spriggan2 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Im 30. Met a girl at a bar. Was super awkward but could tell she was still into me. Talked for a while, finally developed comfort and began to vibe pretty well. Definitely attracted to her. End of the night came and I reapproached her to ask for her number, got completely toungue tied and just said weird things and didn't ask. Did not make the best first impression. Been kicking myself all week for screwing up. However today I decided to see what info I could dig up knowing only her first name and profession and alma matter. Found her work email (she's not on facebook). Wondering what she might think if I, pretty much a total stranger, reached out to her to express interest. Will have some explaining to do...but she's a lawyer, maybe she's versed in cyberstalking. Don't know if I'll get a positive response or not. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. How would you respond if you got an email out of the blue like this?
GR4 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You missed the boat, move on. It would be really ****ing weird for you to email her. If a girl somehow managed to get my email and sent me a message out of the blue she'd never get a reply that's for sure. Unless she was hot. Are you hot? 2
AMJ Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I'd be flattered if a guy did this. As long as your email is charming and you think she liked you, I say go for it. You've honestly got nothing to lose. And there's only one way to find out if the feeling was mutual. 5
Author spriggan2 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 GR4, I don't often brag about my looks but yes I've been called hot, handsome, cute, beautiful and I'm 6ft2 and fit. I dress decently and I had some killer cologne and she was leaning in very close when we spoke. Then again the music was quite loud so she had to do it. That being said, I don't want to do any weird stuff. My gut instinct is telling me that an email would be pretty pathetic after failing to get her number and just being quite awkward and nervous during our encounter. So I'm leaning towards letting it go. Only thing is I really thought we had a lot in common and I thought she was quite attractive. Been doing some online dating recently but she seemed so much more appealing than my latest dates. Such a shame to let her go as I don't know when I'll next find someone as seemingly compatible. I'm desperately hoping my criticism about an email like this is just my personal feeling, and maybe most people wont see it as creepy or pitiful as I do, but I'm guessing that's not the case. Sucks. 1
Author spriggan2 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Thank you, AMJ. You're giving me hope!
Popsicle Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Men can pretty much get away with anything short of being downright rude if she is already attracted to you, so go for it. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 At first I was going to say you better not do it... but after reading AMJ's response, really, what do you have to lose here? If you write a sincere note, and mention in the note she made a great impression on you, I think maybe at first weirded out, but, if she found you attractive, she might like it that you made effort to get in touch with her. It's really a coin flip. It's either gonna go your way or not. Just make sure the note is good so either way it goes, you come off like a gentleman.
AMJ Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 It's not pathetic, it's romantic! Pathetic is posting on missed connections on craigslist. Once a bartender at my cousin's wedding accidentally lost my number, I'd written on a napkin. He went through a LOT of trouble to hunt me down. After the reception, the party moved to the beach, which is where I was. He found a bridesmaid and asked her what hotel I was staying in. He knocks on my hotel room door- my dad was sleeping inside- my dad wakes up and pretty much tells him to go away. He starts driving up and down the beach and finally found me, and told me this whole story. I was flattered, and that was way more stalkerish than cyber-stalking. Everyone cyberstalks.
GR4 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You know what, go for it. The others are right, what have you got to lose? You only live once and we tend to regret the things we didn't do. Bare in mind if it goes tits up and you bump into her things could get awkward. But **** it, so what. 2
AMJ Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Yeah, I'll actually be disappointed if you don't do it. How rarely do we have that fun chemistry with a stranger we meet in real life? I'd love to have that happen to me right about now. OLD sucks. Do it! And tell us what she says!!
NYC-BigKat Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Im 30. Met a girl at a bar. Was super awkward but could tell she was still into me. Talked for a while, finally developed comfort and began to vibe pretty well. Definitely attracted to her. End of the night came and I reapproached her to ask for her number, got completely toungue tied and just said weird things and didn't ask. Did not make the best first impression. Been kicking myself all week for screwing up. However today I decided to see what info I could dig up knowing only her first name and profession and alma matter. Found her work email (she's not on facebook). Wondering what she might think if I, pretty much a total stranger, reached out to her to express interest. Will have some explaining to do...but she's a lawyer, maybe she's versed in cyberstalking. Don't know if I'll get a positive response or not. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. How would you respond if you got an email out of the blue like this? Um...I guess it depends on how much u two talked at the bar u know. Most girls will get freaked out from what I experienced 'cause I did same stupid stuff just like u want to do .
truth_seeker Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 It's not pathetic, it's romantic! Pathetic is posting on missed connections on craigslist. QUOTE] lol. :laugh::laugh:
joseb Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Similar thing happened to me. Actually I didn't have my phone with me, which is the excuse I told myself to make me feel better. I was pretty sure she liked me. Anyway, afterwards I managed to track her down on Facebook. I sent her a message and ...... never heard from her But I still say go for it - I'm not sorry I did.
truth_seeker Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Anyway, afterwards I managed to track her down on Facebook. I sent her a message and ...... never heard from her I hate to break it to you but if you're not friends on FB, when you send a message it goes to another folder and the person can completely miss seeing it.
angel.eyes Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Totally creeped out! I've had this happen more than a few times, and I've NEVER responded.:sick: I don't do (cyber)stalkers. Red flags 101! Does she routinely go to that bar? Try to cross paths with her again IRL.
truth_seeker Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Totally creeped out! I've had this happen more than a few times, and I've NEVER responded.:sick: I don't do (cyber)stalkers. Red flags 101! Does she routinely go to that bar? Try to cross paths with her again IRL. AMJ says go for it, it's romantic... Angel Eyes says it's creepy and not to do it. OP, like I said before, it's a coin toss. It's either gonna get you an AMJ response or an Angel Eyes response. Only do it if you can handle a non or negative response.
