SJK12 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Ive been trying everything to get over this breakup and nothing seems to be helping. So here's my story. I started dating my ex about 3 years ago. At the time I had a boyfriend and he was engaged (red flag I know). He had previously slept with one of my friends (another red flag I know). We started dating in January of 2013, he is a surgeon and I am a PA. We spent all of our time together, quickly had keys to each others apartment and spent every night together. He actually encouraged me to go to medical school. I took all the required classes and he promised me he would support me during school. We took wonderful vacations together, I met his family he met my family and everything seemed like it was progressing. Last summer after dating for over 2 years I brought up moving in together... I am 28 and he is 39.... he kind of freaked out and broke up with me saying that he didn't think he ever wanted to get married or have children... this was very painful for me. A few months later he has his brothers wedding, he called me 3 days before the wedding and said he couldn't bear to be at the wedding without me, he flew me there and we had an amazing time together... 2 days after the wedding he needed space again. A month later I found out I got into medical school and he was in and out of my life for the next few months. Last month he wanted to go to Iceland to rekindle our relationship and try to get back on track. We had an amazing trip... two days later he went to Miami for a work conference, slept with a girl who we both know and I hate, then I found out he had been dating some other woman on and off since the summer... After all of this, I still can't let go of him. I still miss him and reach out to him and I don't know how to move forward. I have amazing friends and family, I live in a wonderful city, have a great career and I am still stuck on this person. If anyone has any positive advice I would appreciate it.
Zapbasket Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 How to stop contacting your ex? You go deep into yourself and search around until you find the wonderful treasure that is self-regard. Self-regard is a special lens you don in order to see yourself as whole, as lovable, as worthy of all the world's compassion and beauty, as rich and complex and full of humanity. The loving lens of self-regard causes you to feel offended that you would rather drag yourself through a path of guaranteed hurt and disappointment than reach for something more, something we ALL deserve which is healthy, mutually respectful, nurturing, imperfect, well-intentioned LOVE from another human being. Another way to help yourself stop contacting your ex? Imagine if you were the close friend of someone who is behaving as you are. You know you'd hate to see her keep sinking herself into this La Brea tarpit of commitment-phobia, disloyalty, and dysfunction. You'd want to shake her to stop her from doing it again. You'd urge her to see that there are so many better things awaiting her in her very promising-seeming future. You'd point out to her until you were hoarse that this guy, at 39, is still functioning like an emotional child and is a very poor relationship choice and that she can do better. You'd probably physically restrain her, if you could, to keep her from supplicating this half-man man yet again. For now, let us on LS be that friend. You stop contacting your ex because you NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW. It's not good for you; he is not good for you; pretty soon you're going to be steeped in your med program and you DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE MIRED IN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO HAS SHOWN YOU HE CAN'T COMMIT TO YOU AND WHO HAS DISRESPECTED YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP IRREVOCABLY. [*sound of whip cracking*] No more. Okay? NO MORE. 4
LostOnes05 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 How to stop contacting your ex? You go deep into yourself and search around until you find the wonderful treasure that is self-regard. Self-regard is a special lens you don in order to see yourself as whole, as lovable, as worthy of all the world's compassion and beauty, as rich and complex and full of humanity. The loving lens of self-regard causes you to feel offended that you would rather drag yourself through a path of guaranteed hurt and disappointment than reach for something more, something we ALL deserve which is healthy, mutually respectful, nurturing, imperfect, well-intentioned LOVE from another human being. Another way to help yourself stop contacting your ex? Imagine if you were the close friend of someone who is behaving as you are. You know you'd hate to see her keep sinking herself into this La Brea tarpit of commitment-phobia, disloyalty, and dysfunction. You'd want to shake her to stop her from doing it again. You'd urge her to see that there are so many better things awaiting her in her very promising-seeming future. You'd point out to her until you were hoarse that this guy, at 39, is still functioning like an emotional child and is a very poor relationship choice and that she can do better. You'd probably physically restrain her, if you could, to keep her from supplicating this half-man man yet again. For now, let us on LS be that friend. You stop contacting your ex because you NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW. It's not good for you; he is not good for you; pretty soon you're going to be steeped in your med program and you DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE MIRED IN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO HAS SHOWN YOU HE CAN'T COMMIT TO YOU AND WHO HAS DISRESPECTED YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP IRREVOCABLY. [*sound of whip cracking*] No more. Okay? NO MORE. Whoa!! This right here!!...insightful AF! Do this! Rinse, wash, repeat. And good luck in med school!!
