My boyfriend of 3 months is the most BORING texter

February 17, 2016

So, the guys I've dated in the past were always pretty funny, witty guys. I loved our text exchange. They'd say some pretty creative stuff that made texting enjoyable rather than a chore. My new boyfriend is probably a nicer, more giving guy but his texts are SO DAMN BORING. I know texting isn't everything and it's more important to base the relationship on our time in person, but it's hard to do so when we only see each other on weekends. We were planning our weekend out via text since the weather was going to be awesome and I said something that I thought was hilarious and he didn't acknowledge it, but rather ignored it for 5 hours then texted an unrelated, "How was your night?" Boring.

"Fine, how was yours?" "Fine. That's good." "good." "good. "great, well goodnight" "goodnight." "goodmorning." "how was your wednesday?" "Goodnight." "good morning." "how was thursday?" "Goodnight" "good morning how is your friday?"

February 17, 2016

If you find his texts boring, don't text him.

Call him instead.

February 17, 2016

So, the guys I've dated in the past were always pretty funny, witty guys. I loved our text exchange. They'd say some pretty creative stuff that made texting enjoyable rather than a chore. My new boyfriend is probably a nicer, more giving guy but his texts are SO DAMN BORING. I know texting isn't everything and it's more important to base the relationship on our time in person, but it's hard to do so when we only see each other on weekends. We were planning our weekend out via text since the weather was going to be awesome and I said something that I thought was hilarious and he didn't acknowledge it, but rather ignored it for 5 hours then texted an unrelated, "How was your night?" Boring.

"Fine, how was yours?" "Fine. That's good." "good." "good. "great, well goodnight" "goodnight." "goodmorning." "how was your wednesday?" "Goodnight." "good morning." "how was thursday?" "Goodnight" "good morning how is your friday?"

My GF calls my text "books"...once called them chinese fortune cookie text.

She ignores my texts and does the same thing that you describe. I dont get it....I miss falling asleep on the phone with girls.

February 17, 2016

So, the guys I've dated in the past were always pretty funny, witty guys. I loved our text exchange. They'd say some pretty creative stuff that made texting enjoyable rather than a chore. My new boyfriend is probably a nicer, more giving guy but his texts are SO DAMN BORING. I know texting isn't everything and it's more important to base the relationship on our time in person, but it's hard to do so when we only see each other on weekends. We were planning our weekend out via text since the weather was going to be awesome and I said something that I thought was hilarious and he didn't acknowledge it, but rather ignored it for 5 hours then texted an unrelated, "How was your night?" Boring.

"Fine, how was yours?" "Fine. That's good." "good." "good. "great, well goodnight" "goodnight." "goodmorning." "how was your wednesday?" "Goodnight." "good morning." "how was thursday?" "Goodnight" "good morning how is your friday?"

So, set up a new communication dynamic - pick up the phone and have a real conversation . . . get out of the texting habit to develop/maintain a relationship. It's impersonal, lacks color anyway. Having more phone calls and fewer texts is going to give more quality and maintain closeness. Hearing each others voices will help close up the space created by your dating schedule.

February 17, 2016

My GF calls my text "books"...once called them chinese fortune cookie text.

She ignores my texts and does the same thing that you describe. I dont get it....I miss falling asleep on the phone with girls.

I miss that too.

February 17, 2016

But we can't always talk on the phone. Our schedules don't always line up. Plus he's already told me he'd rather text than call.

February 17, 2016

But we can't always talk on the phone. Our schedules don't always line up. Plus he's already told me he'd rather text than call.

Well, then, there isn't anything wrong with saying something along the lines of "hey, I like hearing from you, but I'd like it if we had more substantial conversations. I wanna hear about your day, and tell you about mine, etc."

February 17, 2016

But we can't always talk on the phone. Our schedules don't always line up. Plus he's already told me he'd rather text than call.

That old chestnut!

How do you think people got together before mobiles and texting.

I really dislike people who say theyre too busy to call.

People have time to take a piss or take a dump.

Get real and just call him for 5 minutes if you cant stand his texts.

February 17, 2016

IMO lackluster anything comes from lackluster effort, which means the impetus is lacking. Is he like that in other interactions too, like just maybe a boring sorta guy? Or is he super cool otherwise? Not trying to shake you up but if someone's text game is weak it could mean bigger problems looming.

February 17, 2016

IMO lackluster anything comes from lackluster effort, which means the impetus is lacking. Is he like that in other interactions too, like just maybe a boring sorta guy? Or is he super cool otherwise? Not trying to shake you up but if someone's text game is weak it could mean bigger problems looming.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. I'm worried this is a peak into him actually being a boring guy overall. It sucks because finally I meet a guy who really likes me, wants to hang out with me, takes care of me, seems to want some kind of future, etc. but he's not not as exciting as I'd hoped.

