Oregon_Dude Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Met this girl from OKC, had a great coffee date, then another great date last night. Tons of making out, touching stuff, no sex though. We had plans to shack up in a room on Friday, which she canceled, saying she'd feel more comfortable taking things slow. I called her, we just talked, I was emotionally open and talked about texting, how I like her and other things. She texted me after: "After our conversation, I realized we have different expectations from a relationship. Good luck!" This is someone I was excited about. The rug has been pulled out from under me yet again. I know, you shouldn't future-trip or expect anything, but I think we're all guilty of getting ahead of ourselves from time to time. I guess I came on too strong, but I thought we were on the same page. I'm posting here because my friends are asleep and I have no one to talk to at the moment. Just wanting to know if this may have happened to you recently and what I should maybe do in the future. I feel like I've been kicked in the f-ing balls for the hundredth time. I had really high hopes for this girl, and I feel like I messed this up by being too emotionally vulnerable. I thought it would be OK but clearly it backfired. Really liked this one.
joseb Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 He man, sorry to hear. That sucks. Don't know if I offer much advice based on what you wrote (maybe she just wanted casual?) but I guess better to find out now than further down the road.
Author Oregon_Dude Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 He man, sorry to hear. That sucks. Don't know if I offer much advice based on what you wrote, but I guess better to find out now than further down the road.I just appreciate you reading. Thanks. I don't know why this one hurts so much. I didn't even know her. But she outright rejected my character, based on a few moments of vulnerability. Yes, better now than later, though. So tired of the highs and lows. Really need to commit to being single now.
smudge21 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Yeah it truly sucks, part of the reason I just took a huge break from it all. It's never about meeting the horrible ones, but the really nice ones who you get an instant connection with and everything goes well... and then they just walk away. Nothing you can do about it but either carry on or take a break. Good luck. 1
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 You must have said something for her to make a complete turn around, no? That reminds me of this man I met right before my boyfriend. I met him once, I was very excited about him and he was definitely into me and I was into him. After our first date we had a phone conversation and he told me he had lost his drivers license a while ago because he owed 20k in tickets. At the moment he told me I reacted Ok with it but after we hung up and I started thinking about it I decided this is not a hassle I want in a man. I wrote to him something short and sweet ending it and didn't say the reason.
angel.eyes Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Wow! You told her you got a room for your third date. No way would I show up for that date either! She's already told you she wants to take things slow. As she said, you guys have different expectations. You just aren't a match. 8
Art_Critic Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 We had plans to shack up in a room on Friday, which she canceled, saying she'd feel more comfortable taking things slow. Sounds to me that you rushed the sex thing a bit fast... After reading your post...why on earth would you be planning to have sex with someone you don't know yet is beyond me.. if a ONS is all you wanted then fine but obviously as hurt as you are you were looking for a relationship, which can't be easily found by having sex before you get to know someone. Learn from this, build something other than someone to bang and you might not find yourself starting over after 2 dates. 4
Sweetgirl28 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I would also be turned off by a guy who rented a room for the third date. Sounds very impersonal. It also makes you seem like a player or a man who is only after sex, despite the great connection you may have (had). 2
SSJROMANCE Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) LOL - how did this "room" thing come about? Did you both plan it? Who brought it up first? Seems kind of tacky to have a third date in a motel room. I would have never suggested it nor planned it. If it happened in a heated moment and you both decided to go somewhere more comfortable then sure I can see that. But a planned date at the Red Roof Inn? [] Edited February 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 1
katiegrl Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Wow! You told her you got a room for your third date. No way would I show up for that date either! She's already told you she wants to take things slow. As she said, you guys have different expectations. You just aren't a match. I agree. Next time, after a woman tells you she wants to take it*slow* .....you do just that -- take it slow. Not call her and proceed to tell her how much you like her, etc. Too much too soon ....too intense! OD, there is a time to be emotionally open ...unfortunately, that wasn't the time. Would have turned me (and most women) off too....sorry! 2
PogoStick Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Give more details on the conversation. What did both you and her say? 1
katiegrl Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Give more details on the conversation. What did both you and her say? This^^ and also, what compelled you to suggest a motel room for your third date? I mean since you say you *really* like her and all. Super confused about that. Suggesting sex on the third date is bad enough but OD ...a motel room? Why not a room at the Hilton? Motel room = can't get much more slutty than that. In any event, another big lesson learned.
