cuddling but no kissing?

[phineas]

Why would a woman invite me over, have dinner, cuddle on the couch, let me take her bra off under her PJ's and touch her breasts, and most of her body but not want to kiss me?

 

She kissed me the night before out of the blue after not seeing her for a few months.

This is a female friend I slept with once who had some medical issues and gave me the romantic straight arm and avoided seeing me until she was better.

 

We kissed when we had sex.

We kissed a few times after that also.

 

I asked her why she didn't want to kiss me and she said she was a snuggler not a kisser.

It was BS I knew it but I let it slide and just cuddled with her.

Our breath wasn't stank either.

 

I knew going over she couldn't have sex because of her surgery.

She wouldn't take her shirt off because she is insecure of the scars ect and I was ok with that also.

I was just enjoying my time with her because I do like her.

 

I'm just wondering what was going on with not wanting to kiss but letting me massage her chest and other area's and also not wanting me to leave.

I do have them magic fingers but still....

 

I've never had this happen before.

Usually the women want to make out but won't let me do anything else.

[truth_seeker]

Maybe she felt kissing would lead to sex? Touching her breasts was a consolation prize?

[soleilesquire]

That's what I was going to say. If the kissing is really good, sometimes it's hard to stop.

[phineas]

Maybe she felt kissing would lead to sex? Touching her breasts was a consolation prize?

 

That's what I was going to say. If the kissing is really good, sometimes it's hard to stop.

 

That is way better than what I was thinking.

 

I was thinking she is seeing others and didn't want to make out with multiple guys. LOL!

[carhill]

If kissing for her with a guy she's had sex with before and is apparently attracted to is her slippery slope she didn't want to go skiing so left the skis off and did other things at the top of the hill.

 

Up to you if you want to make that a common occurrence. She's apparently not your girlfriend, fiance or spouse where there's investment and commitment and all that attends those aspects. Myself, if it were a female friend, no ambiguity. No kissing, no fondling; cuddling or more platonic embraces are fine. Typical for me would be we're both watching a movie and she puts her feet on my lap and I give her a foot rub. Lips are far, far away

[truth_seeker]

That is way better than what I was thinking.

 

I was thinking she is seeing others and didn't want to make out with multiple guys. LOL!

 

Could be... I think she didn't want making out to turn into sex so she let you fondle her funbags.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm getting the impression she wants you, but feels too vulnerable with the scars you mentioned, which I'm assuming are related to the medical issues? I think she limited the affection and touching to what she felt safe with at the time. If you keep approaching her with sensitivity, she'll likely let down her defenses and become more receptive to kissing and other fun. I'm guessing.

[phineas]

If kissing for her with a guy she's had sex with before and is apparently attracted to is her slippery slope she didn't want to go skiing so left the skis off and did other things at the top of the hill.

 

Up to you if you want to make that a common occurrence. She's apparently not your girlfriend, fiance or spouse where there's investment and commitment and all that attends those aspects. Myself, if it were a female friend, no ambiguity. No kissing, no fondling; cuddling or more platonic embraces are fine. Typical for me would be we're both watching a movie and she puts her feet on my lap and I give her a foot rub. Lips are far, far away

 

I agree.

I'm not interested in being a cuddle monkey though.

Would rather go back to just friends.

 

But, i'm open to more if she is and ok with not jumping back into sex until i've spent a little more time (but not too much) with her to see where it goes.

[phineas]

I'm getting the impression she wants you, but feels too vulnerable with the scars you mentioned, which I'm assuming are related to the medical issues? I think she limited the affection and touching to what she felt safe with at the time. If you keep approaching her with sensitivity, she'll likely let down her defenses and become more receptive to kissing and other fun. I'm guessing.

 

yeah.

She is very beautiful but also very insecure about her scars.

i've seen her other scar on her midsection from a hernia surgery & while it didn't phase me she was visibly bothered by the fact I saw it.

[Claire 1]

Take it slowly, go at her pace.

Try to be kind and understanding to her feelings and wishes.

[Gold Pile]

She has passionately kissed and sexed you before, she clearly still wants you, you know what her issue is.

 

This could be that rare time (a perfect storm of circumstances) where a brief period of forcefulness on your part, would reassure her. Just enough for her to know how much you want her. Then stop and take stock of her reactions.

 

I'm afraid this post won't go over well, so I'm remaining anonymous

[road]

Maybe she felt kissing would lead to sex? Touching her breasts was a consolation prize?

 

I need consoling, bad, really bad.

[phineas]

She has passionately kissed and sexed you before, she clearly still wants you, you know what her issue is.

 

This could be that rare time (a perfect storm of circumstances) where a brief period of forcefulness on your part, would reassure her. Just enough for her to know how much you want her. Then stop and take stock of her reactions.

 

I'm afraid this post won't go over well, so I'm remaining anonymous

 

Funny you mention that.

When we first had sex she fought me for every piece of clothing just enough to put up a good show.

Then when i'd reached the final level she just gave in and was total submissive.

The next morning when I grabbed her and rolled her to me the look on her face.

She was very much into it.

 

Same with the massage, I unhooked her bra under her PJ's and she protested verbally but didn't stop me. When I slid my hands to the front she locked her elbows for a few seconds then I "forced" my way though and after I had them in my hand she said "that's not my back while laughing"

 

Each time I went to touch her chest she resisted just enough until I told her it was cute the way she pretends to resist me then she just smiled and stopped.

