elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Bf and I got in a fight today about Valentine's Day. It's our first together. We have been together for 11 months. We didn't make plans because he usually spends it with his little girl and it's my mom's birthday. This is fine I'm not really big on Valentine's and he came over the night before. The thing is I didn't hear from him AT ALL. Not even a good morning or happy Valentine's Day text or a quick good night call or anything. I thought he'd at least send me a sweet note or something. He has apologized like 3 times today and says he knows it looks REALLY bad. To make things worse, when he texted me that he got home okay on Saturday, it was around midnight so I texted him back "Happy Valentine's Day, babe" and crickets. It just left a really bad taste in my mouth. It was like he completely forgot about me on the worst day. Am I being silly? How would you guys react?
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 If you told him it's not important to you then l can't see why you'd complain. You should have told him it's not important but you still want to acknowledge it. The guy probably doesn't know on what feet to dance. Let it go. 1
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You're not being silly at all. I would be hurt too and wouldn't hold back my disappointment. Where was he all day? Do you know for certain he was with his daughter all day? I find it very very strange that he didn't respond to your happy vday text the next day and to be completely silent. 1
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) Gaeta - No I didn't tell him it wasn't important to me. What wasn't important to me is having a grand celebration. I expected that he'd at least acknowledge the day and he knows that which is why he apologized so much. Edited February 16, 2016 by elaiza 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Lets go over his schedule. You said he'd spend V day with his daughter, V day was Sunday. You messaged him Saturday midnight when he got home...then nothing Sunday at all? When did you hear from him?
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 You're not being silly at all. I would be hurt too and wouldn't hold back my disappointment. Where was he all day? Do you know for certain he was with his daughter all day? I find it very very strange that he didn't respond to your happy vday text the next day and to be completely silent. Oh wow thank you for summing up how I feel exactly. I did find it very strange, especially considering that we rarely go a day without speaking to each other. I have never mistrusted him but you have to admit it looks so bad. I don't know for certain he was with daughter all day and my mind went to the worst places.
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Lets go over his schedule. You said he'd spend V day with his daughter, V day was Sunday. You messaged him Saturday midnight when he got home...then nothing Sunday at all? When did you hear from him? Yes this is correct. - He worked Saturday morning, came over after - He got home around midnight, when he texted me he got home and I replied happy Valentine's Day - Silence on Sunday/Valentine's Day - He finally called today/Monday around lunch I want to let it go because he apologized and all but something doesn't feel right and I'm hurt.
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Am I just being too sensitive??? I don't feel that I am.
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Did you ask him where he was all day and what he did? If he normally communicates with you daily even when he has his daughter with him, I would assume the worst as well after 11 months together. Sorry. I hope there is some other logical explanation, because I would have a hard time moving past this.
basil67 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You said on your first post that you're not really into Valentines. A couple of posts later, you clarified that you're not into Big Valentines celebrations. Could he also have misunderstood what you thought? I mean, if someone said to me "I'm not into Valentines" I wouldn't even bother mentioning the day to them. Just making sure you weren't sending out mixed messages. 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 What time was he getting his daughter? And what time he brought her back to her mom? Did he explain why he did nor reply your Happy V text?
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Did you ask him where he was all day and what he did? If he normally communicates with you daily even when he has his daughter with him, I would assume the worst as well after 11 months together. Sorry. I hope there is some other logical explanation, because I would have a hard time moving past this. No it was a very quick call. I was caught off guard and told him I don't know what to say to him right now. I am having a very hard time with this. Can't find a logical reason either and it's not like his phone was dead. When his daughter is with him he always sends me a good morning text at least. Then when she sleeps he calls and he tells me about his/their day. Nothing this time. Very unsettling.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 No it was a very quick call. I was caught off guard and told him I don't know what to say to him right now. I am having a very hard time with this. Can't find a logical reason either and it's not like his phone was dead. When his daughter is with him he always sends me a good morning text at least. Then when she sleeps he calls and he tells me about his/their day. Nothing this time. Very unsettling. The difference this time was it was your mom's birthday. Maybe he just decided to let you devote your time to your family.
