healthyhopes Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Hello! Although I got out of the (short-lived) situation a couple months back, and I have moved on tremendously from my earlier postings (in fact, I'm happier and more than I have been for a LONG while, even/especially when I was in the friends with benefits situation), I think I still have 1% of this "relationship" still floating around in my brain. I don't know if I would "take him back" if he came back (and I am certain he won't), considering he's an arrogant and rude jerk, but I do find myself thinking about him often-- not in the mourning sense (I'm past that), but in the "hmmm, if X was here, this is what he would say" and when I think about things, I imagine as if I'm talking to him. Are these healthy thoughts? Does this mean that I haven't moved on completely yet? I do see him relatively often, and I do think he has begun to miss me, as evidenced by his sad demeanor (either that or I'm still hurting his ego/he's looking for an ego trip. Which is probably the truth, if not at least part of it). I don't jump out at this stuff anymore, just notice it and keep on going with my day, which is a huge improvement from the past. I've stopped showing up in places where he tends to be as well, and have re-polarized myself to focus entirely, if not almost entirely, on myself. As pathetic as it may seem, I still want to be with him in some small sense. I do talk to other guys, but even though they have some better qualities, none of them are as interesting as this kid was, and of course I'm curious as to how this whole thing would have played out. I do think that he had (small) feelings for me (through looking back at the situation, and also the fact that humans aren't robots), despite him saying "no" to dating me (he didn't feel as if it would work out. Fine, alright), and that is one hundred percent understandable and I know it doesn't matter. Even if he did like me in a romantic sense, it doesn't mean he would date me (hell, I don't think I would have said yes if he asked either) and also, his pride is too large to ever reach out in any substantial way either. Besides, more than enough time has passed for him to have moved on by now, if he actually did feel anything. And if his pride is too big, he's not worth it. It doesn't matter. So long story short, none of this matters, two ships passing in the night, yada yada yada. I haven't considered reaching out to him for months, I mostly ignore him, and haven't even looked at his face the past one or two weeks. (Just pass by and ignore his "hellos".) Yet, I still think about him often, as pathetic as it may be. I often find myself wondering if I should initiate a "hello" or smile or act nicer but then I remember how he treated me during the "break up" and during the time I broke no contact (wasn't too rude-- just stuff like "I wouldn't ever date you", and in a condescending tone, etc, and I suppose it is normal during break up situations, but it would be demeaning for me to bow down and accept that stuff) and I just keep on moving forwards. Does this mean that I haven't moved on? I have all the closure I need-- I have determined the "mystery" of the "relationship", I know it's over, I know he won't be "coming back" despite how sad he looks when he sees me, but deep down inside I find myself thinking about reconciliation and imagining speaking to him again. How do I finally let go?
K2z Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Mine got married. So for all practical purposes I have let go. Inwardly, though, I am not so sure.
DrMario Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I let go the moment she gave me my closure so randomly "I hope we can meet one day in the future as friends (nothing more nothing less)" that was in a short text she sent me a week or so ago, it hurt at first but I let go after that and now I feel like I am moving along just fine, happy even, if only she'd had the respect to give me closure from the get go I probably wouldn't have felt the pain and longing that I did, but hey, these days, people don't even have enough respect to break up to your face, but that was moment and I only hope now that I don't relapse for whatever reason.
