justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been dating a little less than a year. Next month he’s going to New Mexico to ski for a week… alone. Now I understand my boyfriend’s personality – he likes his alone time. He likes it to reflect and process things that are going on in his life. I totally understand the desire to just be ‘away from it all’ because sometimes I would like to get away on my own as well, it doesn’t mean I don’t love him any less. I vaguely remember him mentioning he was doing a ski trip in the early months of our relationship, but I never remember him saying he was going alone. At first, I had no problem until my friends started planting the seeds of doubt – “if he loved you, he’d take you with him.” “You know those places are breeding grounds for infidelity.” Now I’m nervous. He’s super excited and can’t wait to go. We have all sorts of plans scheduled when he gets back. I trust him, but I can’t help but water those seeds that have been planted. I want him to have a good time, but still. Am I being irrational?
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Do you sky? Do you enjoy it as much as he does? If your friends aren't the trusting type than it's their problem, don't make it yours.
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Do you sky? Do you enjoy it as much as he does? If your friends aren't the trusting type than it's their problem, don't make it yours. Not really. to be honest, I'd probably sit in the lodge and read. A while ago he sort of asked if I wanted to join, but it was very much in passing and not serious. More of like a "you should come" that never extended past that.
newheart Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Do you sky? Do you enjoy it as much as he does? If your friends aren't the trusting type than it's their problem, don't make it yours. This!!! ^ Perhaps he is truly the type that enjoys his alone time. How about suggesting you guys plan a trip for yourselves, even if it is just a weekend away? 3
PegNosePete Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I went skiing alone, once. The hotel put me on a big table with all the other single travellers rather than us all sitting on our own. Most of them had partners back home, and none of them (to my knowledge!) cheated. I've also been skiing with a group of guys, all of whom left their non-skiing partners back home. We played cards and drank beer all evening, every evening, and most of them Skyped their wives on the hotel wifi. None of them did anything inappropriate unless you count crude jokes. If you also enjoy skiing then it would be a bit remiss of him not to invite you, although if he's had it booked for a long time, it could be problematic or expensive to switch room or change the booking now. If you're a beginner or never skied then you likely wouldn't spend much time together if you did go, apart from evenings, when you're both knackered anyway. So yeah, I think you're being irrational. Likely these "friends" have never actually been skiing, or have only been on the type of holiday where skiing is the secondary objective rather than the main purpose, if you know what I mean! 3
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Not really. to be honest, I'd probably sit in the lodge and read. A while ago he sort of asked if I wanted to join, but it was very much in passing and not serious. More of like a "you should come" that never extended past that. Let him go do his favorite sport and be happy he can afford to do so. You don't want to go. A) it will be boring for you b) he won't be able to fully enjoy himself knowing you are bored. Is there any other reasons you should be worried about him cheating? If it's only the fact those friends of yours put this silly idea in your head then just don't listen to the rambling of jealous girls.
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 This!!! ^ Perhaps he is truly the type that enjoys his alone time. How about suggesting you guys plan a trip for yourselves, even if it is just a weekend away? We already have one coming up later to Mexico.
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Let him go do his favorite sport and be happy he can afford to do so. You don't want to go. A) it will be boring for you b) he won't be able to fully enjoy himself knowing you are bored. Is there any other reasons you should be worried about him cheating? If it's only the fact those friends of yours put this silly idea in your head then just don't listen to the rambling of jealous girls. Mostly it's my friend's comments. She went on a ski trip herself with a bunch of friends and told me how most of the guys ended up sleeping around because it's so east to do. I'm not sure if I should even ask why I wasn't really invited. Or express that I'm somewhat hurt.
