Guys asking for body photos OLD

[joseb]

Yes, but try reading that x10 (x100, x1000?). It takes a toll after a while.

 

Neither OP nor any other person need be "flattered" by that type of message or be grateful for it. It's disgusting and a man who sends something like that needs a punch in the mouth.

 

I guess as a guy having never either sent or read a message like that, it's hard to believe there can be that many morons sending them.

 

I'd be curious to see what kind of profiles these guys had.

Do they have nice bios, nice tasteful photos?

 

Are you reporting them for abuse (because that's what a message like that is)

[Summer3]

If it's a difference between "hey b**ch, I wanna f**k them t**ties," and silence, I would prefer silence.

 

 

That's so gross. I could see how getting messages like that would make someone want to stay single.

[BluEyeL]

I think a full body photo in your profile is necessary. Don't send additional ones.

[SwordofFlame]

Yes, but try reading that x10 (x100, x1000?). It takes a toll after a while.

 

Neither OP nor any other person need be "flattered" by that type of message or be grateful for it. It's disgusting and a man who sends something like that needs a punch in the mouth.

 

I would think you just kind of go numb after awhile of using OLD. Or just used to it. At least I did, it doesn't bother me one bit anymore to get ignored by women. If you're new, I can understand being really bothered by it. But if you stick it out....you just get used to it so much it doesn't phase you anymore.

[AMJ]

Maybe you need to get a thicker skin and reframe your thinking.

 

Men are primed to want sex. Tinder was designed as a hookup app. if you are getting lots of attention, then you are successful. If you really get so offended and find it so degrading then I suggest not using it.

 

Personally I'd love some degrading. Just one suggestive message, one comment about my ass! Never got as much as one

 

You've made your point more than once, and we keep going round in circles here. I did get rid of Tinder. Very quickly. I also know couples who met on Tinder, but that's beside the point. Why is it okay for you to say I should get a thicker skin yet men can keep saying how much they are degraded by not getting responses for women? Why do men also not need to get a thicker skin? I do feel bad for men who never get responses from OLD, I've never said you should suck it up. I'm not sure why my complaint is bothering you so much.

[elaine567]

Well, the reason I ask is that you say it hurts your self esteem when guys are hitting on you and wanting sex.

 

To me that makes no sense. The guys are looking to hook up and find you attractive. That's it. It's no negative reflection on you whatsoever. I can see how it might be annoying, but I don't get how it's such a blow to self esteem.

 

What I would consider a blow to self esteem is when nobody contacts you or ignores you if you do match (the reality for many guys)

 

Its a blow to self esteem as "sex" doesn't depend on much at all, two boobs, a mouth and a vagina basically.

"Sex" doesn't care if she is thick or intelligent, funny or deadly serious, a good or bad person. "Sex" doesn't care that she prefers jazz to hiphop, nor that she love fluffy kittens and windy days or walks along the beach... "Sex" doesn't take into consideration her hopes and dreams as a human being.

Being objectified is dehumanizing and degrading, it eats away at self esteem and self worth, and is thus depressing.

[candie13]

I have and am using Tinder - but exclusively as an ego boost. You can edit your profile by inserting a witty line and adding "fwb & co - swipe left :D". I mean, the guys here are right, if men contact you, it's not because they love to harass you, it's because they hope for sex or naughty pics at best. I mean, if they pester you, unmatch, so easy !

 

Tinder is the easiest tool to get laid. I think even women with no profile pic - or especially those - get "wanna f*ck" messages. I am sure men get hit with that too - also their reaction may be different from yours.

 

Delete Tinder if you want a meaningful RS or even better, keep it there for your own enjoyment.

[AMJ]

I guess as a guy having never either sent or read a message like that, it's hard to believe there can be that many morons sending them.

 

I'd be curious to see what kind of profiles these guys had.

Do they have nice bios, nice tasteful photos?

 

Are you reporting them for abuse (because that's what a message like that is)

 

Yes, there are THAT many morons being pigs. And sadly, there are plenty of women who allow that treatment, which is why it's getting worse. Plenty of women who will say- sure, here's a photo of my tits, and who are totally fine with the sexting, the FWB, whatever.

 

I really wish they would all stay off OLD and just meet each other in bars like they're supposed to, because in my opinion, that's what is ruining OLD for everyone else who just wants to find a relationship.

[candie13]

Yes, but try reading that x10 (x100, x1000?). It takes a toll after a while.

