Shalom of David Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 We dated for 3 years and married for 6 months. Everything was great up until a few weeks before the wedding. She was ecstatic about marriage and totally in love with me... Then BAM! "I feel stuck". We talked about it and decided it was just cold feet and went through with the wedding. During our marriage she pushed to start drinking and partying and hanging out with friends more than investing in the marriage. I asked her why and she finally admitted she wants a divorce. I was devastated. She claimed I didn't listen to her, be romantic enough with her, she wasn't happy etc etc. It's been 3 months sense the separation and her story for why always changes. My family, her family and all our friends still really don't understand why she left me for such small issues. Not to mention I did lots for her! Words of affirmation, always cleaned and cooked, served her sexually, back rubs every night! So I finally discovered gigs and am wanting to know if that's what's going on. Reasons why I think she might have gigs: 21 female Faced with commitment No solid reasoning for breakup No desire to work things out Lifestyle changes such as: Sudden heavy drinking Partying whenever possible ALL new friends and I mean ALL Pushing for lots of new guy friends And a lot of other smaller things She does say she still loves me and I know this has been very very hard on her. Advice?? Does she have gigs? Should I hope she turns around? I take marriage very seriously and do not want to bow out unless there is no chance of reconciliation. Tl:dr does 21 year old ex wife have gigs. Edit: gigs is grass is greener syndrome
Tayla Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 welcome to Ls! Who knows what her true motive was. Sitting here pondering though what 21 year old is really ready in this age of mefirst. Divorce her and in 20 years you may get a different answer from her, what had her walk out. Nice thing is, no alimony:) 1
LostOnes05 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Don't take offense to this but she is young and dumb. When both of the women I've ever been in a relationship with broke up with me...I got a list of different reasons. 1)I'm not ready for a relationship 2) I want to be single 3) I need to find myself 4) I want to focus on school 5) I'm in a rut, etc. Thing is one did exactly like your ex. All new friends who were sooo great, excessive drinking, and a new relationship in 2 weeks etc. The other jumped into another relationship within a few weeks as well. Both treated me poorly before breaking up with me, as I guess it was the only way they could justify it to themselves. Don't worry. Live your life as if she didn't exist. Cut all unnecessary contact and let her have the experience of living that life. When she realizes it's not as fulfilling, she will reach out. But continue living without her. She left once and she will again, when she feels stuck. Best of luck!!!
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I think she was far too young and inexperienced in life to get married. She has been with you a considerable length of time, given her age. She is doing what many people her age do - partying, meeting new people, making poor choices. The catch is that most don't have a spouse yet. I think she probably realized she's not ready to commit for a lifetime at such a young age. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? The major warning sign came before you got married and she told you felt stuck. That wasn't just cold feet, in her case. She didn't leave you for the small things she's mentioned. She left because she's just not ready to be a wife yet. The problem is she came to fully understand that after getting married. I'm sorry this has happened, OP. I can imagine you are very hurt. I don't doubt she loves you and wants the best for you. I wouldn't necessarily count on her coming back, though. Instead, I would consult an attorney and get some advice about separation and divorce.
mightycpa Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) First of all, when a 20/21 year old girl tells you she feels stuck in the relationship, you pay attention to that. She's not lying. Second, unless you are a survivor of a nuclear holocaust, or something equally as horrific and population-depleting, do not marry a woman under 25. Add 3 years for men. Third, her reasons are all bull****. You could be the most loving, supportive, romantic and attentive guy on the planet, and it wouldn't change a thing. Except for the part about you didn't listen to her. See my first warning. Fourth, young women (ok, men too) will say all sorts of **** to make their exit a little easier on themselves. They'll say things like "I still love you" and "I'm sure we'll be together, just not now" and "I just need some time to myself" because those kind of statements elicit sympathy and confusion, allowing them to leave without a fight, because the victim is worried about burning bridges and they can't see that the bridge is actually ablaze. Once they're out the door, it doesn't take long for these sentiments to disappear, except for the once-in-a-blue-moon breadcrumb. Fifth, GIGS. Hmmm. On the one hand, GIGS is a great shorthand way to describe why people will leave you when things are great. Boiled down to its essence, it means "because they want to." But on the other hand, GIGS is not a disease, like "my girlfriend got the gigs!" I think it is better described as the natural state of young people who have been in an exclusive relationship for too long. Other synonyms are restless, curious, adventurous. "Too long" varies by the person. It could be months or it could be years. Anyway, I would say that it is generally a one-way trip out the door. Sixth, I won't tell you to abandon your marriage. But what I will tell you is that it has been abandoned. You can wait around for confirmation, or you can take your own steps in that direction, but either way, you have definitely been abandoned. Last, you should scold both your parents and hers for allowing you to get married so young in this day and age. Seriously, get them all together in one room and give them hell. Then forgive them, and announce that you're done. Good luck, OP. Edited February 16, 2016 by mightycpa
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