Guys asking for body photos OLD

February 17, 2016

I hear you! I hate buying clothes. Anyone with curves nowadays is screwed. And for all the people who suggest that I'm dressing like a slut in my photos, which is why I'm encouraging dirty messages from guys...it's nearly impossible to hide large boobs and curvy hips. One photo I used was me in a T-shirt at a baseball game, and this guy I talked to somehow could guess my actual bra size. The shirt was really dark and picked that photo specifically because it downplayed my boobs, because I'm tired of being objectified.

Sure, I guess I could go wear a tent or something unflattering, but wouldn't that defeat the purpose of men trying to see my body in a photo? Or someone on here said I should wear "conservative dress pants"...I should wear something that reflects me and my style! I'm not going to dress like my grandmother.

Don't ever feel ashamed of having a genuinely curvy figure.

To be honest, I find it kind of refreshing that a woman actually knows what "curvy" means. These days, the term is used quite loosely and generously by large women. Don't get me wrong. I think a larger woman can still be sexy if she's extremely confident and doesn't try to mislead. But women that intentionally lie or that are in straight up denial are unappealing..

February 17, 2016

It's nice to know I'm not alone! I really didn't intend for this thread to become a "bashing obese people" and "these are reasons why body type matters to me" discussion. I don't mean to misrepresent myself, my body shape, or anything else like that. I want to be with a man who loves me and my body, of course. I'm not insecure about my body, and I think I look great.

But to all the men who've said "why can't you just delete the creepy messages and move on"...I'm trying to think of a way to help you understand how this can be really degrading and damaging over time. I'm sure some of you wouldn't mind if say, women were constantly asking you how big your penis was. But what if that was the only thing they wanted to know about you? If you're only OLD to find casual sex, then you may not mind. But if you're actually looking for a relationship, and women are constantly treating you like your penis is the only thing you have to offer, eventually it makes the whole process really discouraging.

And it's not so much the guys who right away send you a creepy message. Its the ones who start out talking to you like a normal person but then say- so, what size are your tits? You guys see big boobs and your brains turn to mush.

Are you suggesting that it is not degrading to write dozens of messages only to receive very few responses? At least all you have to do is delete messages. We need to put hours of work poring over profiles and coming up with detailed and personalized messages just to hear crickets. You have it easy and still complain.

February 17, 2016

Don't ever feel ashamed of having a genuinely curvy figure.

To be honest, I find it kind of refreshing that a woman actually knows what "curvy" means. These days, the term is used quite loosely and generously by large women. Don't get me wrong. I think a larger woman can still be sexy if she's extremely confident and doesn't try to mislead. But women that intentionally lie or that are in straight up denial are unappealing..

The choice to lie about your look is the losing one. I am yet to see a happy couple together where one of them lied about their looks or weight or height in the early beginning.

If the goal of lying is to get one date - and one date is better than no date - cool. But if one hopes to get several dates or even a RS... be honest. It starts with yourself. If you don't love yourself - but really, profoundly, sincerely - how can anyone else love you?

February 17, 2016

I hear you! I hate buying clothes. Anyone with curves nowadays is screwed. And for all the people who suggest that I'm dressing like a slut in my photos, which is why I'm encouraging dirty messages from guys...it's nearly impossible to hide large boobs and curvy hips. One photo I used was me in a T-shirt at a baseball game, and this guy I talked to somehow could guess my actual bra size. The shirt was really dark and picked that photo specifically because it downplayed my boobs, because I'm tired of being objectified.

Sure, I guess I could go wear a tent or something unflattering, but wouldn't that defeat the purpose of men trying to see my body in a photo? Or someone on here said I should wear "conservative dress pants"...I should wear something that reflects me and my style! I'm not going to dress like my grandmother.

