Walk away or keep trying...that is the question.

[loveiswar101]

Please take time out to read...i really am in need of help.

 

Met a lady online end of November..chatted for ages by text, just fun stuff. She has been split from her ex for 18 months and has 3 young girls (6,7,7). I myself have children who are older and see every fortnight for the weekend (ie they don't live with me). I get on really well with her girls when around there and it seems they like me. Hugs when go to bed etc

 

I'm shy but eventually asked her out and we went on a date all went well and since then we have caught up quite a few times at her house with her children who I find enjoyable to be around.

 

We kiss etc and have made out once (which was incredible). I know she is flat out with her girls and also is studying to better herself for her children and herself, which is great. But the issue i have is she is so hot and cold. She has told me to be more forward with her. Now with this I ask her out but get knocked back a fair bit. I feel if I don't text or communicate she will just peel away from me, but then that can just be me being insecure.

 

Last Friday for example she was all over me when I was at her house, wanting to go away this weekend (which I organised) but has since bailed saying she has double booked. Also last Friday she says she wants to go away for an evening together which we have been talking about, but nothing. Following Friday I went around Sunday with a very small gift for Valentines. While there she was yawning, not really into me at all so I left, from Friday to that I just can't figure it out.

 

Last night I text her to take her out tomorrow for dinner if she can find a babysitter, I really am at my tether here and know I am just as much to blame as emotionally if I get knocked back I shutdown.

 

I'm 95% sure she will bail on tomorrow evening, if this is the case do you think like i am that enough is enough and I just walk, or do I hang in there, but if I do hang in there I really don't really know how to proceed.

 

Thanks

[despgirl]

Please take time out to read...i really am in need of help.

 

Met a lady online end of November..chatted for ages by text, just fun stuff. She has been split from her ex for 18 months and has 3 young girls (6,7,7). I myself have children who are older and see every fortnight for the weekend (ie they don't live with me). I get on really well with her girls when around there and it seems they like me. Hugs when go to bed etc

 

I'm shy but eventually asked her out and we went on a date all went well and since then we have caught up quite a few times at her house with her children who I find enjoyable to be around.

 

We kiss etc and have made out once (which was incredible). I know she is flat out with her girls and also is studying to better herself for her children and herself, which is great. But the issue i have is she is so hot and cold. She has told me to be more forward with her. Now with this I ask her out but get knocked back a fair bit. I feel if I don't text or communicate she will just peel away from me, but then that can just be me being insecure.

 

Last Friday for example she was all over me when I was at her house, wanting to go away this weekend (which I organised) but has since bailed saying she has double booked. Also last Friday she says she wants to go away for an evening together which we have been talking about, but nothing. Following Friday I went around Sunday with a very small gift for Valentines. While there she was yawning, not really into me at all so I left, from Friday to that I just can't figure it out.

 

Last night I text her to take her out tomorrow for dinner if she can find a babysitter, I really am at my tether here and know I am just as much to blame as emotionally if I get knocked back I shutdown.

 

I'm 95% sure she will bail on tomorrow evening, if this is the case do you think like i am that enough is enough and I just walk, or do I hang in there, but if I do hang in there I really don't really know how to proceed.

 

Thanks

 

 

It really sounds to me like you've been friendzoned... Sorry!

[basil67]

Loveiswar, the whole point of dating is to find someone who is compatible with us. Now, I can't tell you why she's hot and cold, but I can tell you that she's not meeting your needs.

 

Don't waste time on Ms Wrong when there are more women out there you are yet to meet.

[Jabron1]

the issue i have is she is so hot and cold.

 

A lot of women are, mate. This is why you should cultivate your options.

 

We kiss etc and have made out once (which was incredible).

 

The kissing was to keep you hooked. You mean nothing to her, until you've had sex.

 

I feel if I don't text or communicate she will just peel away from me

 

Why do you care if she peels away from you?

