My boyfriend of 3 months is the most BORING texter

[GorillaTheater]

Entertaining texting is a need now?

 

 

I fat-finger my phone so badly that it takes me a few minutes to type out a couple of lines. My sense of humor is pretty strained by then.

[AverageJoe1986]

I married before text. Somehow, we had a super exciting courtship without it.

 

We still barely text each other, and when we do it's usually something like:

 

me: need TP

him: k

 

Entertaining texting is a need now?

 

Talcum Powder? Tinned Peaches? Tom Petty? To Pee?

[xxoo]

Talcum Powder? Tinned Peaches? Tom Petty? To Pee?

 

Toilet paper!

 

Have you not seen Beavis and Butthead???? Now THAT is a requirement

 

http://orig07.deviantart.net/be16/f/2011/135/c/4/cornholio_by_marupage82-d3geyxs.jpg

[AverageJoe1986]

Toilet paper!

 

Have you not seen Beavis and Butthead???? Now THAT is a requirement

 

http://orig07.deviantart.net/be16/f/2011/135/c/4/cornholio_by_marupage82-d3geyxs.jpg

 

I have to say I remember it but don't think I ever actually watched it.

[losangelena]

Toilet paper!

 

Have you not seen Beavis and Butthead???? Now THAT is a requirement

 

http://orig07.deviantart.net/be16/f/2011/135/c/4/cornholio_by_marupage82-d3geyxs.jpg

 

As if I needed a reason to like you more. "I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!"

[S_A]

All guys seem to fail in the texting department. And that shouldn't be a knock against us. The only reason texting is a "department" is because younger women make it one. It's such a superficial thing to get pissed at a BF over.

 

My GF has complained about my texting, and everyone single one of her friends has complained about their SO's texting. I know this because they have actually complained about their SO's texting to me. What's funny is that most of these young women do not have any complaint or gripe with their male SO's other than the texting. I'm in my early 30's and seem to have barely fallen in to the age group/generation that puts such heavy emphasis on texting.

 

Texting is meant to have quick and meaningful exhanges of information when time permits, not to have long deep discussions about the emerging culture of anti-americanism in America and it's long-term impacts. While I may seem disengaged over text, it does not mean I do not love her to death and that I am not thinking about her 24/7.

[katiegrl]

Texting is meant to have quick and meaningful exhanges of information when time permits, not to have long deep discussions about the emerging culture of anti-americanism in America and it's long-term impacts. While I may seem disengaged over text, it does not mean I do not love her to death and that I am not thinking about her 24/7.

 

I love this! Thank you for posting that.... :bunny:

 

Not to mention.... isn't that all that matters anyway? That he loves you and is thinking about you?

 

It's all that matters to me anyway.

[joseb]

As if I needed a reason to like you more. "I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!"

 

Definitely my favourite scenes from B+B!

[S_A]

I love this! Thank you for posting that.... :bunny:

 

Not to mention.... isn't that all that matters anyway? That he loves you and is thinking about you?

 

It's all that matters to me anyway.

 

Yea, but the guy still gets chewed out in person over it. I've even provided actual examples of how often I thought about my GF, what I thought about, and in what context, but it still isn't enough. She still wants me to be more engaged via text.

 

My GF recently got upset over my texting a week ago. I was not responding to her texts. During the texts I was actually planning an amazing valentine's day date. Yes, I could have taken a minute to respond to her text that asked "How are you, babe", but I was too focused on the amazing and unique V-day date I was working on (date ended up being amazing of course )

 

As another example, my GF's friend broke a $150 dollar pair of sunglasses. As a surprise, her BF bought her a new replacement of those same glasses. He then shipped it to her front door. The GF was shocked to open the box and find a new pair of those glasses (no special oaccasion). Clearly, the BF thinks about his GF all the time. But guess what? She still chews him out over his texting behaviors. I understand that guys seem disengaged over text, but our texting behaviors are not an accurate measure of how much we care. Trust me on this.

Edited February 18, 2016 by S_A

[Jabron1]

If only they'd had texting when Shakespeare was writing Romeo and Juliet. He could've done away with the balcony scene altogether.