K2z Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Burn your bridges. Say what you need to say, ONCE, to the ex... and delete all roads of contact. 1
SoulflowerChloe Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 How to stop contacting your ex? You go deep into yourself and search around until you find the wonderful treasure that is self-regard. Self-regard is a special lens you don in order to see yourself as whole, as lovable, as worthy of all the world's compassion and beauty, as rich and complex and full of humanity. The loving lens of self-regard causes you to feel offended that you would rather drag yourself through a path of guaranteed hurt and disappointment than reach for something more, something we ALL deserve which is healthy, mutually respectful, nurturing, imperfect, well-intentioned LOVE from another human being. Another way to help yourself stop contacting your ex? Imagine if you were the close friend of someone who is behaving as you are. You know you'd hate to see her keep sinking herself into this La Brea tarpit of commitment-phobia, disloyalty, and dysfunction. You'd want to shake her to stop her from doing it again. You'd urge her to see that there are so many better things awaiting her in her very promising-seeming future. You'd point out to her until you were hoarse that this guy, at 39, is still functioning like an emotional child and is a very poor relationship choice and that she can do better. You'd probably physically restrain her, if you could, to keep her from supplicating this half-man man yet again. For now, let us on LS be that friend. You stop contacting your ex because you NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW. It's not good for you; he is not good for you; pretty soon you're going to be steeped in your med program and you DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE MIRED IN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO HAS SHOWN YOU HE CAN'T COMMIT TO YOU AND WHO HAS DISRESPECTED YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP IRREVOCABLY. [*sound of whip cracking*] No more. Okay? NO MORE. I couldn't have said it better. Just try to really focus on all of the bad things- the red flags, the disrespect, the walking over you, and the total disregard for your feelings.
CDJ Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Everything you want to say to your ex, type in this thread. You need to get it out of your system, so do it here where it's safe!
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 It's about willpower & discipline. You obviously have discipline because you put in the work to become a PA & now as a med student. When you think about contacting him have a substitute instead. Come here. Call your BFF. Exercise. Bang your head on a wall. (I'm kidding about that last one). It's like a diet. You throw the fattening stuff out & you keep good healthy low cal snacks on hand so you are not tempted. Also delete him from everywhere -- your phone, social media, etc so it's not easy to contact him. Also make a list of all the reasons he is bad for you. Him sleeping with the woman you hate in Miami at the conference while you were trying to rekindle things should be #1. When you are tempted to reach out, read the list instead.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 It's a very easy answer to your question -- just stop perpetuating the madness. The execution, however, is tough. You just have to sack up and do it. There's no real formula besides that.
Author SJK12 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Posted February 17, 2016 Thanks for the advice, I just hate that I miss him. I still just wish all of this didn't happen. Im also not sure when I should start to date again. I feel like if Im not healed from this relationship as soon as I go out with someone new I will immediately revert back to contacting the ex. Ive never really been single.. Ive had a boyfriend since I was 15 so I don't do well with being single, maybe another reason I am holding on to a bad relationship. I just want to feel better.
Apparition Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 How to stop contacting your ex? You go deep into yourself and search around until you find the wonderful treasure that is self-regard. Self-regard is a special lens you don in order to see yourself as whole, as lovable, as worthy of all the world's compassion and beauty, as rich and complex and full of humanity. The loving lens of self-regard causes you to feel offended that you would rather drag yourself through a path of guaranteed hurt and disappointment than reach for something more, something we ALL deserve which is healthy, mutually respectful, nurturing, imperfect, well-intentioned LOVE from another human being. Another way to help yourself stop contacting your ex? Imagine if you were the close friend of someone who is behaving as you are. You know you'd hate to see her keep sinking herself into this La Brea tarpit of commitment-phobia, disloyalty, and dysfunction. You'd want to shake her to stop her from doing it again. You'd urge her to see that there are so many better things awaiting her in her very promising-seeming future. You'd point out to her until you were hoarse that this guy, at 39, is still functioning like an emotional child and is a very poor relationship choice and that she can do better. You'd probably physically restrain her, if you could, to keep her from supplicating this half-man man yet again. For now, let us on LS be that friend. You stop contacting your ex because you NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW. It's not good for you; he is not good for you; pretty soon you're going to be steeped in your med program and you DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE MIRED IN THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO HAS SHOWN YOU HE CAN'T COMMIT TO YOU AND WHO HAS DISRESPECTED YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP IRREVOCABLY. [*sound of whip cracking*] No more. Okay? NO MORE. This was very on-point advice, please take it. None of us could have said it any better.