AMJ Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Totally creeped out! I've had this happen more than a few times, and I've NEVER responded.:sick: I don't do (cyber)stalkers. Red flags 101! Does she routinely go to that bar? Try to cross paths with her again IRL. Just out of curiosity, what were the circumstances of you being cyberstalked? In this case, the woman gave him her full name and place of employment (correct me if I'm wrong, OP), which is the only way he was able to find her email. If she had thought he was creepy, why would she give him all of that information? My point is, when creepy guys, or just regular guys I'm not interested in, approach me or talk to me in public, I'd never- not in a million years- give them even my first name. It seems likely that she'd not be creeped out by him contacting her. So how were these stalkers able to find you, if they creeped you out....did you give them your name even though you weren't interested? 1
Shanex Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I'd try to meet up offline instead. Cyber stalking is still stalking and it's not an appealing word.
jen1447 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Gotta ask - how in the world do you know it's actually her e-mail based only on knowing her first name, profession and alma mater? I mean if you don't even know her last name you can't even verify that way (assuming her last name was in her e-mail). amy@doctors-dot-com isn't really a conclusive finding. And if you somehow matched it to a photo to verify, how in the world did you do that with only first name, profession and alma mater? Google Amy + doctor + VaTech? These questions matter bc they show the lengths you must have gone to to find the info, which makes it feel creepy. 1
Shanex Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Gotta ask - how in the world do you know it's actually her e-mail based only on knowing her first name, profession and alma mater? I mean if you don't even know her last name you can't even verify that way (assuming her last name was in her e-mail). amy@doctors-dot-com isn't really a conclusive finding. And if you somehow matched it to a photo to verify, how in the world did you do that with only first name, profession and alma mater? Google Amy + doctor + VaTech? These questions matter bc they show the lengths you must have gone to to find the info, which makes it feel creepy. That's triangulation . And it's definitely creepy thinking anyone with basic google skills can do it, not only the freaking NSA.
Author spriggan2 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Yep AMJ, we definitely had an extended conversation in which she told me her name and job and school. Told me she likes playing classical violin, I play classical piano, she likes dancing. I asked a few questions and she responded extensively. Told me I had a lisp that she thought was endearing. Asked me if I was single. Asked my age. I told her I was a big fiction reader and asked her if she reads any fiction and she lunged to her purse and pulled out a book she was excited to show me she was reading. I mean there were definitely some clear awkward moments when I behaved bashfully. Embarssed myself. But if I had only asked for her number she would have given it to me im quite sure. Not just because she may have an interest but also because she's relatively new to the city and doesn't know that many people. So I dunno. It's a toss up. Don't wanna seem desperate but if I wait to bump into her that may never happen and by then it would be way to late to send an email.
Redhead14 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Im 30. Met a girl at a bar. Was super awkward but could tell she was still into me. Talked for a while, finally developed comfort and began to vibe pretty well. Definitely attracted to her. End of the night came and I reapproached her to ask for her number, got completely toungue tied and just said weird things and didn't ask. Did not make the best first impression. Been kicking myself all week for screwing up. However today I decided to see what info I could dig up knowing only her first name and profession and alma matter. Found her work email (she's not on facebook). Wondering what she might think if I, pretty much a total stranger, reached out to her to express interest. Will have some explaining to do...but she's a lawyer, maybe she's versed in cyberstalking. Don't know if I'll get a positive response or not. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. How would you respond if you got an email out of the blue like this? Just go back to the place you met her every once in a while. You may run into her again. Ask the bartenders if they know her and if she comes in regularly. Don't do the cyberstalking thing -- it's too risky.
Versacehottie Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Does she routinely go to that bar? Try to cross paths with her again IRL. Yeah I would say trying to "run into" her again would be preferred over the email. About the email, I'm on the fence. I don't like the cyberstalking stuff either. However, if it is the ONLY way you could reach her, then you have nothing to lose. There's no real way to balance the risks with a good strategy. it does help that you are good looking. Make SURE your email is on point. ps if you know where she works, any way to broker some kind of "run in" near her office?
Author spriggan2 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Jen1447, I did about 15 minutes of search combos but the one that actually worked was simply googling her name and the city we live in. The very first link is a page with her picture, a blurb about what she does for her firm and an email address. She told me she's new to the city so I assume it's current
Maggie4 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 A lawyer's work email is rather public. Lawyers have a public and internet presence, like politicians, entertainers, and professors. So it's not that weird, and you didn't have to search very hard to find her online. Maybe you write the email but instead of saying aha I found you, you be polite and ask if she might be the person you met (since you only know first name and profession), and if she's not that person then you are sorry for troubling her. You may attach photo if you have a really nice one.
Recommended Posts