smackie9 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 She was ready to shack up, just that she got a better offer. She didn't want to take things slow, or felt too far apart on expectations.....silly excuses to just blow you off and move onto the next guy, or ex BF she is still hung up on.
losangelena Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) OMG, everyone. Maybe let OP explain the room thing before going ballistic on him. From his opening line, it sounds like a joint decision. Jaysus. I swear, sometimes you come on here asking for support and you get torn down instead. Edited February 18, 2016 by losangelena 5
truth_seeker Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 We had plans to shack up in a room on Friday, which she canceled, saying she'd feel more comfortable taking things slow. She had second thoughts. For this to work it has to happen spontaneously - think one-night stand after meeting in a bar - you planned out sex with her. You gave her time to think. She second-guessed you and bailed. 1
Robert Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Folks, 13 posts have been deleted due to a discussion about what a "room" means in the context of this thread. The OP came here for help and none of these deleted posts were productive or helpful. Post to the topic, please. ~6
serial muse Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I just appreciate you reading. Thanks. I don't know why this one hurts so much. I didn't even know her. But she outright rejected my character, based on a few moments of vulnerability. Yes, better now than later, though. So tired of the highs and lows. Really need to commit to being single now. OP, I hope you do come back and give more info on this conversation you had with her. Because it doesn't sound to me like she outright rejected your character. She said she thought you wanted different things - maybe that's just true? It's really hard to assess what happened without any details, but based solely on what you wrote, it doesn't sound like it's about your character at all, or your vulnerability. It sounds like you wanted something more than she did - and let's face it, you had two dates, so honestly, you barely knew each other! She can't really reject who you are when she doesn't even know you yet. I'd just take what she said at face value, if I were you. 1
soleilesquire Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I don't have advice per se, but I wanted to say I'm sorry about it. It stinks to feel a connection, let yourself hope, and then have it just go "poof." 1
brokengirl85 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Met this girl from OKC, had a great coffee date, then another great date last night. Tons of making out, touching stuff, no sex though. We had plans to shack up in a room on Friday, which she canceled, saying she'd feel more comfortable taking things slow. I called her, we just talked, I was emotionally open and talked about texting, how I like her and other things. She texted me after: "After our conversation, I realized we have different expectations from a relationship. Good luck!" This is someone I was excited about. The rug has been pulled out from under me yet again. I know, you shouldn't future-trip or expect anything, but I think we're all guilty of getting ahead of ourselves from time to time. I guess I came on too strong, but I thought we were on the same page. I'm posting here because my friends are asleep and I have no one to talk to at the moment. Just wanting to know if this may have happened to you recently and what I should maybe do in the future. I feel like I've been kicked in the f-ing balls for the hundredth time. I had really high hopes for this girl, and I feel like I messed this up by being too emotionally vulnerable. I thought it would be OK but clearly it backfired. Really liked this one. What does "shack up in a room" exactly means? If it means you were going to a hotel to have sex, I'd say yes, you came in way too strong. Specially if this was girl you saw potential with. I get why she "broke up" with you. Try to take things slow and get the clues when someone is ready or not. 1
feb87 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Met this girl from OKC, had a great coffee date, then another great date last night. Tons of making out, touching stuff, no sex though. We had plans to shack up in a room on Friday, which she canceled, saying she'd feel more comfortable taking things slow. I called her, we just talked, I was emotionally open and talked about texting, how I like her and other things. She texted me after: "After our conversation, I realized we have different expectations from a relationship. Good luck!" This is someone I was excited about. The rug has been pulled out from under me yet again. I know, you shouldn't future-trip or expect anything, but I think we're all guilty of getting ahead of ourselves from time to time. I guess I came on too strong, but I thought we were on the same page. I'm posting here because my friends are asleep and I have no one to talk to at the moment. Just wanting to know if this may have happened to you recently and what I should maybe do in the future. I feel like I've been kicked in the f-ing balls for the hundredth time. I had really high hopes for this girl, and I feel like I messed this up by being too emotionally vulnerable. I thought