If you had a friend take a picture of you in a dress like this it would be nice for your eharmony profile:

Asos collection Asos Midi Fit & Flare Dress with Basqued Waist in Red (redclay) | Lyst

February 17, 2016

Are you suggesting that it is not degrading to write dozens of messages only to receive very few responses? At least all you have to do is delete messages. We need to put hours of work poring over profiles and coming up with detailed and personalized messages just to hear crickets. You have it easy and still complain.

To the men I am interested, I respond in an equally attentive way. If the girls just sit on their arses waiting to be complimented.... perhaps you should also weed better.

Yes, it takes a lot of effort and bravery and time from men to make that initial step - and be successful at it. But... things do get even out with time, mate...

Hell, I actually contacted 2 guys on OLD. One responded - one never did. And no, it wasn't just a short "hi", it was a witty (I hope) reference to their profiles. Everyone gets rejected, at some point. 's life

February 17, 2016

Quality.

Quality men are not all slim gym bunnies. Well not in my book anyway.

In my book a quality man treats you with dignity and respect. Asking for a bunch of pics so they can spend time with their special sock is not "quality" in my book.

The "quality" of my dates went up after I took the one and only full body shot down...

Like others said, do what you want. But you *are* screening out a ton of good guys.

I would never consider a profile without a full body shot. But neither have I ever messaged anyone on any online dating site saying anything even slightly rude or commented on body parts. I'd imagine most guys are like that.

If you put up a body shot and they still are asking for pics, then either it's a really bad shot showing nothing, or else they are just weird and can be easily filtered out.

February 17, 2016

So it's ok for a guy to judge you on how attractive your face is, but not your body? Not sure I understand that. Why even post a pic at all?

February 17, 2016

It's nice to know I'm not alone! I really didn't intend for this thread to become a "bashing obese people" and "these are reasons why body type matters to me" discussion. I don't mean to misrepresent myself, my body shape, or anything else like that. I want to be with a man who loves me and my body, of course. I'm not insecure about my body, and I think I look great.

But to all the men who've said "why can't you just delete the creepy messages and move on"...I'm trying to think of a way to help you understand how this can be really degrading and damaging over time. I'm sure some of you wouldn't mind if say, women were constantly asking you how big your penis was. But what if that was the only thing they wanted to know about you? If you're only OLD to find casual sex, then you may not mind. But if you're actually looking for a relationship, and women are constantly treating you like your penis is the only thing you have to offer, eventually it makes the whole process really discouraging.

And it's not so much the guys who right away send you a creepy message. Its the ones who start out talking to you like a normal person but then say- so, what size are your tits? You guys see big boobs and your brains turn to mush.

OP, I think you're caught between two realities of OLD. One being, that men (even quality, non-douchecanoe ones) are going to want to know what you look like. The other of course being, that pigs will send you degrading messages.

I'm sorry this is your experience. I guess I have never been conventionally attractive enough to get the attention of the s**thead crowd, so my time on OLD never netted me that many gross messages.

It seems like you've been doing OLD for a while—I think the bottom line is you have to do what works for you. I personally want to have a full-body shot on my profile, but I don't get the kind of negative attention you seem to get. Do you see a change in the type or quality of guys who approach you when you have a full-body shot posted versus when you don't?

You say you can understand that a man would want to know what you look like (and that you want to know what he looks like, too), yet you don't like it if they ask for a photo, and you don't like the unsolicited creepitude that comes when you freely proffer a full-body shot. So ideally, how would this play out to you? How would you define your happy medium here?

February 17, 2016

You can only get messaged by guys you agree to message with. Perhaps re-evaluate your criteria to swipe right. Eg not on blank profikes. Or "looking for fun" guys. Or shirtless selfies types. Etc.

Hahaha...my tinder is broken! All the guys who looked like they were nice actually became creeps.

Or I'm just the one idiot on the planet who can't figure out how to use it correctly..

No, not every guy who messaged me was a creep. But just consider that it's happened enough times to make me take down full body photos. It's kind of like how people feel braver online to throw out insults because there are no consequences. Guys online feel safer to be really dirty.

