truth_seeker Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 That's because their reaction is based on how attracted she is to you. If she is attracted, it's "romantic" if she's not, she'll label you a "stalker." To all the women on this board: If the guy contacts you like this and looks like Tom Brady, how do you feel? If the guy contacts you like this and looks like Gilbert Godfried, how do you feel? This should be interesting...
AMJ Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 To all the women on this board: If the guy contacts you like this and looks like Tom Brady, how do you feel? If the guy contacts you like this and looks like Gilbert Godfried, how do you feel? This should be interesting... The question should be- If a guy you met last weekend, and talked to for 20 minutes, and told him all about your life and that you love classical music and Red Sox games and etc etc, but he was too chicken to ask for your number, THAT GUY, sends you a random email, because your email address is publicly accessible on your work website, how do you feel? If a guy who tried to buy you drinks at the bar last weekend, but you said no, but he kept lingering around you and your friends anyway, so somehow managed to learn where you work at, and then HE sends you a random email, how do you feel? It's really not as much about looks. Lots of serial killers are straight up handsome, which is why they lure their victims so easily. 2
truth_seeker Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 The question should be- If a guy you met last weekend, and talked to for 20 minutes, and told him all about your life and that you love classical music and Red Sox games and etc etc, but he was too chicken to ask for your number, THAT GUY, sends you a random email, because your email address is publicly accessible on your work website, how do you feel? If a guy who tried to buy you drinks at the bar last weekend, but you said no, but he kept lingering around you and your friends anyway, so somehow managed to learn where you work at, and then HE sends you a random email, how do you feel? It's really not as much about looks. Lots of serial killers are straight up handsome, which is why they lure their victims so easily. You make an interesting point.
MidwestUSA Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 OP, what's her area of expertise? Don't you need legal help with something? 1
NYC-BigKat Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Don't do it. Move on. Once, a guy managed to stalk and salvage my email from a dating site. I freaked out and blocked him right away, I didn't have to see who is he, what he looks like and how he acts. I think a lot of u girls act really really ridiculous sometimes like unreasonable. 3
MidwestUSA Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I think a lot of u girls act really really ridiculous sometimes like unreasonable. No, Kat, no! You just gave away our secret. 1
RecentChange Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I am in the send an email camp. But I LIKE foward, confident and dare I say aggressive men. I met my BF at a party - left early, said I was headed to bar X, but my friends and I ended up heading elsewhere. He stalked every bar in town that night, and later told me about his antics trying to track me down. I thought it was cute (especially when others told me about this guy that was showing up places looking for me). As for the cyber stalking, its VERY easy to do. An acquaintance I knew from the train once challenged me (after I gloated about my cyber stalking skills ) Given just a first name, industry we each worked in (in a major city), and college we each graduated from - we were each able to "track down" each other - I remember my surprise the day I sat down on the train and he said "your last name is "_______" honestly, its fairly easy. 3
dispatch3d Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 asking her out in person is going to work 10x better than this. I think by facebook is a stretch and by email is a definite nogo.
health Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Email her! I dated a girl for over 5 years once! I saw her in my area when I got home. The next time she wasn't there so I waited for her, she came and we hung out. Then She'd be there and we'd hang out. Months into our relationship we talked about it and found that we were both stalking each other! It was a beautiful thing. Email her, try. If you get no response after you exhausted several methods - then move on. Good luck, and do it!
ChickiePops Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 To all the women on this board: If the guy contacts you like this and looks like Tom Brady, how do you feel? If the guy contacts you like this and looks like Gilbert Godfried, how do you feel? This should be interesting... 1. Flattered 2. Flattered Neither means that I do or do not want to date him. Depends on his personality.
angel.eyes Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I am in the send an email camp. But I LIKE foward, confident and dare I say aggressive men. Forward and confident to me would be asking her out on a date during their in-person conversation! That's the way the vast majority of guys handle this. At the very least get her number during the conversation. Creeps cyber stalk and show up in my inbox or on my doorstep uninvited. That's not confident. That's just socially inept with poor boundaries. Getting a random email from some guy who I didn't give my contact info to is downright creepy. It demonstrates lack of awareness of common social boundaries and truly poor social skills. What was wrong with asking me during the actual conversation? The OP spent fifteen minutes trying different combinations because all he knew was she was a lawyer and her first name (not even the spelling)...and obviously her city. As I understand his posts, she didn't tell him where she worked! She never gave him any contact info, and she has an unusually spelled name. Hence his difficulty tracking down her contact information. He tried numerous combinations before finally figuring it out. Multiply the creep factor! At least for me, zippo interest in someone who engages in this kind of behavior!:sick: If I were the OP, I would try to run into her again in person. Then he might have a shot.
truth_seeker Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Forward and confident to me would be asking her out on a date during their in-person conversation! That's the way the vast majority of guys handle this. At the very least get her number during the conversation. Creeps cyber stalk and show up in my inbox or on my doorstep uninvited. That's not confident. That's just socially inept with poor boundaries. Getting a random email from some guy who I didn't give my contact info to is downright creepy. It demonstrates lack of awareness of common social boundaries and truly poor social skills. What was wrong with asking me during the actual conversation? The OP spent fifteen minutes trying different combinations because all he knew was she was a lawyer and her first name (not even the spelling)...and obviously her city. As I understand his posts, she didn't tell him where she worked! She never gave him any contact info, and she has an unusually spelled name. Hence his difficulty tracking down her contact information. He tried numerous combinations before finally figuring it out. Multiply the creep factor! At least for me, zippo interest in someone who engages in this kind of behavior!:sick: If I were the OP, I would try to run into her again in person. Then he might have a shot. I respect your opinion A.E. and understand you do not like this approach, but you're being a bit too hard on the OP. You making him out to be a creep when I don't think the guy is a creep. He messed up. It happens. He didn't seem to have difficulty in tracking her down. From what I've read she came right up on the search results. The likelihood of him running into her again doesn't seem good unless he stalks her - which you actually suggest! Trying to run into her again is another form of stalking. He would have to go to places to find her and "bump" into her. That's stalking. So what's worse? Stalking her IRL or sending her an email?
