Is it wrong to casually date more than 1 person

[Jabron1]

The pool of average and + women is far higher than the pool of successful men. This is why men have a hard time dating, because women only look at the top tier.

 

Too right.

 

The common numbers that get bandied around are that only 20% of men have slept/are sleeping with 80% of women.

 

Women would rather share an alpha male than have a beta to themselves (before marriage, of course).

 

This issue is especially revealing in online dating: where the women rush to the highest quality males. A male 9 may choose to casually date a female 6, because it's easy for him, but it'll only be for sex. She then gets her expectations way out of proportion. After that, she won't even give a male 6 the time of day. And, why should she, when all her stimulus (friends, media, internet) are telling her that she is a princess that deserves the very best?

 

Modern dating is a horrowshow for men.

 

Yet, there are ways for men to take their power back, and not participate in a romantic rat-race. By not adhering to traditional societal constructs, by a commitment to self-improvement, saying no to marriage, and continually raising our value well into middle-age. That is how the contemporary man realises his potential IMO.

[truth_seeker]

I goota tell you, women have the power - if they a re beautiful - from 18-29. Once they hit 30, the power shifts to men -- men who are succesful. I feel I'm in a position of power more so now than in my 20s. Now I'm established. I got a home, nice car, money stashed away in funds, the bank... in my 20s, I was living with my parents and had nothing to offer other than a cute face

 

My advice to women: at age 25 start looking for Mr. Right. Don't wait till you're 30, as at that point, most men will think you're too old and pass you over for a 25 year old.

 

For guys, my advice is to play the field in your 20s and make it a goal to be successful in your 30s. Separate yourselves from the pack. You will be able to get the woman you want if you're successful in your career, family....

[truth_seeker]

Huh? You posted this yesterday on a different thread.

 

>>"I would be turned off too if I were to go on a first date knowing the woman was fooling around with several different dudes."<<

 

But yet you high-five Jabron for advocating multi-dating???

 

Apparently (according to you anyway) multi-dating is okay for men, but not for women? :rolleyes: ::eyeroll::

 

Keeping track of my posts? That stalking?

 

Seriously, I would be turned off if I knew the woman in front of me on a date was hooking up with other men.

 

I high-fived Jabron for writing a great post. From a man's perspective we have to multi-date because we must assume women are doing the same. What I don't agree with is screwing multiple people and still seeing others on dates - both ways.

 

Someone else here made a great point: mult-dating to get to know people, not sleep with them, is acceptable. It's trial and error. My disgust is with people who go on first dates, are polite, respectful, yet when they leave the date are going to bang someone else. I'm not into the whole sleeping around thing...

[katiegrl]

I goota tell you, women have the power - if they a re beautiful - from 18-29. Once they hit 30, the power shifts to men -- men who are succesful. I feel I'm in a position of power more so now than in my 20s. Now I'm established. I got a home, nice car, money stashed away in funds, the bank... in my 20s, I was living with my parents and had nothing to offer other than a cute face

 

---------

 

 

**My advice to women: at age 25 start looking for Mr. Right. Don't wait till you're 30, as at that point, most men will think you're too old and pass you over for a 25 year old. **

 

 

^^Can't speak for other women, but I have never had to consciously *look for* any man, Mr. Right or otherwise ..... *they* have always looked for and found me, and it was *my* choice whether or not to accept.

 

And at 37, they are *still* looking ..as I get approached nearly every single day, complimented, asked out, etc. ....so while I appreciate the advice TS ...not worried about it...I still have tons of options, which I plan to exercise to my heart's content, thank you very much. :)

 

That said, I am not into multi-dating, I am a *relationship-oriented* girl, and only date relationship-oriented men. One at a time.

 

That approach has always worked very well for me (and the men I choose to get involved with) so don't plan to switch it up now.

 

If multi-dating works for you and others however, have at it! To each his own

 

Such men will not be dating me.

Edited February 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[central]

I got married in my early 20s, which was a huge mistake. I should have dated more women, and multi-dated to have a better perspective. After divorcing her in my early 40s (if only I'd had the internet back then to learn about her dysfunctions, I'd have left sooner!), I was back in the dating game.

