trt148 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks now... barely any time right? Well, he already told me he loves me after meeting in person the first time -_- I agreed to be his GF because he is incredibly affectionate, caring, hardworking, easygoing, has a good sense of humor- things I must have in a dating partner. The problem? He's just kind of... boring. I feel like I do almost all the talking in the relationship. He never has anything new to say because he works cooking in a restaurant every day. Which I can understand, but his responses to me are so short and lacking. One huge problem is that he's from Korea and doesn't know how to say many things in English. At first I thought he only seems quiet because of that, but after spending more time with him I think he may just be a quiet person. When we're walking he doesn't try to make much conversation. One time we sat down at a restaurant and he didn't even say anything until I said "Um... can we like, talk about something?" And when I try to talk about deeper subjects like politics, he either doesn't know what to say in english, tries to say something but gives up, or doesn't even try and just changes the subject all together. It seems like he doesn't have the desire to make anything more than small talk. I don't hate small talk, but I wish occasionally we could have more interesting conversations or that he had some insightful responses to me. He is so sweet and I feel sad at the thought or breaking up, but at the same time I long for that exciting feeling and conversational chemistry that I had with past boyfriends. Should I give this relationship a little more time? We hardly get any time together and I don't feel like I know him very well... we meet at most 6 hours a week because his uncle works him like a slave. Which is really hard for me, I like to see my bf every day. So... is this ever going to work or should I call it quits?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 There's nothing here to salvage; it's clear he's not right for you. Him telling you he loves you after meeting you the first time is also a red flag. He hardly knows you. You need to end this. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Just a theory. But a challenge is often more unpredictable and sexy. So if a guy makes you work for it, doesn't kiss your ass, pushes your buttons, etc you're more likely to feel chemistry. A guy that falls in love that easily after three weeks is boring. Then again, I'd be bored to death if a woman considered politics a "deep" conversation. I mean when Donald Trump is running for president, how can you even take it seriously?
joseb Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Him telling you he loves you after meeting you the first time is also a red flag. He hardly knows you Yeah that would have been it for me! It's hard dating people who don't have a good command of a shared language. I dated a Japanese girl for a bit and it was a constant struggle.
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 if you aren't happy after 3 weeks how do you think you are going to feel in 3 months? 3 years? Calling yourselves BF/GF & saying ILY a mere 21 days in is pushing things, don't you think? Learn how to drawn boundaries for yourself.
Jabron1 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 It's hard dating people who don't have a good command of a shared language. I dated a Japanese girl for a bit and it was a constant struggle. My ex was Polish, and her English was poor. But, I found it very endearing. Her texts were unintentionally hilarious.
scorpiogirl Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I work in Korea. Have been for ten years now so I think I can give you some perspective. He's behaviour is typical I'm afraid. It sounds as though he hasn't heen out of Korea for very long, so his actions and behaviour have been shaped in Korea. The work thing will never improve. Korean people typically work very long days. Add to that the fact that he's working for his uncle, and you'll find it will continue. You do what your elders tell you to. Anything else would be disrespectful. The I love you is also "normal". It doesn't have the same depth of meaning as for you. I'm told that very often by Korean people of all ages. Korean people who have not experienced much of life outside their country, generally have limited opinions on things not Korean. This is not meant to be negative at all. Korean people can be very hard to understand if you're not used to being around them. Also if their English is less than stellar, they're very shy to speak because they're afraid of making mistakes. You can help with this by not getting too frustrated with him, and encouraging him even if he makes mistakes. That is, if you're really interested in him. I will say that the Korean women have them well- trained They're good with keeping in touch by text, buying small gifts, spending time with you when they can. But I think you should check out some stuff online from foreign women who Korean men. There are some blogs and YouTube channels you can check out. I've never dated a Korean man, but I do understand that it can be challenging from both sides.
