Arda199 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 hey guys i'll try to sum it up as much i can i've been with my gf over a year now we broke up twice before, so this is our third try if you like to call it like that. Anyway she used to get upset with me for really unreasonable stuff like going out with my friends or getting busy in collage... and i always say sorry-i don't mean it-for everything just calm her down a lil bit. Two weeks ago she got mad at me because i didn't reply to her text and told me that i don't deserve her :/ that got me really frustrated and i told her i had enough putting up to this and she should grow up and stop crying for silly stuff, now she is cold towards me and told me that she really loves me but what i said hurt her so bad although i've apologized a million times. yesterday she said that she will forgive me but she needs me to behave well and talk to her more often but when i ever text her she ignores me completely??????? I really love her so much and i know she loves me and would never cheat on me but i can't seem to understand her and i don't know what to do to make this right
elaine567 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Believe me when I say this, off and on relationships DO NOT WORK. The fact you have split up 2 times in a year is ridiculous, and despite all that trauma, you are still not blissfully happy together either, so it is time to finally draw a line under this. 4
preraph Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 She sounds silly, like you said, and immature. So I would say maybe she's just not mature enough to date. Because if this is her as a 30 year old, I'd flee. If you're going to take a stand, do not apologize for it. That's part of the problem. You're like a parent who tells their kid not to do something and then lets them get away with it so you don't have to bear the fallout from it. 1
Httm Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 If there is one break, it is done. Lesson i learned young. Move on. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 You're relationship is dysfunctional. You already broke up 3x. Why go for 4? Let her go. Neither of you know what true love is or you wouldn't repeatedly have these blow out relationship ending fights over nonsense. 2
red.velvet Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Just stop texting her and live your life. When she's done sulking, you have to tell her that you have other things going for you, so you can't text her 24/7. Set the expectations instead of apologizing. If she doesn't like them, then end the relationship permanently. I agree with other posters though, on and off relationships dont work in the long run.
xcupid Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Why are you putting up with this drama at all? She's manipulating you. She needs to grow up. Sorry to say but she doesn't sound like someone you want to be involved with unless you like unwanted drama in your life. 2
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Out of curiosity why you don't reply to her text?
Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 hey guys i'll try to sum it up as much i can i've been with my gf over a year now we broke up twice before, so this is our third try if you like to call it like that. Anyway she used to get upset with me for really unreasonable stuff like going out with my friends or getting busy in collage... and i always say sorry-i don't mean it-for everything just calm her down a lil bit. Two weeks ago she got mad at me because i didn't reply to her text and told me that i don't deserve her :/ that got me really frustrated and i told her i had enough putting up to this and she should grow up and stop crying for silly stuff, now she is cold towards me and told me that she really loves me but what i said hurt her so bad although i've apologized a million times. yesterday she said that she will forgive me but she needs me to behave well and talk to her more often but when i ever text her she ignores me completely??????? I really love her so much and i know she loves me and would never cheat on me but i can't seem to understand her and i don't know what to do to make this right Apologizing for something without attempting to remedy or accommodate or compromise in some way and following through when a partner expresses a need is an empty apology. "i don't mean it -- for everything just calm her down a lil bit -- What this says is that you've apologized to her just to keep her quiet not because you are really sorry and will make an attempt to do better. That being said, though, if she is demanding constant communication and truly being clingy/needy, that's a different story. But, most women want and need good, consistent communication from a man. A man who "disappears" for a few days because he's busy, causes her to be anxious. If you read these boards, you will see the difference between a woman being clingy/needy and a woman is just needs a little reassurance and support from a man in terms of communication. but when i ever text her she ignores me completely? -- Her behavior is immature, but, don't text her, give her a call. If she doesn't pick up you leave a message to point out that you have attempted to accommodate her request by texting and reaching out and she needs to acknowledge that effort and to please return your call. However, she may just be giving you a taste of your own medicine to let you see how it makes her feel . . .
Author Arda199 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Posted February 17, 2016 Out of curiosity why you don't reply to her text? She texted me "I'm going out with my friends see you later, love you." i just didn't feel it is necessary to reply
Author Arda199 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Posted February 17, 2016 i really don't know guys i'm afraid if i broke up with her i'll go back being sad and depressed as i used to during our second break up... I know she will never change I also know she loves me so i'm really confused
Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 She texted me "I'm going out with my friends see you later, love you." i just didn't feel it is necessary to reply I would have said something like "great, have a good time. Love you too. Give me a call later". Demonstrate that you are putting more effort into communication, while giving her space. It sounds as though that is what you are wanting as well. If you are busy or going out with friends and she texts you, take a second to let her know you're busy, going out whatever and that you will be in touch later. Ignoring, not responding to her leaves her in the dark wondering and usually starts blowing things up in her mind. It takes 2 seconds to do that. Read some of the threads on these boards and see how a simply little thing can go a long way to maintaining a relationship.
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 She texted me "I'm going out with my friends see you later, love you." i just didn't feel it is necessary to reply That is such a stupid thing to break up over. This woman is incredibly immature. i really don't know guys i'm afraid if i broke up with her i'll go back being sad and depressed as i used to during our second break up... I know she will never change I also know she loves me so i'm really confused Happiness comes from within. It's not a function of being in a relationship. Yes, the end of any relationship is sad but it's also a growth & learning process. You can't stay with an immature drama queen just because you don't want to be sad. Wake up. She doesn't love you & you don't love her. You are simply afraid of change. That is no reason to continue on this self defeating, destructive path. 2
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 She texted me "I'm going out with my friends see you later, love you." i just didn't feel it is necessary to reply Now you know she wants an acknowledgement when she text you. How hard is it to text back 'have fun, be safe'. ? 1
Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Now you know she wants an acknowledgement when she text you. How hard is it to text back 'have fun, be safe'. ? I agree with you, Gaeta . . . These two are really young apparently. If they were "older", I might tell him to move on. But, I'm seeing this as a learning opportunity for the future for then both. Teach/show them what good communication means and how to mutually respect each other.