To really explain my point better, I'll make myself vulnerable here. Guys have said that it takes a toll on their self-esteem when they don't get messages back from women. Well, it also takes a toll on my self-esteem when half of the men I talk to at some point make it clear that they're only interested in sex. Eventually after being told a certain message for a long time, you start to believe it- sex is all they want from me.

February 17, 2016

Hahaha...my tinder is broken! All the guys who looked like they were nice actually became creeps.

Or I'm just the one idiot on the planet who can't figure out how to use it correctly..

No, not every guy who messaged me was a creep. But just consider that it's happened enough times to make me take down full body photos. It's kind of like how people feel braver online to throw out insults because there are no consequences. Guys online feel safer to be really dirty.

To really explain my point better, I'll make myself vulnerable here. Guys have said that it takes a toll on their self-esteem when they don't get messages back from women. Well, it also takes a toll on my self-esteem when half of the men I talk to at some point make it clear that they're only interested in sex. Eventually after being told a certain message for a long time, you start to believe it- sex is all they want from me.

Let me ask you this. Would you be happier if you signed up to tinder and you got few or no matches, and the ones you did never ever contacted you?

It's tinder. If half of the men you talk to are interested in more than sex, then I'd say you are doing pretty well.

February 17, 2016

Do you see a change in the type or quality of guys who approach you when you have a full-body shot posted versus when you don't?

You say you can understand that a man would want to know what you look like (and that you want to know what he looks like, too), yet you don't like it if they ask for a photo, and you don't like the unsolicited creepitude that comes when you freely proffer a full-body shot. So ideally, how would this play out to you? How would you define your happy medium here?

The biggest change is that way less men talk to me period. And I understand why, they either think I'm obese or lying about my appearance somehow. And I'm not saying they're jerks just because they want to know what my body looks like. I've also had zero dirty messages since taking down the body pictures, which is good. But like many have said here, I'm also shutting out a lot of good potential guys. My happy medium would be to keep the body photos but learn not to be so discouraged by the creeps. Or how to spot them sooner. Because, any photo showing boobs just seems to bring out the creeps in full force.

I guess I just need to figure out how to get over it.

February 17, 2016

See I never had anything provocative before, but the creepy comments still come. Me in a long maxi dress- not low cut, or wearing a shirt at a baseball game, also not low-cut. It can't be an unflattering outfit, because that defeats the whole point. I'm kind of leaning towards, if men ask for one, they just get ignored.

Oh, the messages I got on Tinder were completely disgusting. This was with a body shot.

I am of the generation that never texted or OLD.

Though I understand you not liking responses in bad taste and lacking manners.

Though you need to look at this way those that reply with no class just made your job of picking so much easier.

Though if I was OLD no full picture, only a face shot, is going to make me think what is she hiding.

Does no full shot mean she wears dresses by Omar The Tent Maker?

Maybe. See in real life when a man sees a woman before he makes a move he has the full shot in real time.

See, a woman not fitting into a size 2 dress is not a deal breaker. Though her having to wear a size 22 is.

A man that is not an underwear model does not expect to pull in a Super Model, though he may find a Plus Size Model is just too much woman for him to hug.

February 17, 2016

Use requests to weed out the losers. At most a nice head shot and a Ann Taylor outfit. (are they still in business?) if not a nice shirt, perhaps a jacket, and a mid length skirt.

February 17, 2016

Let me ask you this. Would you be happier if you signed up to tinder and you got few or no matches, and the ones you did never ever contacted you?

It's tinder. If half of the men you talk to are interested in more than sex, then I'd say you are doing pretty well.

I guess I recapped my Tinder experience incorrectly. I think I went on one Tinder date. The rest of the guys never asked me out, or only wanted sex/boob pictures/sexting. Yep, what's with all OLD never amounts to anything more than sexting. Why do men love to have so much sex with their iPhones and hands?

To answer your question, I don't really see how my experience is different from getting few or no matches, and not having any contact. What good comes from matches if they don't amount to meeting in person?

