thejabberwocky Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 So I started a new job and lo and behold, although I've sworn off dating after the demise of my 6-yr relationship, I have a crush on a coworker. Because the job is part-time, I hardly ever see him (as we work different shifts) and we're not scheduled together for the next month. Ugh. He recently got my number (for a work-related thing) but hasn't used it other than that. I think maybe he's avoiding asking me out because 1) I just started and 2) we work together, but how do I tell? Recently, a different coworker commented that she hates working with him because he "never talks" and is boring... well when I work with him, starting from the day we met, we talk constantly about absolutely everything, so he may like me. I also invited him to a party tomorrow night, which he said he may attend, but the problem is, he's working late that night and the party is far away from where we work. He wouldn't make it until after midnight. So if he shows up, he really must like me because it is very inconvenient for him, but if he doesn't, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like me either. He could just be tired (our job is very draining). How do I proceed? I wish we worked together this month so I could spend more time with him and figure it out. I have been in perpetual relationships since my teens, so I have no idea what to do here. And what if he's avoiding it because we do work together?
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 If you want to see him outside of work just ask him out for coffee. Skip the party and meet up with him after he gets off work. Tip: keep things simple. 1
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 8, 2016 Author Posted January 8, 2016 It's my best friend's party, I can't skip it. But I'm nervous asking him out because what if he isn't interested? And then I'm stuck working with him and being awkward! And the last time we talked, I had texted him (but it was about work), so I feel like maybe it's his turn to make a move? I mean, wouldn't he, if he was interested?
Brapting Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I had a similar situation that didn't go too good. If you like him, make it as obvious as possible without seeming desperate. I know that guys are supposed to make the first move blah blah blah. But it is just as scary for guys as it is for ladies. If you feel brave enough and you feel that you can deal with rejection and potential repercussions for your working environment...ask him out for a coffee.
truth_seeker Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 You invited him to your BF's party. I'd say that's a move on your part. You also mentioned that you hardly see each other at work. So why the fear of awkwardness if he says no? You should ask him out. If it doesn't work, you get turned down, blame it on you rebounding from a 6 year relationship. You weren't thinking clearly. Just like a girl is horny, gets drunk and sleeps with a guy. She doesn't want to come off as a slut, so she blames it on the alcohol.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 So he didn't show up to my friends party, and I drunkenly texted him in the middle of the night something like "aw I'm disappointed you couldn't make it!" To which he didn't respond to. I'm embarrassed now! I feel like I'm harassing or chasing him. I invite him to the party and then I complain that he didn't come. Is this salvageable at this point? Do you think he just figured I was drunk and not that I'm obsessed with him or something? Is there still a chance he may like me or should I just let it go? And I won't see him at work for the rest of the month.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 It doesn't sound like he is interested so you should just cut your losses. The worst thing you can to yourself is continue to read into everything he says or does and keep this crush alive. Be nice to him when you see him but mentally move on. As for embarrassment, don't worry. He was probably flattered. If you don't initiate anything again, he will forget about it in no time.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 He ended up texting me the next day, apologizing for not making the party and saying he hoped I had a great time. Was he just being polite? I mean, he didn't have to say anything. I wish I worked with him more or could see him outside of work. He doesn't really know me, so maybe he'd be interested if we could spend actual time together? And I don't think he has any idea I'm interested, and he probably doesn't want to look creepy as I just started this job. I don't know how to proceed from here.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 Oh, and can I make up a reason to see him outside of work? Like ask him to help me with something, etc or is that crazy? I just want to see what he's like in real life. I may not even like him when I get to know him!