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Knowing that his (now EX) GF wants replies to her texts it is not a difficult thing for a caring BF to provide. However, this girl's choice to give him the silent him rather than discuss her preferences & accept his apology is insipid. The failure to respond to that particular text is not the type of oversight that merits this level of drama & angst. She's a needy, insecure, drama queen & this is the 3rd freakin' time these two have broken up over petty nonsense. This relationship isn't working. They are both at fault but should not remain together. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Basically, the table was turned. He didn't get a response as quickly as he would have liked. He started assuming she wasn't forgiving him and came on here. Now he's seeing what goes on for her.
Httm Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 i really don't know guys i'm afraid if i broke up with her i'll go back being sad and depressed as i used to during our second break up... I know she will never change I also know she loves me so i'm really confused It is over in the long term, whether you acknowledge it or not. You aren't confused. Love isn't enough to make people compatible relationship partners. 1
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I agree with you, Gaeta . . . These two are really young apparently. If they were "older", I might tell him to move on. But, I'm seeing this as a learning opportunity for the future for then both. Teach/show them what good communication means and how to mutually respect each other. I agree with you. I would not suggest they break up. I want him to know that women aren't like men. It's not because he thinks that a text doesn't require an answer that she feels the same way. Answer her darn text to make her happy even if you think it's a waste of time.
smackie9 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 If you want this to work, you have to abide by her expectations, so that means texting her all the time, respond to her texts immediately, and put her first above your friends and school work. If that sounds unreasonable you, then I suggest you eliminate her from the equation and move on, because there is no way she is going to change her demands.
Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 i really don't know guys i'm afraid if i broke up with her i'll go back being sad and depressed as i used to during our second break up... I know she will never change I also know she loves me so i'm really confused Listen, if the only reason you don't want to end it is because you are afraid of going through the emotional process of a break up, you aren't staying with her for the right reasons. If you are convinced that she isn't going to change and you stay in it with some hope that she will, all you are doing is stringing yourself along. If these issues and/or others existed and caused the first break up and they were never resolved, things are just never going to change, it's just time to end it once and for all. The couples who break up and get back together successfully, are couples who took the time apart to understand, work on and resolve the issues that caused the original break up and come into the relationship again with eyes open and fully engaged in maintaining the relationship on a mutual basis. You two don't have the life skills/relationship skills required to maintain a relationship. That comes with experience and learning from past experiences. End it now, learn from it and continue focusing on your life, and your education. When you have a vision for your life, and have the important things in your life on track, then you can add to all that by finding someone who compliments your life in a balanced way. For now, just date casually, not for an established relationship yet. I posted originally to try to shed some light on the mutual contribution to the communication problem you were having an kinda encouraging to work on this. But when I read the statement you opened with on this quoted post, I said, yeah, this is done and needs to end.
Wewon Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 hey guys i'll try to sum it up as much i can i've been with my gf over a year now we broke up twice before, so this is our third try if you like to call it like that. Anyway she used to get upset with me for really unreasonable stuff like going out with my friends or getting busy in collage... and i always say sorry-i don't mean it-for everything just calm her down a lil bit. Two weeks ago she got mad at me because i didn't reply to her text and told me that i don't deserve her :/ that got me really frustrated and i told her i had enough putting up to this and she should grow up and stop crying for silly stuff, now she is cold towards me and told me that she really loves me but what i said hurt her so bad although i've apologized a million times. yesterday she said that she will forgive me but she needs me to behave well and talk to her more often but when i ever text her she ignores me completely??????? I really love her so much and i know she loves me and would never cheat on me but i can't seem to understand her and i don't know what to do to make this right If it were me, I would say good riddance. Let me 'splain: When considering spending the rest of your life (or a long time) with someone, you have to consider patterns of behavior. Behavior, especially repeated behavior stems from certain attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions of the world. Someone that milks apologies, makes unreasonable request etc. seems to come from some weird need for power/control. In other words, your girlfriend sounds like some version of the North American bully and will always look for some kind of hook or handle to grab onto to force a submission out of you. She's already tried the unreasonable demand route, you've experienced multiple break ups, she's pushed your buttons until you essentially read her the riot act, now she's pouting and extending yet another demand. I doubt that this will end, she will only change her methods. What's worse, you will grow to resent all of the adjustments that you will have to make in the name of keeping the peace.
GR4 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 She sounds immature and a nightmare to be honest. As someone else said on/off relationships don't work. This relationship is going nowhere so I'd end it if I were in your shoes. I've always told myself that after one breakup I'd maybe consider giving things another shot. After a second breakup I'm done, it's clearly not going to work after that. People who are meant to be together don't breakup, especially numerous times in a year. Simple as that really.
normal person Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Two weeks ago she got mad at me because i didn't reply to her text and told me that i don't deserve her :/ Anyone who makes the logical jump from "he didn't respond to my text" to "he doesn't deserve me" without any deeper consideration isn't worth your time and likely has some other issues not worth dealing with. Do yourself a favor and break up with her, you'll thank me later on. Best of luck.
preraph Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I agree it all just sounds very immature. More like playing house and less like a real relationship.
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