Revin Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Every time my best friend of 15 years (we are both currently 23) go out anywhere and we meet a girl(s), every time they go for him. This has gone on for years since at least 6th grade. But just the other night we had gone to IHOP after seeing Deadpool. There was this girl seated next to our booth, she started talking to us asking if we had just seen [Deadpool] it (we were wearing out Deadpool apparel) well he's been talking to a girl so he kept urging me (over text) to ask her out. I told him that she was interested in him "they always are" but we still exchanged numbers. Well next day she texts me, after bout an hour of texting she asks if he is available..... of course... so I ask, why?
kidm Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 - does he dominate the conversation and appear more confident? - why was he the only one texting the girl after the initial meeting? If your personalities are mismatched i.e. you come off more reserved than he does and he has a bigger personality, you should try to meet and talk to girls without him (especially if there is a looks disparity too). Most girls at that age are not going to go out of the way to get to know the "wallflower."
brokengirl85 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Because he's probably better looking. That's why. I'm sorry. It happens 5
AMJ Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Yeah, it happens. My childhood best friend used to always be the one to get hit on when we'd go out. Then at some point I became the more attractive one- probably in our mid-20s...anyway. She'd always act so surprised when guys would hit on me instead of her. I have another friend who is still, at 33, that gorgeous woman that will literally always get approached in public, and we don't even go out to bars anymore. It just happens. You have other strengths that he doesn't have- maybe you're funnier? You just need to figure out what your own strength is and build on that, make yourself shine brighter. Be the funny guy. Women love to laugh. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You have identified that women go for him not you. Look at what else he does that you don't. If it was obvious that while you were sitting in the IHOP he was talking to her & texting you to talk to her, she sensed that you are a follower not the leader so she went after the leader. 1
Jabron1 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 My best/oldest friend and I fell out over stupid crap like this. We haven't spoken now in about seven or eight years. Stop worrying about your friend, and focus on being better. 1
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Every time my best friend of 15 years (we are both currently 23) go out anywhere and we meet a girl(s), every time they go for him. This has gone on for years since at least 6th grade. But just the other night we had gone to IHOP after seeing Deadpool. There was this girl seated next to our booth, she started talking to us asking if we had just seen [Deadpool] it (we were wearing out Deadpool apparel) well he's been talking to a girl so he kept urging me (over text) to ask her out. I told him that she was interested in him "they always are" but we still exchanged numbers. Well next day she texts me, after bout an hour of texting she asks if he is available..... of course... so I ask, why? He's better looking than you. That's all. No use trying to change it. I had exactly the same thing myself. Even worse a few girls who we worked with would actually like both of us, for different reasons, but they'd always want to go out with him first. So by the time they realised they weren't compatible with him they'd come sniffing round me...too late.
Robratory Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 It doesn't have to do with your looks because neither one of you is remarkably handsome nor remarkably homely. You're just average guys. It most likely has more to do with your perception of the situation than anything else. As a rule, don't go hunting for girls accompanied by another guy. Hunt solo. That way, you get to keep the catch, and if you stumble, nobody's there to see you.
carhill Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 If consistent over time, and a result of equal interaction, it's the interaction, in total, which tips the balance to the man who is more attractive, in total. Appearance can play a part, sure. If it were an online situation where there was no personal interaction, then photogenic aura and writing skills come into play, with the emphasis on the photogenic part. That isn't always so for in-person chance meetings. IMO, seek out dates and mates solo. That's part of our life and times as males. Sure, enjoy your male friends, doing male things.
Jabron1 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I'm glad a mod took down those pictures. You shouldn't be putting up pictures of your friend online. The reason women aren't going for you is the same reason they didn't want my best friend: you're insecure. It's a complete turn off. You're needy. You're posting pictures of yourself on here looking for validation. I find neediness and insecurity in men annoying, but to women it's poison. Women want a man to be a f'ing man. Neediness is not masculine. Look, If I think my style, body, or whatever is good, I don't give a flying f*ck what anyone else thinks. My reality is paramount to me. Your opinion of yourself is what matters. What you don't like, change. And, What you can't change, accept.
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Yup it's all about looks.......and of course with better looks comes confidence, and the ability to converse with the ladies fearlessly.