 

 

I bet Mercutio would have been one hell of an exciting texter.

 

Hamlet would write pithy exchanges to Ophelia...

 

"Doubt thou the stars are fire,

Doubt that the sun doth move,

Doubt truth to be a liar,

But never doubt I love."

 

I hated texting too. But, it's 2016. Adapt, or suffer.

[normal person]

I married before text. Somehow, we had a super exciting courtship without it.

 

We still barely text each other, and when we do it's usually something like:

 

me: need TP

him: k

 

Entertaining texting is a need now?

 

Lots of people communicate primarily through text now. It's a staple of communication in the modern world. You're married and your texts can be simply pragmatic because you don't have any pressure to impress. In the OP's case, and other cases people are describing above, if someone can't digitally present themselves well, it can be a problem as now it plays a large role in courtship. People today have different expectations. We're living an increasingly digital world. We meet people digitally and we interact with them digitally. Sucking at it is just as bad as being boring or having nothing to say in person.

 

Not long ago people would go on blind dates. They'd just trust their friend's or coworker's judgment and spend a few hours with someone they've never met. Now few young people would consider going out with a stranger without seeing a profile picture, a full body picture to make sure they aren't fat, another to make sure they aren't just playing with angles and clothes to appear "deceptively" thin, an instagram account, a check with mutual friends on Facebook to make sure they aren't "creepy," a Google search of their name, etc.

 

To a lot of people the digital space and appearances are just as important as the real ones. Whether or not it's good or bad is beside the point. Like it or not, it's the way things are now. Your opinions on it aren't going to change it for everyone else.

 

 

People saying things like "I don't care about the quality of texting, so you shouldn't either" to the OP aren't solving anything. Everyone has different preferences. It's like saying "I don't care that my husband doesn't make much money, so you shouldn't care that yours doesn't either." Everyone's got a right to take issue with things that don't sit well with them. Their practicality is debatable, their validity shouldn't be.

[S_A]

Sucking at it is just as bad as being boring or having nothing to say in person.

 

Whoa. That's an exaggeration. If it were true then almost all guys would be single; I'd be single.

 

Whether or not it's good or bad is beside the point. Like it or not, it's the way things are now. Your opinions on it aren't going to change it for everyone else.

 

People saying things like "I don't care about the quality of texting, so you shouldn't either" to the OP aren't solving anything. Everyone has different preferences. It's like saying "I don't care that my husband doesn't make much money, so you shouldn't care that yours doesn't either." Everyone's got a right to take issue with things that don't sit well with them. Their practicality is debatable, their validity shouldn't be.

 

The example you provide is not a good example either IMO. To me it sounds like you think the minority should conform to the majority. Which is fine because the overwhelming majority of guys suck at texting, and that isn't going to chage either. Guys do fine at first during the honeymoon phase, but after that our texting "etiquette" goes down hill.

 

And you can never compare non in-person communication (like texting) with live in-person communication. If they were both just as meaningful, then people that break up via text wouldn't be considered douches.

Edited February 18, 2016 by S_A

[Wewon]

Lots of people communicate primarily through text now. It's a staple of communication in the modern world. You're married and your texts can be simply pragmatic because you don't have any pressure to impress. In the OP's case, and other cases people are describing above, if someone can't digitally present themselves well, it can be a problem as now it plays a large role in courtship. People today have different expectations. We're living an increasingly digital world. We meet people digitally and we interact with them digitally. Sucking at it is just as bad as being boring or having nothing to say in person.

 

....

 

People saying things like "I don't care about the quality of texting, so you shouldn't either" to the OP aren't solving anything. Everyone has different preferences. It's like saying "I don't care that my husband doesn't make much money, so you shouldn't care that yours doesn't either." Everyone's got a right to take issue with things that don't sit well with them. Their practicality is debatable, their validity shouldn't be.

 

 

One thing that isn't being taken into account is that the OP is not some guy complaining about how the world is versus what he wishes, in this particular case the OP is the actor, she isn't being acted upon. So the input that she's being given is simply challenging the logic that she is using.

