has been displayed in the content about their boyfriend offered by the thread starter, I'll direct members back to the topic at hand: At first, I had no problem until my friends started planting the seeds of doubt – “if he loved you, he’d take you with him.” “You know those places are breeding grounds for infidelity.” Now I’m nervous. He’s super excited and can’t wait to go. We have all sorts of plans scheduled when he gets back. I trust him, but I can’t help but water those seeds that have been planted. I want him to have a good time, but still. Am I being irrational? Thanks in advance for your considered, and topical, responses!
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 So, all in all, there's no red flags to be raised with this?
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 So, all in all, there's no red flags to be raised with this? I doubt it. Y'all have plans to go to Mexico later? Great! I'd spend the week he's gone getting the most out of your alone time. Stay up late reading a good book. Go see friends you haven't seen in a while. Go do all the things you love to do that you BF is just "meh" about. I see zero problem here. Except those friends. 1
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. Twas silly of me to post this in the first place.
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 No, very wrong on their part. Don't get angry at yourself for listening to them, get mad at them for saying such bs. Maybe angry for keeping "friends" like that around?
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Maybe angry for keeping "friends" like that around? Sure. OP just seemed to be sliding into self-recrimination territory, when she hasn't done anything "wrong." That's what I was speaking to.
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Sure. OP just seemed to be sliding into self-recrimination territory, when she hasn't done anything "wrong." That's what I was speaking to. Well, she did pick those friends... and then doubted her own boyfriend of almost a year because of them. What kind of trust and relationship could this actually be? I'd argue that something is wrong, and it isn't just the friends she chooses.
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Mostly it's my friend's comments. She went on a ski trip herself with a bunch of friends and told me how most of the guys ended up sleeping around because it's so east to do. Lets go deeper into this 'mostly' ? So something else IS going on?
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 OP, are you a skier? Nope. I went once - broke my arm. Have not gone again.
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Lets go deeper into this 'mostly' ? So something else IS going on? No, it was in how I phrased it. It was their comments. I threw the 'mostly' on there without even realizing it.
carhill Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Nope. I went once - broke my arm. Have not gone again. Sorry to read that. Yeah, I'm not much of a skier either so, if a partner or spouse wanted to do a ski trip I'd send them off because, having hit the slopes a few times, I know if I'm not skiing, well, they're gone most of the day and it's doing other things so kinda boring. One suggestion: Focus on your relationship and work to keep its content within it. Imagine your friends interacting with your boyfriend and you all knowing, but him being oblivious, he was the topic of conversation about him potentially being unfaithful on a happy ski trip to Mexico and how that would go over. You're a team. Work your issues within the team. If you're not a team, move on.
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I have been on a skiing holiday, I ended up in a situation not unlike the OPs, only I WAS invited by my bf on his previously booked holiday. About 15 of us altogether and we went out every night for some great meals and lots of apres-ski, some pretty wild and drunken times actually. So, whilst I agree that you need to trust, do not just assume everyone is too tired after skiing, to party. The Après-ski is a huge part of the experience for many.
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Well, she did pick those friends... and then doubted her own boyfriend of almost a year because of them. What kind of trust and relationship could this actually be? I'd argue that something is wrong, and it isn't just the friends she chooses. OK, what do you think is wrong? OP asked if she should be concerned if her BF is going on a week-long trip without her. I gave her my opinion—no, I don't think there's anything wrong with that scenario. She never asked, "is there something wrong with my relationship."
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 justquestions1 If he's a loner & you don't like to ski that combo is why you aren't going on this trip. Despite your friends' suspicions there is nothing nefarious here. When I 1st started dating my husband, maybe 3 weeks in, my friends were undermining my faith in him. My one friend's BF was the worst. Finally I got fed up & said to him (my friend's BF), that I had faith in DH because at the end of the day I date better men then my friend does (which was a direct insult to the guy taunting me) DH came through & did everything I hoped for & more. My friend's BF apologized & to his credit, stepped up to be a better BF to my friend. So remind yourself that you pick good, trustworthy guys. Let your BF enjoy his ski trip & ask him to bring you home a snow ball. lol 1
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 OK, what do you think is wrong? OP asked if she should be concerned if her BF is going on a week-long trip without her. I gave her my opinion—no, I don't think there's anything wrong with that scenario. She never asked, "is there something wrong with my relationship." By one year, the relationship should be secure. There should be open communication about everything, including what lies ahead in the future. For one to worry about something like this, there has to be insecurity stemming from either immaturity or a poor relationship foundation. Additionally, what kind of friends are these and what kind of values do they have? Why are they so immature and encouraging bad(and ridiculous) thoughts in their friend?
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 By one year, the relationship should be secure. There should be open communication about everything, including what lies ahead in the future. For one to worry about something like this, there has to be insecurity stemming from either immaturity or a poor relationship foundation. Additionally, what kind of friends are these and what kind of values do they have? Why are they so immature and encouraging bad(and ridiculous) thoughts in their friend? I agree. I think her friends are problematic (and have said so several times already in this thread). As far as the insecurity goes, that happens sometimes, and maybe what OP should do is let her BF do this and choose to trust that it'll be OK. But I still don't think there's anything wrong with her BF going on a solo ski trip, especially since she doesn't ski.
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