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 You said on your first post that you're not really into Valentines. A couple of posts later, you clarified that you're not into Big Valentines celebrations. Could he also have misunderstood what you thought? I mean, if someone said to me "I'm not into Valentines" I wouldn't even bother mentioning the day to them. Just making sure you weren't sending out mixed messages. Yea I get what you mean. He knows what I meant though which is why he apologized so much. Plus he ignored text.
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You said on your first post that you're not really into Valentines. A couple of posts later, you clarified that you're not into Big Valentines celebrations. Could he also have misunderstood what you thought? I mean, if someone said to me "I'm not into Valentines" I wouldn't even bother mentioning the day to them. Just making sure you weren't sending out mixed messages. The problem is...she sent him a sweet vday message Saturday night, and he didn't respond at all. The entire day Sunday. Not a word. 1
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 The difference this time was it was your mom's birthday. Maybe he just decided to let you devote your time to your family. Good point. Don't think this is it though. Even with other family events or on days we're both busy he says hello or asks how my day/the event was. He also loves my mom so it's also strange that he didn't even ask how her birthday was. 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 It's off topuc but why after 11 months he was not at your mom's birthday with his daughter?
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 What time was he getting his daughter? And what time he brought her back to her mom? Did he explain why he did nor reply your Happy V text? He had her all day. He actually has her most of the time because the mom works a lot. No explanation. Just apologies. I will ask why tomorrow. Just couldn't get into a discussion about it today because I don't know if I'm overreacting and I was at work.
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 It's off topuc but why after 11 months he was not at your mom's birthday with his daughter? Why would they be? It's their day together. Also, that's too soon for us, personally. 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Why would they be? It's their day together. Also, that's too soon for us, personally. Ok fair enough.
Author elaiza Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 How do I approach this rationally? Without making it sound like I'm accusing him of cheating or anything? Me asking where he was/what they did all day just sounds so accusatory to me.
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 How do I approach this rationally? Without making it sound like I'm accusing him of cheating or anything? Me asking where he was/what they did all day just sounds so accusatory to me. "Please take me through your day so I can understand how or why you were so preoccupied to have not communicated with me all day. I need to understand." Then, let him speak and listen and observe carefully.
TheBathWater Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 How do I approach this rationally? Without making it sound like I'm accusing him of cheating or anything? Me asking where he was/what they did all day just sounds so accusatory to me. Assuming that this guy knows women at least decently (I mean, he had a kid with one), then he should also know that even when women say something like "Valentine's Day is no big deal to me" that you always show your appreciation for your woman on VDay. As a man, I say shame on him for not devoting some part of the day to you. I would be upset too if I were in your shoes. I would find a way to sit down with him and communicate that it didn't feel so good for you to not hear from him and simply see how he responds. His response is key, I believe. If he gets defensive or seems insincere, I would be careful. Of course, you don't want to come off as overreacting, but at the same time, I think it's important that you do honor your feelings and your need for some kind of reassurance. Best of luck.
Gershwin Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I think what matters more is the change in habit, not texting you at all that day, especially if he apologised without mentioning why. After all, people are creature of habits. I'd ask him, just not accusingly/confrontational & let him explain. 1
salparadise Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Where I come from a guy knows he'd be drawn and quartered for disappearing on certain special days, v-day being one of the most important. You just don't do that to people you care about. I learned it very young from a father who was deeply devoted to my mother, so it's not just knowledge... it's integrated understanding, part of my belief system. When I was going through divorce and neither one of us had a kind word for the other, she still got flowers and candy from my daughter and I. In my world, a guy who would do that should not come sulking back the day after- there would be no point. Not even a text message all day, and in the context of a couple that communicates every day, right? The difference this time was it was your mom's birthday. Maybe he just decided to let you devote your time to your family. Gaeta, you can at times be one the biggest ball-busters on LS... why are you making excuses for this guy acting like this on v-day?
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