geronimo Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I don't think you ever fully let someone you once loved go. Everyone you love has a small spot in your heart forever, at least thats the way I feel with my ex. For me, even though I wouldn't claim I'm fully over her, I would say that I just came to terms with the reality of the situation. She left me, and therefore no longer wanted to be with me and moved on, sure she jumped into another relationship and it hurt like hell but theres nothing I can do about it, its her life. You just got to put value back into yourself and stop associating yourself with your ex. They were a part of your life and are no longer there, just like a moment, its now gone and therefore you should also move on from it. Focus on yourself, do things that make you happy and proud to be you. I still am trying to do that for myself, because ideally I never want to be in a relationship again where my happiness fully depends on another person and leaves me weak and vulnerable. As they say you should be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else. 1
BeFierce Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 the day i cut him off was when I truly became a queen. I don't miss him, because I realized that all the good times was because of me, myself, and I. lol I created the memories, the moments, the love, and the laughter the beautiful things, while he probably just farted upon a pillow, sent me sentimental text messages, while he sat constipated on the toilet, stinking up the entire bathroom. Talking to me all night, because no one else had an interest in him, and because he hadn't meet someone who benefited him more than me at the time. Looking back, everything was half a$$ed from him his side, even when we went out on dates. Jeez I was so naive no wonder why my friends always worry about me. LOL it was beyond being naive. Gosh, I was like a cute bunny rabbit, with the big eyes from one of those Disney movies. He absolutely had nothing to offer except empty words. I was living on empty words, and the false illustrations that his words painted in my head. So it feels very empowering to have left this hot mess. lol And when at times it does cross my mind, I start laughing hysterically, and I say to myself girl what the hell where you on. 1
smudge21 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 With the few that I have been truly hurt over, I can honestly look back and realise that it was me who built them up to be more than they actually were. In a way, I fell in love with the person I wanted them to be, now who they actually were. I reckon that happens a lot to everyone, so the moment these "people" do something that hurts us, it destroys that image of perfection we've created of them. They aren't perfect though, no one is, but we fall for them and slap them straight on that pedestal. I can recall the exact moments when I realised I had let go. I hadn't seen her for a while, fair few months, then loads of us met up and I really thought I would struggle with it. Seeing this perfect girl all over again after so long. I was a nervous wreck. But then she turned up and there was nothing. No love, no hate, nothing. In fact, the way she acted around people was so negative it made me wonder how on earth I ever liked her, let alone fell in love with her. Later on, she became so nasty simply because I wasn't kissing her ass anymore. The day ended with her being ignored by everyone and eventually leaving without anyone noticing.. or caring. It was so weird to feel like that after so much hurt and pain, but I realised how free and happy I felt. I reckon that's the thing, it's not so much that you no longer care for the ex, but you have to not have any feelings for them. Even hate is an emotion that leads to others and therefore means they're still in your heart and head. A friend of mine, despite how badly her ex hurt her, clearly still has him on her mind and that in itself is enough to hold her back from moving on totally. It'll happen though. I just think that sometimes we don't move on because we simply don't want to - putting so much into one person then having to let all that go just feels like we wasted our lives and therefore struggle to give it all up.
KARENK2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 the day i cut him off was when I truly became a queen. I don't miss him, because I realized that all the good times was because of me, myself, and I. lol I created the memories, the moments, the love, and the laughter the beautiful things, while he probably just farted upon a pillow, sent me sentimental text messages, while he sat constipated on the toilet, stinking up the entire bathroom. Talking to me all night, because no one else had an interest in him, and because he hadn't meet someone who benefited him more than me at the time. Looking back, everything was half a$$ed from him his side, even when we went out on dates. Jeez I was so naive no wonder why my friends always worry about me. LOL it was beyond being naive. Gosh, I was like a cute bunny rabbit, with the big eyes from one of those Disney movies. He absolutely had nothing to offer except empty words. I was living on empty words, and the false illustrations that his words painted in my head. So it feels very empowering to have left this hot mess. lol And when at times it does cross my mind, I start laughing hysterically, and I say to myself girl what the hell where you on. OMG, this sounds exactly like my relationship was!!!!!!!!!!! I am the queen now too, the day I left his sorry backside. Treated me badly, cheated and was just damn arrogant! Ha, I look back now and cringe!!!!!!
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 First of all, what you describe sounds like a little more than 1%. If you walk by, and he says hello, then you should probably say hello back and see if you can find an opportunity to take the temperature of this thing you're feeling. Maybe go sit with him somewhere, tell him to sit quietly for a second while you collect your thoughts, and just look at him for a while and take it all in. You'll either find out that you have moved on, or you haven't. Whatever the answer is, tell him so, and go from there. It's either back to NC, or you can be civil again. I'm only suggesting this because 1) you don't have to go out of your way to find him, and 2) you say you're over him already
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