thecrucible Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 I agree with Robratory but you should feel good that you tried. Nothing bad has come out of this. He probably feels flattered and is worried he will offend you because he doesn't feel the same way. At work, I would just act like nothing happened and don't mention it. It feels like a big thing now but it will blow over if you give it time. Onto the next ...
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 24, 2016 Author Posted January 24, 2016 Does it change anything that the "plan" was work-related for his other job? He could not have missed it and I don't believe it was made up.
smackie9 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Ignore it. If he is interested he will take you up on that drink and ask you out later.....if not you finally got your answer and you don't need to waste anymore time on him. 3
preraph Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Because it no doubt took him somewhat by surprise, even though he probably knew you like him, there's no way to know if he was making excuses or not. He might not have thought fast enough to offer up another day. Or he might have just been spinning yarn as fast as possible to get out of it. But one thing is for sure: The ball is now in his court. If he thinks about it later and says to himself, Oh, shoot, I should have told her another day, well, he will bring it up. If he has no intention of going out with you, he will not bring it up. So don't do anything but be polite and professional and wait and see.
Chris2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Balls in his court. Otherwise, NEXT! I also have a crush, on a female co-worker. If she asked me out, we're f*cking going out. But I know she's not interested. And it's the last time I will ever have an office crush. Never again.
soph-walker Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Firstly, good on you for putting yourself out there..it's scary but a necessary part of life and you did it in a casual way, well handled. Secondly, it seems like he was taken aback by this. From what you said about his reaction, he came across as flustered. it doesn't seem like he's too interested..for what reason, I'm not sure. You've asked him out and he hasn't jumped at the chance. He has a very small window now in which to change his mind and take you up on your offer. If you don't hear from him re a date within a few days, chalk it up to experience and move on.
Erik30 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 This is a tough one, because I can argue it either way. He could be telling the truth and like you, so he wanted to make clear that he really did have other plans already. Or he's a "nice guy" who didn't want to hurt your feelings because he's not interested. Him not offering an alternative date is a bad sign. I wouldn't ask him anymore, just wait and see if he bring it up. If he never does, he's not interested
deckard11 Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Guys especially, please help me out with this situation. As fate would have it, I got moved again to work with my coworker crush, so I decided just to go for it and after our shift, I asked him to go get a drink. He said he would love to.... but he had something planned that night. He then seemed to get really nervous and went into this big long rambling thing of exactly what the plan entailed and all the reasons he couldn't get out of it interrupting with "but any other time, I would love to" or "normally I would would definitely go". I had to actually stop him and say, no worries, it's totally fine, have fun! And we said goodbye. Okay, so what happened here? I definitely don't think it was made up or anything - he really seemed apologetic and he didn't have to tell me the whole story, could have just said he had plans. But did he get all nervous because he likes me and really wants to go out with me OR did I catch him so off guard that he panicked because he doesn't like me? Was the whole "normally I would love to" thing just to spare my feelings and be polite? I'm disappointed that during his long ramble, he at no point suggested an alternative night go out. And he hasn't texted me or called or anything if he thought of that option later. I'm worried I just made him uncomfortable and now he's going to be weird around me next time we work together. I thought asking him would help me figure out this uncertainty but now I'm still totally uncertain AND anxious. What do you think? Take it from me (someone who's been rejected by women his whole life) you got rejected.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 Thank you guys! I just want to know where I stand. It's not like I'm in love with the guy, I was just interested in getting to know him better. So those of you that say he rejected me, why did he say over and over again that "any other time, he'd love to get a drink with me" "if he didn't have this thing, he'd love to", I mean he honestly said it 25 times! I get that I caught him off guard and he's flustered, but he can be polite and just say "thank you so much, but I'm busy"? I guess when someone says over and over that he'd love to go out with me any other time, I assume that's what he means. But you all disagree?! I get trying to diffuse the awkwardness and not hurt my feelings, but he REALLY emphasized the "would LOVE to" and "ANY other time" parts - repeatedly. Why did he emphasize it so much if he's not interested? I'm just trying to understand this for the future.
Ami1uwant Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 I wouldn't read what he did as a rejection..he could have had actual plans or obligations so ge couldn't go. See how he is next time you see him. How much interaction between you two has there been prior to you asking?
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 25, 2016 Author Posted January 25, 2016 I wouldn't read what he did as a rejection..he could have had actual plans or obligations so ge couldn't go. See how he is next time you see him. How much interaction between you two has there been prior to you asking? We don't work together very often (part-time job, shifts are different) but when we do, we talk constantly about everything and it's been very flirtatious for the last month or so. I catch him staring at me, he seems like he's showing off in front of me (especially compared to how he acted before the last month), compliments me, asks me personal questions (about if I have a bf, about my ex, etc). Everything seems like he's into me, but then he said no and hasn't called or texted to make a new plan.. But it has only been 2 days, I may be overreacting? And I do really believe he had an obligation, it didn't sound made up at all, and I did ask him last minute - as in, right when our shift ended to go out RIGHT then.