it would be OK but clearly it backfired. Really liked this one. OP, I've had a handful of disastrous internet dates, and I can only speak from my experience as the woman on the other side. The reasons I ditch men after as few as two and as many as five dates? If a guy starts talking to me on the first couple of dates about his desire to have children, I put an axe in it. Too much, too soon. If a guy I hook up with early on in the relationship is suddenly talking about long term plans, there's little hope there. Sometimes, it's important to be reserved. We all experience strong emotions at first, at least once in a while. And I'd be lying to say there weren't guys that I've known from the start were going to be something great, but I never let them know right away. I think sometimes it's important to step away from the situation for even a couple of seconds and think about how you might respond if you were the girl. Take things slowly. Different girls have sex on different date numbers, and it's not wrong of you to want to have sex--we are all human and have that natural desire, but it's important to mask just how fast you're falling sometimes. She'll appreciate it later on when you tell her how you felt from the beginning rather than being scared at the beginning about what you feel might happen later on. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Oh I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Since I don't know enough, I can't really say anything about what happened except if you are really feeling potential with somebody the best course is to take it slow, this is good for men and women alike, then you can give yourself the chance to get to know the person without jumping ahead. Even if the making out is hot & heavy hold back! I agree with others that it wasn't a good idea to plan to get a room and that she probably had second thoughts even if she was into it at first. If you would like to find the right person for a relationship though you have to maintain the ability to be vulnerable. Keeping walls up will stop you from finding a relationship. Finally I'm sure this has NOTHING to do with your character. She doesn't know you. I know it's still rejection and that feels like crap. :( Maybe you dodged a bullet?? In any case either she wasn't ready, or she might be flakey, or who knows. 1
BlueIris Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Oregon, Don’t take her decision as a harsh judgment against you. She doesn’t know you. She was merely deciding about pace of a relationship, not your overall character. I understand her position. Getting sexually involved can be emotionally rocky for many people and some are just more cautious or draw back when they feel uncomfortable. Her decision doesn’t mean any more than that she wasn’t comfortable. It’s not cause to decide that you’ll be single forever. 2
Author Oregon_Dude Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 We both were excited about staying together overnight, as we both currently live at home. It wasn't me being a creep - we both wanted to do it. You are all right though, I f-ed this one up. If she were "right" or whatever, she probably wouldn't have run away, though.
Miss Peach Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 OP, I've had a handful of disastrous internet dates, and I can only speak from my experience as the woman on the other side. The reasons I ditch men after as few as two and as many as five dates? If a guy starts talking to me on the first couple of dates about his desire to have children, I put an axe in it. Too much, too soon. If a guy I hook up with early on in the relationship is suddenly talking about long term plans, there's little hope there. I disagree with this one. IME it depends on what the woman is looking for. If she's not available it will freak her out and push her away if you say you want to be more serious. If she's looking for something serious and long term and likes you she will leave if she doesn't get that. Now a guy can come on too strong. After a few dates you really don't know much yet. So ILYs and such are too much. But I like you and want to get to know you better isn't IMO. OP I think it's great you took a risk to be vulnerable. You will need to take these risks to get a really great woman IMO. I'm guessing she's just not looking for whatever you told her you were. I know it sucks that she ran but if you are not on the same page it's better to know after 2 dates then after you were more emotionally invested. 3
Author Oregon_Dude Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Now a guy can come on too strong. After a few dates you really don't know much yet. So ILYs and such are too much. But I like you and want to get to know you better isn't IMO.Thank you for your comment. I definitely did not come on too strong for where we were at, based on convos we'd had about our mutual excitement, IMO. Obviously no I love you's, etc. I really thought that what I was telling her on the phone was reasonable for where I felt we were at. Thought we were swimming those same emotional waters. Otherwise I wouldn't have been so open. Anyway, it was a huge surprise to have gotten such a negative reaction. Usually I can tell when things are mutual. IDK. I feel like I messed it up, but I wasn't planning our marriage or anything.
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