 

 

I was lucky in that I had no trouble finding dates using OLD. I would occasionally meet three women in a week, and sometimes would continue seeing a couple of them for a few more weeks while figuring which - if any - were a good match. I'd keep meeting other women in the meantime, if possible. Usually after 2 or 3 dates I'd be able to eliminate one or more and focus on whoever remained. Once I decided someone was a good match - and if they felt the same - we'd be exclusive while exploring a possible relationship. Or, if they didn't want to be exclusive, we'd both continue seeking others until we either moved on or decided that we were indeed a good match and go from there. This is how my wife and I met, and we had a very good basis for choosing each other, because we had a good idea of what the dating market had to offer.

 

 

As always, figure out what works for you and stick to it. Don't multi-date if you don't want to, and don't let someone pressure you into being exclusive if that's not suitable for you.

[fitnessfan365]

That said, I am not into multi-dating, I am a *relationship-oriented* girl, and only date relationship-oriented men. One at a time.

 

That approach has always worked very well for me (and the men I choose to get involved with) so don't plan to switch it up now.

 

If multi-dating works for you and others however, have at it! To each his own

 

Such men will not be dating me.

 

Katie, just curious. How did you know w/100% certainty that the men you were dating were only dating you? I mean did you actually come out and specifically ask them from early on "Are you only dating me?" But based on your ex's enthusiasm, I am willing to bet that you were the only woman on his mind at the start of the six year run. However, unless you actually verified with all those guys, chances are that at least a few were multi-dating without you knowing.

Edited February 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[PrettyEmily77]

OP, it's neither wrong nor right - as mentioned upthread, as long as you're upfront about it, your dating experience is whatever you want it to be, or whatever you're comfortable with.

 

It's also perfectly acceptable to want to date one person at a time if that's what you're happy doing. Never did OLD so can't comment on that but on a personal level, I could only keep my focus on one guy at a time when dating and would struggle to be interested in a multi-dater, whatever his reasons - fundamental incompatibilities right off the bat.

[Jejangles]

I think multi dating is fine, especially if you're online dating. I have always done it until I get a few dates in with one guy and lose my desire to date anyone else.

 

I have been dating a guy for 6 weeks, and it's going great. We are exclusive and getting to know each other more every day. But I multi-dated for the first few weeks while he did not (he knew my approach to dating). As soon as things got more coupley and physical, I stopped seeing other guys and told him I was only dating him.

 

Multi dating works for me because it takes me a while to know if I like someone, and it also helps me to keep things in perspective and not get too into someone who doesn't deserve my time.

[Larryville]

Here is the truth ..... it depends on you and how you feel about it. There is an old saying - every man has a code. Whether you know it or not you do.

 

That said, I am not into multi-dating, I am a *relationship-oriented* girl, and only date relationship-oriented men. One at a time.

 

Once I decided someone was a good match - and if they felt the same - we'd be exclusive while exploring a possible relationship.

 

the only woman I've ever been in love with, was the only woman I focused on from the get go.

 

Maybe this is a generational thing… Since I did not experience OLD in my 20’s, 30’s, some of the stuff I’m reading I can’t relate too.

 

When I contact someone online I’ve peeped her pic, read her profile thereby she was someone I was genuinely interested in otherwise I would not bother contacting her.

I read where one dude contacted 200 women and I’m thinking why the hell would anyone do that?

 

 

If she replies, cool, we email, converse, maybe meet and after all that you should absolutely know whether or not she is someone worthy of pursuing.

 

 

What makes me know she is interested in pursuing me, her actions. She regularly communicates, makes suggestions on activities, makes concessions for you, prioritize you, you can tell in body language, eye contact it’s obvious!

 

 

Also with OLD you can see someone’s activities, several sites you can see someone’s online time ect.

 

 

How you can tell if she is only so-so about you? Days pass on calls or texts… no biggie... conversations are mundane forced, you call and she seemingly has plans, or can’t talk. Heck she might even agree to another date with you but not at a prime time. I don’t get it folks, but you can absolutely tell unless you are emotionally ignorant.

