She "used to be" a stripper. Should I keep dating her?

February 16, 2016

What am I in for? Anything unusual? I mean she seems really nice. Weve been dating about 1 month. It sounds like it was more a part of her past.. so heres what Im wondering: how should I handle someone who has this kind of past? What I mean is, you can be treated a certain way in a strip club and it can change you........ I dont know what to say other than people say you should not date a stripper cause X Y Z. But shes not one anymore. Sounds like it was a few years ago. I dunno... this is just new for me. What am I in for other than just a regular girl with a background in stripping?

Edited February 16, 2016 by gorf

February 16, 2016

Good question. What are the laws concerning strip clubs where you live? Where I live the stories about the strip clubs make it sound them sound like a brothel with nude dancers.

I've read about college girls paying there way though school stripping. So stories are all over the place.

Perhaps the nightmare behind the curtain #3 is CSA (childhood sexual abuse).

I've read repeatedly that porn stars and prostitutes are victims of CSA. That pedophiles are almost always victims of CSA. Pedophiles will never stop seeking out victims. Prostitutes without serous help will never form heathy relationships.

Having said that a CSA victim will go down the hole, rather with a past job as a stripper it raises the question. Perhaps at this point you should pull back and just be a friend.

February 16, 2016

Good question. What are the laws concerning strip clubs where you live? Where I live the stories about the strip clubs make it sound them sound like a brothel with nude dancers.

I've read about college girls paying there way though school stripping. So stories are all over the place.

Perhaps the nightmare behind the curtain #3 is CSA (childhood sexual abuse).
I've read repeatedly that porn stars and prostitutes are victims of CSA. That pedophiles are almost always victims of CSA. Pedophiles will never stop seeking out victims. Prostitutes without serous help will never form heathy relationships.

Having said that a CSA victim will go down the hole, rather with a past job as a stripper it raises the question. Perhaps at this point you should pull back and just be a friend.

You've just made a huge bunch of sweeping generalisations there bud.

What drives woman to these professions is as varied as e are woman themselves, and porn star is a long, long way from stripper.

To OP, what you do depends totally on whether you can respect her or not.

I'd have no problem at all...

February 16, 2016

I bet she has some stories to tell! I guess it's a matter of maturity and her current stage in her life. Does she want kids? And if she wants stability in her life...

February 16, 2016

I have worked with 2 girls who stripped to pay for drama school.

Their reasoning was, I can dance, I have no issues with my body and I need a job. Obviously they could have gotten a bar job, like most people, but by stripping, which is an option that was open to them by being ripped, fit and limber, they left drama school almost debt free.

They stopped stripping once they left and are well adjusted and have long term relationships.

February 16, 2016

Are you wanting to be part of her past or her future? Which one is more important to you? Everyone has a past, things they regret, choices they made that have affected how they are, some good some bad. Jobs they've done. Even people they've slept with. The fact is, it's their past, it's from a time before you knew them.

The real question isn't about them but about you - can you accept it their past and have the relationship, because once you do, there's no way you can use that against them in the future. So think long and hard as if it's bothering you now, it could bother you even more further down the road.

February 16, 2016

Can we just sum this all up by saying that judging a person on her past, says more about you than it does about her?

February 16, 2016

Can we just sum this all up by saying that judging a person on her past, says more about you than it does about her?

I don't think that's entirely fair or accurate. Past actions by a person are a very good indicator of future ones and they definitely do tell you a lot about that person. I mean would you date someone who has murdered someone or had a long history of assault ? That's just common sense.

In saying that stripping is not killing someone. If its something you have an issue with in a partner then talk them find out the motivations behind why they did it. This WILL tell you a lot about the person psyche and their likelyhood to return to this type of life.

eg: I did it to pay may way through university. I had no time due to all my study and it was the only job that would pay enough to support me and get me through University. Is much different scenario to someone who lived the stripping lifestyle for no other reason then they liked being a stripper and enjoyed a lot of male attention.

