5 years together broke up out of no where only to find out it was for someone else

February 16, 2016

Hi everyone! I am kinda new to this forum and I see that writing about it tends to help with the healing so i'm hoping to achieve that. I'll make this as short as possible: was with my ex for 5 years. I was 20 when we met at and he was 24 and now i'm 25 and he's 28.. we never faced any serious issues, we did long distance for 1 1/2 years and managed it and have been happy every since. All of a sudden in mid January he tells me he hasn't been happy for a long time and just cant be in a relationship and that I pushed him away..This caught me completely off guard, I thought we were happy and had no idea that this was happening. I accepted it because he said he had made up his mind and didnt want to be with me anymore but that he still loved me but needed to discover what he wanted. Honestly I didn't buy it..I knew something else was going on. For weeks after that I would see on instagram some girl was tagging him in pictures that just didnt seem like something a friend would do to another friend and I would confront him about it and he would deny it and tell me i'm pushing him further and further away. Fast forward to last monday..we had decided to meet up to discuss the possibility of giving this a second shot. He said he really wanted too but again needed to think about himself and that a relationship is the last thing on his mind. He swore on my life that nothing was going on with another woman and to give him until the end of the month to see if he wants this again and so I believed him.

On sunday my friend saw him tagged in another girls picture of her kissing him. My heart broke...i felt so lied too and betrayed. I kept contacting him to try and get some answers to see how he can lie to me this way and I got no response. My friend (my exs sister) did something immature and she tagged him and the girl in something online and it caused the girl to reach out to her. To make a long story short I contacted the girl and told her that we should meet up woman to woman so that she can give me the answers that I was looking for because my ex was ignoring me completely. Turns out they started dating early january and that is the reason that he left me..she had no idea he was with someone since he told her we had been broken up since November. I just feel so betrayed. He lied to my face and swore on my life..what kind of person does this?!

February 16, 2016

This is hurtful to even read. Not a good person at all. Move on you deserve so much better. It's hard but you must look out for you now. He's not worth it.

Hugs.

February 16, 2016

The old "you pushed me away" routine is code for "I'm too big of a pussy to tell you the truth", unless of course, you actually did push him away.

But if you did, you'd know what he was talking about.

Now you haven enough answers for closure, so start closing.

February 16, 2016

No I didnt push him away he was too much of a coward to tel me the truth. Its just funny because I always suspected there was someone else and he would deny it the whole time and swear that it is him "soul searching" when in reality he just jumped right into another relationship without even waiting a day

February 16, 2016

No I didnt push him away he was too much of a coward to tel me the truth. Its just funny because I always suspected there was someone else and he would deny it the whole time and swear that it is him "soul searching" when in reality he just jumped right into another relationship without even waiting a day

It's not like he waited at all. In fact, I'd bet that there was a fair bit of overlap in his relationships with you and this other girl.

I don't say that to hurt you; I say that so you can recognize that ultimately this dick did you a favor.

February 16, 2016

Thank you so much for the reply. He really didnt wait at all. I spoke to the girl yesterday since he refused to answer me and she told me they started to hang out in January and we broke up around mid January so there was an overlap. Funny thing is since we've been broken up he's been telling me that she is just a friend and has a boyfriend that is a good friend of his and when I asked her about it she said it was all a lie. What a prick but I hate that it still hurts me

February 16, 2016

At least you know that he wasn't actually in it for the long haul.

Sorry for the pain you are going through. It will take a while, but its better to remove yourself as a player in this immature game he is playing. He betrayed you. He lied to you, and you don't deserve that.

Better to block out all social media accounts now so you don't drive yourself mental looking at his life now. Do it now, trust me, you will save yourself much drama and tears.

Sounds like he wasn't ready for a commitment with you and another girl caught his eye, and he jumped ship before your relationship even had a chance to be "fixed". He is immature. Let him go live his life, but now you can move on and live your life without him. That's his karma.

February 16, 2016

I feel for you, I went through the exact same thing except for 2 differences, my ex and I started dating when she was 15, I was 17 and she was the one who left me for another guy.

Pretty much same thing happened during the breakup, she met another guy and was talking to him behind my back and ultimately pulled the trigger on breaking up with me. She used the excuse that her parents would never accept me due to our religious differences. But I soon found out that her and her new bf had started dealing with eachother just as soon as we broke up.