 

I was not actually going for sex that night because she said she was shy about the scars and because I don't think she medically can yet.

 

i'll find out soon enough though what the deal is as i've asked her to come over for dinner next week.

She is taking her time responding so if she don't want to be alone with me again I won't have to wonder about it anymore I guess.

[AMJ]

So, i'm not at all proud of this, but I have been the female in this scenario. I let the guy I was seeing do all sorts of things to me, but I could not bring myself to kiss him. I just was not attracted to him enough, but mostly I was not over my ex. I was only fooling around with him to get affection and was trying to get past my ex. It didn't work. But I don't really think my new guy minded too much. That's my 2 cents.

[Redhead14]

Why would a woman invite me over, have dinner, cuddle on the couch, let me take her bra off under her PJ's and touch her breasts, and most of her body but not want to kiss me?

 

She kissed me the night before out of the blue after not seeing her for a few months.

This is a female friend I slept with once who had some medical issues and gave me the romantic straight arm and avoided seeing me until she was better.

 

We kissed when we had sex.

We kissed a few times after that also.

 

I asked her why she didn't want to kiss me and she said she was a snuggler not a kisser.

It was BS I knew it but I let it slide and just cuddled with her.

Our breath wasn't stank either.

 

I knew going over she couldn't have sex because of her surgery.

She wouldn't take her shirt off because she is insecure of the scars ect and I was ok with that also.

I was just enjoying my time with her because I do like her.

 

I'm just wondering what was going on with not wanting to kiss but letting me massage her chest and other area's and also not wanting me to leave.

I do have them magic fingers but still....

 

I've never had this happen before.

Usually the women want to make out but won't let me do anything else.

 

Some people view kissing to be even more intimate and bonding than even the act of having sex . . . and they refrain from kissing in order to manage themselves and prevent them from becoming too close to a partner. It is one of the hallmark traits of the emotionally unavailable . . .

[phineas]

Some people view kissing to be even more intimate and bonding than even the act of having sex . . . and they refrain from kissing in order to manage themselves and prevent them from becoming too close to a partner. It is one of the hallmark traits of the emotionally unavailable . . .

 

I asked her out for some activity for next week. She responded it sounded like fun and everyone would love to do it.

 

So I clarified I wanted to do that with just her.

 

She waited hotel late at night to tell me she had something going on with her kid that night and gave no alternative then told me about her plans for today.

 

Now I found out another friend of ours asked her out and she told him she just wanted to be friends.

 

She hasn't done that to me nor has she acted like it. Idk.

 

I think I'm going to stop asking her out, just hang with her in a group only and look for other women.

As much as I like her I'm not going to get caught up with a woman who is hot and cold with me or doesn't know what she wants.

 

It will drive me insane. Lol

[katiegrl]

She probably likes you enough... but just doesn't like the way you kiss, or isn't all that attracted to you anymore.

 

I mean she did kiss you once, but now doesn't want to, what does that tell you?

 

There is no deep-seeded reason, like fear of intimacy, emotional unavailability, etc.

 

Often times the obvious is the clear answer.

Edited February 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[smackie9]

Baaaahhhh not worth this crap.....NEXT!

[phineas]

She probably likes you enough... but just doesn't like the way you kiss, or isn't all that attracted to you anymore.

 

I mean she did kiss you once, but now doesn't want to, what does that tell you?

 

There is no deep-seeded reason, like fear of intimacy, emotional unavailability, etc.

 

Often times the obvious is the clear answer.

 

I don't think it's my kissing and I can promise I delivered in the sex department.

 

She probably isn't all that into me but since we had sex I'm her best candidate for human contact when she is lonely.

 

Oh well.

[joseb]

I don't think it's my kissing and I can promise I delivered in the sex department.

 

She probably isn't all that into me but since we had sex I'm her best candidate for human contact when she is lonely.

 

Oh well.

 

That's quite likely too.

 

However, although i tend to think I'm a good kisser (based on feedback!) I did have one girl recently who hated the way we kissed so you can't please everyone all the time

 

Either way, as snacking says it sounds like too much hassle. I'd be nexting her.

[phineas]

Just an update.

I stopped trying to get with this "friend" after reading the advice in this thread.

I did invite her over one more time for dinner and a movie & when she said she was "busy"without offering an alternative night I stopped wasting my time.

 

but i hang out with her almost weekly in our group of friends & every time she was drunk and we were alone for a few minutes she'd come onto me and while it was tough I backed off since sober she acted the opposite.

 

I always suspected there was someone else.

 

I found out tonight she has been doing the same thing to my buddy who is also in our tight circle of friends.

The same guy she said she just wanted to be friends with.

Told him the same about me.

 

I did not relay to him that i slept with her because that is just adding fuel to the fire but after talking I found out out that she was with him the night after I was on the couch with her when she let me touch her but wouldn't kiss.

 

He claims she "doesn't want to ruin the friendship" and will only give him pecks on the lips and cuddle on the couch with him and she didn't want others to know they were hanging out. (She said the same to me.)

 

But when he found out what I did with her when he thought they were dating. he was pissed because he said he'd been spending a lot of time & money on her and felt like she was playing him.

 

I have no idea if he's telling the truth or telling me what I want to hear but it's def. a messed up situation for people our age.

This is highschool drama crap.

 

He didn't want to talk about it anymore and we parted for the evening, but he did delete her from his phone in front of me & said "you can have her if want" which seemed a little grandiose for me.

 

I have no idea what the truth is but I hope this doesn't mess up our group of friends.