 

It would be analogous to a guy posting considering breaking up with his girlfriend because she has stretchmarks or split ends. The response that he would get would not be about to change reality, but to get him to consider what he's prioritizing.

 

Ultimately the OP is going to make whatever decisions she wants, but I think that she started this thread for a reason. Its not like she doesn't know this guy, this isn't a text that she got without other crucial information about him. She already knows enough about him to rank him as one of the kindest men that she's dated. So its up to her to take a critical look at herself and how she is going to weigh this information into the equation.

[AverageJoe1986]

Hamlet would write pithy exchanges to Ophelia...

 

"Doubt thou the stars are fire,

Doubt that the sun doth move,

Doubt truth to be a liar,

But never doubt I love."

 

I hated texting too. But, it's 2016. Adapt, or suffer.

 

After his predictive text had changed stars into stairs for the sixth time he'd have flown into a rage and wiped out half of Elsinore three acts early.

[jen1447]

Ultimately the OP is going to make whatever decisions she wants, but I think that she started this thread for a reason. Its not like she doesn't know this guy, this isn't a text that she got without other crucial information about him. She already knows enough about him to rank him as one of the kindest men that she's dated. So its up to her to take a critical look at herself and how she is going to weigh this information into the equation.

 

Actually the only comments that OP's made that shed any real light on her thinking are these -

 

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. I'm worried this is a peak into him actually being a boring guy overall. It sucks because finally I meet a guy who really likes me, wants to hang out with me, takes care of me, seems to want some kind of future, etc. but he's not not as exciting as I'd hoped.

 

And this is why I needed to make this post.

 

I didn't know if me being picky was a form of self sabotage to avoid getting hurt or if it truly is a deal breaker.

So the rest of this moratorium on texting and texting values in the 21st century stuff has been entirely our doing. She's just worried that he's as boring as he seems and that she might be self-sabotaging to avoid hurt.

[jen1447]

The example you provide is not a good example either IMO. To me it sounds like you think the minority should conform to the majority. Which is fine because the overwhelming majority of guys suck at texting, and that isn't going to chage either. Guys do fine at first during the honeymoon phase, but after that our texting "etiquette" goes down hill.

 

And you can never compare non in-person communication (like texting) with live in-person communication. If they were both just as meaningful, then people that break up via text wouldn't be considered douches.

 

normal didn't make any conformity demands S_A, just pointed out that texting exists as a modern form of communication and as such should be acknowledged, even by ppl who don't like it, and that ppl who do like it pretty much have to be allowed that discretion. (This discussion kinda reminds me of the geriatric rebellion against computers and cell phones in general lol. No reason for a cell phone when you can just call on the landline. )

 

btw I've never had a BF or even dated a guy who was a 'bad' texter, so I'm not sure this is really a gender thing. I think it's legit to say that men and women generally want to text (and talk in general) about diff things, but not that women universally put 90% of the texting effort in.

[serial muse]

Lots of people communicate primarily through text now. It's a staple of communication in the modern world. You're married and your texts can be simply pragmatic because you don't have any pressure to impress. In the OP's case, and other cases people are describing above, if someone can't digitally present themselves well, it can be a problem as now it plays a large role in courtship. People today have different expectations. We're living an increasingly digital world. We meet people digitally and we interact with them digitally. Sucking at it is just as bad as being boring or having nothing to say in person.

 

Not long ago people would go on blind dates. They'd just trust their friend's or coworker's judgment and spend a few hours with someone they've never met. Now few young people would consider going out with a stranger without seeing a profile picture, a full body picture to make sure they aren't fat, another to make sure they aren't just playing with angles and clothes to appear "deceptively" thin, an instagram account, a check with mutual friends on Facebook to make sure they aren't "creepy," a Google search of their name, etc.

 

To a lot of people the digital space and appearances are just as important as the real ones. Whether or not it's good or bad is beside the point. Like it or not, it's the way things are now. Your opinions on it aren't going to change it for everyone else.

 

 

People saying things like "I don't care about the quality of texting, so you shouldn't either" to the OP aren't solving anything. Everyone has different preferences. It's like saying "I don't care that my husband doesn't make much money, so you shouldn't care that yours doesn't either." Everyone's got a right to take issue with things that don't sit well with them. Their practicality is debatable, their validity shouldn't be.