You got your closure now by talking to the other girl so all u can do now is learn from it and move on. Sure ur gonna be sad and take ur time with that, let your emotions flow naturally but don't stay in that place for too long. Also don't hope that one day he's gonna realize that you were amazing and come back cuz it's most likely not gonna happen.

My ex and I have been broken up for a year and few months and I recently found out that she is still with that new guy. But to be honest I don't even care anymore. I don't want to be with someone who is that weak and can't be by herself and has to jump from relationship to relationship and she also had her fair share of problems.

February 16, 2016

I feel for you, I went through the exact same thing except for 2 differences, my ex and I started dating when she was 15, I was 17 and she was the one who left me for another guy.

Pretty much same thing happened during the breakup, she met another guy and was talking to him behind my back and ultimately pulled the trigger on breaking up with me. She used the excuse that her parents would never accept me due to our religious differences. But I soon found out that her and her new bf had started dealing with eachother just as soon as we broke up.

You got your closure now by talking to the other girl so all u can do now is learn from it and move on. Sure ur gonna be sad and take ur time with that, let your emotions flow naturally but don't stay in that place for too long. Also don't hope that one day he's gonna realize that you were amazing and come back cuz it's most likely not gonna happen.

My ex and I have been broken up for a year and few months and I recently found out that she is still with that new guy. But to be honest I don't even care anymore. I don't want to be with someone who is that weak and can't be by herself and has to jump from relationship to relationship and she also had her fair share of problems.

Wow i'm sorry that you went through that it really does suck. It's horrible. It's more about the whole lying that hurts but like you said life goes on and I got the closure I needed. I really dont expect him to come back especially since he was able to jump right into a relationship but I mean the reason he left was to be with her he didn't even wait 24 hours but it's not worth the time. I'm glad things are better for you no one deserves to be treated this way. I wish you the best!

February 16, 2016

Wow i'm sorry that you went through that it really does suck. It's horrible. It's more about the whole lying that hurts but like you said life goes on and I got the closure I needed. I really dont expect him to come back especially since he was able to jump right into a relationship but I mean the reason he left was to be with her he didn't even wait 24 hours but it's not worth the time. I'm glad things are better for you no one deserves to be treated this way. I wish you the best!

Agreed, girl.

Something similar happened to me in the past. My ex of 7.5 years, whom I lived with for 6.5, also betrayed me. I had some suspicions about a coworker of his, who I'd met several times. She was always friendly to me but I realized they were becoming quite good friends. He swore up and down they were only friends.

After we broke up, I discovered he'd been seeing her for at least a couple of months before we separated. We were growing in different directions anyway, but knowing he'd completely lied to me - more than once - was a tough pill to swallow. It totally contradicted everything I knew about him. He had been a great partner until that point. I felt utterly disrespected and couldn't believe he'd had the cojones to do that.

You will someday move past it. I promise! That was over 4 years ago now and I have moved on and am quite happy today. It will take some time but you;ll get there too.

February 17, 2016

At least you know that he wasn't actually in it for the long haul.

Sorry for the pain you are going through. It will take a while, but its better to remove yourself as a player in this immature game he is playing. He betrayed you. He lied to you, and you don't deserve that.

Better to block out all social media accounts now so you don't drive yourself mental looking at his life now. Do it now, trust me, you will save yourself much drama and tears.

Sounds like he wasn't ready for a commitment with you and another girl caught his eye, and he jumped ship before your relationship even had a chance to be "fixed". He is immature. Let him go live his life, but now you can move on and live your life without him. That's his karma.

Yes exactly its really sad that someone you loved and trusted so much can betray you this way but it was him and not me. For the past month he had me doubting myself as a person since he was blaming me for the break up when in reality it was all so he could be with this other girl. It gives me closure even though it pains me to think he can jump ship that quickly

February 17, 2016

Agreed, girl.

Something similar happened to me in the past. My ex of 7.5 years, whom I lived with for 6.5, also betrayed me. I had some suspicions about a coworker of his, who I'd met several times. She was always friendly to me but I realized they were becoming quite good friends. He swore up and down they were only friends.

After we broke up, I discovered he'd been seeing her for at least a couple of months before we separated. We were growing in different directions anyway, but knowing he'd completely lied to me - more than once - was a tough pill to swallow. It totally contradicted everything I knew about him. He had been a great partner until that point. I felt utterly disrespected and couldn't believe he'd had the cojones to do that.

