dgiirl Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest Stop asking questions that you will never know the answer to, and start looking at the positives in your life - you have two arms, two legs, a beating heart, a healthy body and an active mind... there are people living their lives in wheelchairs with none of the blessings you have. This is very sound advice. Beth, you know my story, and the positives is the only thing that made me get through the day. I could either dwell on the fact that my husband never loved me, or dwell on the fact that I can go back to my home city and spend more time with my friends. I flip flop, but I really try to stay focused and excited about the second choice. Find something positive that will make you excited about what's going on. Either going to the movies with friends, going shopping for sexy clothes so guys can drool over you. I just bought a pair of jeans and went for a walk, a guy honked his horn and yelled out the window at me lol Been a VERY long time since that has happened to me. Go out, and just start smiling at anybody (guy/girl old/young), you'll start to see people smiling back at you and it makes you feel good Appreciate the little things, and just keep moving Stick to NC, and you'll be fine. I don't know what else to suggest as I still haven't found the way to meet people, so if anyone else has ideas, share them! (I can recommend dating sites if you are cautious, but that's just my personal opinion). Salsa lessons!!! My friend is taking them right now, and he's met many many single people. Once I move, I think i'm going to try, unless I chicken out lol And DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM, because Beth, he ain't sitting there feeling sorry for you! He isn't worth all these emotions you are giving him! So stop destroying yourself and start healing! This is soooo true. If you broke NC, you would realize that he couldnt careless about what you were doing. I broke NC in the early stages, and I was shocked to realize my stbxh didnt give a flying flip, and was actually disgusted by me calling him. I never broke NC again. I actually feel liberated now because he doesnt see me in my emotional state, and I know I"m getting better. I'm sticking to NC because i'm healing, and if he ever did see me, I want him to see a strong person who doesnt care about him anymore. I dont want him seeing me wasting my life over him.
scarlyjones Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest Beth, only YOU have the power to let go or your emotions and your neediness And GIVE,..yourself to the DARK SIDE of the FORCE!!!
latefragment Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 beth, i completely relate. i fell really, really hard for this guy who ended up dumping me very rudely and unceremoniously last week. it truly almost killed me, i had suicidal thoughts for several days (and still have them). i get panic attacks in the middle of the night and in the mornings, worrying that i'll never see him again and it kills me... i am trying to do as you are doing - to move on, have faith and hope that everything happens for a reason and that i'm better off without this jerk, but i know, it helps me to read your posts because i feel the same way. it's like my mind won't let me let go of him, but i know i need to let go of him to survive... i'm glad to hear i'm not the only one who obssesses about these things to the point of panic attacks. i just wish the panic attacks would go away.
Author smile95 Posted June 14, 2005 Author Posted June 14, 2005 if it is any help, my panic attacks have lessened. They were set off at anything in the beginning. I, too, realize I need to move on, it is just so hard after loving him for 3 yrs. I still freak to think I will never talk to him again. I am doing NC, so it won't be me calling him. I hope that time helps. I never got closure and that is what is hard for me. He never said we were done. Iasked himto just at least text me if we were and nothing. So, I have chosen to do NC and see if time helps me see him for who he is and who everyone but me sees! Hang inthere and PM me anytime. I am prob about 3 wks ahead of everything you are about to go thru.
latefragment Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 Beth, I'm glad to hear that your panic attacks have lessened. I hope mine go away too. To be honest, I've always had panic attacks, whether it's over boys, school, work, or arguments with friends. But this one takes the cake. I'm just feeling so many mixed up emotions right now, anger at him, I want revenge, but I still want to be with him, it's so crazy. Thanks for your support. We need to hang in there together and figure out how to live our lives in a healthy way, huh? Sounds so easy on paper but so hard to do in practice....
latefragment Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 it totally sucks that you never got closure. i've found that more often than not there is no closure. the person who dumped you just fades slowly into the past, painfully slowly. they don't really care, nor do they know, that they are over you, they just want to go away and once enough time has passed, they are over you and there's no point crying over spilled milk. it just sucks for us emotional types who actually do have feelings, who need closure and explanations. god, it hurts just to write this, my stomach is turning somersaults. but anyway i just wanted you to know i totally understand why it's hard for you, when he doesn't just come right out and say forget about it. sometimes i almost prefer no closure because last week's unceremonious and mean dumping caused me so much acute pain... i would have almost preferred it to be sort of "unclosed" but maybe that's just the wimp in me talking...
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