 

Neither OP nor any other person need be "flattered" by that type of message or be grateful for it. It's disgusting and a man who sends something like that needs a punch in the mouth.

in all honesty, been using Tinder for years, never ever got any disrespectful initial messages. I got married men, men looking for fwb, I even got a dick pic once.... but no. I am sorry, this does NOT happen not even 10 times. Not to me. Not in this country !

 

Apologies, I can't help thinking that some people scream "wolf" a bit much and a bit for the attention.

[candie13]

That's so gross. I could see how getting messages like that would make someone want to stay single.

I will never allow a person unable to control his sex drive or sexual impulses to dictate my action or curb my desire to be in a meaningful RS with a man.

 

I delete, block, report, unmatch so naturally and swiftly... like a breeze !

[joseb]

Its a blow to self esteem as "sex" doesn't depend on much at all, two boobs, a mouth and a vagina basically.

"Sex" doesn't care if she is thick or intelligent, funny or deadly serious, a good or bad person. "Sex" doesn't care that she prefers jazz to hiphop, nor that she love fluffy kittens and windy days or walks along the beach... "Sex" doesn't take into consideration her hopes and dreams as a human being.

Being objectified is dehumanizing and degrading, it eats away at self esteem and self worth, and is thus depressing.

 

Well not to me. I'm extremely fussy about who I want to have sex with. Maybe that's why I don't understand!

[joseb]

in all honesty, been using Tinder for years, never ever got any disrespectful initial messages. I got married men, men looking for fwb, I even got a dick pic once.... but no. I am sorry, this does NOT happen not even 10 times. Not to me. Not in this country !

 

Apologies, I can't help thinking that some people scream "wolf" a bit much and a bit for the attention.

 

I'm starting to think it's a cultura)geographical thing. I never hear of abusive messages like this from female friends on tinder. Yeah they complain about guys only looking for nsa, etc. But not this kind of messaging.

[AMJ]

in all honesty, been using Tinder for years, never ever got any disrespectful initial messages. I got married men, men looking for fwb, I even got a dick pic once.... but no. I am sorry, this does NOT happen not even 10 times. Not to me. Not in this country !

 

Apologies, I can't help thinking that some people scream "wolf" a bit much and a bit for the attention.

 

The girl who just said that she used Tinder for an ego boost is claiming that I am posting this entire thread just to get attention. Ironic?

 

Super happy for you that you have not had these negative experiences. Sending a dic picture is pretty much degrading as well, but you have a different opinion of what's appropriate for dating than I do. But yes, getting dirty nasty messages in OLD does happen to other people. All the time.

[Gaeta]

With enough time you will become numbed to it.

 

I always had head-to-toe pictures on my profile to show I have nothing to hide. I have big breasts and a small waist so that's all you see. You meet my boobs before you meet me. I got messages of all kinds. Over the years I got indifferent and just deleted and blocked them as soon as I read them. I got into a phase where I'd get really mad then indifference sat in.

[losangelena]

I guess as a guy having never either sent or read a message like that, it's hard to believe there can be that many morons sending them.

 

I'd be curious to see what kind of profiles these guys had.

Do they have nice bios, nice tasteful photos?

 

Are you reporting them for abuse (because that's what a message like that is)

 

If you go back and read my other posts in this thread, I mention that I personally have gotten very few messages like this. I was speaking to this assertion:

 

It should always feel nice to be found attractive. Don't take it for granted.

 

That a woman should be grateful for male attraction, no matter what form in comes in. She does not.

 

Like Elaine said:

 

Being objectified is dehumanizing and degrading, it eats away at self esteem and self worth, and is thus depressing.

 

Being objectified sucks. There's a difference between respectful male attention and the kind that OP finds she gets when she posts full-body shots of herself on her profile. To me, it sounds as if she's struggling to find a way to balance getting the kind of attention she wants with the kind she doesn't.

 

FWIW, someone simply needs to read a site like Tinder Nightmares to understand that this stuff happens more often than we think: https://www.instagram.com/tindernightmares/

[Bobbi7]

This is a no and a NEXT! Sending pics before meeting up in person is unacceptable! Why waste time???? Guys are dumb when they do this, seriously, just meet up and be done with it. What's the harm of a guy meeting up and seeing the girl in person! Then he can see her body! I don't care what excuses people make about lying who they are on OLD- guys complain about this, but how do we know they aren't lying if they are a over weight geezer too?

[joseb]

Why do men also not need to get a thicker skin? I do feel bad for men who never get responses from OLD, I've never said you should suck it up. I'm not sure why my complaint is bothering you so much.

 

Totally agree. Men do need to get a thicker skin. No response just means someone isn't interested. It's no big deal.