Perhaps your choice as to whether to stay with them says something about you. EG: Maybe you are just looking for some fun so thats actually a turn on - or - maybe your looking for a long term committed partner and a women who has a need for a lot of male attention might not be up your alley.

Regardless a persons past actions and the reason for them most definitely say something about the person.

Edited February 16, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

February 16, 2016

I do not think it is necessarily judgmental to highlight some of the problems associated with dating someone who was a stripper.

Occupations can cause issues in relationships, dating a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, a teacher, a nurse, a shop worker, a garbage collector, all come with issues specific to the type of employment involved, the sex industry is no different.

gorf needs to watch out for red flags in the same way as everyone else needs to do in a relationship.

Small study, the emphasis on the body beautiful is hardly surprising but "less satisfaction in relationships" may be pertinent to the OP's situation.

We examined body objectification, self-esteem, and relationship satisfaction differences between college women and exotic dancers and the relationships among these measures for both groups. Forty-three college women and 40 female exotic dancers completed a questionnaire that assessed each of these constructs.
Relative to college women, exotic dancers reported less relationship satisfaction, more body surveillance, and a greater prioritizing of body attractiveness over physical competence.
Body Objectification, Self-Esteem, and Relationship Satisfaction: A Comparison of Exotic Dancers and College Women - Springer

February 16, 2016

Can we just sum this all up by saying that judging a person on her past, says more about you than it does about her?

Bzzzzzt. If you're not judging a person based on their history, then what are you judging on... the future? This is irrational. The past is all we have to go on.

Someone else mentioned strip clubs being associated with prostitution. Well, it's not always the case but it often is. There are only degrees of involvement separating the decision to let strange, perverted men touch your body in order to stuff bills in your g-string vs. fondling all over to lap dances, to hand jobs to blow jobs to intercourse for money to intercourse on camera and plastered all over the internet... but they're all indicative of a certain mentality involving objectification, weak boundaries (or no boundaries) and personal identification (perhaps obsession) with a certain kind of sexualization.

Is it possible that someone could do the stripping thing strictly for the money without having such attitudes... probably not, but never say never. Is it possible that they could grow some boundaries after the fact... probably not, but never say never.

Personally, I stay as far away from that world as possible. I mean the idea is entertaining, and no doubt some men are attracted to the whole genre. You have to decide what kind of person you want to be with, and my opinion is that it'd better to let the head that sits atop the neck make that decision.

My girlfriend and I talked about going downtown or out to the mall one day with her wearing only her sexy corset-garter, stocking and heels, under her coat, just for me. I find that highly erotic, but part of it is the contrast with her professional role as a PhD wearing business suits using her sharp mind to manage high-level, highly respectable programs. This is what works for me... I couldn't do a professional sex worker or stripper, assuming there is some minimal separation between the two.

February 16, 2016

How long ago was this past, and what is she doing now? I would evaluate someone who stripped 10 years ago for whatever reason and subsequently moved on to a lifestyle more compatible with yours vs. someone who was a stripper last week but is just cocktail-waitressing now differently....

February 16, 2016

I don't think that's entirely fair or accurate. Past actions by a person are a very good indicator of future ones and they definitely do tell you a lot about that person. I mean would you date someone who has murdered someone or had a long history of assault ? That's just common sense.

How do you know I haven't? I am more concerned with what the person's behaviour, attitude and character is NOW. The past is past. To keep throwing it in someone's face as a caveat, when they have done their time and left it behind? If the Law deems them resocialised, why would I keep it hanging over anyone's head? Their actions NOW speak louder than anything done in the past. The proof of the pudding is in the eating, not in the long gone digestion.....

In saying that stripping is not killing someone. If its something you have an issue with in a partner then talk them find out the motivations behind why they did it. This WILL tell you a lot about the person psyche and their likelyhood to return to this type of life.

I completely disagree. There is nothing indicative anywhere of anyone's personality that would indicate a return. They might admit a desire to return, or protest that they never would. Only time and circumstance will prove the case either way.

eg: I did it to pay may way through university. I had no time due to all my study and it was the only job that would pay enough to support me and get me through University. Is much different scenario to someone who lived the stripping lifestyle for no other reason then they liked being a stripper and enjoyed a lot of male attention.

