Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 His buying a house even a little bit further away and excluding her is on some level a subconscious/freudian slip -- he's distancing himself from her and she senses it. He's cutting her out of his life in little ways. He doesn't even realize himself that he's moving on. 3
Tribble Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I'm not sure where I see jealous? I do see upset. It sounds like you found a house and decided to buy it with no thought from here. Technically, you don't need to consult with her but 2 years into a relationship, I'd have thought you'd be thinking long term. The marriage issue aside, I'd say she deserved some say if you wanted her to live with you. I was with my (now ex) bf for about 7 months when I redecorated my house. I owned it and he was renting and we'd spoken about him moving in eventually when we were ready. I wanted his say when I redecorated. He didn't get the deciding vote but I wanted his input. Theoretically he would eventually be living there and I wanted him to be comfortable and it to feel like 'our house', not mine. It's okay that you don't want her say. But in that case, she isn't long term for you. Break up and find someone you would want to consult on future plans with not someone to who it is an inconvenience to consult with.
kendahke Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I can't argue with that. They shouldn't be boyfriend/girlfriend in that case. and his previous thread about his issues with her made that abundantly clear. Why he's still with her is what the focus should be, since she'd been making him miserable for some time now.
Author longjohn Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 I appreciate all the comments and differing points of view.. even if some of them are beyond off the wall all together lol. I should apologise because I've used this forum to vent and I'm sure 90% of what I vented ended up being wrong. I just needed to lay it out there I suppose and see how far off the mark I really was. The facts in this relationship are I do care for this lady enough to even make a larger commitment one day but not now. When I do yes I'll protect myself financially I have to. The issue I'm having right now and I'm willing to accept being wrong here is she's doing something my ex did and it's making me defensive. Attempts are being made to make me feel bad for doing well in life? I didn't have some master plan to get through the recession other than to not spend more than I earned and keep stashing money away in case I got laid off. Luckily I didn't and scraped through in a lower paying job. I came out the other side and life has been good, far better than I expected. Yes I have enough and make enough to buy a large house all by myself. I managed to climb above, for the first time in my life the cycle of pay bills, work like a dog only to pay more bills. I worked, I paid down my debts, I put money away. I invested I wasn't frivolous. Yet again I hear this whining form my gf just like my ex that I make more than they do? Yes but that isn't my fault? It isn't my fault she has a job that's almost an hour away. She knew how far the drive was when we moved in together and I've reminded her of this. I've given her the option of moving out if she really has to be closer to work but she isn't going to do that. Why?.. She isn't making enough on her own to rent without asking Mummy and Daddy for money every month. Yes she pays into the household expenses here mostly just enough to cover the cost of utilities she pays next to nothing for "rent". If I wanted I could say rent is half the mortgage and that's for example is 1,000 each per month. Yes I really like that house, I did consult her about it and initially she loved it. Then she spoke to her mother and suddenly she isn't liking the house anymore and we're fighting, still fighting days later. In my mind her mother interfered, gave an opinion and my gf is falling into line either because she agrees or she wants to make her parents happy. Either way I'm still of the mindset that I've earned it, I can have it if I want it. Yet she tell's me I only want a status symbol to show everyone how well I'm doing.. which is the opposite of what I want. I was stupidly thinking she'd love the house and the street. I budged a decent amount to decorate the place! I wanted it to feel like it's our's not just mine. Her response is insanity at best.. I'm told I only want her to decorate it so I can kick her out and move someone else in? What is wrong with her? Am I missing something here? Yes the thought has crossed my mind and I told her this. We could just breakup and I could just do whatever I like and she can go back to whining about poor me and how life is horrible and men are arseholes.
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Yes the thought has crossed my mind and I told her this. We could just breakup and I could just do whatever I like and she can go back to whining about poor me and how life is horrible and men are arseholes. Oh dear! .....
BlueIris Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 It doesn’t sound to me as though you love her and want to build a life with her, not the way you talk about her. You’ve been grousing about her flaws for a very long time now- seeing her as fat, whiney, secretive. I think you’re stringing her along. 1
Poutrew Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 Just remember that any property you get before you marry is yours and not part of any divorce settlement... unless you put her name on the deed. Maybe the reason she is having problems is because she wants to get her 'fair share' out of you when she splits up with you in 5 - 10 years? This has been known to happen... 1
kendahke Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I'm still of the mindset that I've earned it, I can have it if I want it. Yet she tell's me I only want a status symbol to show everyone how well I'm doing.. which is the opposite of what I want. I was stupidly thinking she'd love the house and the street. I budged a decent amount to decorate the place! I wanted it to feel like it's our's not just mine. Her response is insanity at best.. I'm told I only want her to decorate it so I can kick her out and move someone else in? What is wrong with her? Am I missing something here? Yes the thought has crossed my mind and I told her this. We could just breakup and I could just do whatever I like and she can go back to whining about poor me and how life is horrible and men are arseholes. Just do yourself an enormous favor and cut her loose. Seriously. She isn't the only woman on the planet--and you dont' want a supposed adult who is still running your relationship business past her parental committee for their vote. She's going to think/say whatever confirms in her head that she is right, so you trying to do an end run around that is a waste of time and energy. 1
thecrucible Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 It doesn't seem like jealousy is the big issue here. There is a lot going on with your relationship that is putting strain on it and not making you feel ready to commit. If you don't feel ready, don't do it. But have a frank discussion with her about the status of the relationship. It may be that you have different expectations and in that case it is right to break up. She will feel strung along if she wants a major commitment in a certain time frame and you are not able to commit to that. You should go with what feels right for you in your life, but that may also mean that breaking up is best for the both of you.
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