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 I respect your opinion A.E. and understand you do not like this approach, but you're being a bit too hard on the OP. You making him out to be a creep when I don't think the guy is a creep. He messed up. It happens. He didn't seem to have difficulty in tracking her down. From what I've read she came right up on the search results. The likelihood of him running into her again doesn't seem good unless he stalks her - which you actually suggest! Trying to run into her again is another form of stalking. He would have to go to places to find her and "bump" into her. That's stalking. So what's worse? Stalking her IRL or sending her an email? Indeed the latter.
loveflower Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Indeed the latter. why? me think the former. finding someone on the net is no big deal. I have my screen in front of me all the time.
joseb Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Indeed the latter. It's funny how people think spending a few minutes on google is creepy stalking behaviour, but hanging around doing real life stalking is fine?! Makes no sense to me
jen1447 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 It's funny how people think spending a few minutes on google is creepy stalking behaviour, but hanging around doing real life stalking is fine?! Makes no sense to me Real life stalking would be following her around in her car and hanging around her house at night and stuff like that, not going to a public place that caters to ppl socializing, where you already met her once before legitimately, in the hope of bumping into her there again. Meanwhile doing online data collection in order to to try to gain uninvited access to someone could be construed as a violation of their privacy in an ethical sense and in fact give the target a feeling of misgiving, bc it may imply an inappropriate level of potentially unwelcome attention and discovery, even if it doesn't break any laws. 1
MightyPen Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 On one of the very first episodes of Seinfeld, Jerry meets a cute lawyer at a dinner who ends up giving him her name (and I think her firm?) before she goes. Jerry and George end up "hanging out" in the office lobby around lunchtime in hopes of "bumping into" her. It worked! This might help (or maybe not?)
loveflower Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Meanwhile doing online data collection in order to to try to gain uninvited access to someone could be construed as a violation of their privacy in an ethical sense and in fact give the target a feeling of misgiving, bc it may imply an inappropriate level of potentially unwelcome attention and discovery, even if it doesn't break any laws. why is publicly available info has anything to do with privacy? make 0 sense to me.
jen1447 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 why is publicly available info has anything to do with privacy? make 0 sense to me. Ethically. For ex, your date of birth and home address are technically public info but do you really want random admirers to have it? How about your criminal history? Civil litigation history? Marriage and divorce records? All public info but I'm betting you don't want randoms discovering it, or at least if you do you'd have to allow that others might not. There's an ethical level of access that ppl should have to others that's determined and limited by how well they know the other person, if the purpose of gathering the info is nothing more than personal/romantic. That has to be self-enforced tho since it's technically not illegal to gather and digest public info. In other words, personal integrity and morals should govern this.
health Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 There's extremes and middle grounds. OP likes this girl alot. He's trying to get to her. I don't get how people get rejected for showing general interest, but when people are in relationships they complain about not getting attention/interest? This dude wants her so bad. Yes there are creeps and stalkers - bad ones. But at the lower end of the spectrum it's just the chase. I've had girls stalk me and I loved it. It shows desire. OP, what's the update?
loveflower Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Ethically. For ex, your date of birth and home address are technically public info but do you really want random admirers to have it? How about your criminal history? Civil litigation history? Marriage and divorce records? All public info but I'm betting you don't want randoms discovering it, or at least if you do you'd have to allow that others might not. There's an ethical level of access that ppl should have to others that's determined and limited by how well they know the other person, if the purpose of gathering the info is nothing more than personal/romantic. That has to be self-enforced tho since it's technically not illegal to gather and digest public info. In other words, personal integrity and morals should govern this. so we are talking about ethnic not privacy now? oh, please.........we are just talking about an email address! you are so over the top! 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 so we are talking about ethnic not privacy now? oh, please.........we are just talking about an email address! you are so over the top! Ethics. Nothing to do wth ethnicity.
jen1447 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 so we are talking about ethnic not privacy now? oh, please.........we are just talking about an email address! you are so over the top! Both, but you don't seem to get it anyway. Doesn't matter bc I'm posting for OP's consideration, not to try to convince you not to cyber-stalk. Knock yourself out.
brokengirl85 Posted February 17, 2016 Posted February 17, 2016 Im 30. Met a girl at a bar. Was super awkward but could tell she was still into me. Talked for a while, finally developed comfort and began to vibe pretty well. Definitely attracted to her. End of the night came and I reapproached her to ask for her number, got completely toungue tied and just said weird things and didn't ask. Did not make the best first impression. Been kicking myself all week for screwing up. However today I decided to see what info I could dig up knowing only her first name and profession and alma matter. Found her work email (she's not on facebook). Wondering what she might think if I, pretty much a total stranger, reached out to her to express interest. Will have some explaining to do...but she's a lawyer, maybe she's versed in cyberstalking. Don't know if I'll get a positive response or not. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. How would you respond if you got an email out of the blue like this? I think this a very interesting move. Romantic and scary at the same time. I'd say go ahead and email get! You only live once and you never know...
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