February 17, 2016

In my experience, texting habits rarely change. Putting it bluntly, this is the way he is most likely going to text for the rest of your relationship, which might end up being a bigger problem as texting is sadly now one of the main ways to communicate.

If this is something that is important to you then I think you should have a serious discussion with your bf about this incompatibility.

February 17, 2016

If this is something that is important to you then I think you should have a serious discussion with your bf about this incompatibility.

"Hey boyfriend. You aren't witty via text. Can you perhaps redo your childhood to develop the texting personality I so desire?"

February 17, 2016

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. I'm worried this is a peak into him actually being a boring guy overall. It sucks because finally I meet a guy who really likes me, wants to hang out with me, takes care of me, seems to want some kind of future, etc. but he's not not as exciting as I'd hoped.

Well, how do you feel when you are with him in terms of conversation. Is he a good conversationalist in person? If he making you feel good overall, have a conversation with him about your needs and preferences. He told you what he likes, you tell him what you like. If you can't come to some kind of compromise on something so insignificant (which by the way in your case because of schedules, is actually big -- your main source of communicating, what's going to go down if there's something bigger. This a window opportunity to get a view to the future with him. How he responds to and deal with this will be telling. Without quality communication, the relationship will fail anyway. You're feeling that already. Heads up.

February 17, 2016

This would be a deal breaker for me. I need lively, funny texts to keep me interested.

Edited February 17, 2016 by Eternal Sunshine

February 17, 2016

I'm actually shocked that bad texting is a deal breaker. I mean, when you're first getting to know someone, sure, texting is important. But when I'm trying to talk to anyone who actually matters in my life, we have real conversations on the phone or in person. Maybe he's just busy and doesn't want to take the time to think of witty banter to text all day long. If that really is a requirement for you to have a healthy relationship, I'm going to be surprised if you find many men can keep that up for very long.

Does he have a demanding job? It's probably difficult to understand where he's coming from if you also don't have a demanding job/schedule. Also, he feels comfortable in your relationship so he doesn't feel like he needs to try so hard to keep you around anymore.

When I was younger and not that serious about dating, I'd write guys off for little things like this too. I guess my overall point is, having a relationship is not that important to you, if his boring texts are a deal-breaker. Or look at it this way- what went wrong with the charming, witty guys who sent you fun texts all the time? How are they different from your nice, but maybe boring guy?

February 17, 2016

I'm actually shocked that bad texting is a deal breaker. I mean, when you're first getting to know someone, sure, texting is important. But when I'm trying to talk to anyone who actually matters in my life, we have real conversations on the phone or in person. Maybe he's just busy and doesn't want to take the time to think of witty banter to text all day long. If that really is a requirement for you to have a healthy relationship, I'm going to be surprised if you find many men can keep that up for very long.

Does he have a demanding job? It's probably difficult to understand where he's coming from if you also don't have a demanding job/schedule. Also, he feels comfortable in your relationship so he doesn't feel like he needs to try so hard to keep you around anymore.

When I was younger and not that serious about dating, I'd write guys off for little things like this too. I guess my overall point is, having a relationship is not that important to you, if his boring texts are a deal-breaker. Or look at it this way- what went wrong with the charming, witty guys who sent you fun texts all the time? How are they different from your nice, but maybe boring guy?

The charming witty guys were never as invested as I was. They never seemed to care about my needs or if they did, not as much as I cared for their needs. I always had anxiety in these relationships because I was never confident that they truly loved me. This guy has always taken my needs into consideration. He's really kind, giving, and his interest in me is felt.

He does have a demanding job, but I didn't really think about it when complaining about his texts. Last week he worked 50+ hours. This week maybe only 40 at most. My job is slow at the moment, so I have all day to ponder **** .

February 17, 2016

Personally, I think it's really immature to write a PERSON, a possible life partner, off for boring texting. It makes me roll my eyes. Seriously....get a life people! A real one, if possible.

I hate texting as in having long conversations. I use it to let people know that I"m late, that I'm waiting at the corner of X and Y, that I'll get there in z minutes, to send them the address etc. Not to have conversations. Nothing more annoying than be attached to the darn phone and type all day long. I have things to do. If I want to have a conversation, I call.

February 17, 2016

Personally, I think it's really immature to write a PERSON, a possible life partner, off for boring texting. It makes me roll my eyes. Seriously....get a life people! A real one, if possible.

And this is why I needed to make this post.

I didn't know if me being picky was a form of self sabotage to avoid getting hurt or if it truly is a deal breaker.

