Jaxon Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my relationship at the moment. My gf and I have been together 7 months now. We both have children to previous marriages. Her schedule is very 'light on' compared to mine (I have a very demanding job and I also train a lot for a sport I play semi professionally), this has been an issue right from the start where she feels neglected if I can't spend a lot of time with her. She has got a lot of insecure traits questioning me about what's on my phone or who I'm friends with, I guess there are some general trust issues there. She raises quite often that we never get to spend quality time together and I specifically set aside time to do things but when it gets to that she's not in the mood or feels too guilty. I also try to make her feel special in other ways when I can't be together. I recently found myself in a situation where I met a new girl that I was strongly attracted to. I thought/dreamt about what it would be like to be in a relationship with this other girl. I didn't do or pursue anything with her but I did think about it. Whether this was just a momentary lapse of thought or showing cracks in my current relationship I don't know... She's put on a fair bit of weight since we first got together (say 20lbs), sounds superficial I know but I do notice and it makes me slightly less 'physically' attracted to her. She also has a number of mental issues going on like anxiety and depression and feeling lost in her life. Whereas I'm very driven and organised in life, I don't want to desert her when she is having these issues but she doesn't really seem to be doing much to try and resolve them. I guess all these things are adding up and I'm starting to weigh up if we are just together for comfort and there's not any significant love there? I would be quite sad if we break up but I don't think I'd be a 'wreck' or be devastated - but generally I'm quite tough/emotionally strong. I know I'm pointing out all her flaws or issues I have and I'm sure that I'm no knight in shining armour and she would equally be able to list things with me that don't meet her needs etc too. She is a smart attractive girl and we do get along really well. We feel extremely relaxed and comfortable together. We do share some common interests but also a lot of differences. The sex is really good and all of that. She fits really well into my "family" and me into hers (with our kids from prior marriages). When is it time to pull the pin and make the hard call vs sticking it through in the event this is just a stage of the relationship? She has raised a lot of concerns to me lately and I know she is thinking the exact same thoughts as me. But I expect she will wait for me to make the move as she'd probably rather just take the do nothing approach because it's the easier option. Any advice appreciated,
mightycpa Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Frankly, your 2nd paragraph make her sound like a real pain in the ass. And 20 lbs in 7 months is significant, especially given your athletic lifestyle. Life's too short.
BeFierce Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Have a conference with your gf. It's better to communicate things, instead of silently thinking about them all the time, because if you never voice your thoughts to her, and just store them in your head, you will feel like you are in a prison. You will start to loathe her, and feel like that you are sacrificing so much for a relationship, your heart isnt really into it. You will feel like you are just staying out of pity, and that will bring big issues. One day she might accidentally knock over your favorite drink while shes walking by, and that would be enough for you to slip in a snide remark such as "looks like someone should loose some weight". so just verbally communicate to her how your feeling about the relationship overall. Don't keep quiet about it, don't silently see how much more you can endure being in this relationship, because then you will start to really hate the other person and feel like it's a chore just to be with them- and you'll find yourself getting annoyed by stuff she does that never used to annoy you before.
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