 

I guess I just don't/didn't understand why a few guys hitting on you was a blow to self esteem. I've tried to explain why it shouldn't be. Up to you to take a guys perspective or not.

 

If you really are getting abusive messages then that's different. Anyone should report that behaviour.

[AverageJoe1986]

I guess as a guy having never either sent or read a message like that, it's hard to believe there can be that many morons sending them.

 

I'd be curious to see what kind of profiles these guys had.

Do they have nice bios, nice tasteful photos?

 

Are you reporting them for abuse (because that's what a message like that is)

 

I have to say I find it just unreal that there really are (so many) men who send these pervy messages and dick pics. For one thing, the idea that people believe it works is amazing to me. For another, I cannot project myself into the kind of mind-set that would see it as an acceptable thing.

[losangelena]

And here's another one: Straight White Boys Texting

 

This ish exists, and if you can't ever imagine yourself being in the mindset to send someone a message like that, congratulations! You are a human of average to above-average decency. And you make up the majority of individuals. But there are those who do stoop to that level of hideousness.

Edited February 17, 2016 by losangelena

[AMJ]

And here's another one: Straight White Boys Texting

 

Tinder, POF, OkCupid, even Match...I've had this experience on every site. I'll post body pictures on Bumble and we'll see what happens. I already have a pretty good idea of what to expect though.

[Summer3]

Tinder, POF, OkCupid, even Match...I've had this experience on every site. I'll post body pictures on Bumble and we'll see what happens. I already have a pretty good idea of what to expect though.

 

This is so depressing. Perhaps take a break from OLD and go out into the real world.

 

Places you can meet guys:

Home Depot

Lowes

The Supermarket

Starbucks

Sports Authority

Barnes and Nobel

Dog Parks

Regular Parks

Car Shows

 

And there are probably others.

[Httm]

Yes, but try reading that x10 (x100, x1000?). It takes a toll after a while.

 

Neither OP nor any other person need be "flattered" by that type of message or be grateful for it. It's disgusting and a man who sends something like that needs a punch in the mouth.

 

The alternative is hours of work for rejection and silence. Id gladly trade places. You have no idea how easy you have it. Delete some bad messages and have 100s more just for showing up. Imagine the toll of sending out 100 persoanlized messages, getting 10 responses, and of those meet 1-2...now do that over and over again. The toll is way worse than having to delete some gross messages.

[Httm]

You've made your point more than once, and we keep going round in circles here. I did get rid of Tinder. Very quickly. I also know couples who met on Tinder, but that's beside the point. Why is it okay for you to say I should get a thicker skin yet men can keep saying how much they are degraded by not getting responses for women? Why do men also not need to get a thicker skin? I do feel bad for men who never get responses from OLD, I've never said you should suck it up. I'm not sure why my complaint is bothering you so much.

 

There is a huge difference. All you have to do is delete some messages and read the 100s more. Men have to put a ton of work, to the tune of hours a week to get a fraction of the responses that women get for doing nothing. Additionally, men are flat out rejected by silence for spending all this time. All women have to do is put up a profile and get flooded...so, they are not equal in any way.

 

Now, let's say you put in hours each week like men did, and still got no reponse or bad responses...then, yeah, I'd have sympathy. This is more like complaining that you are too rich because going to too many parties is draining.

[AMJ]

I do put in plenty of time OLD. You're screening to find women who want to go out with you. I'm screening to find decent guys who want to go out with me. You are saying silence and no responses is just as disrespectful as being objectified and treated like a slut. I disagree with you. You're not going to change my mind, you keep trying to make this point, but I disagree. Why do you feel the need to keep making this point?

 

This is more like complaining that you are too rich because going to too many parties is draining.

 

I have no idea how this is relevant or parallel to what I'm talking about.

[Httm]

I do put in plenty of time OLD. You're screening to find women who want to go out with you. I'm screening to find decent guys who want to go out with me. You are saying silence and no responses is just as disrespectful as being objectified and treated like a slut. I disagree with you. You're not going to change my mind, you keep trying to make this point, but I disagree. Why do you feel the need to keep making this point?

 

This is more like complaining that you are too rich because going to too many parties is draining.

 

I have no idea how this is relevant or parallel to what I'm talking about.

 

Both are screening. One has to put a ton of work in after that. The other doesn't. Nowhere near the same.

 

Sorry you didn't understand it. It was pretty simple. The analogy is that you have it as easy as cake. You don't know how easy you have it and are still complaining. It is like complaining that you have so much money that you don't know what to do with it. Appreciate it and put it into perspecti e.