Redhead14 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 So I started a new job and lo and behold, although I've sworn off dating after the demise of my 6-yr relationship, I have a crush on a coworker. Because the job is part-time, I hardly ever see him (as we work different shifts) and we're not scheduled together for the next month. Ugh. He recently got my number (for a work-related thing) but hasn't used it other than that. I think maybe he's avoiding asking me out because 1) I just started and 2) we work together, but how do I tell? Recently, a different coworker commented that she hates working with him because he "never talks" and is boring... well when I work with him, starting from the day we met, we talk constantly about absolutely everything, so he may like me. I also invited him to a party tomorrow night, which he said he may attend, but the problem is, he's working late that night and the party is far away from where we work. He wouldn't make it until after midnight. So if he shows up, he really must like me because it is very inconvenient for him, but if he doesn't, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like me either. He could just be tired (our job is very draining). How do I proceed? I wish we worked together this month so I could spend more time with him and figure it out. I have been in perpetual relationships since my teens, so I have no idea what to do here. And what if he's avoiding it because we do work together? How long has it been since that relationship ended? I don't want to squash your enthusiasm, but if it's fairly recent, less than a year, please tread lightly in the dating arena. That being said, if you read these boards, you will see that the majority of us "girls" recommend that the woman let the man lead in the very beginning and for a little while. From what I can tell here, he's got a clue that you like him at least because you did invite him to the party and, I'd say, that you likely exhibited your "interest" when you do talk with each other based on the enthusiasm you do convey in this thread and the fact that you gave him your number. Try to rein it in a little and let him come to you. Be receptive and responsive, don't initiate yet. He has your number, he will use it if he is so inclined. If he is avoiding it because you work together, then he is using his own best judgement for keeping things platonic between office mates and I would not attempt to do anything that crosses that boundary until he makes it clear that that isn't the case.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 How long has it been since that relationship ended? I don't want to squash your enthusiasm, but if it's fairly recent, less than a year, please tread lightly in the dating arena. That being said, if you read these boards, you will see that the majority of us "girls" recommend that the woman let the man lead in the very beginning and for a little while. From what I can tell here, he's got a clue that you like him at least because you did invite him to the party and, I'd say, that you likely exhibited your "interest" when you do talk with each other based on the enthusiasm you do convey in this thread and the fact that you gave him your number. Try to rein it in a little and let him come to you. Be receptive and responsive, don't initiate yet. He has your number, he will use it if he is so inclined. If he is avoiding it because you work together, then he is using his own best judgement for keeping things platonic between office mates and I would not attempt to do anything that crosses that boundary until he makes it clear that that isn't the case. I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago and I am so much happier, so I'm not really worried about "rebounding" or anything. A couple other things: I invited a few people from work including him to the party, and I didn't give him my number, he has it for work-related reasons. I'm worried that he hasn't even thought about asking me out because I'm new and it may come off creepy (if I wasn't interested). But on the other hand, we don't see each other often and therefore he may not know me well enough to feel comfortable doing that?
Redhead14 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago and I am so much happier, so I'm not really worried about "rebounding" or anything. A couple other things: I invited a few people from work including him to the party, and I didn't give him my number, he has it for work-related reasons. I'm worried that he hasn't even thought about asking me out because I'm new and it may come off creepy (if I wasn't interested). But on the other hand, we don't see each other often and therefore he may not know me well enough to feel comfortable doing that? Sure, that may be the case. No matter what, leave it to him to come to you. Like I said, be receptive, responsive, continue developing rapport and let it develop if it is going to. Does the company have and kind of policy regarding office relationships, nepotism, etc? What position does he hold and what is his relationship to you in terms of employment hierarchy? That may have something to do with it all as well. Make sure you know the company policies. Since you really don't know him well yet, I think it's best to err on the side of caution because if you make the first move and he is not receptive to office romance or is precluded from doing so or simply is of the opinion that that is inappropriate, he may not receive it well. Sit back. And, don't kid yourself about not "rebounding". There is often a period of euphoria when a woman has finally let go but it also clouds her ability to see these kinds of things clearly and rush into it because it does feel so good. This is a new job, a new beginning for you. These are big things in a "newly" single woman's life. I'd continue to focus on these things and get truly established and living in your own, new skin for a while before trying to add a new relationship to it as well. If this happens, great, but keep your eye on the ball -- YOU.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 Sure, that may be the case. No matter what, leave it to him to come to you. Like I said, be receptive, responsive, continue developing rapport and let it develop if it is going to. Does the company have and kind of policy regarding office relationships, nepotism, etc? What position does he hold and what is his relationship to you in terms of employment hierarchy? That may have something to do with it all as well. Make sure you know the company policies. Since you really don't know him well yet, I think it's best to err on the side of caution because if you make the first move and he is not receptive to office romance or is precluded from doing so or simply is of the opinion that that is inappropriate, he may not receive it well. Sit back. And, don't kid yourself about not "rebounding". There is often a period of euphoria when a woman has finally let go but it also clouds her ability to see these kinds of things clearly and rush into it because it does feel so good. This is a new job, a new beginning for you. These are big things in a "newly" single woman's life. I'd continue to focus on these things and get truly established and living in your own, new skin for a while before trying to add a new relationship to it as well. If this happens, great, but keep your eye on the ball -- YOU. Thank you so much for your advice! This job is actually not my career (or his either!), it's part-time to help pay the bills until I'm better established at my real job. There are no rules about employees dating, he is not my boss, and I don't expect to work there long. The biggest thing that could happen by my being rejected or us dating is that I would be the office gossip - which I don't particularly want, but at the same time, this is the first guy I've been excited about since my breakup. I just wish I could see him more to move this along!
truth_seeker Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 OP - you realize this guy, your co-worker, at your new job, would be your rebound?