February 17, 2016

To the men I am interested, I respond in an equally attentive way. If the girls just sit on their arses waiting to be complimented.... perhaps you should also weed better.

Yes, it takes a lot of effort and bravery and time from men to make that initial step - and be successful at it. But... things do get even out with time, mate...

Hell, I actually contacted 2 guys on OLD. One responded - one never did. And no, it wasn't just a short "hi", it was a witty (I hope) reference to their profiles. Everyone gets rejected, at some point. 's life

Right. So, women just sit back and wait. All they have to do is delete the bad messages.

Men have to regularly read profiles thoroughly and write personalized messages and hope to hear back. We get about a 30% response rate. Still, a lot of effort is put in. So, I really have a hard time understanding how a woman can complain. They just need to sit back and relax. Delete some profiles. Big deal!

And no, it doesn't even out in the end. Every woman that I've ever known to online date(quite a few) has an inbox that reaches max within a few days and needs to start deleting just so they could make room to receive more!

It is just the reality of online dating. Either accept it or find something else that works.

For me, it has take a ton(TON) of effort, over years, but I am on my second serious relationship that came from online right now. I've had dozens of short term relationships. Also, keep in mind that I have a very unusual and unique situation, so if I could find it, anyone can. It took a LOOT of work though. If all I had to do was delete some bad messages, it would have been a joy relative to the amount of pure hours and work I had to put into it! It was important to me though, so I did what needed to be done.

Keep in mind that I also didn't do any of the lower class dating types like Tinder or POF. Match, OKC, and Eharmony were the best.

Meeting someone of quality generally means that you have to be willing to put yourself truly out there. There will be disappointments and hiccups, but that is the way of things.

February 17, 2016

I guess I recapped my Tinder experience incorrectly. I think I went on one Tinder date. The rest of the guys never asked me out, or only wanted sex/boob pictures/sexting. Yep, what's with all OLD never amounts to anything more than sexting. Why do men love to have so much sex with their iPhones and hands?

To answer your question, I don't really see how my experience is different from getting few or no matches, and not having any contact. What good comes from matches if they don't amount to meeting in person?

Well, the reason I ask is that you say it hurts your self esteem when guys are hitting on you and wanting sex.

To me that makes no sense. The guys are looking to hook up and find you attractive. That's it. It's no negative reflection on you whatsoever. I can see how it might be annoying, but I don't get how it's such a blow to self esteem.

What I would consider a blow to self esteem is when nobody contacts you or ignores you if you do match (the reality for many guys)

February 17, 2016

Well, the reason I ask is that you say it hurts your self esteem when guys are hitting on you and wanting sex.

To me that makes no sense. The guys are looking to hook up and find you attractive. That's it. It's no negative reflection on you whatsoever. I can see how it might be annoying, but I don't get how it's such a blow to self esteem.

What I would consider a blow to self esteem is when nobody contacts you or ignores you if you do match (the reality for many guys)

To be wanted only for sex is degrading. You may not understand that, but that's how I feel.

February 17, 2016

Well, the reason I ask is that you say it hurts your self esteem when guys are hitting on you and wanting sex.

To me that makes no sense. The guys are looking to hook up and find you attractive. That's it. It's no negative reflection on you whatsoever. I can see how it might be annoying, but I don't get how it's such a blow to self esteem.

What I would consider a blow to self esteem is when nobody contacts you or ignores you if you do match (the reality for many guys)

I agree. Most men would give anything to be found attractive or sought after. Women seem to just take it for granted.

It is a blow to one's self esteem when no one cares or finds you attractive or when you perceive things to be that way. Being found attractive by people should never be so, even if those people aren't desired back by you. It should always feel nice to be found attractive. Don't take it for granted.

It is about perspective. Still better to be wanted for sex than for nothing at all. We CHOOSE how we respond to stimuli. It is a choice.