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) Every time my best friend of 15 years (we are both currently 23) go out anywhere and we meet a girl(s), every time they go for him. This has gone on for years since at least 6th grade. But just the other night we had gone to IHOP after seeing Deadpool. There was this girl seated next to our booth, she started talking to us asking if we had just seen [Deadpool] it (we were wearing out Deadpool apparel) well he's been talking to a girl so he kept urging me (over text) to ask her out. I told him that she was interested in him "they always are" but we still exchanged numbers. Well next day she texts me, after bout an hour of texting she asks if he is available..... of course... so I ask, why? Reading this I would have called her out. It's really pretty rude of this girl to do that when she exchanged numbers with you like that. Tell her to go do her own dirty work...you're better off out of it. Edited February 16, 2016 by AverageJoe1986
Author Revin Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Alright, hoping my phone doesn't **** this up. In my honest opinion, I am the better looking of two of us. People saying to solo when "looking for dates or mate" I am the reserved one yes, I'm not normally one to initiate conversation, but get me on a subject I am passionate about and I open up very easily, in this case it was Deadpool, so I was talking. Get me open and talking and I'm golden, I like to talk, (I just hate having to initiate the conversation with small talk, I hate small talk, but even with out the movie as the catalyst for conversation, when he and I get together we are able to play off of each other naturally and keep those around us constantly in stitches. This is why I really do get it, also he already has some one which is why he was urging me to talk to her. 1
Jabron1 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Yup it's all about looks For those that missed the pictures he put up, there's no real difference between him and his mate in terms of looks. They are both average looking guys.
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Alright, hoping my phone doesn't **** this up. In my honest opinion, I am the better looking of two of us. People saying to solo when "looking for dates or mate" I am the reserved one yes, I'm not normally one to initiate conversation, but get me on a subject I am passionate about and I open up very easily, in this case it was Deadpool, so I was talking. Get me open and talking and I'm golden, I like to talk, (I just hate having to initiate the conversation with small talk, I hate small talk, but even with out the movie as the catalyst for conversation, when he and I get together we are able to play off of each other naturally and keep those around us constantly in stitches. This is why I really do get it, also he already has some one which is why he was urging me to talk to her. Ah, it's a Finchy and the Brentmeister General situation?
Author Revin Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Ah, it's a Finchy and the Brentmeister General situation? yea, I haven't watched the Uk's Office at all (honestly had to look it up) so i don't know if that would some it up.
preraph Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I'm going to be blunt. He's probably really good looking. Whether he is also a better personality, I don't know. But this is happening on first meeting, so it's got to be he's just very attractive to women. If it never works out even though he'd trying to get them to like you, then stop even thinking about going out with him if you're trying to meet women and see if you do any better alone or with someone else. Women have this problem ALL the time, by the way. Every guy in the place will be after the same one woman and the rest are invisible to them. Story of my life. 1
kendahke Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Every time my best friend of 15 years (we are both currently 23) go out anywhere and we meet a girl(s), every time they go for him. This has gone on for years since at least 6th grade If this is always happening, have you spoken to him about it? What does he have to say about this phenomenon? he kept urging me (over text) to ask her out. I told him that she was interested in him "they always are" Why didn't you tell him to shut her down instead of encouraging her so that you could, since he knows this has been going on for 15 years? I rather think your boy get a twisted charge out of doing this to you, but you are showing him where to slice your belly open. Start going out with other guys and see if the same thing happens. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that you don't have the same problem. Well next day she texts me, after bout an hour of texting she asks if he is available..... of course... so I ask, why? Because he texted her and told her he was interested in her. I think your boy is shady.
SwordofFlame Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Alright, hoping my phone doesn't **** this up. In my honest opinion, I am the better looking of two of us. People saying to solo when "looking for dates or mate" I am the reserved one yes, I'm not normally one to initiate conversation, but get me on a subject I am passionate about and I open up very easily, in this case it was Deadpool, so I was talking. Get me open and talking and I'm golden, I like to talk, (I just hate having to initiate the conversation with small talk, I hate small talk, but even with out the movie as the catalyst for conversation, when he and I get together we are able to play off of each other naturally and keep those around us constantly in stitches. This is why I really do get it, also he already has some one which is why he was urging me to talk to her. Your friend isn't a very good wingman.
halfarock Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Alright, hoping my phone doesn't **** this up. In my honest opinion, I am the better looking of two of us. People saying to solo when "looking for dates or mate" I am the reserved one yes, I'm not normally one to initiate conversation, but get me on a subject I am passionate about and I open up very easily, in this case it was Deadpool, so I was talking. Get me open and talking and I'm golden, I like to talk, (I just hate having to initiate the conversation with small talk, I hate small talk, but even with out the movie as the catalyst for conversation, when he and I get together we are able to play off of each other naturally and keep those around us constantly in stitches. This is why I really do get it, also he already has some one which is why he was urging me to talk to her. When I was younger (your age) I was in a simular situation with my best friend. He was the more outgoing of the two of us and I've always thought he was the better looking one. He once told me that he preferred chasing women with me over his other friends. The reason being that women in their late teens and early twenties tended to hang out in pairs. The problem being what to do about the friend of the women he was approaching. He claimed that in every case the second woman always liked me. The consequence of all this was that even though I was shy and rarely approached women I got very good at talking with women and being comfortable around them. Eventually a time came when the primary woman, the prettier of the two that my friend was chasing, would choose me over him and he would end up with the secondary woman. That is when our friendship began to fade.
