Freckled Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 My ex and I were together nearly three years, in the summer we were about to buy a house together and then things changed. We decided to save up for another six months. He became distant, I eventually asked him why expecting him to say he was just stressed with work but he broke down in tears and said he's not in the same place and ready for a house. He continued to get upset and admitted he wasn't as happy as he used to be. He then got a bit angry at me for bringing the subject up - saying he wishes I'd kept quiet then we could have just carried on... A few months passed and we gradually saw and text each other less and less. The night before we had booked to go away for a weekend in October he sent me a text saying he'd tried but couldn't do it anymore. We met up and he broke down, saying he wants to end things, its the hardest thing he's ever had to do but he just can't see us happy in the future. I told him I wanted to try and fix things, he said wanted to turn the clock back.--- we clicked right from the start of our relationship, best friends, fun things and places together, talking, laughing. Everyone including us thought it was perfect. I didn't speak to him for a week after we broke up but we then met up for a concert we had booked, he told me he'd cried every day since our split, that every song reminds him of me etc. For 2 months we carried on meeting once a week / fortnight to talk / cry. In all our meet ups he cried more than me.... I should maybe point out he's older than me and had been in two 5 year relationships. When we first got together I wasn't sure I wanted to be in a relationship but he stuck with me, he said he knew from our first date that I was the one, constantly told me I was the love of his life. Even though he'd been in longer relationships and bought a house with the girl before me he said I'm the only person he's ever thought about marriage and kids with.... I put a stop to our crying sessions in December as I just couldn't cope anymore. I didn't understand how he could be so upset but not want to try and make things work out. Eventually he told me he loves me like a best friend. After 2 weeks he started contacting me again and we've got caught up in the cycle of meeting on average every two weeks, we don't cry and talk about the relationship anymore.... He won't when he texts it's random like... How's my car etc? Last week he offered to drive a two hour round trip to take me for it from the garage! Just after NYE I mentioned another guy's name on social media (thanks for the lift.... He's my friends brother) that night my ex was texting me none stop about random things. A few days later my friend posted a comment on social media telling me to enjoy my night.... My ex tried calling me, the next morning I had a text saying he called to say he's seeing someone else, he guesses I am too and wushes me luck he then blocked me on social media saying he thought it was best for both of us. I was heart broken all over again... For two weeks after telling me that though he text me about random things most days! I started to think he wasn't really seeing anyone as we were still texting and meeting up for lunch. But then my worst nightmare was confirmed two weeks ago.... He def is with someone new. I saw pics of them together. Sorry for the super long post. I don't know what he wants from me,even though he's with someone new ( we haven't spoken about it... A friend told me) we are still in the cycle of him sending me bizarre messages to strike up conversations and us winding up hanging out...he came to see me yesterday! He says he wants us to be friends. I've told him it's been nearly 4 months since our split and not being able to last much more than two weeks without seeing each other isn't normal.... Or is that just me? Thanks for reading... My head is in such a pickle!
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 How to pull your head out of the pickle: Go total No Contact (see Guide in my signature). That's it. The more you stay in contact with him, the more of a mess you will be. He yanks your chain because you let him. Quit responding, replying and reacting. Block at every possible avenue. It's not about what he is doing, or what he wants. It's about what you do. So stop engaging with him at all and every level, go No Contact, and move on. No if, but, maybe or any prevaricating excuse. Just do it.
Author Freckled Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Thanks I think deep down I know I have to have space to heal. As cheesy as it sounds my head is still in "he's the one". I told him yesterday that he's not being fair on me and I don't know what he wants from me I don't think it's right him still contacting me when he's with someone new, shouldn't he be thinking about her at 7am, not sending me random messages!
Simon Phoenix Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Thanks I think deep down I know I have to have space to heal. As cheesy as it sounds my head is still in "he's the one". I told him yesterday that he's not being fair on me and I don't know what he wants from me I don't think it's right him still contacting me when he's with someone new, shouldn't he be thinking about her at 7am, not sending me random messages! You realize you don't have to answer, don't you?
Toodaloo Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Freckled. Don't answer him. I know its hard but ignore him. Block him. Time to move on. All that has happened is that he has suddenly reaslised that you are not the one for him. He has no idea why. You are great just as you are but just not for him. He is messed up, rebounding with this other girl, making a hash of it all. Walk away. You can not be his crutch any more. Move on and make your own life. Someone will be there for you and they will stick around. You are his "one that got away". Take comfort in that but do not let him mess you about and screw about with your feelings. Chin up chook. 2
Author Freckled Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 All that has happened is that he has suddenly reaslised that you are not the one for him. He has no idea why. You are great just as you are but just not for him. thanks Toodaloo. That's what I'm struggling with - how I'm not the one for him anymore but yet he still seemingly wants me around. I'd love nothing more than to try and rebuild what we had but I'm realising I need time to mend.
Zahara Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 he told me he'd cried every day since our split, that every song reminds him of me etc. For 2 months we carried on meeting once a week / fortnight to talk / cry. In all our meet ups he cried more than me.... Some people do this to alleviate their guilt. Showing you they're as hurt or worst off than how you're doing -- hopefully the dumpee feels sorry for them. Lessens the guilt and feeling like the bad guy. Even though he'd been in longer relationships and bought a house with the girl before me he said I'm the only person he's ever thought about marriage and kids with What happened with that relationship? Seems like it went a step further in that he committed to a home with her but ended it with her but yet stopped the home buying when it came to you but you're the only one he's ever thought about marriage and kids. I call BS. I don't know what he wants from me,even though he's with someone new ( we haven't spoken about it... A friend told me) we are still in the cycle of him sending me bizarre messages to strike up conversations and us winding up hanging out...he came to see me yesterday! "He says he wants us to be friends." That's why. Someone to pay him attention, hang out with, an ego boost...that kind of friend. He's neither committed to you or the other girl. That's all it is. On his terms. If you desire more for yourself, then eliminate men that only bring confusion into your life. If he wants a relationship with you, he would have made a move. Stop enabling his dysfunction.
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