Redhead14 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Thank you so much for your advice! This job is actually not my career (or his either!), it's part-time to help pay the bills until I'm better established at my real job. There are no rules about employees dating, he is not my boss, and I don't expect to work there long. The biggest thing that could happen by my being rejected or us dating is that I would be the office gossip - which I don't particularly want, but at the same time, this is the first guy I've been excited about since my breakup. I just wish I could see him more to move this along! Ok, that's a good thing. Just try to relax and breathe If it is to be, it will happen. Focus on your new life and keep doing things that make you happy in it now, especially, to help keep your mind off this guy. You need to keep your wits about you and be poised and centered so that, if he does come to you, you are secure and confident and not a giddy school girl I'm teasing you with that last part, of course, but just a little. I can tell you're excited and that it's a nice feeling. Good luck.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 Hi guys! I have a crush on a coworker. If you didn't read my last post, basically I have no idea if he likes me and our job is part-time so I rarely see him. I invited him (and a few other coworkers) to a friend's party last weekend but he couldn't make it (as he ended up covering MY shift at work and got out super late - ironic). He texted me the next day to apologize for missing it which was nice. But we weren't scheduled together for the rest of the month so I figured whatever this may be will be put on hold. But I was moved! I'm now working with him tonight! I don't know how to act or proceed now? I've never really dated, having been in long-term relationships forever. Is it considered a "move" I made on him since I invited him to a party? Should I let him come to me? Be more flirtatious? I don't think he has any idea I'm interested, and since I'm new, maybe he doesn't want to creep me out. I also don't want to ask him out, because I'm not sure he's interested, then I'd be the source of office gossip for no reason. I've thought about making up a dumb reason to hangout with him... like, oh can you help me with [something] and I will buy you a drink in exchange? I want to see him outside of work! How do you handle a work crush?
truth_seeker Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Just ask him after your shift is over if you want to grab some food at the local pub or whatever is near your work. If he declines, take that as a sign. If he says yes, then you can push it further when you're hanging out. If gossip starts because he said no, play it off as you didn't want to go eat alone and he's a friend. 2
preraph Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 If you weren't working around him before and yet you invited him to a nonwork party, I think he knows you're interested. And he didn't come, for whatever reason, but seems like the ball might be in his court.
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 At work you act professionally, cordial but not much more. Asking him to grab a drink with you after work is absolutely an option. Fingers crossed, he may ask you!
smackie9 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 AGAIN, just ask him out. So what if nothing happens....if he isn't into you then you can move on.
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 Just ask him after your shift is over if you want to grab some food at the local pub or whatever is near your work. If he declines, take that as a sign. If he says yes, then you can push it further when you're hanging out. If gossip starts because he said no, play it off as you didn't want to go eat alone and he's a friend. I've thought about this but I'm a bit nervous. Plus the party thing just happened. Should I wait a few weeks and see what happens?
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 If you weren't working around him before and yet you invited him to a nonwork party, I think he knows you're interested. And he didn't come, for whatever reason, but seems like the ball might be in his court. This is sorta how I feel too but maybe it's not clear enough, as I did invite a few coworkers?
Author thejabberwocky Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 AGAIN, just ask him out. So what if nothing happens....if he isn't into you then you can move on. THIS makes me super nervous. I've never really asked a guy out and we don't know each other that well. I'd rather find a non-commital way to hangout with him outside of work and know him better before risk embarrassing for myself. What if he's awful in real life?!
Buddhist Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I've thought about making up a dumb reason to hangout with him... like, oh can you help me with [something] and I will buy you a drink in exchange? I want to see him outside of work! How do you handle a work crush? Don't do this, it's amateur hour. What you do is be friendly with him at work (no flirting) and then just say that since he missed the party would he like to meet up outside of work sometime. Keep it neutral, friendly, can be construed either way. Save your flirting until you're off the job premises.
smackie9 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Who said going for a coffee or a drink is committal??? It's just hanging out. Stop making excuses.
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