And what is wrong with either scenario? Why is one so much better and more virtuous than the other?

At least the latter is for honest intent. The first is an ulterior motive. Which is the more acceptable answer, and why?

Perhaps your choice as to whether to stay with them says something about you. EG: Maybe you are just looking for some fun so thats actually a turn on - or - maybe your looking for a long term committed partner and a women who has a need for a lot of male attention might not be up your alley.

That depends on the current sincerity and openness. That is not dependent on anyone's past.

Regardless a persons past actions and the reason for them most definitely say something about the person.

No.

It says something about their past. It is in all probability - if the past is not repeated - not in the slightest bit relevant to the person's present.

February 16, 2016

What else was she doing besides stripping? MANY strippers also do sex acts for money on the side (don't get me wrong it's based on my knowledge. I went to ONE strip club in my life and I thought it was stupid and never went again). How long was she a stripper? That might tell you how many guys she has been with having sex for money. Of course this may NOT be the case and she probably would never tell you about that anyways. You can find out about her being a stripper which is why she told you but it's hard to find out that she sold her body on the side.

So this is up to you. You probably will NEVER find the truth from her but if you don't mind the possibility of her being with hundreds of guys if not more then I say go for it. Make sure she is STD free. Keep in mind that her past is a good indication of what her future will hold. If she isn't ashamed at stripping for strangers and possibly sleeping with strangers what is to stop her from meeting a guy at a bar and going back to his house?

Edited February 16, 2016 by SSJROMANCE

February 16, 2016

I'm curious about how long ago this was and what she's done and accomplished before and after the stint as a stripper.

I understand being concerned about the past, but the past needs to be taken as a whole. And even then, I'd be far less concerned about her being a stripper as much as I'd be interested in where her head was at the time.

February 16, 2016

I think the fact that you put "used to be" in quotes answers your question. This colors your opinion of who she is now. I can understand that. But she doesn't have a fair chance at being an equal. And it is something that will worry and bother you. So just end it and you can both find someone more compatible.

February 16, 2016

I have worked with 2 girls who stripped to pay for drama school.

Their reasoning was, I can dance, I have no issues with my body and I need a job. Obviously they could have gotten a bar job, like most people, but by stripping, which is an option that was open to them by being ripped, fit and limber, they left drama school almost debt free.

They stopped stripping once they left and are well adjusted and have long term relationships.

yeah she seems pretty solid. I mean she told me early on, like first date, she used to strip. Shes been pretty open since then about it. I havent brought it up, mainly cause at this point it isnt affecting anything... and cause what can I ask? ya know? She seems right for me, I just dont want to be naive or overly optimistic where 95% of everyone else in my situation would pull out and run.

February 16, 2016

Can we just sum this all up by saying that judging a person on her past, says more about you than it does about her?

I agree. Im not judging, im fine with it. Im just having a hard time figuring out how to ask the question. Its more like: how should I handle the emotions of a girl who used to strip. Know what I mean? How can I be sensative towards her in a way that is needed that someone who never was a stripper needs? Like... I dunno. I guess its too deep a question and I really just need to figure this one out on my own.

February 16, 2016

What else was she doing besides stripping? MANY strippers also do sex acts for money on the side (don't get me wrong it's based on my knowledge. I went to ONE strip club in my life and I thought it was stupid and never went again). How long was she a stripper? That might tell you how many guys she has been with having sex for money. Of course this may NOT be the case and she probably would never tell you about that anyways. You can find out about her being a stripper which is why she told you but it's hard to find out that she sold her body on the side.

So this is up to you. You probably will NEVER find the truth from her but if you don't mind the possibility of her being with hundreds of guys if not more then I say go for it. Make sure she is STD free. Keep in mind that her past is a good indication of what her future will hold. If she isn't ashamed at stripping for strangers and possibly sleeping with strangers what is to stop her from meeting a guy at a bar and going back to his house?