You will someday move past it. I promise! That was over 4 years ago now and I have moved on and am quite happy today. It will take some time but you;ll get there too.

Oh wow i'm so sorry you had to go through that too, it really does suck when someone you loved and trusted so much is able to betray you that way. He really isn't the same person to me anymore and I dont think I could ever look at him the same way. My ex still refuses to admit that he did anything wrong to this day..even though he's been caught in his lies.. but i'm done with all that. I cut contact completely and deleted him off all social media. Hoping for the best and just trying to keep my head up

February 17, 2016

I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I understand how heartbreaking and tumultuous it can be.

I know you've already spoken to the new girl but I would suggest not doing that again. Other than understanding the scope of their relationship and when it started for your own awareness... What good does it really do?

The big picture is what should be focused on. Which is the fact that he checked out of your relationship and began getting involved with another girl. I know it's tempting to want to dig and find out more so you can really make sure you know he's a scumbag. But you already knew that when he started seeing someone else so quickly. He cheated or at the very least he started talking to another girl while you were dating and decided he no longer felt the same way about you as he did during the beginning of your relationship.

Talking to him now and checking their social media activity will only make this more difficult for you and torture you mentally.

And I hope you're not consideringn ever getting back together with him or leaving that door open if he breaks up with this girl eventually. You said that you don't expect him to come back to you. Why would you want him back to begin with?

He's the bad guy here. Not the girl he's dating now. Sounds like she had no idea he was dating you or with anyone when they started talkin so he most likely manipulated her into believing he was single or not attached to anyone. Making her feel guilty is misplaced. He's the one who did all this. He should be wondering if he'll ever be able to get you back and if he made a huge mistake. That's how you get your revenge. You separate yourself, stop contacting him for good, delete him on social media so you're not tempted to look, and slowly with time you will be able to move on to new opportunities.

Trust me, the moment a new guy who you find interesting/attractive starts showing you interest or trying to flirt/go out with you, you will know that your ex wasn't "the only one for you" and that you deserved better. Hang in there

February 17, 2016

I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I understand how heartbreaking and tumultuous it can be.

I know you've already spoken to the new girl but I would suggest not doing that again. Other than understanding the scope of their relationship and when it started for your own awareness... What good does it really do?
The big picture is what should be focused on. Which is the fact that he checked out of your relationship and began getting involved with another girl. I know it's tempting to want to dig and find out more so you can really make sure you know he's a scumbag. But you already knew that when he started seeing someone else so quickly. He cheated or at the very least he started talking to another girl while you were dating and decided he no longer felt the same way about you as he did during the beginning of your relationship.

Talking to him now and checking their social media activity will only make this more difficult for you and torture you mentally.

And I hope you're not consideringn ever getting back together with him or leaving that door open if he breaks up with this girl eventually. You said that you don't expect him to come back to you. Why would you want him back to begin with?

He's the bad guy here. Not the girl he's dating now. Sounds like she had no idea he was dating you or with anyone when they started talkin so he most likely manipulated her into believing he was single or not attached to anyone. Making her feel guilty is misplaced. He's the one who did all this. He should be wondering if he'll ever be able to get you back and if he made a huge mistake. That's how you get your revenge. You separate yourself, stop contacting him for good, delete him on social media so you're not tempted to look, and slowly with time you will be able to move on to new opportunities.

Trust me, the moment a new guy who you find interesting/attractive starts showing you interest or trying to flirt/go out with you, you will know that your ex wasn't "the only one for you" and that you deserved better. Hang in there

Thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate it. What you said is really powerful. There really isn't much else I need from the other girl I just honestly feel bad for her because shes entering a relationship that is built on lies because she told me that he had told her that he's been single since November when we really just broke up 3 weeks ago but then again that just shows you what kind of person he really is. I have cut contact 100% and deleted him off all social media. The only problem is next week is my best friends wedding and she is his brother and we are both involved in the wedding so I am going to have to see him all weekend. In regards to getting back together with him there is no way I will ever consider that. Before when I thought he ended it because of me I was willing to give things another shot because he told me he missed me but honestly the minute I found out he lied to me about everything he became a different person in my eyes and not the guy that I fell in love with. I have never been betrayed this way before so this is all just new to me

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5 years together broke up out of no where only to find out it was for someone else

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