February 17, 2016

IMO lackluster anything comes from lackluster effort, which means the impetus is lacking. Is he like that in other interactions too, like just maybe a boring sorta guy? Or is he super cool otherwise? Not trying to shake you up but if someone's text game is weak it could mean bigger problems looming.

The reason a lot of guys are bad at texting is because we text our friends dry statements, such as:

- You up for going out clubbing on Friday?

- Nah mate. I'm working late.

- Alright mate.

Straight to the point. So we end up doing the same with women.

It took me about six months of concerted effort to actually have some decent text-game. Before that, I would just stick to bland statements, or arranging logistics. A lot of guys do this, because, as well as the point above, they're terrified of screwing up over text. It's a recorded medium - say something stupid, and it's there forever.

Even most pick up artists suggest that men don't text for anything other than date proposals, or logistics. There's a thread on this forum suggesting the same:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/569789-why-texting-should-avoided-dating

This is because text-game has a learning curve, and mistakes are inevitable.

I disagree with the consensus. I think that, once past the growing pains, texting is very useful and fun. I may make a thread about texting for men at some point, because I have some different views and ideas on the subject.

I'm not sure about what the OP can do for her boyfriend in the short-term. Most guys don't even realise how much women love texting. Perhaps he doesn't even know this, OP? I'm guessing you haven't said anything to him.

February 17, 2016

The charming witty guys were never as invested as I was. They never seemed to care about my needs or if they did, not as much as I cared for their needs. I always had anxiety in these relationships because I was never confident that they truly loved me. This guy has always taken my needs into consideration. He's really kind, giving, and his interest in me is felt.

He does have a demanding job, but I didn't really think about it when complaining about his texts. Last week he worked 50+ hours. This week maybe only 40 at most. My job is slow at the moment, so I have all day to ponder **** .

This is exactly what I suspected. I used to work 60+ hours/week, traveled all the time, and barely had time to do laundry, let alone date. Or when I was a full-time grad student and worked 30 hours as well, guys I dated would get so angry that I didn't want to text them all the time. Anyway, try to enjoy the good things about this guy, and find something else to do with your day instead of obsess over his boring texts. I promise you, there's lots of other things you can be doing. And then your time with him will be that much more interesting, because you both will have more to talk about.

February 17, 2016

And this is why I needed to make this post.

I didn't know if me being picky was a form of self sabotage to avoid getting hurt or if it truly is a deal breaker.

IMO, a kind and loving man is worth his weight in gold, texting or no texting. Be "picky" about that. Never date arsholes no matter how fun texters they are.

February 17, 2016

The charming witty guys were never as invested as I was. They never seemed to care about my needs or if they did, not as much as I cared for their needs. I always had anxiety in these relationships because I was never confident that they truly loved me. This guy has always taken my needs into consideration. He's really kind, giving, and his interest in me is felt.

He does have a demanding job, but I didn't really think about it when complaining about his texts. Last week he worked 50+ hours. This week maybe only 40 at most. My job is slow at the moment, so I have all day to ponder **** .

This is the real issue, you aren't into this guy that much because he is a nice guy, is genuinely invested in you and cares for you. Has nothing to do with texting.

Struggling guys should read this topic over and over till it's etched in their brain.

Edited February 17, 2016 by lino
Added more text.

February 17, 2016

I have my gay BFF to text witty banter to all day long. I do not expect a boyfriend to fill that roll.

My favorite article on this subject ever written: Good Texters are Bad Boyfriends - Bad Text Messagers Are Good Boyfriends

I would read this occasionally when my ex's notoriously monotonous texts got to me.

February 17, 2016

Here's what I'm getting:

Pros':

Nice
Always taken your needs into consideration
Kind
Giving
Interest in you is felt

Con's:

Boring text

Your priorities may be a little off or you're not being totally honest with yourself about why this guy is turning you off.

February 17, 2016

The charming witty guys were never as invested as I was. They never seemed to care about my needs or if they did, not as much as I cared for their needs. I always had anxiety in these relationships because I was never confident that they truly loved me. This guy has always taken my needs into consideration. He's really kind, giving, and his interest in me is felt.

He does have a demanding job, but I didn't really think about it when complaining about his texts. Last week he worked 50+ hours. This week maybe only 40 at most. My job is slow at the moment, so I have all day to ponder **** .

You'll make your own decision, obviously, but IMO, the way he treats you is ultimately much more important than his texting habits. And if his job is as demanding as it sounds, he may simply be too tired to be witty. When I've had a rough week, my brain simply stops working at its normal capacity.

Is it possible that his job will become less demanding in the near future? Maybe see what happens when he's less stressed out? But if you're otherwise happy with him, I wouldn't give up on him just because he's a boring texter.

Edited February 17, 2016 by shystrawberry

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My boyfriend of 3 months is the most BORING texter

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