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Ive never really been single.. Ive had a boyfriend since I was 15 so I don't do well with being single, maybe another reason I am holding on to a bad relationship. I just want to feel better. You will feel better in time. Soon-to-be physician heal thyself. Your inability to be single is exactly why you hold on to bad relationships. While you are learning all sorts of new stuff in med school, learn how to be more self sufficient too. You don't need a relationship to be happy. In med school you won't have much free time to nurture a relationship anyway.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Thanks for the advice, I just hate that I miss him. I still just wish all of this didn't happen. Im also not sure when I should start to date again. I feel like if Im not healed from this relationship as soon as I go out with someone new I will immediately revert back to contacting the ex. Ive never really been single.. Ive had a boyfriend since I was 15 so I don't do well with being single, maybe another reason I am holding on to a bad relationship. I just want to feel better. It's time to be single and learn how to be an independent adult. Being single isn't bad -- many times it's easier to learn and blossom and grow by yourself than when you have someone attached to you. This could be a really beneficial time for you if you allow it to be and stop insanely repeating your self-destructive behavior. We all make mistakes, but when you repeat the same mistakes over and over again, that's a problem. 1
BeFierce Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) SJK12, stop feeding this troll, okay? lol It's because of people like you that we have clowns with hot air balloon egos on the loose. loll ( and don't sweat it- I'm guilty of having inflated a clown up to the moon lol). It doesn't do you a favor, it doesn't do them a favor. You will always be living in anxiety, jealousy, fear, and low self-esteem if you keep seeing this guy. IT won't go away-trust me. He on the other hand, will be so inflated that someone 11 years younger than him is all over him, that he will start being so delusional about himself and think he is a God and he will target even more victims. You need to allow him to reveal in the reality of what he truly is. Let him face the truth, he's been living the fantasy of being a greek God. Disconnect him from your life, so the reality sinks in- but by that time he's probably on his next target. lol There is nothing romantic about this. People this is not a 50 shades of grey movie. The troll you keep dating, doesn't give a damn about you. IT's just for his pleasure. He can discard you at any given time, and won't give two *****s about you and you will get yourself shocked and hurt. Stop caring what he thinks, what he feels, if he's sick or if he's having a bad day. Just stop. Just because you stop caring shouldnt make you feel guilty, because he never cared about you to begin with. If he truly cared and cherished you, he wouldnt be playing these games with you. Instead he thinks your just quick access entertainment whenver he wants, because he's conditioned you to be like this. So if he's bored of fu$@ing Shirely, or if Grace dumped him, and Barbra walked out on him- he will arrange a date with his favorite 28 yr old-you- to get his ego back up. And then when the next girl grabs his interest he will dump you again. lol I know some people fall into the trap of being aroused of the submissive/dominant thing- but this is on a entirely different platform. There is nothing arousing or nothing that arouses passion to what he's doing to you. IF you think it's passionate to compete with his other women and it makes your feelings for him to grow and that you can out perform all the others and prove to him your are the best- then boy you are so wrong. This guy is having the last laugh at all of you women. He knows he is disgusting, a liar, and a cheat and not worthy of anything you give him, but he gets a kick out of how he got a bunch of women to fight over him. IT's like your all fighting over a fake Louis Vuitton bag or cheap imitation jewelry instead of real Gold or diamond. And he think's he's the ***** now because how he uses his tricks and acting skills to get a bunch of ppl to be his lovers. He thinks he can sell ice to eskimios now . This how why he thinks so highly of himself. That's why he doesn't want to settle and marry anyone. As long as he knows he can get a bunch of girls younger than him to collect in his harem- he doesnt need to get married. He's getting the sex and companionship all for free. Yeah sure he spends money and takes u on trips every now and then- but remember he's taking himself along with u -right . lol You are just his play thing .So Just drop all contact of him if you want a real life and a real husband. He's advertising a cheap, faulty product- and all of you are falling for it. Edited February 18, 2016 by BeFierce
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