I feel like I'm semi-dating my ex.

[Phoebe]

My ex-boyfriend and I split up around the New Year, we'd been dating for about 1.5yrs and living together for about 1yr. It boils down to him saying he wasn't ready for marriage and myself believing that if I was "it" for him he wouldn't feel this way. Emotional at first it was a fairly good break-up with each one of us being considerate of the other and deciding to try and be friends.

 

However lately I've been thinking that we spend just as much time together as if we were dating. We talk every night, sometimes multiple times a night. I've been round his moms place with him a couple of times since the split, we've spent pretty much every weekend together (including going for breakfast and movie with another friend of mine on Valentines Day). I've been asked by a friend what we're doing because the amount of time that we spend together is stopping anyone new from entering my life. At the time I blew it off because I wasn't interested in dating anyone but now I'm starting to see her point.

 

We have not been sexual, no kissing. There have been a few flirting moments but we have already talked and I've made it clear that if we were to turn sexual then our friendship when come to an end because I wouldn't be able to handle that. He tells me I'm amazing, that he wouldn't like it if I started dating someone else but doesn't feel like he has the right to hold me back from what I want in life (marriage, kids etc) when he isn't ready for that.

 

I don't want to lose him as a friend (plus we work together) but I feel like something needs to change. It's starting to feel like we're semi-dating and I don't want to get in a rut with this. I've even thought about trying online dating now instead of waiting a bit longer, but I'm not sure if that will make things worse rather than better.

[preraph]

Yeah, getting in a contented rut is the problem. He'll be moving on and dating other women while still leaning on you, so you be sure to go out with girlfriends and also try to date. Don't let him get you to stay at home surviving on his crumbs while he does whatever he wants. You're broken up. Either you get back together with a commitment, or you stay broken up and give each other some space to adjust to it.