Miss Peach Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Also if their English is less than stellar, they're very shy to speak because they're afraid of making mistakes. You can help with this by not getting too frustrated with him, and encouraging him even if he makes mistakes. That is, if you're really interested in him. This is my experience with Koreans and Japanese. Also in the culture people don't really give their opinions so freely. To contradict someone (especially an elder or boss) is disrespectful. If it doesn't work for you it doesn't work. But if these are the things bothering you I would think twice getting involved with someone from this type of culture who is still very embedded in them.
feb87 Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks now... barely any time right? Well, he already told me he loves me after meeting in person the first time -_- I agreed to be his GF because he is incredibly affectionate, caring, hardworking, easygoing, has a good sense of humor- things I must have in a dating partner. ..... He is so sweet and I feel sad at the thought or breaking up, but at the same time I long for that exciting feeling and conversational chemistry that I had with past boyfriends. Should I give this relationship a little more time? We hardly get any time together and I don't feel like I know him very well... we meet at most 6 hours a week because his uncle works him like a slave. Which is really hard for me, I like to see my bf every day. So... is this ever going to work or should I call it quits? The first part is a little bit scary, but the latter part of your post makes it sound like he might be worth keeping around. I wonder: is it really that he's boring or is it just a culture barrier that's making him 'seem' boring? Maybe what's making this so hard is that he told you he loves you so soon. Are you consumed by this thought so much that you can't see past it to all the good in him?
Author trt148 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 There's nothing here to salvage; it's clear he's not right for you. Him telling you he loves you after meeting you the first time is also a red flag. He hardly knows you. You need to end this. The work thing will never improve. Korean people typically work very long days. Add to that the fact that he's working for his uncle, and you'll find it will continue. You do what your elders tell you to. Anything else would be disrespectful. The I love you is also "normal". It doesn't have the same depth of meaning as for you. I'm told that very often by Korean people of all ages. I brought this up with my bf today, asking how long most Korean couples date before saying I love you. And he said that in Korea, "Saranghe" (closest english translation I love you) sometimes means "I really really like you"... not like "I would die for you" He lives with his uncle so he can't do anything about it now but he said after 6 months he will move out and live on his own. He will be given one of the restaurants but I'm not sure he's going to be working any less even after he moves out :/
Author trt148 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 The first part is a little bit scary, but the latter part of your post makes it sound like he might be worth keeping around. I wonder: is it really that he's boring or is it just a culture barrier that's making him 'seem' boring? Maybe what's making this so hard is that he told you he loves you so soon. Are you consumed by this thought so much that you can't see past it to all the good in him? I'm not really so concerned about the I love you thing because as scorpiogirl explained, it doesn't have the same meaning for korean people. The culture barrier is definitely part of the problem because it limits what we can talk about. Today he told me that he actually is kind of a quiet person. And on top of that we don't get to do anything fun because we only meet for 2-3 hours at a time. No time for movies, sports, concerts... all we can do is go to some restaurant or cafe and eat and watch things on my computer.
Author trt148 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Just a theory. But a challenge is often more unpredictable and sexy. So if a guy makes you work for it, doesn't kiss your ass, pushes your buttons, etc you're more likely to feel chemistry. A guy that falls in love that easily after three weeks is boring. Then again, I'd be bored to death if a woman considered politics a "deep" conversation. I mean when Donald Trump is running for president, how can you even take it seriously? Why does there always have to be that one person in an online thread who feels the need to insult you for no reason? I didn't ask for your opinion of me. Politics can be an interesting and complex subject, and I don't quite follow your logic because politics embodies many things; just because some idiot wants to get involved and the idiot citizens support him, doesn't make it any less interesting of a subject.
Author trt148 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 Anyways I guess I'll tell him we should just be friends. The culture barrier on top of the fact that we get so little time together, is frustrating, tiring, and I feel like I can't really get to know him. Sigh, time to break a poor heart... Thx for responses
WhirlwindGuy Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I brought this up with my bf today, asking how long most Korean couples date before saying I love you. And he said that in Korea, "Saranghe" (closest english translation I love you) sometimes means "I really really like you"... not like "I would die for you" He lives with his uncle so he can't do anything about it now but he said after 6 months he will move out and live on his own. He will be given one of the restaurants but I'm not sure he's going to be working any less even after he moves out :/ That's what I was going to add, him saying I love you may just mean that he really likes you and "I love you" is the only way he knows how to communicate that feeling in English. I wouldn't read too much into it. Other than that, if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. There probably isn't a whole lot you can do about that.
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