 

 

When I see signs of waffling, I keep pushing on, like pulling out the dead dried out flowers in an old bouquet.

I want to pursue ONE quality person but the nature of OLD makes us all disposable commodities until proven otherwise.

[katiegrl]

Katie, just curious. How did you know w/100% certainty that the men you were dating were only dating you? I mean did you actually come out and specifically ask them from early on "Are you only dating me?" But based on your ex's enthusiasm, I am willing to bet that you were the only woman on his mind at the start of the six year run. However, unless you actually verified with all those guys, chances are that at least a few were multi-dating without you knowing.

 

 

 

[].

 

Hey FF ...No I never asked them. My recent asked me on first date if I dated multi and I said no. He said he preferred that as well (assuming there was strong chemistry which with him, there most certainly was!). So we agreed to date only each other to see where it went.

 

My other two LTR, no discussion, but we spent so much time together, and well, it was just sort of obvious neither one of us were pursuing others. Those relationships were many years ago, before my recent and before the boom of multi-dating so maybe that's the difference.

 

Understand though, these were men with whom there was intense chemistry from the get go. We just clicked. And you just know....

 

With respect to OLD (and even in real world), imo it is necessary to meet lots of different people until you meet that one special person with whom you click and wish to focus solely on, I don't consider that multi-dating. You are just *meeting* and meeting is not dating.

 

Oh and congrats on upcoming one year anniversary!!

Edited February 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[road]

I do not believe in multiple dating. I don't want to be kissing a woman that was sucking tongue of some other man the night before.

 

 

If a women is not that special after the first date there is no reason to keep dating her. If she is that special then I should not be wanting to date other women.

 

 

Problem with OLD is that instead of a man clicking on the just the one woman they like the most and waiting to see if they get a response.

 

 

Instead the men click on everyone women on the OLD site that looks do-able giving all those women a very inflated self worth.

[Miss Peach]

I think that is part of the misconception. I am a relationship girl but I am not giving up my singleness for a crappy relationship. So I multi-date until I find the guy I want to be with. But I don't sleep or have sex with these guys. I only go out with them up to several times to see if I want to get to know them more. If we don't mutually want more then I end it. I have done open relationships but I usually prefer to have the guys I'm really interested in to myself. At this point I won't multi-date and I don't want a guy who wants that either.

 

I see men go into these situations and they categorize the women. The fun-time girls they want to have sex with and that's it. The keepers they lose interest with the good-time women and chase the keeper. I am starting to see a lot more women do this too but then they get hurt by the guy just looking for sex, who doesn't want to commit, etc.

[katiegrl]

I think that is part of the misconception. I am a relationship girl but I am not giving up my singleness for a crappy relationship. So I multi-date until I find the guy I want to be with. But I don't sleep or have sex with these guys. I only go out with them up to several times to see if I want to get to know them more. If we don't mutually want more then I end it. I have done open relationships but I usually prefer to have the guys I'm really interested in to myself. At this point I won't multi-date and I don't want a guy who wants that either.

 

I see men go into these situations and they categorize the women. The fun-time girls they want to have sex with and that's it. The keepers they lose interest with the good-time women and chase the keeper. I am starting to see a lot more women do this too but then they get hurt by the guy just looking for sex, who doesn't want to commit, etc.

 

I agree. For me, I always knew pretty quickly if he was someone I wished to solely focus on, and vice versa, I did not need several dates to figure that out.

 

But I realize that for others, it takes a few dates or meets (no sex)...which is fine!!!

 

100% agree with second paragraph.

 

And as to those men, no thank you.

[SwordofFlame]

I think multi-dating is fine until you have sex. In my experience, I've never had exclusivity asked for or have asked myself until AFTER having sex for the first time.

[William]

Folks, we received a content report on this thread so I pulled it to review and also noted a brand new member with one post, this thread, who posted it and logged out and hasn't returned so I'll close this up pending their return. Thanks for your contributions.