February 17, 2016

The biggest change is that way less men talk to me period. And I understand why, they either think I'm obese or lying about my appearance somehow. And I'm not saying they're jerks just because they want to know what my body looks like. I've also had zero dirty messages since taking down the body pictures, which is good. But like many have said here, I'm also shutting out a lot of good potential guys. My happy medium would be to keep the body photos but learn not to be so discouraged by the creeps. Or how to spot them sooner. Because, any photo showing boobs just seems to bring out the creeps in full force.

I guess I just need to figure out how to get over it.

Well, I don't know if you need to just "get over it." I mean, this is not solely your problem. A lot of guys will just say, "that's what you get for being a woman on OLD," but the reality of it is that it's hard to take and d**khead messages shouldn't be OK for men to send. Part of it is what you said earlier—it's so much easier to be an idiot to someone when you're protected behind a screen. I mean, how often do we see it on here, too? Chances are, most of the messages you get would never be transmitted face-to-face.

However it is a current reality of OLD that if you're going to be on there, you're going to have to field some bulls**t. I think a happy medium is in order. One where you feel you're sufficiently revealing yourself as to not lose the attention of good, qualified candidates, but not so much that you're attracting creeps and losers.

February 17, 2016

I agree. Most men would give anything to be found attractive or sought after. Women seem to just take it for granted.

It is a blow to one's self esteem when no one cares or finds you attractive or when you perceive things to be that way. Being found attractive by people should never be so, even if those people aren't desired back by you. It should always feel nice to be found attractive. Don't take it for granted.

It is about perspective. Still better to be wanted for sex than for nothing at all. We CHOOSE how we respond to stimuli. It is a choice.

Geez. Okay fine- men of loveshack- you all have it so much worse and more difficult than we women do.

February 17, 2016

I agree. Most men would give anything to be found attractive or sought after. Women seem to just take it for granted.

It is a blow to one's self esteem when no one cares or finds you attractive or when you perceive things to be that way. Being found attractive by people should never be so, even if those people aren't desired back by you. It should always feel nice to be found attractive. Don't take it for granted.

It is about perspective. Still better to be wanted for sex than for nothing at all. We CHOOSE how we respond to stimuli. It is a choice.

I agree with you, but I think the way some (in OP's case, men) choose to express their attraction can be decidedly ... unattractive.

If it's a difference between "hey b**ch, I wanna f**k them t**ties," and silence, I would prefer silence.

And yes, men do send those types of messages on OLD.

February 17, 2016

I agree with you, but I think the way some (in OP's case, men) choose to express their attraction can be decidedly ... unattractive.

If it's a difference between "hey b**ch, I wanna f**k them t**ties," and silence, I would prefer silence.

And yes, men do send those types of messages on OLD.

And all that needs to be done is taking two seconds to delete and there will still be the rest of the packed full inbox to consider as alternatives.

February 17, 2016

To be wanted only for sex is degrading. You may not understand that, but that's how I feel.

Maybe you need to get a thicker skin and reframe your thinking.

Men are primed to want sex. Tinder was designed as a hookup app. if you are getting lots of attention, then you are successful. If you really get so offended and find it so degrading then I suggest not using it.

Personally I'd love some degrading. Just one suggestive message, one comment about my ass! Never got as much as one

February 17, 2016

And all that needs to be done is taking two seconds to delete and there will still be the rest of the packed full inbox to consider as alternatives.

Yes, but try reading that x10 (x100, x1000?). It takes a toll after a while.

Neither OP nor any other person need be "flattered" by that type of message or be grateful for it. It's disgusting and a man who sends something like that needs a punch in the mouth.

February 17, 2016

Yes, but try reading that x10 (x100, x1000?). It takes a toll after a while.

Neither OP nor any other person need be "flattered" by that type of message or be grateful for it. It's disgusting and a man who sends something like that needs a punch in the mouth.

I found at least one or two people here who understand. It's more helpful than you know

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Guys asking for body photos OLD

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