Author thejabberwocky Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 So I asked my coworker crush to get a drink after our shift but he had plans. He seemed super nervous about the whole encounter. I asked him in a friendly way, not as in a date. He did say that he'd love to hangout any other time (but he didn't suggest another time). This was like two weeks ago. We finally worked together again, and I decided that if he didn't ask me to hangout, he must not like me. Well he didn't... but he spent the entire shift flirting with me, teasing me, standing in my way so I'd have to shove past him, throwing paper at me (seriously?), touching me, and dancing around me to get my attention. This seems like he likes me! He doesn't do this to anyone else - in fact, he barely spoke to anyone we work with because he was so busy following me around and teasing me. Will a guy always ask you out if he likes you? He's definitely shy (although he seems to be opening up more to me), which is very different than my ex. Another coworker who's known him for a year says that he never talks at all (which is weird, as he talks to me all the time). I've been told numerous times that I'm intimidating and he probably thinks I'm out of his league by friends (guys and girls) but I don't know whether to believe them. We're working together again this weekend and while my friends are saying to try and ask him to hangout again because he's probably just super nervous, but I don't want to come off as desperate.
smudge21 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Us guys can be nervous, often more so as there's pressure for men to make the first move. From what you're saying, he does like you and is happy to be around you, comfortable too. Sadly his shyness may prevent him from taking that final leap to asking you out. It could be because he's been hurt in the past, or simply is enjoying the way things are and is worried you may say no. You yourself are unsure and he may be the same. Only one way to find out, but keep it sweet - suggest a drink after work but do it in a way that you're talking about somewhere you'd like to go or you really need to chill after work and how about he join you.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I suspect that his showing off and teasing is a result of knowing that you like him. Asking him out for a drink gave him an ego boost and now he is strutting around like he is a peacock. That is great for him, but confusing for you because you have feelings for him. The important thing to note is the fact that he hasn't tried to progress things further or offer an alternative date. I would advise against asking him out again because it will probably come across as a bit desperate, which is the last thing you want. You don't want him to do it out of pity or use you as a fling. If you continue to pursue it will make it difficult to know if he genuinely likes you. I know you said it was just a friendly drink, but his behavior suggests that he knows how you feel. If he is a decent guy he wont take advantage of your feelings, but some guys do so just be aware of that. 1
Author thejabberwocky Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 Ok, thank you guys! What if I ask him what he's doing after work, and then say, "oh I don't have plans either, my friends are doing [something]..." and set it up for him to ask me out if he wants to? I can even tease him about never wanting to do anything fun? Is that casual enough or creepy?
mona.lisa Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 To me it seems like the guy really likes you. He might just be too shy to make a move. Or he also might have made bad experiences in the past that prevents him from opening up. I think you should ask him to hang out again. I don't believe it would come across as "desperate" since the last time you guys hung out was two weeks ago. There's nothing wrong with just hanging out, getting to know each other better and you might find out more about the way he thinks/feels about the whole situation. Either way, good luck and I hope it works out for you! 1
preraph Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 The ball is in his court. All he has to say is 'Let's go get that drink.' If he can't even manage that, not sure why you'd want to date him.
smackie9 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 After work I would just say "How about that drink?" 1
Author thejabberwocky Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 So my coworker and I have been flirting for months now. He hasn't asked me out. I asked him to get a drink once but he already had plans (and while he said he'd love to any other time, he never suggested another time). You can read my previous threads about that. At work, I catch him staring, he's always touching me, flirting, going out of his way to talk to me, etc. This has just escalated. I finally thought of a way to hangout with him outside of work that was nonthreatening. I was hired on an outside project (related to our job) and I asked if he wanted to help me with it. He said he would love to but he just started a day job and would have to check his new schedule and get back to me. So he finally calls me and said he was too busy to take the job but thanked me for thinking of him. Our current job is part-time on nights/weekends and with the day job now, he's just too busy. I can see his schedule, and he IS scheduled every single weekend for the next month or so. I don't think he lied, but at the same time, if this was reversed, I would have found a way to make it work just to spend time with him! So here's what I think. He likes me enough to flirt with me - ie, he finds me attractive - but he's not super into me. So here's my question. He really doesn't know me very well. The entire reason I want to hang out with him outside of work so we can get to know each other and see if we're compatible. Just because he may not like me now, that doesn't mean he won't like me in the future right? How can I get to know him better? Should I back off, as now I feel like I may be coming on too strong? I did ask him to get a drink AND tried to get him to do this project with me. How can I get him interested in me (or at least enough to get to know me better)? How can I get him to chase me? Is it possible to get a guy into you if he isn't now?
hasaquestion Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 So my coworker and I have been flirting for months now. He hasn't asked me out. I asked him to get a drink once but he already had plans (and while he said he'd love to any other time, he never suggested another time). You can read my previous threads about that. At work, I catch him staring, he's always touching me, flirting, going out of his way to talk to me, etc. This has just escalated. I'd say most guys classify women as follows: A. Potential girlfriend B. Not seeing her like that (want to make her my girlfriend) but I'd have sex with her C. Not interested My GUESS is that you're a B to him.
preraph Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 He just enjoys being able to go tell his friends a woman at work is nuts about him -- that he isn't interested in. He's had ample opportunity. And he just keeps saying no. 1
GR4 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Why not just ask him out on a date? That's the whole point of a date, to find out if you're compatible. I don't understand this whole trying to get him to help you with a work project.
Author thejabberwocky Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 I'd say most guys classify women as follows: A. Potential girlfriend B. Not seeing her like that (want to make her my girlfriend) but I'd have sex with her C. Not interested My GUESS is that you're a B to him. He may not want a girlfriend right now but he also doesn't know me very well. I also am recently out of a long relationship, so I'm not sure I necessarily want a boyfriend just yet. I just want to hangout and get to know him better. My ex was like that. He and I just hungout casually for months and once we knew each other better, we decided to pursue a relationship. It lasted 6 years.
Author thejabberwocky Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Why not just ask him out on a date? That's the whole point of a date, to find out if you're compatible. I don't understand this whole trying to get him to help you with a work project. I did ask him to get a drink, and he was busy. He never asked me again. I'm not just going to ask him out over and over - that is so awkward! The work project was a perfect idea bc 1) I really did need help with it and 2) I'd get to spend time alone with him. But of course, it didn't work out.
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