 

You're acting obsessive, because she is your only option. You need more leads.

 

but then that can just be me being insecure.

 

Yep.

 

Following Friday I went around Sunday with a very small gift for Valentines. While there she was yawning, not really into me at all

 

What is it with guys buying women stuff?

 

No gifts until things become serious (boyfriend/girlfriend).

 

do you think like i am that enough is enough and I just walk, or do I hang in there, but if I do hang in there I really don't really know how to proceed.

 

Neither. You do what you should have done all along, which is backburner her whilst you cultivate other options.

 

I would just text her on occasion, feel the hook, and, if it's tight, ask her out. Anything other than a yes, or reschedule, would have me disappearing again.

 

When you're met with any stonewalling from a woman that you are trying to seduce, it's vital that you disappear and chase other women - instead of hanging around and trying to convince her.

 

"Oh, you're busy? Okay, gotta run, see you later."

 

She is now a very low-priority that you go to as a last resort when other women are unavailable, and you don't fancy sitting at home on the Playstation.

[Leigh 87]

3 kids? College?

 

Even 1 child. ...having ONE child takes up EVERY ounce of your energy. Hours each day dedicated solely to the one child. The lady has THREE. She has no energy for dating.

 

And when was the last time you went to college? I am 30 and a mature age student. The content is easy but the workload I tell you. .... it is hellish. Thank God I don't hate studying top much

 

I take it she is a single mother? Has full time custody? And is in college full time? Does she have a good job? She could be broke and spending every ounce of energy studying and children rearing.

 

Or is she studying part time and working in a great job with part time custody???

 

If she is a full time single mum of 3 than yeah. She has no energy for dating.

[Jabron1]

If she is a full time single mum of 3 than yeah. She has no energy for dating.

 

She'd find the energy if Channing Tatum asked her out.

 

This isn't about 'energy'; it's about interest (or lack of it).

[loveiswar101]

It's hard to understand as I really do like her, but hear what your saying. As say I'm 95% she will bail on tomorrow. Now it's not my nature to just ignore but how do I say I'm into you but feel it's not mutual or you just don't have time to date. Now I've touched on this before with her and she broke down in tears saying she's sorry but just busy and does like me, if this was the case why not make a little effort. BUT we're back to square one and feel if she bails on tomorrow that's it.

[loveiswar101]

Ok to clarify she doesn't work but studies full time with 3 kids. I'm not oblivious to this either and time would be hard to spare. BUT agree if Channing Tatum came along maybe she would fine time.

 

Also to clarify when say we made out I really meant we had sex. So that has happened.

 

Why try to date of don't have time, really unfair on the guy or girl if can't make time.

 

Guess I have been friend zoned or she's not that into me and move on..

[Httm]

Separated is still married. Find someone who is ready and able to date.

[Jabron1]

Ok to clarify she doesn't work but studies full time with 3 kids. I'm not oblivious to this either and time would be hard to spare. BUT agree if Channing Tatum came along maybe she would fine time.

 

Also to clarify when say we made out I really meant we had sex. So that has happened.

 

Why try to date of don't have time, really unfair on the guy or girl if can't make time.

 

Guess I have been friend zoned or she's not that into me and move on..

 

Patience, mate. You gain patience by having other options.

 

Yes, women blow hot and cold - we all have to deal with it.

 

A girl I asked out in December took 2 days(!) to get back to me with an "I'm not sure how I'm looking for time tomorrow" (translation: make me a pitch, and I'll consider it against my other options). I didn't dignify it with a response - by then I'd arranged something better for the Saturday and didn't want to be worn out for it anyway.

 

You probably aren't the only guy she is seeing and messing around.

 

Having options insulates you from a lot of the nonsense that you're currently dealing with.

 

Or, you can just say 'sod this' and focus on something other than women for a while. But, hanging around a woman to whom you are a low-priority option is not the way to go.