 

I mean, I agree with you in principle, although I am a woman and an old (40s) who finds the thought of texting long conversations headache-inducing. But certainly I want to have certain kinds of exchanges with someone I'm with, that feel fun and flirty.

 

I guess the thing is that just as we can't project our feelings about texting onto the OP, and make a value judgment of her feelings, neither can she do the same onto this guy she's dating. Right? I mean, he may be a fabulous person but doesn't see texting as the venue with which to convey that. Does that mean he's not putting in sufficient effort? I wouldn't say so, and apparently neither would the OP, because she says he's very caring and attentive; she's just got more time on her hands and she's using it to worry, as humans are prone to do at the start of a relationship. He works long hours at his job and is apparently not into texting. If that's a dealbreaker for the OP, so be it, and she should tell him so. But let's not extrapolate that to meaning he's not putting in any effort or is somehow not as invested as she is. That isn't exactly fair, either.

 

If our role here at LS is to present different ways of looking at a particular issue, then I'd say we've succeeded.

Edited February 18, 2016 by serial muse

[Wewon]

Actually the only comments that OP's made that shed any real light on her thinking are these -

 

 

 

 

So the rest of this moratorium on texting and texting values in the 21st century stuff has been entirely our doing. She's just worried that he's as boring as he seems and that she might be self-sabotaging to avoid hurt.

 

I guess the point that I was hoping to make was that this isn't like the OP met this guy online and has had no other interactions with him other than texting.

 

She's got the benefit/burden of actually having conversations with the guy over 3 months and seeing who he is as a person. When we make decisions based on indicators (She did X so it likely follows that she also does Y) its because we don't have access to anything else. But people are commenting on her texting as if she doesn't have other things to go on.

 

I still say that this is like meeting someone, dating them for three months and then judging them harshly because you don't like their taste in music or they have sloppy handwriting. Most of us have friends and loved ones that have a trait that would look bad outside of the context of the whole package of who they are.

 

Again, the real question is how much does this weigh in the grand scheme of things?

[jen1447]

I guess the point that I was hoping to make was that this isn't like the OP met this guy online and has had no other interactions with him other than texting.

 

She's got the benefit/burden of actually having conversations with the guy over 3 months and seeing who he is as a person. When we make decisions based on indicators (She did X so it likely follows that she also does Y) its because we don't have access to anything else. But people are commenting on her texting as if she doesn't have other things to go on.

 

I still say that this is like meeting someone, dating them for three months and then judging them harshly because you don't like their taste in music or they have sloppy handwriting. Most of us have friends and loved ones that have a trait that would look bad outside of the context of the whole package of who they are.

 

Again, the real question is how much does this weigh in the grand scheme of things?

 

I understand but it actually could be significant if it indicated a general drop-off in interest. IOW, not just an isolated phenomenon that he doesn't text well but that he was once a more engaging texter and then stopped. That could be a sign he's withdrawing overall.

[katiegrl]

I understand but it actually could be significant if it indicated a general drop-off in interest. IOW, not just an isolated phenomenon that he doesn't text well but that he was once a more engaging texter and then stopped. That could be a sign he's withdrawing overall.

 

I don't recall reading where she said he used to be an engaging texter but then stopped.

Did I miss something?

 

100% agree with Wewon.

[normal person]

Whoa. That's an exaggeration. If it were true then almost all guys would be single; I'd be single.

 

The example you provide is not a good example either IMO. To me it sounds like you think the minority should conform to the majority. Which is fine because the overwhelming majority of guys suck at texting, and that isn't going to chage either. Guys do fine at first during the honeymoon phase, but after that our texting "etiquette" goes down hill.

 

Perhaps it's a bit of an exaggeration but given the choice, people will typically choose something that's not perfect (and complain about it) over nothing at all. It's human nature. Here we are in a thread about a guy who has nice qualities, but doesn't quite satisfy the OP in the way she wants.