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Mostly it's my friend's comments. She went on a ski trip herself with a bunch of friends and told me how most of the guys ended up sleeping around because it's so east to do. I'm not sure if I should even ask why I wasn't really invited. Or express that I'm somewhat hurt. If you go your whole life worrying about someone cheating, then you will live a miserable existence. Either you trust or you don't. If someone wants to cheat, they could cheat any day of the week, anywhere. 4
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Mostly it's my friend's comments. She went on a ski trip herself with a bunch of friends and told me how most of the guys ended up sleeping around because it's so east to do. I'm not sure if I should even ask why I wasn't really invited. Or express that I'm somewhat hurt. Do you want your man to not cheat on you because he has respect for you and your relationship OR you want your man to not cheat cause you're like a watch dog with him? You cannot control him. If he cheats, he cheats, you'll cross that bridge when you get there, for now he's a faithful boyfriend. You're somewhat hurt? I don't think so. I think you got 'somewhat hurt' after your friends put these silly ideas in your head. 1
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Do you want your man to not cheat on you because he has respect for you and your relationship OR you want your man to not cheat cause you're like a watch dog with him? You cannot control him. If he cheats, he cheats, you'll cross that bridge when you get there, for now he's a faithful boyfriend. You're somewhat hurt? I don't think so. I think you got 'somewhat hurt' after your friends put these silly ideas in your head. You're absolutely right about that last statement. I honestly didn't really care until they threw the whole 'cheating' and 'if he loved you' thing at me. 1
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 You're absolutely right about that last statement. I honestly didn't really care until they threw the whole 'cheating' and 'if he loved you' thing at me. Your friends are childish and immature, and don't sound like they've ever been in a healthy relationship. 3
Zahara Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I trust him, but I can’t help but water those seeds that have been planted. I want him to have a good time, but still. Am I being irrational? Yes you are. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat no matter where he is, no matter who he's with. You've allowed your friends to shake your trust in him. Also, he did invite you, just not the way you wanted him to extend that invite. When he said you should come, you should have said, "I'd love to join you!" Simple. 1
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I don't see a big deal here, and advise that you don't make one. My ex went on a week-long bike trip from SF to LA right about at the same point in our relationship, too. I don't bike, and I had to work, so I didn't go with him, plus he never asked me! I drove him to SF and that was it. Let your guy have his alone time. Politely tell your friend to shove it. It actually really irks me when "friends" start spouting off like that. Unless there's a legitimate concern that a significant other is up to no good, it benefits no one to start planting those seeds. 3
PegNosePete Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I'm not sure if I should even ask why I wasn't really invited. Chances are, Gaeta is right. He didn't think you'd enjoy it (as you said you'd just stay in the lodge reading all week). And if he knows you're not enjoying it, he won't enjoy it either, he will feel obliged to come back early, etc. Plus, ski holidays are expensive, even if you don't ski. Why would you spend all that money to sit reading? Better to get a room upgrade for your Mexico holiday... 5
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 You're absolutely right about that last statement. I honestly didn't really care until they threw the whole 'cheating' and 'if he loved you' thing at me. I'd be more concerned about these friends and their type of friendship than concerned about your boyfriend. Cheaters do it everywhere: On business trip, at Xmas parties, at the office, with their neighbors, name it. Are you going to stop your boyfriend from going to all of these places because sometimes people cheat there? Of course not. 1
soleilesquire Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I'd be more concerned about these friends and their type of friendship than concerned about your boyfriend. Cheaters do it everywhere: On business trip, at Xmas parties, at the office, with their neighbors, name it. Are you going to stop your boyfriend from going to all of these places because sometimes people cheat there? Of course not. This is true. There are people out there who see cheaters around every corner, cheating in every facebook message, and adultery in every odd glance. While I understand that most of the time it is because they are broken from being betrayed themselves, that kind of speculating and assumption is not healthy or helpful. I'd tune out people who see "a demon under every doily" like that.
katiegrl Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Your friends are childish and immature, and don't sound like they've ever been in a healthy relationship. This^^. Which is why I pick and choose what to tell my "friends". There are some women who will find something negative with nearly everything a man does. If you have friends like this, next time don't share with them stuff like this. My bf often took trips alone. He loved hiking in the mountains or camping by the lake -- Alone. He found it very rejuvenating and would return mentally refreshed. Men are naturally autonomous... It's important to remember that. 1
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I'd be more concerned about these friends and their type of friendship than concerned about your boyfriend. Cheaters do it everywhere: On business trip, at Xmas parties, at the office, with their neighbors, name it. Are you going to stop your boyfriend from going to all of these places because sometimes people cheat there? Of course not. I'm more concerned with the "if he loved you he'd take you with him" comment. That's a bunch of poppycock in my mind. God, I don't even know this friend and she's really got under my skin! 2
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 This^^. Which is why I pick and choose what to tell my "friends". There are some women who will find something negative with nearly everything a man does. If you have friends like this, next time don't share with them stuff like this. My bf often took trips alone. He loved hiking in the mountains or camping by the lake -- Alone. He found it very rejuvenating and would return mentally refreshed. Men are naturally autonomous... It's important to remember that. Very true. Honestly, one of them is a cheater herself so she may be projecting herself onto my relationship.
katiegrl Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I'm more concerned with the "if he loved you he'd take you with him" comment. That's a bunch of poppycock in my mind. God, I don't even know this friend and she's really got under my skin! Totally agree ....so much so I was inclined to post "you need new friends," however realize that's a bit extreme. But sheesh!
Author justquestions1 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Totally agree ....so much so I was inclined to post "you need new friends," however realize that's a bit extreme. But sheesh! Honestly, they got the better of me - which is wrong. I just thought they'd have my back since they're my 'friends'. But instead, they have my doubting the guy I'm with. Very wrong on my part and foolish.
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Very true. Honestly, one of them is a cheater herself so she may be projecting herself onto my relationship. Really!! That explains it. Cheaters have a reputation to believe that everyone around cheats. 2
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Really!! That explains it. Cheaters have a reputation to believe that everyone around cheats. Spend some time on this forum and you would believe "everyone" cheats too, and if they are not actually doing it, they are thinking about it...
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Spend some time on this forum and you would believe "everyone" cheats too, and if they are not actually doing it, they are thinking about it... I've seen nothing unusual here on these forums.
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