 

My advice is to keep her around as a low-priority option whilst you cultivate others.

[loveiswar101]

3 kids? College?

 

Even 1 child. ...having ONE child takes up EVERY ounce of your energy. Hours each day dedicated solely to the one child. The lady has THREE. She has no energy for dating.

 

And when was the last time you went to college? I am 30 and a mature age student. The content is easy but the workload I tell you. .... it is hellish. Thank God I don't hate studying top much

 

I take it she is a single mother? Has full time custody? And is in college full time? Does she have a good job? She could be broke and spending every ounce of energy studying and children rearing.

 

Or is she studying part time and working in a great job with part time custody???

 

If she is a full time single mum of 3 than yeah. She has no energy for dating.

 

I'm not a complete idiot. I appreciate the time we have spent together. But if you haven't got time to date why go online looking for dates. Play with people emotions!

[loveiswar101]

Or, you can just say 'sod this' and focus on something other than women for a while. But, hanging around a woman to whom you are a low-priority option is not the way to go.

 

OK. So I don't want to come over all of an ass and who knows down the track if she finds more time, but you are are right and need to cultivate more options.

 

" Maybe it's just bad timing or your not that into me as I think you are. But I have enjoyed spending time with you but can see at this moment of your life it seems you don't have time to date, who knows maybe down the track when you may have more free time I'd love to hear from you. "

 

Any good ???

Edited February 18, 2016 by loveiswar101

[Larryville]

I'm not a complete idiot. I appreciate the time we have spent together. But if you haven't got time to date why go online looking for dates. Play with people emotions!

 

 

I’m amazed at how many of these threads lead to the same answers or conclusions…

 

 

I hate to keep repeating this, but a lot of guys whose threads I have read need to absorb.

 

 

A significant number of women on online dating sites simply use the format to alleviate boredom, it is a source of entertainment, something to break the routine. They absolutely are NOT looking for “Mr. Right” and this has nothing to do with age, I’m older and I deal with it all the time from much older women.

If you are dealing with an OLD population of seriously insecure women the best thing for them is court attention, getting a lot of messages from dudes is a BIG ego boost. Some might complain of the attention they get from idiot dudes but any attention nonetheless means they are at least somewhat desirable, it is NOT about your feelings.

In addition if they can get a decent date or two out of you better for them.

 

 

Keep your guard up, don’t overly invest, and assume she is conversing with many others….

 

 

You probably aren't the only guy she is seeing and messing around.

 

 

And this is important too…

 

 

This isn't about 'energy'; it's about interest (or lack of it).

 

 

I’m reading so many threads of guys who are clearly overinvesting and going all in with some of these women and they need to stop and take a step back and take a different approach.

 

 

 

If you don’t you will become bitter, angry and eventually you will lose the “right woman” because you paid too much attention and invested too much on the wrong women.

[loveiswar101]

Well as expected bailed. So basically was honest and told her it seemed she really doesn't have time to date and we're leave it at that. All I got was a "sorry".

 

What is it with me...am I too nice or just unlovable, all friends say I'm a good catch. Over it!

[Jabron1]

Well as expected bailed. So basically was honest and told her it seemed she really doesn't have time to date and we're leave it at that. All I got was a "sorry".

 

What is it with me...am I too nice or just unlovable, all friends say I'm a good catch. Over it!

 

Probably too nice. I'm not sure what you expected to achieve by sending that message tbh.

 

She had royally messed you about; people who mess me about don't get my respect.

 

It's simple. You're a man; your attention is your currency. If a woman is playing silly buggers, you simply take away your attention and focus it on something more productive.

 

By sending that message, you were still giving her attention.

 

Larry is right: you invested too much into someone you barely knew. You should have options. Then, from these options, you should invest in a woman that earns your loyalty.

 

Women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of relationships.

 

A man that goes around offering relationships willy-nilly is no better than a woman that offers sex willy-nilly. Be more selective in future.