 

I don't really concern myself with the minority/majority. But if you want someone more than they want you, that gives them some leverage over you so, you might have to comply to whatever they complain about, as trivial as it might seem.

 

 

And you can never compare non in-person communication (like texting) with live in-person communication. If they were both just as meaningful, then people that break up via text wouldn't be considered douches.

 

While I think it's right that you "shouldn't" compare it to in person communication, that doesn't mean that many people still won't assign it the same importance (or not as much, but still a significant amount). And if they're the person you're trying to appease, then you've got to play along or deal with the consequences. People today in their late 20s and beyond can get away with a bit of skepticism towards the digital-social world (you'll still encounter people who think OLD is "weird"), but I don't think future generations will have the same stigma at all towards digital interactions. I'd guess that they'll become more important than they are now, at least.

 

Now FaceTime and Skype are commonplace. Who knows what kind of technology we're going to be dealing with in the coming years, the etiquette we'll apply to it, and how it's going to affect us? Whatever happens, I'm pretty sure people aren't just going to say "it's not that important."

 

I agree that it's all a bit stupid and over the top sometimes, but I realize my opinions on it are irrelevant. Society is going to continue to evolve regardless of what I think, so I just try to keep pace to give myself the best odds of success.

[xxoo]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

 

OP, if you enjoy your boyfriend and find him to be caring and attentive, comparing him negatively to others who texted more entertainingly may lead to feeling less satisfied. Appreciate who he is.

 

Another reality check that has brought me perspective over the years is considering what my partner might be lovingly accepting about me instead of judging me harshly for small things. That's a humbling thought, and it makes me appreciate him more.

[xxoo]

 

While I think it's right that you "shouldn't" compare it to in person communication, that doesn't mean that many people still won't assign it the same importance (or not as much, but still a significant amount). And if they're the person you're trying to appease, then you've got to play along or deal with the consequences. People today in their late 20s and beyond can get away with a bit of skepticism towards the digital-social world (you'll still encounter people who think OLD is "weird"), but I don't think future generations will have the same stigma at all towards digital interactions. I'd guess that they'll become more important than they are now, at least.

 

Now FaceTime and Skype are commonplace. Who knows what kind of technology we're going to be dealing with in the coming years, the etiquette we'll apply to it, and how it's going to affect us? Whatever happens, I'm pretty sure people aren't just going to say "it's not that important."

 

I agree that it's all a bit stupid and over the top sometimes, but I realize my opinions on it are irrelevant. Society is going to continue to evolve regardless of what I think, so I just try to keep pace to give myself the best odds of success.

 

Has the OP said that her BF is unable or unwilling to use digital communication?

 

Of course digital communication is important. It is even for us "old" people (hey, look! I'm communicating digitally right now! )

 

This is more about being entertaining in his texts, not ability to use the medium appropriately. And they are already a couple. As long as he continues to woo and impress her in other ways, I believe it is wise to focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. Unless entertaining texting is a real deal breaker, and it if is, I'd hope that deal breaker was very closely examined.

[Wewon]

I understand but it actually could be significant if it indicated a general drop-off in interest. IOW, not just an isolated phenomenon that he doesn't text well but that he was once a more engaging texter and then stopped. That could be a sign he's withdrawing overall.

 

I would think that is true in isolation. I would see it as analogous to other behaviors some things drop off but other things pick up. When I first met my wife, we were going out to eat pretty much every time we met up, now we share our time doing a lot of other things so that one thing dropping off isn't so stark.

 

All other things still clicking and it simply could be him saying "Phew! I can finally stop this texting crap!"

 

I think that we all give people more slack simply because we know them and have a rapport.

[salparadise]

OP, are you holding up your end of the hilarity and providing high entertainment value, or do you see yourself more as a spectator in a comedy club where the guy on stage is supposed to entertain while you sit back and sip your drink? If there was a post describing how you perpetually entertain I must've missed it.

 

I can't help but be reminded of profiles that begin with "Love to laugh" or throw down the gauntlet wth "Can you intrigue me?" Which I always skipped due to seeing a one-sided expectation lurking beneath the surface that I had no inclination to suffer. Just once I'd like to see a woman promising that she can keep a man in stitches.