kidm Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 If he already has a girlfriend, why was he chatting up this girl and taking her number? This should be a nonissue where he should be your wing man while you take the lead in meeting girls and getting their number. I didn't see the pictures you posted but if you are both in fact average looking, then its a personality thing. Maybe he comes off as more "alpha".
thecrucible Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 ...I'm not normally one to initiate conversation, but get me on a subject I am passionate about and I open up very easily, in this case it was Deadpool, so I was talking. Get me open and talking and I'm golden, I like to talk, (I just hate having to initiate the conversation with small talk, I hate small talk, but even with out the movie as the catalyst for conversation, when he and I get together we are able to play off of each other naturally and keep those around us constantly in stitches. This is why I really do get it, also he already has some one which is why he was urging me to talk to her. I don't mind initiating myself but personally I don't find men attractive who don't initiate conversation as I like men with more confidence (I don't want to be doing all the work in the relationship) but that's just me. It also puts me off because a guy who doesn't make much effort to talk to me also comes across as a guy I don't perceive as much of a go getter in life. The guy doesn't have to be some kind of adonis but if his behaviour projects the personality of someone with some drive and energy, that's very attractive to me. You need to small talk - start out doing it with strangers and friends, then try it in a dating sense. The ability to perfect some kind of small talk will help you to initiate conversation. Try to initiate conversation with women more, talk about things you like but also ask them questions to get them to open up about things which interest them. You can perfect these skills in a non-dating setting. I think your friend was trying to help you by encouraging you to talk to her.
truth_seeker Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 For those that missed the pictures he put up, there's no real difference between him and his mate in terms of looks. They are both average looking guys. If that's the case then he needs to start taking charge. BTW, OP... you sure your friend is really your friend? He probably likes having you around as a non-threatening wingman aka you keep him company while he scores the girls.
Versacehottie Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Alright, hoping my phone doesn't **** this up. In my honest opinion, I am the better looking of two of us. People saying to solo when "looking for dates or mate" I am the reserved one yes, I'm not normally one to initiate conversation, but get me on a subject I am passionate about and I open up very easily, in this case it was Deadpool, so I was talking. Get me open and talking and I'm golden, I like to talk, (I just hate having to initiate the conversation with small talk, I hate small talk, but even with out the movie as the catalyst for conversation, when he and I get together we are able to play off of each other naturally and keep those around us constantly in stitches. This is why I really do get it, also he already has some one which is why he was urging me to talk to her. IMO, bolded "i hate small talk" is one of your big problems. Initial flirting and the IHOP night is a great example, is when you need to use your small talk personality to flirt and show who you are and your confidence. No one is ready for a monologue to get to know you. (kidding but not kidding!). I don't necessarily think what people are assuming you are not as good looking as your friend is the case. But it is probably a combo. You might be closer in looks than you think and he edges you out with his outgoing and carefree personality--less serious, better flirt, reads as more confidence and is ultimately more attractive. He, as someone said, is the leader and you are the follower--which makes sense in meeting and picking up random girls because you said it yourself--you hate small talk. That's what these encounters will be. Get better at small talk, flirting, being outgoing. Embrace it. BTW, you dodged a bullet with that IHOP girl. Pretty rude (and/or stupid!) that if you two exchanged numbers that she is trying to use you to get to your friend. Everyone knows that the two that exchange numbers are for each other. So she is either too rude to care OR too dumb/unsocialized to know this. No one really wants to date or have a girlfriend that is this rude or dumb. Lucky you. As someone said above, don't compare yourself to your friend even though that can be hard. Improve on yourself, recognize AREAS where you can improve. Then your successes should grow. And I think once you have better initial success to score dates/initial interest than the fact that you like longer, deeper conversations will work in your favor for locking down a good girl to become your girlfriend. It just isn't as relevant in the initial stages (and at 23). Good luck 1
elaine567 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 If he already has a girlfriend, why was he chatting up this girl and taking her number? This should be a nonissue where he should be your wing man while you take the lead in meeting girls and getting their number. I didn't see the pictures you posted but if you are both in fact average looking, then its a personality thing. Maybe he comes off as more "alpha". I saw the photos, they both have a completely different "look". The OP looks a lot softer and kinder, I agree better looking, a guy you could take home easily to your mother. The friend looks harder, rougher, a bit arrogant in the pic, edgier with a large ear stud and a lip piercing. I do not think "mum" would be so pleased. I think the type of girl who is attracted to the friend, is not going to be interested in the OP. I guess it is probably the friend with his more "out there" look that is doing the attracting, so the OP always ends up with the crumbs. BUT with a different sub set of girls, there is no reason the OP would not also do rather well.
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