Good points. I was going to leave it as something in her past. Shes the kind of girl where if she never told me, I would never have guessed. I dunno maybe that means nothing. But shes really down to earth. Im just being cautious.. I want to ask her more, weve been dating 3 weeks. I just dont know what to ask or how to ask. Like "hey baby, slept with more than 500 guys you stripped for?" or something. I would never ask that.. but basically thats what I would like to know. Im sure you would be the same way in my shoes.. its just a matter of how to ask or what to ask.

February 16, 2016

Ive never been to a strip club. Is having sex with strip club customers a given? I mean is it a guarantee? Like seeing a pot of lollypops on the counter in a bank kinda guarantee? Ive never been to a strip club so I dont understand the part where everyone is saying sex with customers on the side is a given.

February 16, 2016

Working as a stripper doesn't mean she screwed a bunch of guys so it's not a given. Sure, some do, but as with any situation, that doesn't mean all do. You say she's grounded.

Because she was a stripper doesn't mean she has suffered some crisis whereby you need to tiptoe around. She sounds mentally stable, and not only that, she was upfront on the first date bc she didn't want some deep dark cloud hanging over her head. She needed a job and stripping paid the bills. There's no need to treat her any differently than you would any other girl you date.

February 16, 2016

My stepdaughter used to strip. She's almost done putting herself thru school. She's pregnant and soon to be married.

Sure, there are pervs there. She didn't hook up with them, altho she did end up dating a couple of guys she met there. Her fiancé works at one of the clubs.

Simply put, she could dance, and she's hot. She found she could make a lot more than at McDonald's. A lot of the old geezers gave her gifts, with no expectations in return. She has passed a couple on to me. 2.25 carats of opal earrings, and a tennis bracelet with it's $19,000 receipt. Someone recently gave her a pair of boots, even tho she's now a server and not stripping. I'm hoping we have the same size feet.

Hell, one old guy was passing thru from Texas, and opted to send her 1K a week to stop stripping and focus on school. He was a wealthy, retired business man, and his wife is in prison. He flew her to visit him, and gave her $3500 to do so. Then he took her shopping, and paid for her to do a modeling shoot. I know for a fact she didn't sleep with him.

It's actually given me hope that I might find work dancing at an old folks' home. Social security, here I come!

February 16, 2016

Its more like: how should I handle the emotions of a girl who used to strip. Know what I mean? How can I be sensative towards her in a way that is needed that someone who never was a stripper needs?

Why not treat her with the same respect and sensitivity that you would anyone else? She doesn't need to be treated with kid gloves. She's an adult, like most people she's made choices that others wouldn't have been comfortable making (or even be comfortable with a loved one making), but these choices have contributed to shaping who she is in the present. If her past and current choices are not compatible with your outlook and needs, then just move on.

I think it's normal to have some curiosity about her emotional well-being and mindset at that point in her life, but there's a nice balance to strike between pretending she never divulged that information and peppering her with a bunch of paranoid questions. If she brings it up, let her talk about her feelings - you're going to find out more about who she is by just listening.

February 16, 2016

What am I in for? Anything unusual? I mean she seems really nice. Weve been dating about 1 month. It sounds like it was more a part of her past.. so heres what Im wondering: how should I handle someone who has this kind of past? What I mean is, you can be treated a certain way in a strip club and it can change you........ I dont know what to say other than people say you should not date a stripper cause X Y Z. But shes not one anymore. Sounds like it was a few years ago. I dunno... this is just new for me. What am I in for other than just a regular girl with a background in stripping?

Eh... this would be a deal breaker for me. Women willing to get naked and do "favors" for money are not LTR material.

February 16, 2016

Since this thread has had 50% of its posts deleted for arguing and/or bashing women for their profession, we'll close it up. Thank you to everyone that posted within guidelines.

~6

Edited February 16, 2016 by Robert

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She "used to be" a stripper. Should I keep dating her?

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